by Hope Navarre
He cleared his throat and asked, “Can you walk?”
“No,” she whispered against the warm flesh of his throat.
His deep groan filled her with hope. “Robyn, do you know what you’re doing?”
She leaned back to see his face, and then she cupped it with both hands. “Yes, I do,” she answered.
For a timeless moment, he held her with an almost desperate fierceness. His lips touched her forehead, then her eyelids and her cheeks until they settled at last on her lips.
Tentative at first, his kiss deepened slowly, and Robyn lost herself in the surge of pleasure as his mouth moved over hers, slanting first one way and then another, feeding the hunger growing in her. His hands skimmed up her back to cup the nape of her neck as the kiss ended. He leaned his forehead against hers and whispered, “I think we had better stop right here.”
Her mind was a riot of jumbled desires. How could she make him understand what she barely understood herself? He lifted her chin until she had to look at him. He said, “We’re friends, remember?”
“What if I want to be more than friends?” Would he understand what she was trying to say? That she was still in love with him? She wanted to whisper those words, no, shout those words, but something stopped her. Gazing up at his face, she was suddenly afraid those words would send him away, and she knew she couldn’t bear that.
She wanted to be held by him. She wanted to lie curled against his side all through the night and listen to the sound of his breathing in the darkness. But she didn’t want it for one night. She wanted it forever.
He took a step back. “I should be going.”
She laid her heart on the line. “What if I don’t want you to go?”
“Robyn, honey, I’ve made my share of mistakes in the past. I don’t want to make another one.”
Shame filled her. “And staying with me would be a mistake?”
“That’s not what I meant. I want to be part of your life, Robyn and part of our son’s life. Can you let me do that?”
Was it possible? Could she let him be a father to her son even if they never revealed the truth to anyone else? It had been one thing to live with that kind of lie when Neal hadn’t been around, but how could she keep it up day after day?
Suddenly, a rectangle of light swung across the darkened room as a car drove past the window. Her mother was home, along with Edward and Clara. Robyn moved away from Neal. “I need to think about this.”
“Sure.” Disappointment filled his voice.
“Can you meet me tomorrow afternoon?” she asked suddenly.
“I can be here anytime you want.”
“No, not here. Meet me at the springs?” She heard the slam of a car door and voices outside.
“When?” he asked quietly.
“Late afternoon.” She looked toward the front door.
He grasped her face gently and turned it toward him. “If you don’t come, I’ll understand, okay?”
* * *
LATE THE NEXT afternoon, Robyn turned her horse into the mouth of the canyon. After tossing and turning for hours the previous night, she still hadn’t decided what she was going to say to Neal. She loved him. Chance adored him. But would that be enough in the end? Could he continue to live the lie she had started? She just didn’t know, but she did know one thing—she loved Neal. She always had, no matter how hard she had tried to deny it.
The smell of wood smoke drifted to her. He was already there. He had a small campfire going in the clearing, and he’d spread a quilt in the shade of the cottonwood trees. A towel fluttered from a low branch and his hair glistened with drops of water. He must have been swimming. He looked up as she rode in, and a relieved smile appeared on his face.
“You made it.” He stood and caught hold of her horse’s bridle when she stopped beside him. Her heart turned over in her chest at the sight of his happiness. After so much heartache, didn’t they both deserve a chance at happiness?
“Were you worried I wouldn’t come?”
He gestured toward the hamper that sat in the shade. “A little, but I brought enough food for two. Fried chicken, potato salad and chocolate brownies.”
“Sounds wonderful. I haven’t eaten a thing all day,” she said, swinging down from her horse. She’d been too distracted and agitated to eat.
He led her horse away and hobbled it with his own. Robyn sat on a fallen log beside the fire and rummaged through the wooden hamper. In a few minutes, she had spread out the feast. Neal climbed up to the springs and pulled a pair of long-necked beer bottles from the cold water.
Too nervous and uncertain to handle the conversation she knew was coming, Robyn applied herself to the meal with a gusto she didn’t really feel. Neal kept up a flow of small talk that didn’t require much in the way of replies, and, after a while, she began to relax and enjoy the surroundings and the food.
She licked the last bit of brownie icing from her fingers. “There’s no surer way to a woman’s heart than chocolate.”
“No kidding? I thought it was pancakes.”
They looked at each other and burst out laughing.
His smile slowly faded and he said, “I love that sound.”
“What sound?”
“Your laughter. It’s the sexiest sound on earth. I think I’ve missed it more than anything else.”
Her own smile faded. She wanted him to kiss her again. She reached out and brushed a bit of frosting from the corner of his lip. He caught her hand and held it as he studied her face, and then he pressed a kiss to her palm. When she didn’t draw away, he moved his free hand to the back of her head and pulled her close. Gently, he kissed her lips.
After a long moment, she broke away. Staring at him, she asked, “Did you mean it?”
“What?”
“What you said last night. That you wanted to be part of my life and part of Chance’s life.”
“Yes, I did.” Stroking her cheek softly with his knuckle, he said, “I’ve never wanted anything more.”
“More than you want a world championship?”
He studied her silently, then he moved away from her and sat up. “Is that what you’re asking me to do? Give up riding?”
Was she asking for more than he could give? She took a deep breath. “Yes, I am. Chance and I can’t follow you on the road. I’m not sure I could stand it, waiting here for you, wondering every time you rode if you were going to get hurt or worse.”
He stared down at the quilt for a long time without answering her. Her heart began to pound painfully.
* * *
NEAL PICKED AT a loose bit of thread as he avoided looking at Robyn. Could he do as she asked? Could he quit cold turkey, never knowing if he still had the guts to climb down in a chute and straddle a bull again?
Part of him wanted to shout, “Hell, yes, I quit!” Part of him wanted to tell her no. She couldn’t ask him to give up the thing he loved. It wasn’t fair of her to ask so much.
He rose to his feet and walked several feet away. She watched him but didn’t say anything.
Which was the right answer? Which was the answer they could both live with? It seemed so simple, but it wasn’t.
He thought of all he had to gain and all he had to lose if he made the wrong choice. He wanted Robyn and Chance to be part of his daily life. But he also wanted to be a man with self-respect. If he didn’t have that, what kind of husband and what kind of father could he be?
All the emotional stuff aside, how could he support a family without his rodeo winnings? He had some earnings socked away, but that wouldn’t last forever. Robyn had a good job, but he didn’t want to live on her salary. Maybe he was old-fashioned, but he believed a man earned a wage and didn’t live off his wife’s money.
He knew he couldn’t ride bulls forever, but he didn�
��t think his career should be over today.
Robyn crossed her arms over her chest as if she was cold. This wasn’t easy for her, either. Everything he had worked for was riding on the answer he gave her.
Would love be enough? Or would he come to resent Robyn and his son for making him give up his dream the way his father resented the choice his wife had forced him to make? The last thing Neal wanted was to walk in his father’s footsteps.
Robyn bit her lower lip as she waited for him to speak. God, she was so beautiful. How could he deny them both this second chance at love? There was only one answer. He walked back to the quilt and sat beside her.
“All right, I’ll quit riding.”
She stared at him in disbelief. “Just like that? I honestly didn’t believe you would agree.”
He stood and held out his hand. “Just like that, Tweety. I’m an ex-rodeo bum.”
Grasping her hand, he pulled her to her feet and into his arms. Bracing her hands on his chest, she peered closely at his face. “Neal, are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe you should think it over. I know I’m asking a lot.”
“Honey, there’s nothing to think about.”
“But it’s meant so much to you.” He silenced her with a finger to her lips.
“You mean more. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and Chance.”
“You won’t be able to tell anyone he’s your son.”
“You and I will know it. Someday, we’ll tell him. That’s good enough for me. I love you, Tweety.”
* * *
ROBYN’S HEART SOARED with joy. How she had longed to hear him say those words. “Oh, Neal, I love you, too.”
She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him with all the passion she had kept hidden, even from herself.
They were both breathless by the time the kiss ended. His smile was soft as he studied her face. “What do you think Chance will say about my courting his mother?”
“I think he’ll like the idea. At least I hope he will. Now, my mother is going to be totally delighted.”
He gave a short bark of laughter. “Mine, too. I think they’ve been planning this all along.”
“I think you’re right.”
He pulled her close again and rested his chin on top of her hair. “You know, the county fair starts tomorrow in Everett City. How about you, me and Chance spending the day together? Just the three of us. Like a family.”
She knew the wide grin on her face must look foolish, but she didn’t care. Her most secret wish, so long denied, was coming true at last.
“Just the three of us—I like the sound of that. I love the sound of that.”
“So do I.”
Her smile faded slightly, and she drew away. “Oh, wait. I almost forgot. I volunteered to work at the hospital’s health screening booth from three to five on the opening day of the fair.”
“No problem. Chance and I can kick around the midway for a couple of hours and then we can all go to the parade after you’re done.”
“All right,” she agreed slowly. “I guess that will work.”
He tipped up her chin with one hand and fixed her with a steady stare. “Letting me have Chance for a few hours can’t be that hard, can it? What’s the matter—don’t you trust me?”
“It’s not that. It’s just that he’s so small, and he can’t communicate with anyone who doesn’t sign and he doesn’t like crowds.”
Neal pulled her into a quick hug. “You worry too much. We’ll get along fine. After all, it’s only for a couple of hours. What could go wrong?”
He kissed her again and drove the last of her worries out of her head.
His lips feathered across her cheek and down the curve of her neck. She leaned back, offering him greater access, but he returned to her mouth. His lips became firm and demanding. A low moan escaped his throat as she responded in kind. The passion she had denied for so long rushed up in an all-consuming wave. She wanted to be closer. She needed every square inch of her body touching his. She wanted his weight pressing her down and bringing her the pleasure she knew he could give her.
By unspoken agreement, they settled side by side on the quilt. She pulled at his shirt, wanting her hands on his skin.
“Not yet,” his breathy voice stopped her.
“Why?” She didn’t want to wait. She had waited long enough. She reached for his belt buckle.
“Oh, baby, I’ve dreamed of this moment for so long. I don’t want to rush it.”
She caught his lower lip between her teeth and pulled gently. When she released him, she asked, “Did you bring protection?”
“It’s in my hip pocket.” He was breathing hard. The sound fueled her excitement.
“More than one?”
“Yes.”
“Good, ’cause we’re gonna rush it now. Later, you can take your time.”
“Ah, woman, you say the sexiest things.”
“Shut up and I’ll show you sexy.”
And she did, until they were both spent and resting in each other’s arms.
Curled against him, basking in the comforting feel of his arm over her waist and his broad chest behind her, Robyn smiled as she let the peace of the place and her utter happiness wash away every last bit of anger and remorse. They were starting over. She couldn’t ask for more.
* * *
AS ROBYN RODE the long miles home that evening, her euphoria faded as her doubts and fears pressed in again. Was she being fair to Neal? Could he really give up his lifelong dream of a rodeo championship on top of continuing her charade? She was asking a lot.
His quick assertion he would quit the rodeo troubled her, as well. She couldn’t help feeling that something was wrong. After so many years and so many fights about his riding, suddenly he was willing to give it up?
It didn’t feel right, but then who was she to say what was right and wrong? Maybe she should just accept that by some miracle she was being given her heart’s desire.
And it was her heart’s desire.
A life with Neal. Neal being a father to Chance. It was more than she expected or deserved.
She rode into the corral and dismounted. The house was quiet. Leading her horse into the barn, she stopped short at the sight of Edward measuring out grain to feed the other horses.
“You don’t have to do my chores,” she said, leading her horse into a stall.
“I don’t mind. You were gone a long time. What were you doing?”
“I went riding with Neal.”
What would Edward think of Neal taking Colin’s place in their lives? She braced herself to find out.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“ROBYN, YOU KNOW I love you like a daughter, don’t you?” Edward asked as he poured the feed into the manger. Her horse pulled at the reins, eager for his supper.
“Of course I know that.” After slipping the bridle off, she turned the animal loose in the box stall.
Robyn chewed her lower lip as she wondered how to tell Edward that Neal would be taking Colin’s place in their lives. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but he would have to know sooner or later.
Edward leaned on the stall door, watching her. “You really care about Neal, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do.” She smiled gently.
“I’m glad.”
Relief filled her. “You are? Really?”
“Oh, honey, you’re much too young to spend your life alone. Neal seems like a fine young man. He likes Chance, and Chance adores him.”
“Yes, Chance does adore him. Are you okay with that?”
Stepping up to her, Edward enfolded her in a comforting hug. “I wish my son had lived to raise Chance. He would have made a wonderful father, but it didn’t ha
ppen.”
He held her at arm’s length and searched her face. “You don’t believe I want Chance to grow up without a father, or for you to spend the rest of your life alone because Colin can’t be here, do you?”
“I guess I don’t.”
He gave her a gentle shake. “Good. Now let’s go get some supper, shall we? It’s a good thing we’re leaving in the morning. I’d have to buy all new clothes if I keep eating your mother’s cooking much longer. My pants are already getting tight.”
“We’ll miss you.”
He draped an arm over her shoulder, and she slipped an arm around his waist as they walked out of the barn. “Thanks, kiddo. I’ll miss you, too. I’m only a phone call away if you ever need anything.”
* * *
NEAL DROVE INTO the O’Connor yard the next afternoon and stepped out of his truck. Chance was playing in the front yard with Bell and his new soccer ball. Barking excitedly, Bell raced toward the gate. Chance waved when he saw Neal. Chance ran to the gate and pushed it open, and Neal dropped to one knee to pet the puppy as she scampered up to him and fawned at his feet.
Chance tucked his ball under one arm as he carefully closed the picket gate, and Neal was struck again by the familiarity of that image. The boy reminded him of someone, but who? He frowned as he tried to pin down the elusive memory. If only he could picture where he’d seen him before.
A picture. That was it. Somewhere he’d seen a photograph of a boy who looked like Chance holding a ball in front of a picket fence. But where?
Robyn stepped out of the house and hurried down the steps, looking fresh and beautiful in jeans and a yellow blouse and sporting a matching yellow bow in her hair. She stopped in front of him. “What are you frowning about? Don’t you like my outfit?”
He’d made the right decision, Neal thought as he stared up at the beautiful woman in front of him. She’d forgiven him. She loved him. No belt buckle or championship title could ever make him this happy.