"Doubt I'll be able to sleep," I said. "I'll keep you company."
He smiled. "You'd better try, Ryan."
I lay down on the cot and Bau set up a perimeter of mosquito netting around us. I stared up at the jungle canopy cutting shapes out of the night sky. There was a time when being alone like this would've been a fucking godsend. We used to take any opportunity we had to be intimate.
I hadn't thought about that stuff in a long time. I'd managed to push it out of my head, because it'd been too damn painful to relive. I'd never known anyone like Bau before. The things I'd felt for him made me feel like I'd gone crazy. I hadn't thought it would be possible for me to feel that way about another person. I wanted him to be near me all the time, to be mine forever. It terrified the hell out of me. That was why I'd had to do something to protect myself. That was why I'd had to leave.
"Tell me about what you've been doing all this time," I said.
"Go to sleep, Ryan," he said with a sigh.
"Tell me about your boring life. Maybe it'll help."
He snorted. "Yeah, whatever."
I turned onto my side, resting my head on my arm. "I'm waiting."
Bau stared silently at me out of the corner of his eye. He sniffed and rubbed his nose with his knuckle. "I did another couple tours in Iraq and in Afghanistan. When I was about thirty I realized that I wanted to do other things outside of the Rangers. So when my time was up, I didn't re-enlist. Went back home with the idea of starting up a private security business, only I had the notion that I was going to do it on the East Coast. New York."
"Seriously? Why New York?"
"Why do you think?" His broad chest rose with a long breath. "Because I knew that's where you were from."
My heart jumped. "Oh." I was trying to sound unaffected. "You were... trying to find me?"
"No. I never even looked you up." He laughed to himself. "I had the dumb thought that I might run into you. But I wasn't looking for you. Anyway, there was an accident back home. Killed both of my parents. So I moved back to Los Angeles and set up my business there at the family ranch. My brothers both finished their time in the Marines and came back, too. Got the whole gang together."
"I'm sorry to hear about your parents," I said.
"It's alright. So, uh... What about you? Did you look me up?"
"Well..." I coughed. "Um. I mean..."
"What, are you embarrassed?" he asked, grinning.
"I looked you up. You were part of my exhibition on the war."
"I was part of your exhibition?"
"Yeah. Of course you were."
"You never reached out to me."
"I know," I said sadly. "I'm sorry."
Bau rubbed his chin, stroking his stubble. "How did it go? Was I a hit?"
I smiled. "You were a huge hit. Award winning."
"No shit?" He thought about it for a moment. "I'd love to see those photos someday."
For a moment I considered telling him about the photo that hung in my bedroom, but decided against it.
"Sure," I said. "I'd love for you to see them."
"What have you been doing all this time?" he asked me. "Hm?"
"Didn't you say I should go to sleep?"
"You're right, you might put me to sleep."
I grinned at him. "Tell me more. You... seeing someone?"
Even in the darkness I could see the surprise written on his face, and I immediately wished I'd kept that question to myself.
"If you mean a relationship? No. Got no time for those. Plenty of other things, just not a relationship."
"Plenty of other things," I repeated. “Like what?”
He laughed. "Jesus. You're worse than my aunt. What the fuck are these questions, anyway?"
"I don't know," I admitted. "I'm glad you're getting some. To be honest, I haven't been with anyone since you."
He made a weird choking noise. "Wait... is that jealousy I hear?"
"What?" I sat up. "No. I'm serious. I'm glad for you."
I didn't know why these things were tumbling out of my mouth, and even stranger was the very fact that I was feeling jealous. I had no right to feel jealous, or any sort of way. It was completely irrational, and I knew it.
Bau laughed again. It was unrestrained and loud, but it seemed like he just couldn't help himself. "This is just too good," he said, smacking his knee with his fist. "What, did you think I would be all hung up on you and not fuck anyone else?"
"Hey," I hissed. "Aren't you being too loud?"
"I know, I am," he said between deep belly laughs.
"It was just a fucking question."
"Yeah. It sure was a fucking question. A question about fucking." He giggled.
At that moment, my ear caught a noise cutting through the cacophony of jungle sounds. I froze, straining. What the fuck? I pushed my finger to my mouth and hushed him.
"You're the one who asked, Ryan," he said.
"No, shhh! I fucking heard something."
Bau went silent, his fist tightening around the handle of his rifle. Both of us sat hunched forward, straining to listen.
"There," I whispered. "Do you hear that? Is that what I think it is?"
He nodded. The moonlight glinted off of his eyes, which were wide with shock. "Yeah. Is that a baby?"
8
Ryan
Bau didn't say a word. He grabbed the rifle from where he'd left it on the dashboard and pulled the bolt back to check the bullet loaded in the chamber. Then he turned around to check on Gustavo. Still asleep.
"Maybe they'll pass," I whispered.
Like I'd uttered a jinx, the trucks came to a halt and the guys sitting in the back hopped down. A few of them had shovels and other digging equipment. Most of them carried AK-47s or other rifles.
"Driving or shooting," Bau said.
"What?"
"Which one do you think you can handle best?"
The question made my stomach turn. "Driving," I said. I couldn't get around the idea of shooting someone.
"We're hidden for now, but they'll find us eventually. We're gonna get the fuck out before that happens. Just drive and don't stop until I tell you. Wait for my command, alright?"
"Yeah," I said, my voice shaky.
Bau put his hand on top of mine, squeezing it tightly. Then he removed his armored vest and gently placed it over Gustavo. We sat and watched as the men began to comb the area, searching the rubble for valuables. I kept my hand on the key. I was ready to get us the hell out of here.
Two of the men went to the rubble of the fallen house and walked around it, kicking at the scattered bricks. Then one of them stopped and gestured to the ground, calling his friend over to look. They both started shouting for the rest of their crew.
"Oh, fuck. The tracks," Bau groaned.
Their gaze followed the path of the tracks until they reached their inevitable conclusion. They were looking right at us. Bau slowly raised his middle finger and pressed it against the glass.
“Drive,” he said.
I didn’t need to be told twice.
I cranked the key and jabbed my foot onto the pedal. The tires kicked out a spray of mud and we shot forward just as the men opened fire. I made a line straight for them, sending them diving out of the way. One man wasn’t so lucky; he flew off the corner of the car like a rag doll and smashed into a tree. In the rear-view mirror I saw his lifeless body crumple to the dirt as the rest of them ran for the trucks.
“Oh fuck!” I shouted, horrified. “I think I just fucking killed a guy!!”
“Damn right,” he said, rolling the window down. He leaned out and started shooting.
Even after all the years working conflict zones, after all the firearms training, I still somehow managed to forget just how loud guns were.
Gustavo wailed. It was definitely not a pleasant way to wake up.
“Sorry, buddy!” Bau called to him before letting loose another burst of gunfire.
The trucks were on us now, quickly closing the gap. T
he men hung out of the windows, their guns bristling like spines. They returned Bau's fire, and I could hear the thumping of the bullets against the metal. I swerved to get us out of the way. Don't stop, I thought, maneuvering around debris that littered the road. Bau's expression was locked into something between a snarl and grin. His eyes were narrowed, totally focused. He reminded me of a wild predator, a hunter doing what he did best. And I was in my element, too. Terrified, no question, but I felt alive. This was our world.
Bau dropped back onto the seat and yanked the empty magazine from his rifle. Smoke curled from the tip of the barrel like a lit cigar. He reloaded, then turned around to make silly faces at Gustavo.
"Is he alright?" I asked, unable to look.
"He's fine. Not happy, but fine. Right, bud? We'll be out of this soon, don't worry..."
The trucks approached on either side of us. In the side mirror I saw their ugly faces staring back at me. One of them pointed a pistol, and the reflection exploded away with the mirror.
"Roll down your window!" Bau shouted. "And don’t move!"
I frantically cranked the handle with my left hand as the truck roared up next to us. Bau didn't hesitate—he raised the rifle and started to fire across me. I could feel the bullets whipping by my face, the hot gunpowder peppering my cheek. The driver of the truck jerked and grabbed his neck before slamming against the steering wheel, dead. They swerved away from us and plowed straight into the jungle, exploding into flames as they smashed into a tree.
Bau spun around and retook his window perch, squeezing off several precise shots. In the rearview, I saw two of the bandits tumble from the back of the truck in a red mist. Apparently, that was the last straw from the driver, and they backed off from their pursuit.
"Keep going," Bau said, rolling the window up. "They're backing off for now."
I kept the car at full throttle, my eyes constantly moving back to the rearview mirror, expecting to see the truck making another approach. My pulse was racing. After five minutes, I finally got myself to ease off the gas. Bau pointed to a small clearing in the trees, and I pulled us into the jungle. I stopped a short distance in and turned the car off.
We got out and Bau hurried to cover up our tracks with loose foliage. I went around to the back to check on Gustavo. He was surprisingly calm considering what he'd just gone through. I pulled the vest away from him and picked him up, bouncing him in the same way Bau had done. Or maybe not the exact same way, because Gustavo started to cry again.
"I don't know what I'm doing," I said, handing the kid over to Bau. He stopped his bawling almost immediately. "I guess I'm no good with babies."
"They can feel your fear," he joked.
I walked around the car, inspecting it. The bumper was riddled with bullet holes. I crouched down and touched the punctured metal.
"Are we gonna be safe out here?" I asked.
Bau came around, holding a bottle to Gustavo's mouth. "We'll have to leave the car. Hide it in the jungle. I don't think we're going to be making it back to town any time soon. It'll be too dangerous, too much of a risk."
"They'll be regrouping."
"Exactly. We're in a bit of a tight spot."
"Fuck," I sighed, leaning against the back of the Isuzu. "This is my fault."
Bau shook his head. "We knew the risks. We didn't know we'd find Gustavo."
"How do we get him out of here?"
"I've got a few tricks up my sleeve. I'll radio my brother and see if he can call in a few more favors with the Los Llanos military, get us an escort or an extraction. But for now, we can't just stay here."
"Okay. I agree. So we keep moving."
"We came here to get a picture of a cat. We're gonna get that picture."
I smiled. "Right."
We went through our supplies and migrated the necessities into two large backpacks. We also found a harness inside Gustavo's baby bag, and I strapped him to my chest. After camouflaging the car, we set out into the jungle on foot.
I wanted to get that photo. But right now, my worries were about the little baby I had in my care. I needed to make sure Gustavo was safe, and if his family was still alive, return him to them. He was the most important thing, and I wondered just how the hell we were going to get out of this unscathed.
Bau, as if sensing my thoughts, glanced over his shoulder and said, "This isn't the first time we've gotten ourselves into hot water. Mosul, remember?"
How could I forget? Bau's squad had been pinned down inside an old apartment building, with enemy snipers on every rooftop preventing anyone from coming in or out. It wasn't even supposed to have been such a volatile mission, but things had turned sour, fast. Breaking all protocol, I was forced to take up a weapon just to add some extra firepower. We were in the building for twelve hours and had to evacuate teams of two while the remainders drew enemy fire from within the building.
Bau tried to get me out in the first group, but I refused to leave him. I knew he would wait until the last man had gone before going himself. I'd honestly believed we were going to die—but Bau managed to navigate us out of the building under the cover of night, dodging gunfire coming from all sides, just as the army authorized an airstrike that gave us an opening to be extracted. If it hadn't been for Bau's rock-steady confidence, I might've lost my shit. But he got us out alive.
"We didn't have a baby with us back in Mosul," I said. Gustavo wiggled and giggled in his harness, reaching out towards a large green beetle that was buzzing around us.
"I'm not gonna let anything happen to that kid. And neither will you, I know that for a fact. We'll both make sure Gustavo's safe."
We walked on for several hours, not stopping and barely talking. Gustavo was asleep. The jungle was thick and pressed in on us from every side. It should've felt oppressive, but it was the complete opposite. I was with Bau, and one thing was quickly becoming so painfully obvious to me. I'd missed him. I'd really missed him.
I mean, I'd known that. But I'd honestly believed I was never going to see him again. I'd compartmentalized and moved him out of my feelings and, for the most part, out of my memories. I didn't have any expectations for something to happen between us again. But at the very least, I knew I owed Bau an explanation. He'd been brought back into my life, giving me a chance to finally set things right between us.
But why was it so damn hard? I knew what I needed to do, but speaking the words was so incredibly difficult. It was like there was a brick wall set up inside my head stopping me. It was the same thing that had made me run away instead of facing him. A wall of fear.
I couldn't run away this time.
The jungle was teeming with vibrant life that'd been mostly invisible from the windows of the Isuzu, but now on foot we found ourselves face to face with vast multitude of creatures that made up this unspoiled land. Neon frogs clung to the trunks of trees as colorful birds fluttered around the canopy, moving from branch to branch. Brilliant flowers bloomed from hanging vines, their nectar providing food to the butterflies and other insects hovering around them. Soon, I could hear a waterfall roaring just a short distance away. From studying the maps, I knew a river crossed the road, so that had to be where we were nearing now.
The trees opened up. We were on a steep cliff of black, moss-covered rocks, the river flowing out from the east and tumbling into a pool about a hundred feet below. Bau pointed down. "Look," he said.
I saw a small rusted building near the outlet of where the pool continued to the river. The dock next to the building made me think it was a fishing hut. Bau set down his pack and pulled out a small pair of binoculars.
"Looks abandoned," he said, peering through them. "No activity. Doesn't seem like it's been used in a while. We should get down there and set up camp for the night."
"Yeah." I glanced over the edge and shivered. "This should be fun."
We decided to take it one step at a time. Bau would lower himself down to the first boulder, then I would lower Gustavo to him before proceeding down myself
. Rinse and repeat. The rocks were slick and we didn't want to risk anyone falling while carrying the kid.
Gustavo, up from his nap, sucked his thumb and looked around wide-eyed, completely unaware of our precarious situation. Gripping the straps of his carrier, I carefully lowered him to Bau's waiting arms. There were just a few feet of slippery rock to step onto. Digging my fingers into a crack in the rocks, I made my way down to them. With my heavy pack it was even more difficult to maintain my footing. It felt like the weight of the bag was pulling me towards the void, away from the cliff.
Under His Watch: A Brothers Synn Novel Page 7