As Sarah grew up in Shepherd’s Bush, a working-class neighborhood of London, she followed the latest fashion trends and pop-culture fads, especially any news regarding the glamorous lifestyles of American actresses like Katherine Hepburn and Lana Turner. In Sarah’s mind, if she could create a personality for herself that included Katherine Hepburn’s smarts and Lana Turner’s style, she was bound to attract the perfect man.
After Sarah completed school, she pursued a career as an actress. The only paid work she could find, however, was the meager job of a waitress. It didn’t stop her, though; she went on photo shoots, casting calls, and anything she could find to get noticed. She attended parties with other models and actresses, hoping to meet an up-and-coming actor or rock and roller. Certainly she loved the attention of many admirers and received minor work on shows as an extra, but her big break came in the form of being a fill-in host for the teen music hit parade show Stage Door Five.
All the big bands and singers had gigs on the show. It was the one place for anyone looking to get noticed. A girl could be in the audience and get picked out by either a guy in the band or a producer looking for new talent, and tonight Sarah was set to host. The band she would be interviewing was known as the Dark Knights.
The Dark Knights were fighting for place on the charts with the other bands and like many other bands they had difficulty busting through the Beatles strong hold at the top. For some bands it was discouraging and seemed unfair, for Alex and the other Dark Knights it was a challenge. They didn’t find themselves of lesser talent, but weaker representation. Darren was a good manager, but like many managers at the time always had their eye open for the next big talent and the Dark Knights were not as pretty as the Beatles, except maybe for Robbie.
Despite not having being the top of the hearts and having the heart of every screaming pre-teen girl, it was a bit of a relief not being at the very top. They had the freedom to play their own version of edgy music that would be frowned upon in most conservative households. The Dark Knights reveled in being musical rebels. They were of course the Dark Knights and their rebellious fans loved them.
Sarah was already a fan of all the new bands of the day—the Beatles, the Animals, the Rolling Stones—but to her they all sounded and even looked similar. So when she was told she would be hosting the Dark Knights, she had no real knowledge of any of the lads in the band; she was just excited for the chance to meet them and perhaps get noticed.
Upon meeting the Dark Knights it was rather a disappointment as they all acted aloof and uninterested. For them, it was just another gig to perform and she was just another girl. Her excitement immediately turned to disappointment when no one in the band appeared to find her that engaging. In fact they seemed more interested in conversing with each other instead of meeting her.
It was Alex, however, who had caught her eye. Each guy in the band was cute in his own way, but Alex had a rugged look to him. She had once read that his father was an Irish boxer, which intrigued her. When he noticed her looking at him, he gave her a big smile that gave Sarah the shivers.
As the show was just about to begin, Sarah positioned herself between the band members, but made sure to stand close to Alex. When the camera turned toward her and she received the single to start, Sarah raised her microphone to her lips. “Good evening England, I am Sarah Moore, your host tonight for Stage Door Five. On tonight’s show we have the Dark Knights, who initially got their start in Manchester. So to start the show, here is the Dark Knights with their latest hit, “Lonely Girl.”
Sarah stepped off stage as the Dark Knights prepared to start. Waiting for his musical cue, Peter positioned his microphone and then sang with a sweet voice:
Alone in a crowd
Her silence screams out loud
She’s the lonely girl everyone sees, but nobody knows
By the window she waits
For her true love to awake
She’s the lonely girl everyone admires, but nobody loves.
Pretty smiles she gives the world
Nobody cares her sadness unfurled
She’s the lonely girl everyone wants, but nobody takes
With serene politeness she speaks
Most never listen, while others mistreat.
She’s the lonely girl that’s always around, but without a friend.
Lonely pretty girl is such a curse
Especially when she doesn’t know her own worth.
After the song, Sarah interviewed the band with the standard questions: “Where do you get your inspiration? Where did you learn to play? How did you meet each other?” When it came time to interview Alex, the questions changed to a more personal nature. “Do you have a girlfriend?”
Alex was stunned by the abrupt change in questioning. He laughed and repeated, “Do I have a girlfriend?”
“Yes,” Sarah pressed. “Is there someone special?”
He looked at her and then looked at the other guys in the band. He was prepared to respond with one of his canned answers, like: “I got my first guitar when I was twelve,” but that didn’t pertain to the question. “Me mum,” he finally said with a laugh.
Sarah giggled. “Well, everyone’s mum is special. I’m referring to a romantic love—a girlfriend.” She then pressed the microphone toward Alex’s lips. “What I mean is, are you available?”
Alex chuckled nervously and looked at the other guys, who were winking at him. “Am I available for what exactly?” He looked at the camera with a wise smile. “I mean, I don’t think the BBC wants me to tell their viewing audience what I’m available for . . .”
Sarah playfully punched him on the shoulder. “Okay, wise guy. If you’re going to be coy with the questions, we’ll just let the fans make up their own minds about you.”
Alex made direct eye contact with Sarah, which set her off balance, and said seductively, “I’m single. Are you happy now?”
Sarah winked and said, “Yes, quite happy.” She then walked over to Josh and asked him when he got his first drum kit.
When the show ended Nick approached Alex, who was packing up his guitar, and kicked him in the shin.
“Ouch!” said Alex. “You arse! What was that for?”
Nick laughed. “Are you interested in getting laid tonight or not?”
“What?” Alex muttered.
“That posh bird was all over you,” he said, nodding toward Sarah. She was feigning interest as she carried on a conversation with another cast member but all the while kept glancing in Alex’s direction. “You could’ve had her in the middle of the show, on national television. I’m telling you, she was fucking all over you.”
Alex looked over at her. Sarah met his gaze and smiled. “Yeah, well . . . she’s pretty enough,” he said.
“Yeah, man, she’s real choice,” said Nick encouragingly. “So then what’s your problem, mate? She’s hot for you!”
“I don’t need your help, yeh know,” said Alex, lifting his guitar case in his hand.
Nick leaned in toward Alex. “I don’t know. You’re here; she’s over there.”
“And you’re here in my fucking face, so sod off,” scolded Alex.
But when the crowds began to diminish and only stagehands remained, it was Sarah who made her way toward Alex.
“You were very good tonight,” she said.
“Thanks,” he chuckled. “You were too.”
“It was my first night,” said Sarah. “I was so nervous.”
Alex gave her a wry grin as he watched the crowd leave through the backstage door. “Could have fooled me; you came across like a pro.”
“Thank you.”
They slowly walked alongside one another, Sarah being
careful to match her footsteps with Alex’s. She placed her hands neatly on her dress and glanced sideways at him. She could feel the energy that surrounded him, and she was so intensely captivated, but her mission of perfection did not allow her to break any rules of decorum. Just standing beside him, though, she understood why so many girls threw themselves at him; however, she knew it simply wouldn’t be prudent for her to do the same.
“Maybe we could get together sometime?” Alex asked finally.
“That would be nice,” responded Sarah. “I would like that.”
“Would you like to go for a drink right now?”
Sarah had to work at the restaurant early the next morning and her mother would surely be expecting her home at any moment, but this was an opportunity she couldn’t walk away from. “Okay,” she said. “Sure.”
It was late in the evening when they arrived at a local upscale restaurant; most of the patrons had already left. Once Alex and Sarah found a quiet table for drinks, Alex ordered a glass of red wine for Sarah and a whiskey for himself. As he sat staring at her from across the table, he decided that she definitely was the prettiest girl he had ever seen—large brown eyes, strawberry-blonde hair, and delicate lips. She was incredibly clean and well-groomed as well—her complexion glowed, her teeth were pearly white, and she smelled like lavender. She was a little skinny and tall for his taste, but he told himself that no girl was perfect. True, he had always fancied bustier, full-figured girls, but Sarah would do.
They chatted about music and movies and especially her desire to travel. She was very interested in the places he’d visited.
As they watched each other intently, Alex took special notice of her delicate mannerisms in the way she held her wine glass, dug her spoon into a bowl of custard, and especially how she held a cigarette. It was like looking at a woman in a magazine. Alex’s gestures couldn’t be more opposite. He would slam down his glass after taking a shot and take short, rabid puffs on his cigarette. He performed everything with a sense of impatience and a bit of aggression. It was this combination of stark, contrasting behaviors, however, that ignited their initial attraction.
Afterward Alex drove Sarah around London. Neither of them cared much for the scenery; they’d seen it all before. But it ended up being an enjoyable evening and neither wanted to leave the other’s company. Finally Alex pulled up outside Sarah’s apartment and leaned forward for a kiss. He was actually surprised to sense a few sparks by the way she responded.
“Can I come upstairs?” he whispered.
Sarah pushed him away, stunned that he would be so abrupt. She then remembered that he was a musician and was used to women giving in to sex, but she decided she didn’t want to be one of the girls who gave it up so easily. “I live with my mother. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Alex sat back. “Okay, no problem. Maybe we can do this again sometime?”
The word ‘maybe’ immediately haunted her. She knew that it was as good as a ‘no’ and would most likely never hear from him again. She was making progress and didn’t want things to end here. “Perhaps we can hang out here in the car for a bit?” she said, relenting to his seduction.
Sarah had no intentions of having sex with Alex that evening, especially in the front seat of his car; but it was exactly what happened. She was wise to all the tales about boys not respecting girls who gave in so quickly, and knew that she was now guilty of falling into that trap. Afterward she reluctantly climbed out of the car and waited on the sidewalk until his car was out of sight.
It was hard for her to climb the stairs of her mother’s apartment building. Once inside, she collapsed on a chair and simply sighed. Suddenly she felt the gnawing feeling of regret. She should have walked away with his ‘maybe.’ Now she had to wait for him to call.
Alex of course did call; Sarah was beautiful and he had gotten what he wanted from her—sex. Their dates were few and far between due to his touring scheduling. When they did go out, it was always late at night to avoid the crowds. Normally she ended up staying over at his place, allowing them to spend more time together.
Early one morning, following one of their dates, Alex got up to pee and noticed Sarah’s toiletries in his medicine cabinet. Her toothbrush was in his holder next to his and her hairbrush and make-up bag were lying on the sink. Sarah was slowly in the process of moving in and he didn’t even know it.
When Alex climbed back into bed, Sarah rolled over and put her arm over his chest. “I see you moved in,” he said.
Sarah lifted her head and looked at him, searching for his reaction. “Just a few things since I spend the night so often.” She kissed his chest. “I hope it’s okay, unless you’d rather I share your toothbrush.”
“No,” Alex said with a sigh.
And so it went. One day he was single; the next, a live-in girlfriend had appeared without any apparent effort on his part. It wasn’t such a bad thing, having a pretty girlfriend in his home (and in his bed). He had no complaints, so he let it be.
After dating for a few weeks, Alex took Sarah to Manchester to meet Leon and Nadine. Sarah of course portrayed the perfect girlfriend and dressed for the part—a pretty, modest dress and a bow in her long hair.
At dinner Sarah delved into a piece of shepherd’s pie as if she were seated at the Queen’s table. When she tasted it she moaned with delight. “Mrs. Rowley, this is the best shepherd’s pie I’ve ever tasted. How do you do it?”
Nadine glanced at Alex, wondering what her son had done to this girl. “I add a touch more Worcestershire sauce than the recipe calls for to increase the flavor.”
“It’s wonderful,” said Sarah.
“Thank you,” replied Nadine bashfully and then the table grew silent.
Sarah turned her attention to Leon. “You must be so proud of Alex. He’s so talented.”
“You know,” Leon began, “when he was a lad he used to spin around with a tin pail on his head. Sometimes he’d ram his head into the stone wall. I thought he was retarded up until he was about eleven when he tested high on his school exams. Then I was relieved because he was one of idiot-genius types.”
Sarah stared at Leon at a loss for words..
“Pop?!” exclaimed Alex.
“Maybe you can show your girlfriend where you hung out whenever you were skipping school,” continued Leon.
Alex threw his father a dirty look. Leon simply gave a twisted grin.
“Well, he turned out real fine,” complimented Sarah.
Nadine rose from the table and started collecting plates. “Yeh, that’s what scares me.”
Sarah had no idea what Nadine meant by the comment, but she stood from her seat to help Nadine with the dishes. Leon got up from the table and grabbed two lagers from the refrigerator. He patted Alex on the shoulder and asked him to step outside.
Alex and his father stepped outside into the small backyard. “What the hell was that about, Pop?!”
Leon handed Alex a lager and said, “I think the situation called for a bit of reality.”
“Well, sure! Why don’t you tell her everything that’s fucked up in my life,” argued Alex.
Leon ignored his son’s comment and took a swig of his lager. “So tell me about this girl. Do you love her?”
Alex chuckled. “It’s only been a couple of weeks.”
“She seems to fancy you something awful,” remarked Leon.
“Yeah, is that so bad?” asked Alex. “Don’t you think I deserve a pretty girl’s affection?”
“I think you deserve a girl you can fall in love with,” replied Leon.
Alex took a gulp of his lager, stared at his father, and laughed. “Like I said, it’s only been a few weeks. I like her. She’s a cool chick and she
’s fun to hang out with. What’s the harm?”
“The problem is, that girl is already planning your wedding in her head. The way she’s sucking up to your mother,” said Leon with a laugh. “I’m just saying, if she’s not the one, you’d better put on the brakes soon or that poor girl’s gonna get real hurt.”
“Pop, once again, we’ve been dating for just a few weeks. I don’t see a problem with having a girlfriend; besides, who knows what’s going to happen in the future?”
Leon stepped closer to Alex and put his forefinger in his face. “Let me explain something to you, son. I fell madly in love with your mother the first time I laid eyes on her, and I never once fell out of love. I love her today like I did the day I first saw her. That’s the kind of love you want; that’s the love you deserve. If you don’t feel that now, then she’s not the one.” Leon patted Alex on the shoulder and headed back toward the house.
“That’s just you and Mom!” shouted Alex. “Everyone has their own story.”
Leon waved the back of his hand at Alex and headed inside. Alex stood alone outside and lit a cigarette. He had traveled around the world, had been with more women than his father could even imagine, and yet Leon seemed to have the upper hand on love. Leon knew it and Alex felt it. He wondered how love between his parents was different than with Sarah. He had a good thing with Sarah—he simply didn’t want to walk away, and he definitely wanted to pursue it to its end. He could only take what he knew at the time, and right now all he knew was Sarah.
Lying in bed with his face in his pillow, Alex recalled the conversation he had had with his father only two months ago and a gnawing sensation grew in the pit of his stomach—Frankie. From the moment he had laid eyes on her, he knew that she was the one. There simply was no other girl for him.
Alex sat up in bed and stared at the dresser where Sarah had placed her brushes, combs, and perfectly organized perfumes. On the nightstand was a framed picture of them taken at his parents’ home in Manchester. He imagined what Frankie’s bedroom looked like. Was her dresser organized as neatly? Did she have framed pictures on her nightstand? But it didn’t really matter what the décor— Sarah was attempting perfection, but Frankie was perfection.
Saying Goodbye (What the World Doesn't Know) Page 16