by Javan Bonds
Smokes gestured to the east. “On da boat, lil’ craka.” The Love Interest began walking past him, feeling a pang of urgency to see her best friend. She heard a whisper, but never turn back to see The Oracle speak. “Mufuka ain’t got da shit, yo.”
Rather than ask what the strange soothsayer was talking about, she simply walked on without looking back. Mo didn’t smoke pot; what “shit” could he mean?
☠☠☠
Gene was confused when he came to the only person in the line of kneeling soldiers not wearing a uniform. “Sally Dick?”
She dropped her hands and began wailing. “Thank God! They’ve been holding me as a hostage! I’ve been praying you would come save me!”
The armored Paladin placed his hand on her shoulder as she wept uncontrollably. Bobbitt realized Sally was a decent actress and could have fooled even him. Though they had not worked out the details, he was hoping this would buy him time. She might not be able to escape with him, but her blubbering could be all he needed to make his exit to the LATV.
Hammer walked around The Tech to the next soldier in line, in no rush, but wanting to get a move on. She froze when she recognized the downturned face and thought about drawing. It was The Villain. The Expert gasped, “You!”
The Villain looked up and grinned, pushing her back as he stood, pulling his pistol. He fired, almost laughing. Knowing the body armor couldn’t save her this time, not at this range. Sally followed his lead, pushing Gene back and sending a bullet from her 38 into his CHEST.
☠☠☠
46
Mo Journal Entry 19
I HAD MADE it back to the boat, ready to push myself away from shore as soon as my color started fading. I was propped against the back of the boat with a pistol in my hand, unsure as to why I had not already blown my brains out. I knew I was not going to be human much longer; I wasn’t betting I was immune or anything; I guess it’s just instinct to be alive as long as possible. Maybe it was all part of the plan, like I was destined to become a fucking naked ape that hungered for human flesh. I couldn’t bring myself to look at the bite, I had seen enough of them on others and knew it probably wasn’t even similar to a bite out of a hamburger. It could be nothing more than a small break in the skin and I wanted to imagine I would die from a mortal and grotesquely huge wound, not a damn scrape. The initial sight of blood had been enough to make me realize that there was no point in checking or cleaning the wound
Why waste my few precious hours with personal hygiene when I can sit here and sulk about missed opportunities? It was a bit shocking that I felt absolutely no pain, there was blood and shit hanging from my arm but it did not hurt. I felt pressure when I was first attacked, but that had immediately faded to nothing, I wanted to go out with some class, in gut wrenching pain. Maybe the virus kicked in some kind of endorphins or adrenaline or something. I had expected unbelievable torture until I lost my mind and started ripping my clothes off.
I thought I heard Sarah coming from a distance. “Mo-Mo?”
I shouldn’t have been confused to hear that voice as I died, probably in a sobbing heap. I questioned, “Sarah?”
She sounded happy to have found me and her footsteps moved in my direction. “Mo-Mo!”
She jumped onto the boat and spread her arms to hug me. She stopped and gasped when I briefly raised my arm to show her the injury. She nearly wailed, “Oh God! No!” She knew just as well as I did what made that mark.
She broke into tears as she sat down beside me and I put my uninjured arm around her shoulder. She began, “Maybe we…we can…take you to see the doctor…”
If I’m positively dying, I don’t want to bother wasting my time. I firmly cut her off, “Don’t.”
The Love Interest exhaled shakily and just sat with me in comfortable silence. I spoke, “You know I love you right?”
“Oh Mo, I love you too.”
I wasn’t speaking of our platonic love, I was speaking of what I was sure absolutely no one else knew. I would be dead soon and had nothing to lose. “No, not like that. I mean I’ve been crazy about you since the day we met.”
I reckoned then that she had already been aware of my devotion even though it was supposed to be secret squirrel. I had never admitted it to her, or to anyone. “I know,” she paused before angling to face me. “And I have been, too.”
Wait. This can’t be what I think it is. Did she mean that she had been crazy about herself since the day she had met herself? It took me a second to realize she was saying that she felt the same way about me. A brief surge of pubescent rage flooded me. If all it took was my horrible death to get that answer out of her, I could’ve found plenty of ways to get murdered in the past decade.
Before I could speak, she leaned in and planted a brief kiss on my lips. That sent me into a greater panic than the fact that I would soon be a naked cannibal. “Sarah, what the fuck?” An exchange of body fluids with an infected individual means both parties immediately become infected.
That kiss was the only thing I had wanted for the past ten years. What should’ve been the greatest moment of my life was the exact opposite. I had just sent the woman of my dreams to the same blue grave I was going. Well, I didn’t maliciously kill her, she used me to infect herself, I guess I can only be charged with involuntary manslaughter. Is this really how You answer prayers, God? You finally give me what I’ve been wanting just before I die but only if it kills the object of my affection?
She moved her face back and I nearly sobbed as I raise my arm between us. “We just exchanged body fluids!”
She shook her head with tears in her eyes. “I don’t care. I don’t think I could be here without…” She paused with a raised eyebrow and reached down for my forearm, gasping as she held it up to me. “Mo, it didn’t bite you!”
I pulled my sleeve back to the elbow, it hadn’t even ripped the shirt. I had popped the animal in the mouth before it came at me, I guess that’s why there were teeth and blood on my sleeve.
We both began laughing hysterically. Neither of us was going to die and my completely evident secret was now out in the open. I drew her in close and wrapped my arms around her as she planted another, longer kiss on my mouth. I don’t know if I was just being hopeful, but I’m pretty sure there was a little bit of tongue. Were we about to start fucking? There was no music, like I always hear in my dreams, nor was this was the safest location for that, being in the open with the risk of being attacked by other naked people, but I was game if she was.
I sighed as Sarah obviously realized the same thing. She stood holding her hand out to me. “Come on, let’s go see your daddy.”
I pulled myself up with her hand. “I’m hoping we’ll live long enough to…wait, Daddy’s ALIVE?”
☠☠☠
47
Returning Hero
THAT WAS THE first time Sally had ever shot a gun. She liked how good it felt to kill one of these terrorists. The secondary betrayer smiled as he collapsed in a heap at her feet. Jonathan began running past her and she knew she’d better keep up with him.
Hammer staggered but remained upright, a little surprised she didn’t have a hole through her. The Expert was angry that stupid commie used a metrically calibered round to splinter her collarbone. She raised her Pearl Handled 1911 at the retreating villain. “Hey Bobbitt.” He looked over his shoulder, confused to hear the woman he had just terminated speaking. “I’m still alive!” She sent two bullets into his back and put one more in his collapsed form just in case.
Sally had remained frozen in front of the downed Gene. “What the fuck did you do that for? He was retreating, you fucking Nazi cunt!”
The Expert was about to explain to her that he was headed to a vehicle that featured a mounted machine gun. She simply settled with a scolding, “Language, missy!”
“Language? Fuck you fucking cunt! I’m a fucking Christian, goddamnit!”
The Captain was about to say something along the lines of “Sure seems like it,” but suddenly,
the former social worker leveled her pistol at Hammer. She quickly turned her still-smoking 45 on this traitorous girl and dropped her with one shot to the chest.
Hammer then sank to her knees as the defenders rushed to her side. She needed a break.
☠☠☠
As they walked back to town, Sarah explained what had been happening over the past few days as far as she knew, clarifying that his father had only lost his radio, and was alive five minutes ago. The Hero and The Love Interest drew pistols and picked up the pace when two distinct shots came from the direction they were traveling. The action was finished and Hammer was on her knees as they approached. Mo heard Gene angrily pushing help aside from his prone position on the ground a few yards away from her.
“No, I will only have a bruise. But it hurt like a kriffing turbolaser!”
Mo had always assumed it was a cheap costume. “But how did it not get through the armor?”
“I told you I’m a sucker for replicas. I don’t frak around with that cheap plastic poodoo.” He tapped his now bullet scarred chest plate. “High quality steel reinforced with Kevlar. This would stop a blaster at point blank range.”
Mo walked by The Expert, currently being treated with an IBD (Israeli Battle Dressing) and morphine shots from the nearest Phantom. “You’re like a robot, Cap…err, Admiral,” he smiled. “Bullets barely slow you down.”
She cocked a thumb in the direction of the stiffening Bobbitt. “Yeah well, they sure slowed that Ruskie down.”
“And it was that Bobbitt dude again?” He gestured to the deceased woman. “What about her?”
The recovering Expert blew her cheeks out. “That is–was Sally Dick. She lived on the island until a few days ago. The girl went missing and we didn’t know what happened to her. She apparently ran into these guys up at the Armory and she was of the mind to get her way. Some of the soldiers say she was always jumping Bobbitt’s bones.”
He guffawed, “Dick? Bobbitt?” Mo paused and was met with silence. “Oh come on, nobody else made that connection? What if his name had been Harry?” After a few seconds, he made one more attempt. “Nothing?” He gave up after another round of crickets.
☠☠☠
Leaving his teammates in care of defenders, Mo walked back to The Oracle and glared with respect. He asked accusingly, “You did it, didn’t you?”
“Da fuck you talkin’ ‘bout homeslice?”
Mo croaked out, “You know. You saved my daddy.”
Smokes only gave a benevolent and knowing shrug as Mo continued through the crowd gathering near the dock. The Oracle gleamed and knowingly nodded to his back.
The Hero finally found his father, who stopped his conversation with the commanding officer of the military unit. The Mayor smiled as he turned to his oldest. Slapping him on the arm and shaking his hand he offered, “Mo.”
“Daddy. I told you we would bring him back.”
Mo stepped back over to Sarah, still not sure what to do around her. He awkwardly put his arm over her shoulder and looked to the north. “Can we go home?”
She laughed and began walking with him in the direction of the Viva Ancora.
The Protector and his fiancée began following the two. After a day that took weeks, the sun was finally setting to their left. The couples came off the causeway and onto the island proper at an easy pace. A greeting came from the direction of Best Western. “Howdy pilgrims.”
The Hero almost asked, “Is that you, John Wayne?” but saw no cowboy hat. Dr. George walked in their direction in a singed and dirty doctor’s coat.
“Well shit doc, you missed out on all the fun.”
The Phantom cardiologist smiled. “Not really. I was avoiding a grenade launcher and then maintaining sniper over-watch. I saw you take the Cougar with a grenade. Good job by the way.”
Mo was willing to take credit for something he didn’t actually do. “Thanks, I try.”
“I know it was Capt. Sledge that dropped the grenade.”
“DAMN.”
48
Mo Journal Entry 20
DR. GEORGE PARTED with our little band soon after joining and headed down to the clinic. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with us, especially me who has been doing this shit for at least a month, but we all thought it would be a good idea to fucking walk across the island. We don’t have to worry about nudists eating us, but modern transportation seems to remain the farthest thing from our minds. The four of us actually walked past dozens of bicycles, and not one of us suggested procuring a mode of transportation besides our own fucking feet. Almost all of the inhabitants had gone to defend the island; it was nearly as quiet as my first quest to retrieve condiments. Only the noise of birds gave realism to the scene.
I turned to Sarah. I had to ask, “So why did the birds come back?”
“No idea. It’s less creepy when you can hear them though.” This country boy had to agree with her.
We continued down Gunter and passed the courthouse, to my beloved ship. The girl to my side offered, “I guess I’m going to need to move my stuff onto the Cora.”
All I could do was smile like an idiot. She actually just said she wanted to move in with me. Holy shit! I almost fist pumped as I thought about what would happen next. I’ve only had one girlfriend move in with me and her XXXL clothes barely fit into the damn chest of drawers!
Wait, girlfriend? Can I actually call her that now? I’ve been sharing the same residence with an unrelated female for over a year now and I sure as hell wouldn’t think of her as anything more than a crewmate. I guess it depends where she sleeps. Sarah, not Crow! Shit, now my boner is confused.
When we came to the next block, The Old Friend was rolling out of his gym and noticed us.
“Easy!”
They raced to each other with massive arms spread wide, the rekindling of a long-lost bromance. They faced each other and it somehow wasn’t awkward for a tall, insanely muscular bodybuilder to give a sitting down, insanely muscular bodybuilder a dude hug.
“Why weren’t you out shooting soldiers?”
I rolled my eyes, he was probably teaching some young girl how to work her glutes. “I figured your daddy had everything under control and I was doing some cardio anyway.” Figures. “But I was just about to head that way and see what I could do.”
“They pretty much got everything wrapped up. Don’t worry about it.”
Bradley nodded and gestured to the woman at my brother’s side. “And who’s this lovely creature?”
“This is Aka, my smoking hot fiancée.” He grabbed her ass, continuing to fill Bradley in on everything.
I began pulling Sarah along. “I reckon we’ll get on while y’all catch up.”
Like he just realized there were other people standing only feet from him, Bradley greeted me with surprise. “Mo, glad to see you made it back, man!”
We nodded our farewells as the paraplegic with a monkey on his shoulder ushered my brother inside. “Dude, I’ve got to show you my set up in the weight room, it’s pretty sweet!” I could just picture that scene from Dude, Where’s My Car?
☠☠☠
The rest of the walk was uneventful with me not knowing what to say and Sarah comfortable in our silence. I think I was actually afraid to speak to the woman that had just declared her love for me, despite the fact that we had known each other most of our lives. I didn’t want to say anything to piss her off. I don’t even remember what I said to Eternity to get her to move in with me. I guess I didn’t have to say much to convince a fat and horrible person to get free room and board for a year. She was pissed all the time regardless of what I said, so I couldn’t really use my last relationship with a white and barely female version of Smokes as a precedent. I think I’ll just wing it; that never turns out awkward or embarrassing!
“You still working at that diner?” I questioned like an idiot seeing a friend or former schoolmate on the sidewalk.
“Yeah. I make pretty good tips there.”
That
was the meat of our conversation. She didn’t seem to have a problem not talking; she had always seemed to be just as comfortable as me in silence. I think that’s one reason I have always been insanely in love with her. I think I will enjoy being in this relationship, less of a chance for me to say something retarded and fuck things up. I guess that means it’s time to start discussing politics!
We had nearly reached the “Cora” without my realizing it. I dropped my head and face palmed before I looked up and screamed for the cook. “Crow!”
After several attempts, the American Indian woman looked down at us. “The fuck you want, white boy?”
“Yeah, it’s nice to see you too. Let us in!”
She dropped the rope ladder over the side and I pinched the bridge of my nose. I whispered to The Love Interest, “Can we just move to the courthouse?”
“Well…”
I interrupted The Love Interest with a wave of my hand, just realizing that I had suggested we move back in with my parents. “Nevermind.”
I turned my face back to the cook above us. “You do know your girlfriend got shot again, right?”
“You fucking with me, white boy?”
I tried not to smile as I shook my head and Sarah agreed with me. “Yep. She took a round in the chest.”
Crow moved like I’ve never seen her. She expertly dropped the gangplank and ran right past us. “Mother fucking white people, I kill all of you!”