by Hope Navarre
“You didn’t do this. It’s not your fault,” she whispered. Slowly, she uncurled her hands and pressed them flat against his shirt. She closed her eyes and relaxed in his embrace. It felt so right to be held like this. It had been a long, long time, and she had missed it more than she cared to admit. If only she could rest a little while longer. She was so very tired.
He drew away and held her at arm’s length. She missed his warmth instantly. “It is my fault. If I hadn’t badgered you about our past, if I hadn’t made you mad, if I had just agreed not to spend time with Chance, we would have finished checking the fences together and you’d be safe at home by now.”
His hands dropped away from her shoulders. He rubbed them up and down on his jeans a moment, and then slipped them into his pockets as he stared at the ground between them. “You were running away from me. I’m pretty dense and a little blind to boot, but even I’m beginning to see you don’t need or want anything from me. I’m sorry I’ve inflicted myself on you these past weeks. I promise I’ll get out of your life for good now.”
He looked so much like the repentant little boy she had once known, so much like Chance did when he was trying to apologize, that it was a wonder the whole world couldn’t see they were father and son. Her heart turned over with a queer little somersault, and a smile began to tug at the corners of her lips.
She folded her arms across her chest. “You’ll get out of my life now. Right now?”
“Yes. Right now. If that’s what you want.”
The smile twitched harder, and she couldn’t quite keep it out of her voice. “Right now?” she asked again.
He must have heard her amusement because he looked at her with a puzzled expression. She saw the light dawn as his gaze traveled from her face to the steep sides of the well and up to the opening above them.
He nodded once as a sheepish grin appeared. “Okay. Maybe not right now, but soon.”
“Soon? You know this for sure. We could be trapped in here for days.”
He glanced around the bottom of the well and then settled himself on the dirt floor. Leaning back against the wall, he crossed his long booted legs in front of her. “It won’t be more than a few hours.”
“How do you know that? Do you have a crystal ball?”
“No, something better. I have a cell phone.”
“You’ve got a phone?” Joy leaped in her chest like a startled doe. She couldn’t believe their good luck. “Let me have it.”
“Can’t. It’s in my saddlebag.”
She kicked the sole of his boot as disappointment sent her hopes crashing. “A lot of good it will do us there.”
She plopped down opposite him and battled back a sudden rush of tears. She was so tired of being in this hole. The last thing she wanted was to break down and cry in front of Neal. That wouldn’t solve anything. She wiped at her eyes and blinked back the moisture.
“Hey, I called your mom as soon as I found you, and I told her where you were. If we aren’t back in a few hours, they’ll come straight here looking for us.”
She raised her eyes to meet his. “You really called her? You aren’t just saying that to make me feel better?”
“I did. You may have to put up with me for a few more hours, but that’s all. Can you do that?”
“I guess I can.” She studied his face in the dim light. That was what she wanted, wasn’t it? For him to drift out of her life again and leave her and Chance alone?
Alone. It was such an ugly word once a person felt the true meaning of it. She had carried her secret alone for years. Her anger against Neal had helped her bear it, made it seem worthwhile, but now her anger was gone. He knew the truth. He respected her decision even if he didn’t agree with it. He would keep her secret. She had to trust him.
What choice did she have?
A shudder raced through her body, and she leaned away from the cool stones behind her.
“What’s the matter? Are you cold?” Concern filled his eyes.
“A little. Mostly I’m tired.” That was the truth. She was tired of trying to climb out of this stupid hole, tired of always being careful not to let the truth slip out, tired of working long hours and still being unable to save the ranch she loved. And she was tired of being alone.
She was still a young woman with needs and desires, but she had pushed them aside as she cared for everyone else. Neal made her all too aware those feelings still simmered below the surface. She stood and crossed her arms.
“Come here,” he coaxed.
She shot him a wary glance. “What for?”
He pushed one hand into the front pocket of his jeans, and she heard a faint crackle as he pulled something out and extended it toward her. “Have some,” he offered.
She eyed him with suspicion. “What is it?”
“Nectar of the gods.”
“Yeah, right,” she sneered.
“Almost. Butter Rum Life Savers gummies.” He held his hand higher. “Want one?”
“Yes!” Dropping to her knees beside him, she snatched them from his palm before he could change his mind. She tore open one of the individually wrapped pieces and popped it into her mouth. The burst of sweetness was almost indescribable. “Oh, God, that’s good. I’m starving.” She sat back on her heels. “I love these things.”
“I know. I remember.” A look of tenderness flashed across his face. “Chance likes them, too. I’ve taken to keeping a few in my pocket for him.”
She was surprised by his admission. “That’s nice of you.”
He shrugged. “My granddad always had a piece of candy in his pocket for me, and I loved that about him. They were lemon drops or those pink mints that looked like Pepto-Bismol tablets. Usually, they had lint or grain stuck to them, but I didn’t care. They tasted wonderful because I knew he kept them just for me.”
Robyn tore the wrapper off the second piece with her teeth and popped it in her mouth. “I remember your granddad. He had the most bowed legs I have ever seen.”
Neal laughed. “He did at that. I think the man was born on a horse.”
“A lot like someone else I know.” She shot him a pointed look.
“Hey! My legs aren’t bowed.”
“No, they aren’t.” She looked down in confusion. They were long and straight, and she remembered the heavy feel of them as they tangled with hers late in the night. A shiver coursed down her body again, but it had nothing to do with the coolness of the well.
“You are cold.”
She was startled when his hand closed over her wrist and pulled her toward him. “No, I’m fine,” she protested.
“Liar.” He grasped her arms and settled her on his lap with her back to his chest. He folded his arms around her.
His warm breath brushed against her ear. Her own breath began to come in short bursts. She tried to get up, but he held her still.
“I know you’re cold—I can feel you trembling. Relax.”
“I don’t think this is such a good idea. Please let me up.” She tried to make her quivering voice sound prim.
She felt the rumble of his chuckle start deep in his chest where her back pressed against him. “Tweety, you slay me.”
Instantly, she grew defensive. “What’s so funny?”
He settled his arms more tightly around her. “You are, girl. I’ll admit I’ve enjoyed my share of fantasies about us, but not once, in my wildest dreams, did that include making love at the bottom of a dark, dank, smelly, abandoned well. I’m being a gentleman and offering a bit of comfort to a friend, that’s all. Now shut up and relax.”
Relax? Oh, right. Of course he didn’t realize how the simple touch of his body stirred her suppressed longings. She would have to pretend it didn’t matter that he held her close. She could do it. She was good at hiding the truth, even from hersel
f.
* * *
NEAL KNEW IF he burned in hell for telling a lie it would be for telling this one. He wanted her so badly he could make love to her on a bed of nails or on a sinking ship. In five minutes, he’d have them both forgetting where they were, but she didn’t need sex now. What she needed was warmth and comfort. In spite of what she’d said, he knew he was the reason she’d spent hours trying to climb out of this hellhole. Slowly, her tense body began to relax.
“I’m sorry—you’re right,” she said at last. “I guess I’ve gotten out of the habit of accepting help.”
She wiggled into a more comfortable position, and he had to grit his teeth. Any more of this and she would be able to tell he was lying. He had to get his mind off the enticing package he held, but it was hard to do with her hair brushing his neck and his arms crossed just below her full breasts.
He began trying to count the rows of stone that circled the well. Twenty-eight rows. Okay, cowboy, think about something else, anything else. Like the fact she has a date with the good doctor.
“Have you got any more candy?”
“No, that was the last of it.”
“Drat!”
“Sorry.” He had to smile. She wasn’t thinking about sex; she was thinking about food. “How long have you been down here?”
She slipped her arm out from under his and peered at the dial of her watch. “About four hours, I think.”
She slid her arm back under his. “I guess I was getting cold. This feels good.”
Yes, it did. In fact, it felt wonderful to hold her again. And it would be the last time. He intended to make good on his promise and get out of her life before he wound up hurting her yet again. He cleared his throat. “The temperature this far in the ground is near fifty-five degrees.”
“How do you know that?”
“I read it somewhere.”
“We’re lucky there isn’t water in this thing. We’d be suffering from hypothermia in no time.”
“We’re lucky it wasn’t any deeper. Some of these old wells go down fifty to a hundred feet. A fall like that would kill you.”
“I had no idea it was even here. I thought it was a bored well, just a pipe going into the ground like the one under the windmill at home. I’d have been more cautious before I stepped on that old platform if I’d known it was covering empty space.”
“What were you doing, anyway?”
“Checking to see if the pump was working. The tank is almost empty. Now I know why. We are going to have to fill this in before we sell the place. It’s a hazard the way it is. I can’t believe we haven’t lost a calf or a horse down it before now.”
“I plan to see if Babe will fit as soon as I get out of here,” he said drily.
“Don’t say that,” she chided. “He didn’t mean any harm.”
She began to giggle, and he tried to peer around at her face. “What’s so funny?”
“I was picturing you with your shoulder under his tail trying to push him in.”
He began to laugh, too. “Like the time we tried to get him loaded into that boxcar at the old railroad station.”
She nodded. “We were going to run away from home and head out to the Wild, Wild West just like your great-uncle Lawrence had done when he was a kid, remember?”
“He was a great storyteller, all right. He made hopping a boxcar and riding it West sound like a piece of cake.”
“It almost was.”
“Yeah, until you said you weren’t going without your horse.”
She giggled again. “I was pulling on his lead rope and pleading with him, trying to get him up your makeshift ramp. You were trying to push him from behind, and that’s how Mr. Cradock, the stationmaster, found us.”
“I’ve never seen anyone laugh as hard as that man did when you told him what we were doing. It still rankles a bit when I think about it.”
“How were we supposed to know the boxcars were only being stored on the side track until the next wheat harvest?” she asked defensively. “I was only eight. Besides, he did think my Babe was pretty smart.”
Neal gave a snort of disgust. “He didn’t say your horse was smart. He said out of the three of us, the horse was the only one with any sense.”
“He was right.” She chuckled.
“Yeah, he was.” He tipped his head back and stared at the light fading from the piece of sky above them. The vanes of the windmill turned slowly in the wind as the setting sun colored them a bloodred. It would be dark soon. Her mother would come looking for them. And when they were found, he would have to let this wonderful, maddening, enchanting woman out of his arms, and he would never hold her like this again.
The ground under him was cold and damp, and a rock poked his left hip. The moss on the stones behind his head was flaking off. It drifted inside his collar and itched like the devil. By rights, he should feel miserable, but he knew he would endure far worse tortures to keep her in his arms a little longer. She sighed and grew silent, and he wondered what she was thinking.
“We had a lot of wonderful adventures when we were kids, didn’t we?” she asked softly.
“Yeah, we did. The two of us must have turned our parents gray before their time.”
“I worry sometimes that Chance won’t have a childhood like the one we had.”
“You mean into trouble six days a week?” he asked with a laugh.
“No, I mean he doesn’t have anyone to share his adventures with.”
“He’s young yet. He’ll make friends in school.”
“Maybe.”
“He will. I could always have Jake send the twins over,” he offered. “If you need someone to turn your hair gray, those two can do it.”
She laughed. “They are a handful, aren’t they?”
“They’ve settled down a little since Gabriel was born. For a while there, I thought my reputation as the hell-raiser of the family was in jeopardy.”
“How is Connie getting along with the new baby? I’m ashamed to say I haven’t been over since his christening.”
“She’s getting along fine. Jake is the one with the stupid grin on his face all the time.”
“Jake’s a great father.”
“Yeah, I envy him that,” he admitted wistfully.
“You always said you didn’t want kids.”
“I know, but I guess time has a way of changing what’s important to a man. I look at Jake with Gabe and you with Chance, and I see I’ve missed something important.” He’d missed a lot.
“When I learned I was pregnant, I thought you wouldn’t be happy about it. A kid would just tie us down. Wasn’t that what you used to say?”
“Sure, that was the way I felt back then. I didn’t want to turn out like my old man. He ended up hating the responsibility of a family. After I was born, he gave up the rodeo and came back to the ranch. Mom couldn’t manage it alone with two kids. I knew how much he hated never winning a national championship. He resented me for forcing him to give up that dream.”
“I think you’re wrong about that. He loved your mother and both his sons. He might have regretted giving up bull riding before he captured his dream, but he knew what he had at home was more valuable.”
“You never saw the look in his eyes when I talked about winning this event or that one. He resented the fact that I could do what he couldn’t.”
“I never knew how estranged you felt from your dad. It explains a lot.”
He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what she meant by that remark. Silence stretched out between them. The light faded as they sat together in the darkness.
“Do you mind if I ask you a question?” he asked quietly.
“No.”
“Why haven’t you remarried? Did you love him that much?”
Sh
e paused a long moment before answering. “I did love Colin, but I haven’t sworn off men because I’m still grieving for him, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I would have thought some guy would have snapped you up by now. You’re still a good-looking woman.”
“Yeah, and I still have all my own teeth,” she added drily.
“You know what I mean.”
“I know. I’ve dated a few men, but as soon as they learn that my son is deaf, they disappear as fast as a plate of chocolate-chip cookies at a Boy Scout meeting.”
“I can’t believe that. Chance is a great kid.”
“Thanks, I think so.”
“Your doctor friend has met Chance, and he hasn’t lost interest.”
“Adam?” she asked in surprise.
“Yeah, him. Your mom said you two had a date for tonight. I guess you’re going to stand him up. I’m sorry about that.”
“Yes, it looks like I am.”
“He seems like a good man,” Neal offered, although he wanted to bite his tongue rather than admit it.
“Yes, he is. He’s a fine doctor, and I admire him very much.”
Hearing her say it hurt like hell, but if Adam was who she wanted, then he would be happy for her. “Are you going to take him up on his offer to help with your schooling?”
“How’d you know about that?”
“Your mother blabbed.”
“She would.”
“Are you?”
“I don’t know. Would I like to go to a nurse-practitioner program? You bet I would. I didn’t expect to have the money, or the time, to further my career until Chance was grown, but...”
“But what?”
“It doesn’t seem right, somehow.”
“Is he pressuring you?” he asked sharply.
“No, nothing like that. It feels like charity, although I know Adam means well.”
“Are you any good?”
“As a nurse?” She considered the question for a moment. “Yes, I am. In fact, I’m a damn fine nurse,” she added with conviction. It made him smile.