by Hope Navarre
“Well, I hope you enjoy it.” Beth smiled, and he knew from whom Cassie had inherited her beautiful smile.
When Beth sat, Peter asked, “What type of cancer?”
“Uterine. A battle, but I won.”
Cassie said, “When Mom started losing her hair, she shaved her head into a Mohawk.” She slapped a hand to her forehead. “Gawd, I was so embarrassed as a kid, but knowing what I do now, I admire her boldness.”
Beth laughed. “I think I bought a hundred scarves that year.”
“Sounds like you handled the challenge with humor, Beth. Congratulations on beating the disease.”
Beth cut into the lasagna. “I think the hardest part about dealing with cancer is trying to manage the emotions and expectations of everyone around you while fighting the disease. I don’t know which struggle is worse.”
Peter put down his fork. “I never thought of that.”
“It’s hard. Feeling my husband’s fear while I was sick practically paralyzed me.” She slid a slice of lasagna onto Cassie’s plate, then cut another one for Peter. “Being helplessly sick in front of my little girl was a torture all its own.” She gave Cassie a meaningful glance. “She was terrified, and I could do nothing to make her feel safe. I was too sick.”
Cassie reached for her mother’s hand. “You taught me how to fight and survive. Afterward, you showed me how much fun it is to find the joy in every day.” She squeezed her mother’s fingers. “Some lessons are hard to learn, but you taught me with dignity and grace.”
Peter’s jaw practically fell open. He would have done anything to have a deep and honest conversation like this with his father. “You two are beautiful. I can see why Cassie is such an amazing woman.”
Beth smiled. “Cassie’s beautiful personality has nothing to do with me.”
“Hey, you wanna bet?” Cassie stuffed her hands on her hips in mock outrage.
Peter gestured to Cassie. “I’ve been around Cassie for the past two weeks, and I see the effect she has on everyone around her—the patients, Rachel, Doc, the other nurses. She’s like magic. Now that I’ve met you, and given what Cassie has told me, I think I have to agree with Cassie. You must have been an excellent role model.”
Beth grinned. “Well, Cassie. I can see why you are entertaining this man’s company.”
Peter swallowed, nervous. He didn’t want to go too deep here, but he wanted to make his point. “That’s why I came here tonight.” He turned to Cassie. “I got the distinct feeling that you’re going to dodge my friendship if you develop health issues. I wanted to tell you that there’s no way in hell I’m going to let that happen. Not now.”
Beth looked from Peter to Cassie. “Oh, dear, sweetheart. I see his point. Friends are important.”
“Hey.” Cassie flushed, anger lighting her eyes. “First of all, nurse coworker, you just delivered too much information. Second, and quite honestly, should my medical plight exist, I don’t want to involve you because it isn’t any of your business.”
Damn. The room got hot. Cassie just blew him off, and Beth was glancing from him to her daughter. Okay, he’d eat crow. He held up a hand. “Sorry. You are absolutely right. I’m out of line for wanting to be here for you.”
She took a moment to sip her water, but he wasn’t fooled. Anyone could see she was miffed with him. “Actually, you are out of line coming here. I appreciate your concern but it’s a little overblown.”
He stared at her. This sounded more like a dump, but what had she been doing? Toying with him? Leading him on for shits and giggles? This was not the time and place to hammer out their new feelings for each other. Clearly, she cherished her independence as much as she depended on others. But which was it? Damn. He was confused. He stood, embarrassed as hell. “My apologies for intruding on your family time. My mistake. If you’ll excuse me.”
He put his napkin next to his plate and headed out the door, leaving a wake of silence behind him. Damn. Damn. Damn. He’d just made the world’s biggest ass of himself. Cassie Michaels was driving him crazy—and they’d only started dating. And that was what was wrong. They hadn’t had the luxury of time to build the trust he wanted her to have in him more than anything in the world.
He put his truck into Drive. He had to do some soul-searching. Was he truly attracted to the blond bombshell, or was he so strung out from all the crap he had left behind in California that a connection with a woman like Cassie was something he craved to kill the emptiness? Was the attraction not Cassie? Was he just abysmally lonely?
He already knew that answer. Yes, he was lonely. No denying that fact, but loneliness had nothing to do with Cassie. There was something about her that he’d never seen before in any of the women he’d known. Sweetness. A beauty from within that made her drop-dead gorgeous face and body seem unreal—and he’d had an up-close-and-personal chance to know for a fact that she was very real. Just hearing her voice before seeing her when he regained consciousness after the accident had set waves of warmth through him—even before he knew who she was.
How did relationships work, for God’s sake? All he knew so far were great beginnings. All those good feelings, exploring new ground with a new woman, were exhilarating. But usually he discovered that eventually he was the one doing all the giving. He’d end up exhausted and drained. Craving solitude instead of companionship because the woman simply became too much work. Her needs became so much greater than his, tipping the balance of emotional gratification away from him.
He’d had enough counseling to know he had been mirroring his parents’ relationship. He never wanted to have a life like his parents had experienced. He’d been out there enough to know the difference. Like most guys, he wanted one woman to love—a down-home, sexy, intelligent, beautiful and emotionally sound woman who had as much to offer him as he had to give. No games. No conditional love. He thought he saw this prospect in Cassie. God in heaven, he hoped he wasn’t wrong.
He drove the dark, curving road back to his house, shaking his head. Yes, he was pursuing her. Yes, they’d both admitted to flirting. Had she forgotten that she was the one to invite the first kiss? Okay, he’d just made a huge blunder arriving unannounced at a crucial moment in his new girlfriend’s life. But, hey, hadn’t she told him that friends helped each other? Damn. He was confused. He could only conclude that he’d come on too strong. Okay. He’d claim guilt, but did she have to use a sledgehammer to shut him down?
* * *
TEN MINUTES LATER, Cassie pulled into Peter’s driveway to see him still sitting in his truck. Her headlights illuminated his silhouette in the driver’s seat. He turned and looked, shielding his eyes from the glare. She turned off the Jeep and the lights disappeared.
She watched Peter watch her in his rearview mirror. He just sat there. She didn’t blame him if he didn’t want to talk to her. She’d been pretty tough. He was trying to be a friend without being a boyfriend, saying as little as possible in front of her mother, and she’d sent him packing.
If she hadn’t been feeling a growing emotional investment in Peter, would she have been kinder when he offered her support? What was she afraid of?
That was an easy answer. Except for Doc and Ellen, who were a second marriage, most of the married couples she knew eventually settled into a state of comfortable neglect. Rachel and Huey, for example, together since high school, were married for over twenty years. The two obviously loved each other, but sometimes Rachel tossed out comments that she wasn’t getting enough attention from her husband.
Even her parents seemed to have become caught in a routine that lost its spark. Mom and Dad shared an enjoyable camaraderie—and Cassie was sure they still fooled around—but despite the smiles and sense of comfort between them, something seemed missing. They appeared happy, but every once in a while Mom would say something about Dad not being around for her. Cassie couldn’t help but belie
ve these women needed more from their husbands—and didn’t know how to ask for it.
God knew that if Cassie were to ever fall in love again, she’d want sparks flying between her and her man until their great grandkids complained that they never stopped kissing.
She had yet to see an undying attraction in any relationship. Granted, she once thought it possible with Kyle but they had been young, he was gone too soon, and with him went her belief in happily ever after. She preferred surrounding herself with people who needed and loved her. Gathering all her love for one person had proven way too risky. Peter was putting himself out there, taking the chance to get to know her, and she was letting her fears slap him down.
She should rethink her fears. Perhaps they were getting in the way of her happiness.
Peter stepped from his truck, and she lowered the window as he walked toward the car. She’d rehearsed an apology, but all thought shot out of her head as she watched him approach her. My Lord, he was one gorgeous man in motion.
He walked up to the window. “Are you lost?”
She smiled. She had used the same line when he had shown up on her doorstep.
“We need to talk.”
He shook his head. “It’s okay, Cassie. I need to air my head. Maybe you should go.”
“I was rude, Peter. I apologize.”
“No, you were right. I was sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She blew out a breath. “Come on. Get in. Let’s talk.”
He sniffed the air. “I smell lasagna.”
She motioned to the bag on the passenger seat. “Mom wants you to eat your dinner before it gets cold.”
He laughed. “Your mother is very nice.”
“Yes, she is. Now, please, are you going to make me beg you to get in?”
He cocked his head. “Would you?”
She would, as much as she hated to admit it. “I told you I wasn’t available tonight. You shouldn’t have come over.”
He nodded. “I see that now...but, after you left me at Mike’s, I couldn’t help but think you’d just dumped me. I had to find out. Especially after we’ve agreed to date.”
He stood there unmoving. Watching her. She felt like squirming in her seat under his scrutiny. She really wasn’t a bitch. She was just scared about the biopsy and rattled by the intensity of her new feelings for him, and not sure how to handle either one.
“I’m usually not so thoughtless, Peter. I promise.”
He shook his head. “And I’ve been pushing you too hard, Cassie. I’m sorry. You’re becoming important to me and I want to be here for you if things get tough.”
“I understand that now. Thank you.”
He watched her a moment longer. “Just let me get something straight.”
“Okay.”
“Are you cutting me loose?”
Oh, God. The moment of truth. Logic commanded that she say yes and clear the playing field to deal with her medical issues. If she didn’t, she’d be letting him into her world. Completely. Her mind nudged her to break the attraction off now until she had a clearer picture of what, if any, medical pitfall awaited her, but those eyes. That mouth. She didn’t want him to stop looking at her. Talking to her. And heaven knew she wanted him to kiss her again.
She let his dark eyes read right down to her heart. “I cannot imagine cutting you loose, Peter.”
He released the breath he’d been holding. “That’s good, Cassie.” He opened the door. “Why don’t you come in? We can talk.”
She grabbed the bag of food and handed it to him. “You eat. I’ll explain to you what you don’t know about me.”
He reached for her hand, and she let him take it. The warmth of his palm, the strength of his fingers, offered reassurance. “Cassie, I know it’s only been a short time since we’ve met. I wish we already had a year behind us so you’d know I’m someone you can depend on.”
She squeezed his hand. “You’ve rattled me right down to the bone, Peter.”
He squeezed her to him, hugging her with his free arm. “I don’t know. You feel rather solid to me.”
She laughed. “You are a funny man, Mr. Chapman.”
“Laughter has gotten me through some rough spots.”
She could only imagine. His life must have been stressful as a kid. He could have gone the other way. Become jaded, mistrusting, resentful. But no. He decided to be a caregiver. That spoke volumes for the man’s character. And here he was, new in town, hadn’t even settled into his home and was taking his free time to make sure she was okay. She had to tell him her story. It was her turn to confide.
CHAPTER NINE
THE SOUND OF the breeze moving the leaves of the oak trees that surrounded the house soothed Cassie. Standing in the darkness while Peter opened his door, she took a moment to close her eyes and listen. Amazing how nature could calm her. She’d always found that the sound of the ocean waves hitting the beach could wash away her stress—when she took the time to listen.
Yet, that same soul-calming water had stolen Kyle. She’d never forgiven the sea for being so cruel. She had yet to step foot on a boat since that time, and she only started swimming again a few years ago. But right now, she felt as if the whispering breeze through the trees was Kyle whispering to her that everything was going to be all right.
She opened her eyes. Peter was studying her, curiosity etched on his brow.
“Are you okay?”
She managed a smile. “I will be.”
“Come in. I want to hear what you have to say.”
He switched on the light. The room was tidy, the couch still the only furniture in the living room. His surfboards stood against the empty wall near the hallway. He led her to the dining room and pulled out a chair for her.
He lifted the bag of food. “Your mother is sweet.” He put the food on a plate and popped it into the microwave.
“She didn’t want you to miss your home-cooked meal.”
Peter smiled, then took a breath. “I get why you’re concerned about the biopsy tomorrow. You have a history of cancer in your family, which has to be a worry.” He paused, sending her tender understanding in a glance. “Is there more?”
His softly spoken question thawed the chill she felt every time Kyle entered her awareness. Peter touched her with words without laying a hand on her. Powerful. Could she trust him?
That would be wonderful. She’d never given her full trust to just one person, except perhaps her mother, but she’d learned from watching her family and the families in this small, intimate community that safety came by working as a unit.
The locals guarded each other from calamity. It was a tradition passed down since Lion Gardiner had settled among the Montauk Indians in the 1600s. Women from every generation lost their men to war, to the sea. Cassie had suffered that pain before she and Kyle ever had the chance to explore the depths of their love. Spreading trust and affection to a network of folks left fewer chances to have a heart completely broken. Someone was always there to help rebuild a damaged spirit.
She’d seen it with Mom when she was ill.
She’d seen it with Dad while watching his wife battle death.
Could she explain this to Peter?
As if reading her mind, he reached for both her hands. “Go on. I’m listening.”
The microwave beeped. She waited until he retrieved the lasagna.
He placed the microwave dish on the table and folded his arms across his chest.
She gestured to the plate. “Eat.”
“It’s too hot. I want to hear your story. Please.”
She blew out a breath. “Okay. The other day when you said my not dating sounded like a broken heart, you were correct.”
He gave her his
complete attention. “What happened?”
“I was in love with my high school sweetheart. His name was Kyle, and we were engaged. He went with my Dad’s crew on a fishing run. Kyle never came back.”
“My God, Cassie.”
Tears filled her eyes as they always did when she relived the pain. Kyle’s loss had dulled over the years, but never enough. “They were doing a haul out in the canyons. A bad nor’easter hit. Washed Kyle off the deck of the boat. They couldn’t get to him. His waders sank him pretty quickly.”
Tears silently spilled down her face, blurring her vision. Before she knew what was happening, Peter had scooped her up and carried her to the couch. He pulled her into his lap, wrapping her in his arms.
She wiped her tears, smelling the salty, musky essence she was rapidly coming to know as his. Alive. Warm. Within reach. He held her gaze with a depth of heart like she’d never seen. Peter was solid. Instinct told her he’d experienced enough trauma in his life that he refused to allow it in his world any longer. She needed that.
“Losing your boyfriend must have been devastating, Cass. How did you handle it?”
She laid a hand over her wildly beating heart. “I’m still learning to deal with it. I can hardly talk with his mother without us both getting choked up.
“Kyle and I wanted to have a family. Grow old together. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to be a fisherman.” She let out a hoarse laugh. “He wanted to be an accountant, for God’s sake.”
Peter held her tighter. She wrapped her arms around his neck, grateful for his understanding. “I’m afraid to love again after feeling so much hurt. And now that I’ve met you, emotions I’ve never known are rising to the surface. What if I was to fall in love with you only to lose you? Or worse, what if I die and leave you empty like Kyle left me? Either way, it’s a hell neither of us deserves.”
He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. “I think I understand. As time passes, it sometimes seems safer to stay true to a memory than risk losing love again.”