One on One
Page 22
—I feel terrible for saying that. That was unfair for me to say. Please pick up the phone. Pleeeease?
—HI! That was way outta line for me to say. I didn’t mean that. That’s not what I meant!—What? Don’t say that.
(Hops around with one shoe, one boot. Puts jacket over tank top.)
—Okay, I’m coming over. I’m coming right now! I’ll take a cab. I’ll run down to the Garden and hire a limo!—Kass, don’t do it! Because you’ve been dry for two years, don’t throw it away.
I DIDN’T MEAN IT, I JUST SAID—WHY DO YOU PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH! BUT YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT, CYNTHIA! I mean Kassandra!
—Hello?
FUCK ME!
(HE hangs up.)
Kassandra. . . . Your girlfriend’s name is Kassandra.
(HE redials.)
That was an accident. I didn’t mean Kassandra—Cynthia!. . . I meant Kassandra. Please pick up the phone?
Hi. . . . Because you’re reminding me of her right now.—Because Cynthia had no context for the world outside of her own emotions. The only thing that didn’t bore her was her!
That IS why I’m with you! Oh, my god! You’ve had an impact on my life, Okay! I’m dented!
Why are you acting so irrational? Yes, you are! Is it that time of month, did your dream catcher fall, what?!
You’re gonna blame this on the pill again? You’re gonna blame this on the pill? THEN STOP TAKING IT!—You did? When?— What does that mean?—I don’t understand, every other day, every other day is not how that works. It’s every day, Kassi. Everything in this world is every day. Are you pregnant? Well, don’t you think you should check?
I don’t under—you telling me you’re fucking someone else? Are you FUCKING someone else? Blawawawa? Waum um what? You’re gonna stutter on that response? Okay, you know. Don’t answer. Now I’m DEFINITELY not coming over!
(HE attempts to put the running shoes on. Gets entangled again in the phone cord.)
No, hang up, I won’t call back! I’m putting Rage Against the Machine in my Walkman and running straight to fucking Chappaqua and you won’t have to worry about it ’cause you’ll never be close enough to hurt me again.
(HE hangs up. Puts on full running gear.)
Good! I’m free. I can finally have sex with other women. Yes! I’m gonna get so laid! That Asian girl in 2B is definitely gonna hear from me.
(HE clears the stage of everything. Sits. Thinks. Has a nervous breakdown. Cries. Heads to phone. Redials.)
Oh, pick up the phone, Kassandra. PICK UP THE PHONE AND ACT LIKE A, A—WOMAN!
HI . . . I have one last question for you: Will you marry me?—I am nothing but real. Will you marry me?—It’s not because you’re pregnant, well maybe it is, I just wanna start a home with you.
Here’s what I propose to do. It’s sixty-four blocks to your place, I’m gonna run there. And when I get there and propose in person, I will hear my answer.—Don’t say anything, I’m out the door!
. . . What?
PLAY SOURCES AND ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Auburn, David, © 2002. (Fifth Planet and Other Plays). We Had a Very Good Time. Reprinted by permission of the author. Contact Chris Till, Paradigm, 19 W 44th St., Suite 1410, New York, NY 10036.
Baitz, Jon Robin, © 2006. The Paris Letter. Reprinted by permission of the author. Please direct inquiries to Creative Artists Agency, 162 Fifth Ave., 6th floor, New York, NY 10010.
Basham, Rebecca, © 2007. Imagine. Reprinted by permission of the author. Contact Rebecca Basham, 11 Morningside Drive, Trenton, NJ 08618.
Bates, Brendon William, © 2005. Corps Values. Amateurs and professionals are hereby warned that this excerpt and Corps Values is fully protected by copyright law and subject to royalty. All rights in all current and future media are strictly reserved. No part of this work may be used for any purpose without the written consent of the author. All inquiries concerning production, publication, or reprinting, or use of this work in any form should be addressed to the author: Brendon William Bates, c/o The New York Theatre Experience, Inc., PO Box 1606, Murray Hill Station, New York, NY 10156.
Beckim, Chad, © 2007. Nami. Please direct queries to Chad Beckim, c/o The New York Theatre Experience’s Plays & Playwrights, PO Box 1606, Murray Hill Station, New York, NY 10156.
Blank, Jessica and Erik Jensen, © 2004. The Exonerated. All rights reserved. Excerpt reprinted by permission of Faber and Faber and Farrar, Inc, an affiliate of Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, LLC, 19 Union Square West, New York, NY 10003.
Bragen, Andy, © 2007. Heirloom. Reprinted by permission of the author. For queries visit his website (www.andybragen.com) or contact agent Mark Orsini, Bret Adams Ltd., 448 West 44th St., New York, NY 10036; 212-765-5630; morsini@bretadamsltd.com.
Comtois, James, © 2005. The Adventures of Nervous-Boy (A Penny Dreadful). All rights reserved. Queries should be directed to the author via email: jamescomtois@gmail.com or mail: James Comtois, c/o The New York Theatre Experience, PO Box 1606, Murray Hill Station, New York, NY 10156.
Cosson, Steven and The Civilians, © 2003. Gone Missing. Reprinted by permission of Steven Cosson, Artistic Director, The Civilians. Written by Steven Cosson from interviews; music and lyrics by Michael Friedman. All performance rights are reserved to the copyright owners. For further information contact: The Civilians, info@thecivilians.org.
Cruz, Nilo, © 2001. A Bicycle Country. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author. Play published in New Dramatists 2001. Direct inquiries to the Peregrine Whittlesey Agency, 345 East 80th St., New York, NY 10021.
Dennis, Darrell, © 2003. Tales of an Urban Indian. Reprinted with permission of Playwrights Canada Press, Toronto, Canada.
De Santis, Edmund, © 2001. The Language of Kisses. All queries should be directed to the author at 108 Charles St., #16, New York, NY, 10014 or email at EdmundDeSantis@aol.com. The play is published by The New York Theatre Experience.
Donaghy, Tom, © 2000. The Beginning of August. All rights, including but not limited to professional, amateur, motion pictures, recitation, lecturing, public reading, all forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, including information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Permission for the use of The Beginning of August or any portion thereof must be secured in writing prior to such use from the Author’s agent, The Gersh Agency, 41 Madison Avenue, 33rd Floor, New York, NY 10010.
Dykstra, Brian, © 2006. Clean Alternatives. All rights reserved. Queries may be sent to the author at briandykstra@earthlink.net.
Essandoh, Ato, © 2002. Black Thang. The Play is fully protected by the laws of copyright and is subject to royalty. All rights in all media are strictly reserved. All inquiries concerning production or publication rights or requests to reprint any portion of the work should be directed to the author in care of The New York Experience, Inc., PO Box 744, Bowling Green Station, New York, NY 10274 or 212-375-9991.
Fleck, John, © 2006. Johnny’s Gota Gun. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author. Please direct inquiries to his website: www.johnfleck.net.
Fornes, Maria Irene, © 2000. Letters from Cuba. All rights reserved. Inquiries should be addressed to Abrams Artists Agency, 275 Seventh Ave., 26th Floor, New York, NY 10001, ATTN: Morgan Jenness. Enrique’s speech is from Letters from Cuba and Other Plays published by PAJ Publications © 2000 by Maria Irene Fornes. Letters from Cuba premiered at the Signature Theatre Company, 424 W 42nd St., New York City, on February 20, 2000.
Gagliano, Frank, © 1999. My Chekhov Light. Reprinted by permission of the author. Contact sandrico@aol.com and/or frank@gaglianoriff.com.
Goldfin, Robin, © 2007. The Naturalist. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author. Contact: robin.goldfin@nyu.edu.
Gray, Spalding, © 2005. The Anniversary. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of Kathleen Russo. This monologue and other Gray works can be found in Life Interrupted publi
shed by Crown Publishers © 2005 by the Estate of Spalding Gray.
Greenberg, Richard, © 1997. Three Days of Rain. Used by permission of Grove/ Atlantic, Inc.; www.groveatlantic.com.
Greenberg, Richard, © 2004. The Violet Hour. All rights reserved. Excerpt reprinted by permission of Faber and Faber and Farrar, Inc, an affiliate of Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, LLC, 19 Union Square West, New York, NY 10003.
Grimm, David, © 2003. Measure for Pleasure. Caution: The monologue from Measure for Pleasure included in this volume is reprinted by permission of the author and International Creative Management, Inc. The English language stock and amateur stage performance rights in this Play are controlled exclusively by Dramatists Play Service, Inc., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No professional or nonprofessional performance of the Play may be given without obtaining, in advance, the written permission of Dramatists Play Service, Inc., and paying the requisite fee. Inquiries concerning all rights should be addressed to International Creative Management, Inc., 825 Eighth Avenue, New York, NY 10019, ATTN: Patrick Herold.
Guare, John, © 2002. Chaucer in Rome. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of The Overlook Press, 141 Wooster St., New York, NY 10012
Gurney, A. R., © 2003. Big Bill. Reprinted by permission of William Morris Agency, LLC, on behalf of the Author. All rights reserved. CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that Big Bill is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), the Berne Convention, the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention as well as all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional/ amateur stage rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-I, information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is laid upon the matter of readings, permission for which must be secured from the Author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to: William Morris Agency, LLC, 1325 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10019, ATTN: Eric Lupfer.
Hatcher, Jeffrey, © 2003. A Picasso. Reprinted by permission of William Morris Agency, LLC, on behalf of the Author. Caution: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that A Picasso is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), the Berne Convention, the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention as well as all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional/amateur stage rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcast, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-I, information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is laid upon the matter of readings, permission for which must be secured from the Author’s agent in writing. Inquiries concerning the rights should be addressed to Eric Lupfer, William Morris Agency, LLC, 1325 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10019.
Innaurato, Albert, © 2008. The Impossibility of Most Things. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author. Contact: albert.innaurato@gmail.com. Inquiries concerning all rights should be addressed to International Creative Management, Inc., 825 Eight Avenue, New York, NY 10019, ATTN: Patrick Herold.
Innaurato, Albert, © 2008. Via Crucis. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author. Contact: albert.innaurato@gmail.com. Inquiries concerning all rights should be addressed to International Creative Management, Inc., 825 Eight Avenue, New York, NY 10019, ATTN: Patrick Herold.
Kaufman, Moises, and the Members of Tectonic Theater Project, © 2001. The Laramie Project. Used by permission of Vintage Books, a division of Random House.
Killebrew, Boo, © 2006. They’re Just Like .Us. Reprinted by permission of the author. The Play is published by The New York Theatre Experience. Direct inquiries to the author, 262 E. 2nd St., Apt. 6B, New York, NY 10009.
Kochanski, Kerri, © 2002. Communicating Through the Sunset. Reprinted by permission of the author. Please direct inquiries to kerrikochanksi@optonline.net.
Kochmer, Eric Michael, © 2004. Platonov! Platonov! Platonov! All rights reserved. Production or unauthorized use of material by professionals or amateurs is prohibited. Every production program must include the credit: “Additional text and editing by Ross Peabody” underneath the author’s name. All inquiries must be made in writing to Eric Michael Kochmer, 241 Senator Street, Apartment 3, Brooklyn, NY 11220 or emkochmer@hotmail.com.
Kraar, Adam, © 2007. Freedom High. Reprinted by permission of author. All inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to Elaine Devlin Literary, Inc., 20 West 23rd Street, Suite 3, New York, NY 10010. Tel.: 212-206-8160; email: edevlinlit@aol.com.
LaBute, Neil, © 2004. Fat Pig. All rights reserved. Excerpt reprinted by permission of Faber and Faber and Farrar, Inc, an affiliate of Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, LLC, 19 Union Square West, New York, NY 10003.
LaBute, Neil, © 2003. The Mercy Seat. All rights reserved. Excerpt reprinted by permission of Faber and Faber and Farrar, Inc, an affiliate of Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, LLC, 19 Union Square West, New York, NY 10003.
LaBute, Neil, © 2005. Some Girl(s). All rights reserved. Excerpt reprinted by permission of Faber and Faber and Farrar, Inc, an affiliate of Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, LLC, 19 Union Square West, New York, NY 10003.
LaBute, Neil, © 2005. This Is How It Goes. All rights reserved. Excerpt reprinted by permission of Faber and Faber and Farrar, Inc, an affiliate of Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, LLC, 19 Union Square West, New York, NY 10003.
Langsner, Meron, © 2005. Jimmy Jim Jim and the M.F.M. Reprinted by permission of the author. Please direct inquiries to the author at m.langsner.1@alumni. nyu.edu .
Lashof, Carol, © 2007. Gap. Reprinted by permission of the author. Please direct inquiries to the author at clashof@gmail.com.
Lindsay-Abaire, David, © 2006. Rabbit Hole. The Play is published by and the excerpt is reprinted by permission of Theatre Communications Group, 520 Eighth Ave., 24th Floor, New York, NY 10018.
Lipkin, Joan, © 1996. Small Domestic Acts. Reprinted by permission of the author. Published in the anthology Amazon All Stars, ed. Rosemary Keefe Curb. Direct inquiries to the author at lipkin-uppityco@att.net, or 4466 West Pine Blvd., Suite 13C, St. Louis, MO 63108.
Loebell, Larry, © 2005. La Tempestad. Reprinted by permission of the author. Direct queries to Elaine Devlin Literary, Inc., c/o Plus Entertainment, 20 W 23rd St., 30th Floor, New York, NY 10010; 212-206-8160.
Loomer, Lisa, © 2005. Expecting Isabel. Caution: The monologue from Expecting Isabel included in this volume is reprinted by permission of the author. The English language stock and amateur stage performance rights in this Play are controlled exclusively by Dramatists Play Service, Inc., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016. No professional or nonprofessional performance of the Play may be given without obtaining, in advance, the written permission of Dramatists Play Service, Inc., and paying the requisite fee. Direct inquiries to Gersh Agency, 41 Madison Ave., 33rd Floor, New York, NY 10010.
Lyras, Alexander, and Robert McCaskill, © 2003. “Disentangled” from Unequali-brium. Directed by Robert McCaskill and performed by Alex Lyras. Used by permission of the authors. Queries should be directed to soulsart@earthlink. net or www.unequalibrium.com.
McAllister, Kelly, © 2004. Burning the Old Man. Reprinted by permission of the author. Direct querie
s to Scott D. Edwards, Harden-Curtis Associates at 212-977-8502.
McCormack, Thomas, © 2007. Storytellers. Reprinted by permission of the author. The selection quoted from the play is called “Why I Quit Philosophy.” Direct inquiries by email to: cheerskep@aol.com.
McDonagh, Martin, © 2003. The Pillowman. All rights reserved. Excerpt reprinted by permission of Faber and Faber and Farrar, Inc, an affiliate of Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, LLC, 19 Union Square West, New York, NY 10003.
McDonald, Heather, © 2002. An Almost Holy Picture. Reprinted by permission of the author. Please direct inquiries to the Peregrine Whittlesey Agency, 279 Central Park West, New York, NY 10024; 212-787-1802.
McIlvain, Josh, © 2006. The Boss’s Daughter. Reprinted by permission of the author. Please direct all queries to joshmcilvain@yahoo.com.
McNally, Terrence, © 2006. Dedication or The Stuff of Dreams. Used by permission of Grove/Atlantic Inc.; www.groveatlantic.com.
Malpede, Karen, © 2007. Prophecy. Reprinted by permission of the author. All rights reserved. Inquiries should be made to Barbara Hogenson, The Barbara Hogenson Agency, Inc., 165 West End Ave., Suite 19-C; New York, NY 10023; Tel: 212-874-8084; email: bhogenson@aol.com.
Mason, Clifford, © 2000. O. T. Fairclough and Roger Mais. Reprinted by permission of the author. Inquiries should be made to Clifford Mason at clm532@ earthlink.net ; 212-769-9606.