by Olivia Gates
“I wouldn’t be doing anything they didn’t richly deserve,” he rumbled. “Breeching others’ privacy, shattering their peace.”
“You come from a culture that advocates an eye for an eye, don’t you? Uh…there I go, putting my foot in it again…”
“Never worry about saying anything to me. I have no sensitivities for you to tread on. Even if I did, you shouldn’t censor your words, anyway. I think political correctness is becoming reverse persecution, and I refuse to bow to its unreasonable demands. Anyway, you’re right about my culture, and me, advocating an eye for an eye. But I believe the rest of this decree is the relevant part. The aggressor is to blame.”
Her smile died as she digested his words. He was thankful to note that her agitation hadn’t returned with the dimming.
Then she sighed. “God, that’s tempting. But now that I realize what kind of power your possess, I can’t use it for my own ends. With great power comes great responsibility and all that. I’d feel I was nuking someone for spitting in my face. No, leave them be. They’ll get bored with me sooner or later.”
“You’d be that merciful when they’ve shown you no mercy? When they make their livelihood by preying on your life?”
“I don’t know about merciful. I just can’t be party to the ugliness they propagate, and by retaliating I’d just be poisoning the world more, not to mention muddying my own karma.”
He clamped his jaw on the need to pulverize her reticence, wanting her to give him carte blanche to remove the vultures from her path once and for all.
He wrestled the urge down, if only by coming to a decision that he would do it, if with less-than-harsh methods to honor her choice. He still couldn’t stop himself from saying, “I will keep on hoping that you’ll change your mind, let me use my…discretion in dealing with them. Until then, they’re coming nowhere near you. We won’t go back to your home. And I certainly won’t take you to a hotel. Come be with me, ya jameelati.”
After a stunned moment, she stammered, “I know I gave you the impression-hell, I asked you to-to…but I really am out of my depth here, Shehab.”
“I’m not asking you to come to my place to share my bed. I said we’d go slow, and we will, as slow as we need to. I’m offering my protection and hospitality as long as you need it.”
“Oh, God, Shehab, I don’t think…”
“How about you stop thinking for a while?”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “But that’s the problem. I stopped thinking at all since I met you.”
His fingers feathered her eyes open. “And why is that such a bad thing? The past hours have been a roller coaster. Take the next, and all the time you stay at my place, to settle down, relax, enjoy my company, savor me as I intend to savor you.”
“But I have to…to…I don’t know what I have to do, OK? Whatever it is, I can’t do it with you around. Please, Shehab, just take me home. I need to wrap my head around tonight, around what happened between us, the way I-I…”
And she fell silent.
He was losing her. She was coming to her senses. He couldn’t afford to let her. He had to move into a higher gear.
He slipped his cell phone out of his pocket, gave a twofold order. The first part was another improvisation in his plan. He told her the second part. “I ordered the plane to land.”
She nodded, looked anywhere but at him. He put the phone on the couch between them, gritted his teeth and counted down…
A buzz went through her. It took her seconds to realize it wasn’t another jolt of awareness. It was his phone’s vibration.
He answered it unhurriedly, his eyes on her.
After the first seconds his eyes shifted away and his face closed. Her heart contracted. Bad news? Personal?
He bit off a string of Arabic before he snapped the phone shut. She watched him with a thudding heart as he placed it on the table before them, his moves deliberate, as if to delay a reaction to something big. And bad.
Then he finally sought her eyes and her heart lurched. “An unforeseen crisis has blown apart the business deal I mentioned earlier.”
She stared at him, held her breath, hoping he’d elaborate. Next second she wished she hadn’t hoped. She should have known whatever she hoped for would happen in reverse.
He went on. “I can’t predict how long it will take to perform damage control, to reestablish matters. Weeks. Maybe months.”
“Oh.” That was all she could say.
What was there to say when he was telling her it had been too good to go any further? He’d go back home, for weeks, maybe months. And he’d forget all about her.
It was over before it had even begun.
Five
“So-this is goodbye?”
Farah heard the disembodied voice. It was hers.
Shehab looked away, his face an empty mask now. “I guess it is.” After a moment’s crushing silence he added, “I would have asked to see you after I’ve dealt with the crisis, but I guess there’s no point anymore.”
Her heart twisted. So she’d still been hoping that he’d contest her verdict. But he was too truthful to say something he didn’t mean, even for courtesy’s sake. He knew he’d forget her in that time, probably thought it would be good riddance anyway.
But what had she expected? Her behavior might have intrigued him at first, or at least entertained him. But after her candidness and abandon had turned to agitation and accusation, after she’d behaved like an insecure fool wrapped in a moronic virgin following her impression of a nymphomaniac hours ago, too, it must have been a major turnoff to him, a man of a level of sophistication and self-possession she hadn’t dreamed existed.
But he’d still been so accommodating, so patient, had tried to talk her down from her unreasonable state, tolerated her yo-yoing moods, up until she’d turned down his offer of sanctuary.
She’d wanted to hide until she came to terms with what he’d made her feel, want, do. But she hadn’t turned down his offer, had only been postponing accepting until she was ready.
She’d thought she’d be ready tomorrow.
Now there would be no tomorrow. Now she would have nothing. Nothing but the memories of this unbelievable man and night. And the discoveries about herself she’d been mercifully oblivious to. At least her previous resignation to her status quo, her ignorance of what she was capable of feeling had resembled peace.
But as usual, she had no say in anything. He’d disappear from her life and she couldn’t do anything about it.
There was one thing she could do, though. Give him his dues, tell him how she wished she’d used their precious time better and given him as fond memories of her as he’d given her of him.
“Shehab, I want to tell you how sorry I am, for everything-” He raised one hand in a cutting gesture. “OK, so you don’t want to hear it, but I have to say it. You gave me a night out of time, one nothing will ever come close to touching in my life, and I gave you only a headache in return.”
He snapped his eyes back to her then, the harshness there directed at her, no doubt. “You’ve been so incredibly candid so far, so please, don’t you start acting now.”
“Acting?”
“Yes, to assume the blame for how things have turned out, so you’ll soften the blow. I won’t pretend it is a disappointment I can come to terms with, as it isn’t and I can’t. But please don’t add insult to injury and think you need to placate me now. It’s your right to change your mind at any point.”
“You’re the one who changed your mind.” Her voice quavered.
He shot to his feet. “I did no such thing.”
“But you said there was no point in looking me up anymore.”
“Only because you’ve made it clear you don’t want to see me. And since you seem horrified by what you let happen between us, after your earlier doubts, I don’t want to give them credence by imposing my desire where it isn’t wanted, adding the charges of stalking and harassment to…” He stopped, stared at her as she gape
d at him. Then his stiff face broke into slow elation that made her feel like the sun had broken through barricades of clotted clouds and a heavenly orchestra had broken out to fill the world with poignancy and beauty. “You weren’t telling me you didn’t want to see me again?”
“If I in any way implied that, then my communication skills, as stunted as they are, have totally disintegrated.”
Something tight, watchful, still hovered in his gaze. “But you said you wanted to go home.”
“I only wanted to go home tonight. I was hoping to be with you again tomorrow, when I hoped also to have retrieved my misplaced balance and borrowed some much-needed discretion.”
And the tension in his eyes, his stance, disappeared as he leaned closer until he had her imprisoned between his arms, lowered his head to hers until his breath singed her cheek, her jaw. “I pray no one ever lends you any. In fact, I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure no one does. You captivate me with your frankness, you elate me with your spontaneity.”
She sounded as if she’d sprinted a mile as she said, “Even when they took a turn into frank and spontaneous paranoia?”
He raised his face. “I would bear anything to have them. But I’d also do anything never to have you flinch away from me or see pain and doubt fill your eyes again.”
“Oh, I’ll never do that again. And you’ll never see those-” she gulped as she realized how stupid that sounded, how futile “-for the whole whopping hour I have left in your company.”
He took her by the shoulders, his eyes brooking no argument. “But I will see you again. When this crisis is over.”
“Yeah, sure.”
He came down beside her again, turned her to him. “What does your sarcasm signify here, ya jameelati?”
“Just that in a few months you probably won’t remember meeting me, let alone take the trouble to come and see me again.”
He shook his head. “How can you underestimate your effect on me to that extent? You think I’d forget you?” He clamped her shoulders again, his eyes filling with what looked like a vow. “These months away from you will be like serving a sentence. I’ll count down each minute until I can come to you again.”
Her heart ricocheted inside her like a released balloon, before it dropped into her gut, deflated and limp. “Oh, Shehab, that’s exactly how I feel.” Her breath caught at the flare in his eyes. She smoothed his formidable jaw, attempted a smile that trembled apart. “But if you come back, I won’t mind.”
He pressed his hand over hers, making her cup his face. “Then you’re far stronger than I. I will go mad with frustration and probably let what I’m leaving you to handle go to hell.”
Her heart zoomed at the passion in his face, the conviction in his voice, before it sputtered at his meaning.
“No, you won’t.” Her other hand came up, cradling his face in an attempt to soothe him as he had her, so many times this tempestuous night. “So many people count on you, and you’ll resolve everything with a flick of a hand as you always do. And while you’re away, we don’t have to be cut off from one another, do we? We can phone, e-mail, have video-conferencing…”
“And make the longing even more insupportable.”
She choked on the truth of his words, nodded miserably. “I already miss you and you’re still right here.”
Then she was in his arms, every part of her exposed flesh covered in a fever of kisses. She was shaking apart when he wrenched his lips away. “This is once in a lifetime, and I can’t leave it-can’t leave you behind. Come with me, ya Farah.”
She jerked. “C-come with you? How?”
His lips curled at her squeak. “I will order my pilots to gain altitude again and chart a course for my home.”
She struggled out of his embrace, scampered up to her knees on the couch, glared down on him. “Now you’re laughing at me.”
He sat up, took her face in both his hands. “I’ve never felt less humorous in my life. I mean it, Farah. Come with me.”
She sagged in his hold again with the blow of sheer nerve-racking disbelief. He was offering her a continuation, a chance to be with him. Really with him. In his home…
But…“How? And don’t you dare describe the flight plan. You have a crisis on your hands…”
“Let me worry about that.”
She barely heard him, barreled on. “And I have work…”
One hand covered her mouth, gentle, inexorable, suspending all words, all thought. Then he commanded, “Take a vacation.”
Shehab watched stupefaction follow the parade of emotions spilling all over Farah’s face. It was as if he’d proposed she should fly. Under her own power.
Sure enough, she mumbled into his hand, “I don’t take vacations.”
He’d had reports of how she was always present at work. He’d thought her lover was keeping her on a short leash. But now it seemed it was she who’d never considered taking time off.
He removed his hand, stroked her cheek. “Never?”
She looked as if realization had just dawned on her. “Guess I never had anything to do with my free time, so I never wanted it.”
“Don’t you want it now? To be with me?” Her eyes blazed with such blatant admission that he groaned. “If you come with me, I’ll commute to and from the locations I need to be in and come back to you every available minute of each day.”
“You really want this, want me to go home with you, back to-to…” She stopped, almost panting. “Where do you live, anyway?”
“I live on an island off the coast of Damhoor.” He didn’t mention that the closest shores where those of Judar. He didn’t want to bring up the place he didn’t want her to associate him with. And he was counting on that ignorance she’d confessed. She hadn’t even bothered to look up her biological father’s kingdom on a map. If she had, she’d have learned that Zohayd wasn’t only Judar’s neighbor, but Damhoor’s, too. And she might have grown uncomfortable. As it was, the only agitation he felt from her was shock clashing with elation and indecision. He had to pulverize the latter, fast. He knew the best way to do that.
He let his eyes grow heavy with feigned pain. “You still don’t trust me, Farah?”
This provoked the response he’d been counting on. A vehement…“No. It’s just so sudden, so-so huge, so wonderful an offer, and on top of everything that happened tonight, I’m not just out of my depth, I’m up in the air…uh, in every way possible.”
He smiled down on her. This was working. He’d fulfill his prophecy, savoring her at leisure. He could almost taste it.
He took a taste of her now. “Say yes, Farah.”
She melted into him, offering her lips for him to consume, her every muscle and bone saying yes, yes, yes for her.
When he withdrew to let her make her consent verbal, she gasped, “But I still have to go back home…”
“No, you don’t, ya gummari.”
“But I need to change-this dress is fused to my skin, and-man, as if this is even worth mentioning. I need to pack the important stuff. All I have on me are my keys. Right now I’m no one, with no money or passport or even a toothbrush…”
He swallowed her babbling in another clinging kiss. “Is this a yes?”
She hissed the pleasure-laden word of capitulation into his mouth. “Yes.”
He took his fill for as long as he dared to, then pulled back, triumph roaring in his system. “Though I’ll be sorry to say goodbye to this dress, you can change out of it right now. I let my sister use the jet on her trips to and from the States-she’s doing her Master’s and spreading her wings-and she leaves clothes onboard.” He took another taste of those flushed lips as if compelled. “Let’s see, what’s left? A toothbrush. You’ll have a dozen to choose from in a minute. A new passport will be waiting for you when we arrive, as well as anything you can want or need. Then we can fly into Damhoor or Bidalya if you need to pick anything yourself.”
“But I don’t have money…oh, OK, now I know what tossed salad feels like. C
an’t believe I worried about that.” So she remembered she’d be his guest, fully subsidized, of course. “It’ll take a couple of days to get new credit cards issued.” That was what she’d meant? She didn’t expect him to spend money on her? Suddenly her eyes rounded. “Scratch tossed salad. My brain’s milkshake. I’m bringing up credit cards and toothbrushes and not arranging for my absence at work!”
He withdrew, offered her his phone. “Then go ahead.”
She shook her head, sat up, looking around for her purse. He retrieved it for her before he sat down across from her again. She got out her own phone with unsteady fingers, pushed a speed-dial button.
In seconds she said, “Bill, it’s me. No, nothing’s wrong…” She paused as the rancorous grumbling of a bear with a sore paw rumbled on the other end. “Sorry for waking you up. 5:00 a.m.?” Her eyes shot up to him, wide with disbelief. “I-I didn’t realize it was that late.” Another pause. “Yeah, I left the ball early. You didn’t make it at all, huh? Listen, Bill, I’ll just say this and let you get back to sleep. I won’t be coming to work tomorrow-uh, make that today. No-I’m not ill. Since when do I take days off when I’m ill?” A longer pause. “Bill, I’m not taking a day off, I’m taking a vacation.”
She paused, waiting for Bill to say something. Seemed he was too stunned to respond. She went on. “It just came to me that it’s been seven years since I came to work for you, so we can call this a sabbatical, really. But don’t worry, everything’s in order, and I’m a phone call away if you need to ask me anything. I’ll also have an Internet connection…” She looked at him. He gave an “of course” gesture. “So just e-mail me with urgent stuff.”
A torrent exploded on the other end. She made the face of someone being forced to listen to a thousand nails scratching on a board. At last she interrupted. “I did give you every reason to believe I’m some sort of an android, but look up my contract and you’ll find out I do belong to the race with those pesky little side benefits called human rights. And of course there is the job description, which we both know I’ve gone far and above beyond.” She fell silent again, but Bill had been duly chastised and spoke now at a volume that didn’t carry beyond the phone’s receiver. “Yeah, it is overdue. Uh, I don’t know how long it’ll be…” She again looked at him. He shook his head, catching his lower lip on the sensuality of open-ended promise. It would be as long as it took to make her an Aal Masood bride. She smiled back, hunger glowing in her eyes before Bill drew her back to their conversation. She smiled again, affectionately this time. “And you take care of yourself.” She lowered her voice and averted her face, smiling as she murmured, “I’ll miss you, too.”