A lump grew in his throat, and he squeezed her hand. “Thanks.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. Maybe if he looked like he was asleep she wouldn’t bother him. He didn’t let go of her hand, though. It was the last time he’d get to hold it.
He thought about the time when he almost told Miranda he loved her. After graduation, when it was just the two of them walking to his car. He would have told her, if she hadn’t started talking about Charlie Hunter, and how much she wanted him to ask her out. He took in a deep breath, glad he had saved himself from that humiliation.
The flight didn’t take long, and soon they were taxiing down the tarmac in Kansas. Drew let go of Miranda’s hand and stretched. Miranda turned to him. “You ready to talk about it now?”
He swallowed. Not yet. He had to take her home. “Let’s get you home first.”
She nodded and pulled her suitcase and bag down from compartment where she’d stored it. He took her luggage from her. “I got it.” He couldn’t help it. He was a sap.
She smiled at him. “Thanks.”
He went down the steps and walked to the rental car. After putting their luggage in the trunk, he opened the passenger door for her. His chest ached.
Nerves made his stomach tighten as he drove to her apartment. His brain started making up reasons for why he shouldn’t go through with the break off, but he blocked them. He couldn’t take anymore Miranda if she wasn’t his. He couldn’t watch her go through one more relationship. See her falling for one more man.
He pulled into her parking lot and cut the engine. He felt like throwing up. He got out of the car and walked around to the trunk. Miranda joined him, rubbing her arms.
“Where’s your coat?”
“I didn’t bring one.” She picked up her bag and headed toward her door. “Hurry up.”
He rolled his eyes, but he grabbed her suitcase and followed her into the apartment. He stopped in the living room and set her suitcase down. Miranda came out of her bedroom and gave him a quizzical look. “Have a seat. I’ll make us something to eat.”
“No, I should get going.”
“What? You’re flying home now? Aren’t you tired?”
“A little,” he admitted.
“Then stay the night. Fly back tomorrow. We can watch more Star Venture. We only watched two episodes. We have to see the one where—”
“Miranda,” he interrupted. He had to get this out now, or he would chicken out and not say it. “It’s time.”
“Time for what?”
“Time we admitted this isn’t working.” The hollow feeling in his chest spread.
She wrung her hands and stared at him. “What do you mean?”
He swallowed and took a step back from her. “I need some space from this friendship.”
Miranda’s face paled. “What? Why?”
That was the one question he couldn’t answer. He’d be too humiliated to admit the truth. He loved her and she didn’t love him back. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I just think it’s best if we don’t talk all the time.” Or ever again.
Miranda blinked and he turned away from her, unable to stand it if she started crying. “I have to go.”
“No. Wait.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching for the door.
Miranda pulled on his arm and forced him to face her. “Drew. What’s going on?”
He couldn’t look at her. “I have to leave.”
“Is this about the kiss? I swear I didn’t mean it. It was an accident. I won’t ever do it again.” Desperation squeaked in her voice.
Drew froze. That was the problem, wasn’t it? She didn’t mean it. But he did. He meant every last second of it. He turned from her and jerked the door open. She followed him out into the chilly afternoon air.
“Drew?”
She wouldn’t leave him alone unless he spelled it out for her. Guilt wrapped around his gut as he turned to face her. “Don’t call me. I won’t answer.”
Tears streaked down her face. “Why? I don’t understand.”
His heart ached. He wanted to pull her to him and make it all better, but he knew he couldn’t. “I know,” he said quietly. He got into the car and started the engine.
Miranda rushed to his door and slapped his window. “Drew! Talk to me!”
“I can’t,” he said under his breath as he put the car in reverse and stomped on the gas. He jerked to a stop while Miranda chased after him. “Drew!”
He threw it in drive and tore out of the lot before he changed his mind. His heart pounded as he drove, clutching the steering wheel like it was going to come alive and run off. Had he really done that? Told Miranda not to call?
Pain stabbed through his gut as he turned off the ringer to his phone. He had to stick with his plan, or the gaping hole in his chest would never heal.
Chapter 26
Miranda stood in the parking lot and watched Drew take off down the street. She choked back a sob. What had she done to make him so angry? This couldn’t just be about the kiss. For heaven’s sake, he’d kissed her back. He’d gotten into the kiss, just like she had. What else happened to make him so upset?
She turned back to her apartment, the door hanging open. She’d figure it out and apologize. That’s what she needed to do. He didn’t mean it when he said he wouldn’t take her calls. She stalked back inside and slammed the door. Phone. Where was her phone?
Rummaging through her purse, her heart hammered in her chest. There it was, at the bottom. Her fingers trembled as she pulled up his number and pressed the button to make the call. It rang seven times before she hung up and tried again. “Come on, pick up,” she whispered.
She lost track of how many times she tried to call before she flung her phone across her living room. It slammed against a couch cushion and fell to the floor. Frustration and desperation flowed through her. How could she have messed this trip up? This was supposed to be some relaxing fun with her best friend. Now he didn’t even want to talk to her. What happened?
She paced her living room, almost tripping on the suitcase Drew had left on the floor. In frustration she kicked it, then winced at the pain. She wanted to scream. Why was he doing this?
Her phone rang and she ran to pick it up. Disappointment showered over her when she saw it was her mother calling. She swiped to answer. “Hi, Mom.”
“How was your trip? Are you home now?”
She sank down onto her couch. “Yeah, I’m home.”
“What’s wrong?”
She swallowed and tried to make her voice sound chipper. “Nothing. The cruise was amazing. I’m just tired after all that traveling.”
“I’m sure you are, sweetie. I’ll let you go. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Miranda hung up and let out a sigh. Maybe Drew would cool off and talk to her tomorrow. She bit her lip. He wouldn’t stay mad for long, would he? She wiped away another tear. She needed him in her life. He couldn’t ignore her forever.
***
Miranda swiveled in her office chair and looked at the clock stuck to the wall of her cubby. Ten more minutes before she could go home. Ten long minutes. She sighed and clicked on the spreadsheet she had open on her computer. The numbers all blurred together.
It had been two months since Drew dropped her off at her apartment and told her not to call. Two months of her calling anyway, only to get no response. She’d tried leaving messages, which she wasn’t even sure he listened to. She’d texted him a zillion times. He ignored everything.
The speakers in the ceiling played synthesized Christmas Muzak. Someone had draped gold tinsel over the tops of the cubicles. Miranda couldn’t wait until next week when the decorations would be put away and things would go back to normal.
She drew in a breath and let it out slowly. Clicking over to her email, she scrolled down the messages in her inbox. Email. She hadn’t tried that yet.
She clicked the compose button and typed in Drew’s email address.
The curser blinked as she stared at the blank box. What was she going to say?
Heather popped her head around the corner, her dangly Christmas bell earrings swaying. “You doing anything tonight?”
Miranda wasn’t sure why Heather always asked her that. The answer was always the same. “No.”
“You should come with me to the bar. Meet some guys. You might find one to hook up with.” Heather grinned at her.
No thank you. She’d rather eat her shoe than hook up with a guy in a bar. “I’ll pass.”
“Okay. Your loss.” Heather stood and slipped her coat on. “I’m heading out to find a guy to spend Christmas with.”
“What happened to Bob?”
Heather waved the question away. “He drank too much.”
Huh. Big surprise there. “Where did you meet him again?”
“At the bar.”
“Riiight.” Miranda turned back to her computer to stare at the screen. She couldn’t fix stupid. “Have fun.”
“I will.” Heather headed off toward the elevators.
Miranda rubbed at her temples. There must be something she could say to make Drew call her back. She just needed to be honest with him. She started typing.
Drew,
I know you don’t want to hear from me right now, but I can’t figure out why. What did I do? Let me take it back. Please. I need you.
She read it back to herself and made a gagging noise. No good. She deleted everything but his name and started over.
I’ve been thinking about you. Wondering how you are doing. Are you going anywhere for Christmas? Like, maybe Kansas? Please. I need you.
She made a face and deleted the words. No, she couldn’t beg him to come see her. She needed to say something real. Something from her heart. She paused, then started over again.
Hey there. I don’t know if you’ll read this, but I thought I’d take a chance and send it anyway.
Someone clicked off the music. She glanced at the clock. Five minutes after. People were probably anxious to get home since it was a long weekend with Christmas on Monday. She went back to her email.
I miss you. My life is not the same without you in it. I find myself wanting to call you and talk to you about things. Like the new Star Venture spinoff show they announced. I’m stupid excited for it. Did you watch the trailer? It looks amazing.
I thought of a good idea for another game you could create. It’s about cave exploration and finding a city beneath the earth. It came to me in a dream. Wow, that sounds dumb, but I swear the idea is cool. Maybe I’ll tell you more about it in my next email.
Miranda stopped and took a sip of her Diet Coke. It was flat and kind of warm, and she made a face. She really should leave, but she wanted to finish the email and send it off.
Gregg from accounting walked by her cubicle. “Hey, you’re still here? I thought everyone left.” He scratched the little bald spot on his head.
“I know. Just finishing up. You can go. I’ll click the lights off when I leave.”
“Okay.” He didn’t move, just stood there fiddling with his sleeve cuffs. “Hey, if you’re not busy tonight, maybe we could go see a movie or something? I heard the new one about that football player was good.”
She tried not to make a face. “Sorry. I have a date.” She didn’t say it was with a container of Ben and Jerry’s.
“Oh. Okay then. Have a Merry Christmas.”
She forced a smile. “Thanks. You too.”
She listened to his footsteps, then the swishing noise of the door, before going back to her email.
Gregg in accounting keeps asking me out. He’s nice, but…
She paused. But what? Why didn’t she want to go out with him? Her heart ached to tell Drew the truth. She didn’t want to date anyone because she’d fallen in love with Drew.
The thought startled her, and she jerked her hands off the keyboard like it was on fire. She was in love with Drew?
Her heart pounded and she let the thought settle in. Drew was her best friend. But that wasn’t enough for her anymore. She longed for his touch. His kiss. The memory of his lips on hers made her pulse race.
She loved him!
She placed her fingers back on the keyboard and finished her sentence.
But he’s not you.
She stared at the words. Did she really want to say that to Drew? Her finger hovered over the delete button, but she didn’t press it. She had to get it all out, even if he never read it. Or if he read it and chose to ignore it.
You see, somehow in all the craziness of the Star Venture cruise, I fell in love with you. Maybe it was when you carried me through the Mayan ruins. Or before that, when you came up on stage posing as my husband to save me from embarrassment. Or maybe it was when you moved the sun, moon, and stars as you kissed me. I’m not exactly sure when it was. But I fell in love. And being away from you is killing me.
Miranda read the last paragraph twelve times before she sighed and tried to think how she was going to end her email.
I don’t expect you to return my feelings. I just wanted you to know. And maybe, by some miracle, by me confessing this to you, maybe it will move you enough to pick up the phone and give me a call.
She bit her lip. Was that too much? Should she delete the last sentence? Gathering up her courage, she signed her name and clicked the send button before she chickened out and erased the whole thing.
Panic enveloped her. She’d just sent an email to Drew telling him that she loved him. Shoot. Why did she do that? She checked to see if maybe she’d mis-clicked and it hadn’t sent yet. Nope. It had gone out.
Miranda turned off her monitor and grabbed her purse, her heart in her throat. What was Drew going to say to that? Would he even answer her? She looked at the clock. Five-thirty. It was six-thirty in New York. Maybe he was out and wouldn’t see it until later. She walked to the coatrack. Drew would be happy she’d bought a new coat. She slipped it on and buttoned it up. The sound of her boots on the cement echoed off the parking garage walls as she walked to her car.
When she got home she sat down on her couch and pulled out her phone. With trembling fingers, she checked her email. Nothing. He hadn’t replied.
Did that mean he hadn’t read it yet? Or that he wasn’t going to reply? Maybe she could send him another email really quick and take back what she’d said. She opened up a new email and started typing on her phone.
Silly thing. I was drunk emailing and I think I sent you something stupid.
She stared at the email. He wouldn’t believe that. He knew she didn’t drink. She deleted the words and steeled her nerves. There was no going back. She’d told him her true feelings, and she had to just go on with life. If he messaged her back, so be it. If not, she’d have to move on.
Miranda walked into the kitchen and pulled out a saucepan. She heated up a can of soup and put two pieces of bread in the toaster. Might as well have a feast, right? Christmas was just three days away.
She set up her lame dinner in the living room and turned on the television, then checked her email again. No response from Drew. Figures.
Picking up the remote, she tried to find something to watch. There was some sappy Christmas movie on every channel. She sighed and turned on Netflix. Star Venture popped up and she turned on one of her favorite episodes. After eating the soup, she took the dishes to the sink and laid down on the couch, curling up under her fuzzy blanket. She pulled out her phone and checked her email again. Still nothing.
What if he read it and didn’t care? What if he was so mad at her that he was never going to talk to her again? Her vision blurred with tears as she thought about never seeing Drew again. She’d really blown it with him, and she didn’t even know what she’d done.
She closed her eyes and let the tears fall. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but a loud knocking on her door awoke her and she sat up. What time was it? She glanced at the clock. Ten-thirty. Who would be at her apartment at ten-thirty? Her sleepy brain couldn’t understand.<
br />
The knocking came again, louder, and she heard someone call her name. Her heart jumped. It sounded like Drew. She pulled the blanket around her and went to her front door, peeking out the hole. It was Drew. Why was he here? She opened the door.
Drew entered her apartment, his eyebrows pulled down. He grabbed her shoulders. “Did you mean what you said?”
Miranda felt disoriented. Her head wasn’t fully awake. Was she dreaming? “Drew? What are you doing here?”
“I needed to know. Did you mean what you said? Do you really feel that way about me?”
Oh. The email. It all came rushing back to her. Her cheeks heated and she backed away from him. What was she supposed to say to him?
“Miranda, tell me.”
She shivered and pulled the blanket around her tighter. “Shut the door. You’re letting in December.”
Drew kicked the door shut with his foot, then ran his hand through his hair. He looked frustrated.
She wanted to pound on his chest. “What are you doing here? You ignore my calls for two months, then show up on my doorstep in the middle of the night?” Her throat hurt from crying, and she felt like screaming at him. “You could have just answered my email.”
He gave her a disbelieving look. “What I have to say I can’t say in an email.”
“Then get to it. Because I’m cold and have a headache, and I really want to throttle you right now.”
Drew clenched his hands into fists. “I have been in love with you since we were teenagers, when you told me you loved Star Venture as much as I did. But you’ve never seen me that way. I stood back while you dated other men. Fell in love with someone else. And even got engaged. It ripped me apart, Miranda.” His face grew red and he looked like a caged cougar, ready to pounce.
“And then when you kissed me I thought maybe this was it, we could have a chance. But you took it back, wanted it to have never happened. And I got so frustrated that I had to cut you out of my life because it hurt so bad to see you but not have you.”
Miranda stared at Drew as his words finally sunk in. He loved her?
“And now I get this email from you saying you finally realized that you’re in love with me, and I had to fly out here and hear it from your lips, because the universe likes to toy with me, Miranda. It likes to make me think I have a chance at getting what I want, then it yanks it away.”
Her Big Fat Foxy Billionaire Best Friend Page 16