by Liz Johnson
Risking a glance in his direction, she watched Luke’s profile as she confessed. “I should have asked him about what I heard, but I didn’t. Truthfully, I didn’t want to know. It was just easier being in the dark, pretending that he loved me. After all, I had to see him twice a week at his appointments, and I wanted to keep seeing him on the other nights, too.”
Luke’s jaw flexed. Hard. “I’m sorry he cheated on you.”
The words that had been so free-flowing suddenly caught on the back of her tongue, and she had to spit them out. “Not on me. With me.”
The car veered into the left lane and then immediately back into its spot. The jolt rocked them both, but Luke got them on track, his jaw firm and unmoving.
“One of the assistant therapists at the office told me that Gary was engaged, but I couldn’t stop seeing him. It was like being hypnotized. Everything I knew and believed didn’t seem to matter because Gary had become my whole world. And I didn’t want that to change.”
Her stomach rolled at the memories. At the hurt that she’d caused. At the damage she’d done.
No, she hadn’t been alone in her actions. Gary was equally to blame. He’d deceived her. He’d wooed her when he was already engaged to Camilla. He’d pursued her when he wasn’t free to do so.
But she’d known better. She hadn’t been walking with God at the time, but her heart recognized that what they were doing was wrong. And she’d had the chance—multiple chances—to find out the truth. She hadn’t. Because it would have been hard. Because it would have meant giving up the person she thought loved her.
She knew the truth now. Gary had never loved anyone but himself. He’d never cared for anyone’s feelings except his own.
Luke let out a long breath through tight lips, the only sound in the car for what felt like an eternity. “How did it end?”
“Camilla showed up at the office, waving around her two-carat engagement ring and screaming that I had to break things off with her fiancé. Then she threw a lamp on the floor and said that if I ever saw Gary again, she’d do the same to me. I begged her to forgive me, but she stormed away.”
In the end, that encounter had been what prodded Mandy to go back to church. She’d been a woman without a compass, letting her feelings dictate her own right and wrong. And she’d wound up hating herself for it. Through Camilla’s eyes, Mandy had seen the things she’d done for what they truly were—selfish and hurtful.
And she’d sworn to God that she’d never do something like that again.
“I haven’t seen Camilla since, and I ended things with Gary that day.”
Parking his car in front of a large two-story home with an excessively lush lawn, Luke paused. “Why tell me all of this now?”
Oh, Lord. The two-word prayer was the only thought she could muster for a moment. Had she completely and utterly misread the signals between them? Did he not feel the sparks when they touched? She could have explained Camilla’s hate without all the detail. But she’d wanted him to understand why their relationship couldn’t be anything more than physical therapist and patient.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I just thought you should know since…”
The words died on her tongue as she hung her head, her hair falling over her shoulders. Letting it serve as a curtain between them, she took a shaky breath and tried to keep the shame from her face.
The regrets still haunted her. It wasn’t so much what she’d done as what she’d failed to do.
She hadn’t known about Camilla when Gary first showed his interest. That wasn’t her mistake to regret. But later, when the rumors were too loud to ignore, she’d done just that. She’d stuck her head in the sand because she didn’t want to hear them.
Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes, and she swiped at them with her knuckles, wiping away the evidence on the leg of her workout pants.
How could she have been so careless, so thoughtless?
Even more than the sting of that truth was the censure she knew would come from Luke. A man of integrity wouldn’t just overlook her sins. And she knew him to be just that. He was the opposite of Gary in every facet.
Caring where Gary was self-centered. Giving where Gary took. Grateful where Gary only blamed others.
Luke had promised they were in this together, but that was before he knew the truth about her. Before he knew she wasn’t worthy.
She’d just given him the escape he might not have even realized he was looking for. And he’d be a fool not to take it.
With a slow lick of her lips, she risked a glance toward him. Luke’s blue eyes blazed with something unreadable, but the intensity could not be mistaken. Dear Lord, please don’t let that be disgust.
Anything else she could handle. No one could berate her more than she had already chastised herself. He couldn’t say words of censure that she hadn’t already screamed in the mirror.
But repulsion. The very idea that he’d be repelled made her shudder in her seat, curling into herself, her arms crossed over her chest.
Suddenly his head jerked toward a dark sedan driving slowly by them. He watched it for far too long, saying nothing.
Without looking as if she was studying him, she tried to gauge the tension in his shoulders, to read the emotions in the lines of his body. But he was a blank slate.
Maybe she’d been wrong. Repulsion wasn’t the worst reaction he could have. Indifference was far more painful.
It jabbed at her middle like a knife, and she reached for the door handle. She could just get out and go. She could call a cab and go back to the hotel and stay there until all of this blew over. Until whoever was after her had given up. Until she didn’t have to deal with her memories. Until Luke wasn’t part of her life.
Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. Like an elephant had taken a seat on her lungs, she couldn’t get any air in or out. And the tears had started in earnest, rolling down her cheeks and falling onto her lap.
And then, Luke hooked a finger around her hair, brushed it out of the way and tucked it behind her ear. With the same finger, he tipped her chin in his direction, forcing her to look at him.
If he looked closely, he’d see that she was crying, and then what? Pity?
Oh, who was she kidding?
He’d certainly already noticed her emotional overflow. It was time to face the music.
She gave a very unladylike sniff and scrubbed her hands over her face. With a shake of her head, she looked him square in the eye.
“I’m glad you told me, that you trusted me with the truth.” A light filled his eyes, making them shine even in the relative darkness of the car, and it made her stomach do a slow barrel roll. “Do you trust that I’ll tell you the truth, too?”
She couldn’t get the words out, so she gave him a slow nod, chomping into her quivering bottom lip.
“I don’t believe that you’re that woman anymore. Are you?”
Again, the words wouldn’t find their way out of her throat, so she settled for a shake of her head.
“I know you’re not. I watched you serve the children at the carnival, and I’ve seen the way you care for your patients. You’re not at all the person you described.” Luke’s gaze flicked over his shoulder, as headlights from a passing car illuminated them. But when he looked back in her direction, his eyes were filled with compassion. Uncompromising empathy. “Why is it so much harder to forgive ourselves than it is to forgive someone else?”
“I don’t know.” She managed a shaky breath. “But I hate what I did.”
“That’s fair. Just don’t hate yourself in the process. When we ask for God’s grace, we get it. You’ve got to accept that and keep moving forward.”
His words washed over her like a Southern California winter rain.
Had she missed out on real mercy because she’d been too wrapped up in her own shame?
True grace wiped away sin and tore down prison walls.
But it didn’t always remove the consequences.
And at th
e moment, the cost of her choices could be her life.
Luke moved his thumb to her cheek and started to wipe away her last tear, his fingers infinitely tender. But suddenly he dropped his hand to his lap, his expression tinged with sadness.
“Thank you.” She couldn’t look into his eyes a moment longer and dropped her gaze to his Adam’s apple. “You don’t have to—” She licked her lips and tried again. “You could have sent me… That is, you don’t have to be so nice to me.”
“We’ve been over this. More than once. When I said that we are in this together, I meant it. You can keep trying to push me away all you want. I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re safe. For good.”
Between the gas at her house, her confession and his kindness, her nerves were threatening to mutiny. Time to go.
She grabbed the door handle and stepped onto the curb before he could say something else to make her cry. He followed her, crossing the squishy grass toward the front door. “You’re sure your parents won’t—”
He held up a hand to halt her, just as the dark four-door car crept around the corner for a fourth time. Her pulse skittered as the hair on her arms stood on end. Someone was watching them. Even here. Was there nowhere safe?
The minute its headlights lit them up, the car picked up speed.
“Wait here.” Luke ditched his crutches and ran toward the street with an uneven gait, but the car was nearly to the far corner already. As he stepped off the curb, his knee gave way, and he crashed to the ground with a cry that pierced the night.
TEN
Luke bit back the scream on the tip of his tongue, grabbing for his leg as he fell. He tucked into his right side, letting his shoulder take the brunt of the blow against the ground. He grunted as the impact knocked the air out of him.
Almost before he realized he’d hit the pavement, Mandy was there, her cool hands running along his arms and down to his knee. “Did you twist your knee? How much pain are you in?”
He sucked in two quick breaths and squeezed his eyes closed, taking an assessment of his injuries. “My shoulder hurts worse.” He squinted up at her, but she didn’t even notice, her full attention on his brace, which had kept him from twisting his knee. And had also kept him from chasing down the car that, by his count, had driven around the block at least four times.
Of course, he’d known he couldn’t outrun the vehicle, not even at his physical peak. But he’d hoped for at least a look at the license plate or a chance to make out the model of the dark sedan.
Instead he’d landed on the ground in a useless pile.
Watching out for Mandy gave him a direction, a purpose that he desperately needed. But with an unsteady leg, which still couldn’t walk more than a few minutes without aid, maybe he was more hindrance than help. Maybe at quarter speed he was just holding her back from identifying her stalker.
No.
He silenced the voice of doubt with a firm shake of his head. He couldn’t dwell on that thought. He wouldn’t. No matter if there was more than a touch of truth to the qualms ringing through his mind.
Pushing his hands against the asphalt, he sat all the way up, meeting Mandy’s frazzled stare for an instant. She tugged on his brace to make sure it was still tight around his leg, and it only pulled his pants askew.
“Did your knee buckle or just give out?”
She was in full-on doctor mode, and he managed to meet her grim expression with a half grin. Maybe if he played it off a little, she wouldn’t ask more questions, wouldn’t get the embarrassing truth out of him. “I’m okay, Doc. I didn’t twist it. There was just a bit of pain that I wasn’t expecting.”
“Was it sharp, like something tearing?”
“No.” He bent his good knee and tried to push himself up, but she kept an immovable hand on his shoulder.
Her nimble fingers traced around the opening of his brace at his kneecap. “It doesn’t feel swollen yet, but let’s get an ice bag on it just in case.”
He nodded, quick to agree to anything that would get him off the ground and out of her line of questions. “Sure. Sounds good. Let’s go inside.”
“Before we move you, when you fell, where did it hurt?”
He shrugged a shoulder and stabbed his opposite hand through his hair. “It’s fine. I’m good.”
The streetlight poured over her shoulders, turning her hair into burnished bronze and setting her face in the shadows. He couldn’t read her expression, but the slump of her shoulders suggested she was disappointed in him.
She’d warned him to be careful. More than half a dozen times. They both knew what it would mean if he tore those ligaments again. Even in the cool San Diego night, sweat rolled down his back. The very thought of never returning to the teams had him shaking with frustration and something too close to fear for his liking.
She let him sit for a long moment before asking a quiet question. “Why’d you go after that car?”
He looked in the direction of where it had disappeared. “It was circling the block.”
“I know. I saw it, too.”
His gaze snapped back to her face. “You did?”
“Of course. Now, let’s try getting you up.” She lifted his arm, draped it over her shoulders and wedged herself against his side. Every place she touched sparked to life, and he had to force himself not to lean into her nearness. Hadn’t she just told him about her fiasco with a patient? She hadn’t exactly come right out and said it, but she’d been clear. Getting involved with a patient wasn’t going to happen. Even if he was the patient.
He was pretty sure that was why she’d told him about Gary and Camilla.
She had put up a wall between them. No matter how close they had gotten. No matter how many kisses he’d almost given her.
No matter how much he disagreed.
But he wouldn’t push her. He wouldn’t break those barriers. She had her reasons. Even if they were mostly built around her own insecurities.
She worried that she’d repeat her mistakes.
But he didn’t. He’d known her for less than two weeks, and he knew deep inside that she wasn’t capable of hurting someone like that. He just had to help her see that she’d changed.
Mandy slowly moved to a squatting position, hoisting him up on his good leg. When he was standing, she wrapped an arm around his waist, and he assumed that meant it was okay to leave his hand on her shoulder, which was good. Without her he wasn’t going to make it back to the front steps.
“I can call your orthopedist right now, and we can get you scheduled for an MRI.”
He squeezed her shoulder and chuckled as they hobbled across the lawn, favoring his left leg. “I don’t need to get checked out. I didn’t hurt my knee.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Well, there was just no getting around it now. “I went down because I got a leg cramp.”
She stopped; so he did, too. And when she looked up into his face, the porch light reflected in her eyes. Gone was the remorse that had filled them before, replaced now by humor.
“So the big, bad navy SEAL got taken down by a cramp.” She covered her mouth, but it couldn’t cover her snort.
And somehow it was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. His stupid stumble was worth it if it could make her smile after a night like this. If he couldn’t physically rescue her from the threat, at least he could be there for her to lean on in the darkest hours.
“Let’s just go inside.” He pushed open the big wooden door and motioned for her to walk into the foyer, where his parents had undoubtedly been eagerly waiting to meet her, if his mom’s clasped hands and glowing face were any indication.
His mom was a petite woman, shorter even than Mandy, and she scurried across the hardwood floor, her hand outstretched. “Oh, you must be Mandy. Luke has told us all about you.”
Mandy shot him an elevated eyebrow, which made him choke on a laugh, before reaching out to shake his mom’s hand. “Mrs. Dunham. It’s very nice to meet you.”
“The house has been so quiet since Luke joined up, and now we have two houseguests. It’s so good to have him back. And with a friend.” Sharon nearly glowed, leaning heavily on the last word, clearly hoping that they were much more than that.
She could hope all she wanted. Luke could, too, for that matter. It wasn’t going to change what Mandy had said in the car.
She didn’t want his pursuit. She didn’t want him.
And he would figure out how to respect that.
Somehow.
“You must be starving.” Sharon motioned toward the back of the house and the gourmet kitchen there. “Let me make you some dinner.”
Mandy pressed a palm over her mouth, and Luke cut in. “Mom, it’s been a long night. Mandy probably just wants to get some rest.” As if on cue, Mandy nodded. “I’ll give her a quick tour of the house. Could you find some pajamas for her?”
“Of course.” Sharon scampered off and disappeared up a carpeted staircase.
His father, in typical fashion, kept his words brief and his grin gentle. “You kids have a good night. Let us know if you need anything.” With a clap of Luke’s shoulder, he said, “Good night.”
“Good night, Dad.”
When he was well out of earshot, Mandy let a chuckle escape from behind her hand. “Kids? I can’t remember the last time someone called me a kid.”
Luke shrugged. “I haven’t lived here since I was eighteen, but I’ve got to say there are some perks to being at home. Like my mom’s cooking.”
“Good?”
“The best.” He took off for a room on the far side of the spacious entryway, his crutches clattering with every step. “If you need me, I’m staying in here.” He pushed the door all the way open to reveal a large office with a mahogany desk in the center of the room. Rows of matching bookshelves lined the far wall, and a big window overlooked the gentle neighborhood hills.