When I had finally worn myself down to exhaustion, I peeled off my sweaty clothes and climbed into the shower. I washed every inch of my body. I couldn’t help thinking about Joey and how he’d touched me just hours before. He’d worshiped me like no other man, and now I was probably going to lose him. As soon as he found out about Caleb and Carsen, he’d run far away, and I didn’t blame him one bit. I’d run too.
When I climbed out of the shower, I dressed in a pair of jeans and t-shirt. I rented a small office space for my design studio, so I really didn’t have to dress up for work. It was just me. My space wasn’t much bigger than a cubicle, but it was mine. Once my clientele grew, I’d get a bigger space, hire a staff, do whatever was needed but right now, I was the only employee I could afford.
It took me no time to pull my hair up in a knot on top of my head, throw on a little makeup, and grab my purse and keys. I slipped on a pair of flip-flops and opened my door to leave, and that’s when I saw him. Sitting on the steps that lead to the parking lot was none other than Carsen Malloy.
He heard me and turned, and as soon as he saw me, he stood abruptly. “Is he in there? Can I see him?” He wiped at his eyes, which were red, and brushed his hands down the front of his wrinkled jeans.
“How did you find me?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“I want to see him,” he begged.
“How did you find me?” I tried again and began tapping my toe on the ground.
“Please?” He started to move closer, and I stepped back. “I want to see him.”
“Well, you can’t,” I growled.
“You can’t keep me from my son!” He demanded. “If he’s mine, I have a right to see him.”
“He is yours, and ‘he’ has a name. It’s Caleb, and he’s not here right now.” I shoved past him and darted down the stairs.
“Well, where is he? When can I see him?” He began chasing after me all the way to my car.
I yanked the door open and narrowed my eyes at him. “I looked for over a year to find you. Where were you then, huh? My son has been just fine with me. I don’t want your money or anything else from you.” I climbed in and shut the door, but the window was down far enough that I could hear him.
“Ally, don’t do this! He’s my son too. You can’t tell me about him and expect me to act like it doesn’t matter!” I began backing out of my spot, but he jogged along beside me. “We need to talk about this. He deserves to know who I am!” He pounded on the window, but I refused to look at him.
I felt so lost and hurt. He was right. Everything he said was right, but I needed time. I needed time and space. I still had to tell Joey everything and then, after he broke me apart, hope that I could be put back together. I’d been broken so many times in the past, I wasn’t sure if the pieces could ever be put back.
ooooooooo
It didn’t take long to get to my office, but after sitting at my desk and staring at the blank computer screen for an hour, I gave up and left. I drove around the city until finally stopping at the harbor. I’d never really understood the pull to come here when I was younger, but now just sitting and watching the boats and people helped me to relax. I don’t know what I thought I was going to accomplish, but it did give me a place to hide out until I could decide what to do.
When evening came, I found myself driving to my mother’s place. I didn’t spend long there because I’d been away from my son, and I missed him. If I was going to meet Angie, then I wanted to spend time with Caleb before leaving him again. My mom agreed to keep him so I could go to the fight, but only for one night. I thanked her and told her I’d be back the next day. I figured since the fight was tomorrow night, I could leave in the morning and be in the city before it started.
After saying our goodbyes, I carried Caleb out to the car, and strapped him in his car seat. I worried the entire drive home that Carsen would be waiting for me right where I left him, but I was pleasantly surprised when I pulled in my spot to see he was gone.
Once inside, I changed Caleb into his PJs, and held him as I sat down in the rocking chair that still sat in the corner of his room. It had been ages since he let me rock him, but tonight he was exceptionally snuggly. He buried his face in my chest as I wrapped my arms around him and held him to me.
It didn’t take him long to fall asleep and, as we rocked in the darkened room, I hummed the lullaby that I used to sing to him when he was smaller. His mouth relaxed in sleep as a peaceful expression filled his face. I couldn’t help but tear up slightly as I thought about how Carsen was going to turn my baby’s life completely upside down.
He was going to come crashing in and break our lives into tiny jagged pieces that I wasn’t sure I could glue back together. I didn’t want to live in his world of football, fame, and money. I was perfectly happy with the way things were. I didn’t need anything else. At one time, I thought I did, but I’ve grown up over the last year and realized that I don’t need him.
Once I was sure Caleb was asleep, I slowly stood to carry him over to his crib. I leaned in and placed a kiss to his forehead before slowly backing away. He’d always been a bit of a light sleeper, and I didn’t want to wake him. I crept over to the door and stood there just watching him sleep. It might seem strange, but you’d be surprised how many things you take for granted until you think you might lose them. “It’s gonna be ok, buddy. I’m not ever gone let anything bad happen to you,” I whispered into the air before leaving his room to head to mine.
When I reached my bed, I saw my phone flashing on the nightstand. I pulled up the text messages, and my stomach knotted up again.
Unknown Number: You can’t keep me away forever. I have a right to see him.
How the hell did he get my number? And then it hit me…Joey had it.
Chapter 9
Carsen
After leaving Ally’s apartment, I went home. I own a house a few blocks away from my brother. I’m only there part time, and in the off-season, but it’s a nice place. I had the inside completely remodeled when I bought it. You’d never know that from the outside. It’s a colonial built in the late 1800s. I completely modernized the inside though. I put in a home gym, and as long as I’m not at McKay’s that’s where I work out.
I still go to McKay’s on occasion. Wes helped me back before I made it. I was always good at football. In college everyone always said I’d go all the way, but I tried to stay grounded. When I was in town or during the off-season, I still taught self-defense. Wes and I teamed up a couple of times, but as my career took off, I was around less and less. Now I did what I could, but that wasn’t much.
Wes hired my brother when he graduated. Joey never really had plans to leave Boston, but he couldn’t find a job either. I felt bad. He’d gone into Sports Medicine like Wes, but never seemed to be able to find work. When I got drafted, I asked Wes about Joey taking over for me. He’s never had my aggression, but his drive to succeed is there. After Stacy, his ex, left him, he kinda shut down. They’d been together all through school. She finally admitted one night that she was only with him to get close to me. She’d been drinking and went as far as asking Joey if he’d set her up on a date with me. It crushed him. I think he thought that she really liked him. I know he liked her. I think at some point he would have proposed.
After they broke up, I felt so guilty that I got him the job and set him up with a place to live. I didn’t like to flaunt my money, but this was my family. We’d always been close, and after what I walked in on last night, I’m afraid that we’re never going to be close again.
ooooooooo
I’ve been running all afternoon. After coming back from Ally’s, I changed into workout clothes and started pounding the pavement. I didn’t really have any plans to get anywhere in particular; I just knew I needed to blow off some steam. I needed to come up with a plan. She obviously felt threatened by me, and after thinking about it, I could understand why. I’d never even met my son, and I already felt this need to shield him. I knew thou
gh that I could provide a life for him that she couldn’t. I could afford to send him to the best schools. I had the space for both of them in my house. I could already see us as a family; the only problem was my brother. He seemed to really like her, and I wondered if he knew anything about my son. Had she told him? Did he know it was mine?
I knew I probably shouldn’t have, but my feet had other plans. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of his door pounding on it. He didn’t answer at first, but when he did he looked like shit.
“What do you want?” Joey groaned as he stood there in a pair of PJ pants with no shirt. His hair was sticking up, and his eyes were bloodshot.
“I need to talk to you,” I panted as I tried to catch my breath.
“You could’ve called,” he grumbled as he stepped back out of the way and motioned me into his place. I shuffled past him and headed toward the living room to see what looked like leftovers from a party. The pizza he’d ordered was half eaten with the remainder still in the box sitting on the coffee table. A six-pack of beer bottles were sitting empty beside it. A few wadded up napkins littered the floor, and a blanket was half hanging off the couch.
“Shit, Bro. Did you sleep here?” I gripped the back of my neck as I turned to face him.
“What do you care? You scared her off,” he growled. “What do you want?” He moved past me and flopped back down on the couch.
“Did you know?” I blurted the words out. I knew telling him like this was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. It was eating me up inside, and I felt like everyone knew but me. The longer I stood there, the angrier I got.
“Know what?” He rolled over and tugged the blanket back over himself.
“That she has a kid?” There, I said it.
That bit of information perked him right up. Joey sprung to a sitting position. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he shook his head like he was trying to clear it. “Excuse me, what?” He glared at me.
“She has a kid. You didn’t know?” I slowly lowered myself onto the loveseat as I watched the confusion and then hurt spread across his face. “I take that as a no,” I sighed as I scratched my jaw.
“What do you mean, she has a kid?” he muttered in disbelief.
“Shit!” I fisted my hands. “I gotta tell you something, but you’ve gotta listen to me.” I leaned forward and placed my elbows on my knees.
“This is bad, isn’t it?” he grumbled as he tugged at his hair. “I knew she was hiding something; I just didn’t think it could be that.”
“It’s my kid,” I whispered.
“What?” His head snapped up, and I saw fire in his eyes. Anger was brewing, and it was directed at me, the messenger, not her, the one who had lied to him.
“I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know. Do you honestly think that I wouldn’t take care of what’s mine?” I let the words tumble from my mouth. “I met her at a bar almost two years ago. We had a one-nighter in the parking lot, and she ran off before I could even get her name. I never saw her again until last night.”
“So what?” Joey shrugged.
“I went to Hype after I left here. She showed up and sprang it on me. I have a son,” I gasped. I still didn’t fully believe it myself, but the more I said it, the more real it became. “She won’t let me see him.”
Joey shook his head a few times. He looked as messed up as I felt. “Why are you telling me this?” His eyes connected with mine. “What are you hoping to accomplish here?”
I swallowed before squaring my shoulders and looking him directly in the eye. “I want you to back off.”
His eyes flashed, and I could see the anger in them. “What? I like her. I’m not giving in to you anymore. Every girl I’ve ever liked has liked me back until they met you. Ally likes me. She had you first, but she chose me.” He stabbed his finger into his chest.
“Really? Then why isn’t she here? Why did she leave, and why didn’t you know about my son!” My voice was getting louder and louder as I inched toward the edge of the loveseat.
“Fuck you!” he growled.
“No,” I snickered as I delivered a low blow. “She fucked me.”
He took a few even breaths before he stood, pointed at the door, and growled, “Get the fuck out.”
“Not until I get what I came here for.” I narrowed my eyes in a challenge to him.
“What? It’s not enough that you’re trying to ruin this for me. What more can I give you, Bro?” He stressed the last word as he waved his hands around.
“I want her number. I need to talk to her, and you had better watch how you treat me. I own this house,” I threatened. I knew it was wrong, and I would never do something like that, but I was madder than hell.
“You want this?” He stormed up to me. “Take it. I don’t need yours or anyone else’s charity.” He shoved against my chest. “Fucking take it all. You always do!” He shoved me again.
“Do you want to hit me? Is that what this is? You’re mad because she lied to you? She fucking lied to me too. How do you think I feel right now?” I growled as I shoved him back.
“I love her!” he bellowed. “I fucking love her, and I am not… I repeat NOT going down without a fight. You want her big brother; you’re going to have to take her from me.” He shoved me one last time before storming off to the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.
I heard something break, but I had no intention of going in there. Joey didn’t stand a chance here. Caleb was my kid, and if I played my cards right, I’d make Ally see that it was me she belonged with. I could love her too— if she’d let me.
Before leaving, I noticed Joey’s phone sitting on the kitchen counter. I grabbed it, scrolled through the contacts, and added Ally’s number to mine. I would text her tonight. If he wanted a fight, I’d give him a fight. This was my family he was messing with. He might be my brother, but that was my son… not his.
As I walked out the door, I clicked on her name and sent a text.
Unknown Number: You can’t keep me away forever. I have a right to see him.
I shoved the phone back in my pocket as I took off in the direction of my house. Game on, little brother. Game on.
Chapter 10
Alison
I didn’t sleep much last night, and when I woke up, the first thing I did was check my texts. I don’t know why I was hoping that he’d send something telling me he was giving up, or maybe I’d hear from Joey, but there was nothing. Joey had gone radio silent after I left, and the times that I’d tried to call, I’ve gotten voice mail. I didn’t dare respond to Carsen, and as I stand here loading my car up to drop off Caleb, I can’t help glancing around the parking lot every few seconds.
I keep waiting for Carsen to pop out from one of the vehicles or come walking up out of the blue. I’m so paranoid now that I’ve considered taking Caleb with me. I know that I have to let Carsen see him at some point, but I need to figure out what exactly I want from him. Do I want him involved in everyday stuff? Do I trust him enough to let Caleb spend time with him? I don’t know anything about his family other than what Joey’s told me, and that brings up a whole other side of this. Joey. What am I going to tell him? Do I pretend that this has nothing to do with the other? Can I be with him and not let my feelings for Carsen take over?
Joey’s special, I know that, but Carsen is Caleb’s father. Carsen will be tied to me for the rest of Caleb’s life. I can’t change that, and I don’t know if I can just shut down any chance Carsen has at filling the role of partner. He made me feel things that night when we were together, and I’m sure if we could both get past our anger, I could feel them again.
On my last trip up the stairs to my apartment, I scanned the parking lot one last time. It looked safe, so I quickly went in to get Caleb out of his crib, grab the diaper bag, and make my way back to my car. I moved so fast that I almost dropped the diaper bag as I quickly tossed everything in the car. Caleb giggled when I plunked him down in his car seat. “Momma!” He clapped along wi
th a few more babbled words. He was just starting to say things that made sense. Most of the time he resorted to pointing at what he wanted, but I’ve been making him try to talk lately.
“That’s right baby, Momma,” I pointed to my chest. “We’re heading to Grandma’s now.” I clicked the belts across him and then climbed into the front seat.
It didn’t take long to get to my mother’s, and when we were parked, I scanned her parking lot. I didn’t think Carsen knew where she lived, but then again he found me without me telling him. I wouldn’t put it past him to hire an investigator. Rich people think that they can have whatever they want, and I’m sure he’s used to getting his way.
I grabbed Caleb’s things out of the trunk, and after determining that the coast was clear, I reached in to get Caleb too. My mom gave me a puzzled look when she opened the door, but she didn’t say anything as I handed over all the items that were hanging from me. “He’s had his nap and eaten. He should be good for a few hours. Thanks for watching him.” I forced a smile. I felt vulnerable standing out in the open, and I cursed Carsen for it. I’d never worried about this in the past, but now I worried at every turn that I would run into either of them.
ooooooooo
By the time I reached New York, I was a ball of excitement. I hadn’t hung out like this with Angie in years. The last time we’d done this, Wes was proposing to that bitch Vicki. It’s funny how much things have changed. Instead of the two of them tearing each other down, Wes and Ang are starting a family. I haven’t gotten to meet Riley yet, but I know who’s getting the first hug tonight.
I stopped by a corner convenience store before going to the hotel. Angie and I had a tradition of pigging out on ice cream while watching the fights, and after the week I’d had, I knew I needed it. I grabbed three containers since Maddie was supposed to be joining us and hoped that I bought flavors she would like. I didn’t know her, but knowing Angie, she wouldn’t be so close with someone that didn’t have the same tastes as her.
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