by Hope Navarre
Rudy and Gil exchanged glances. He saw the understanding pass between them. They knew all too well the type of love Peter described.
Gil stood, reached for their empty plates. “Then we’re here for you, brother. There’s no turning back now. What’s your next move?”
* * *
HIS MIND CONSUMED with Cassie, Peter was up early the next morning. He had the evening shift today, which meant Cassie worked this morning. He put on a pot of coffee for himself and the guys, wondering what to do with the day. First impulse was to text Cassie like he did every morning. He pulled out his phone. What could it hurt to let her know he was still here for her?
He tapped the message icon on his phone.
Morning, Cassie. Thinking of you. Hope you’re feeling stronger today. Whether you want to hear it or not...I love you!
His finger hovered over the send button. Should he? The kitchen door swung open. Gil stepped in, Rudy behind him. Late last night, he helped them drag their mattress from the truck into the guest room. They’d been quick to pull out a box with sheets, blankets and pillows and set up their temporary comfort. He was surprised to see them up so early. They’d had a long drive.
He hit the send button on the text, along with a prayer that he wasn’t making an ass out of himself.
“Coffee, fellas?”
Gil ran a hand through his hair. “Nectar of the gods!”
Peter pulled some eggs and English muffins from the fridge. “I’ll make breakfast. What’s on the agenda for today?”
Rudy tapped a finger for each task. “We need a car. Find some employment. Get you some decent towels for your bathroom.”
Peter laughed. He knew his towels wouldn’t make the grade with Rudy. “Okay, so you’ll be busy. Good.”
Peter’s phone rang. He squeezed his eyes shut before looking, hoping it was Cassie. Nope. Bobby’s name showed on the ID. He punched the answer button.
“Bobby. Good morning.”
“Hey, Peter. What’s your schedule like today? Wanna take a run on the Lady Beth?”
His glance shot to his brother. This was a first. As if following some unwritten rule, Bobby had never invited Peter out on the boat. Sure, he had given him a tour of the vessel at the dock, but the offer to go to sea? Never happened. Peter figured Bobby couldn’t revisit taking someone close to his daughter out on his boat. He’d also gotten the feeling from Cassie that she’d be more comfortable if the Lady Beth stayed off-limits to Peter. At the time, he was more than happy to honor these unspoken feelings he sensed between them. For Bobby to offer a ride now, well, one of two things had occurred. Either Bobby no longer considered him his daughter’s love interest, or he needed to talk and wanted to go to the place he felt most at home. The sea.
“I’d love a ride on the Lady Beth, Bobby. Only I have unexpected company. My brother and Rudy are here.”
Bobby didn’t hesitate. “Well, bring them along.”
Gil waved a dismissing hand. “No. No. We have too much to do. How about we’ll drop you off at the boat and use your truck to run around?”
Peter nodded. “That works.” He turned his attention back to the phone. “When do you want me at the dock?”
“Say, an hour? Grab two coffees on the way, will you?”
“Sure. See you then.” Peter ended the call, curious as to what Bobby wanted to discuss. He hoped it was Cassie.
* * *
ONE HOUR LATER, Bobby signaled to Peter from the wheelhouse. “Cast off!”
Peter looped the line from the boat cleat onto the hook embedded in the mooring pole so it would be easy to grab when they returned to the dock. He’d seen Bobby’s crew do the same when they had returned last time.
The rumble of the accelerating twin diesel engines beneath his feet shot a sense of satisfaction through Peter. Whether from the vibrating deck or the percussion sound of the engines, the sensation ran a rush right through the crown of his head.
Casting off from land untethered him and Bobby, as if tapping into some primal memory, tying men and adventure to the sea. The easy sway of the trawler making its way over the water to the jetty exhilarated him almost as much as riding the perfect curl.
What was it about the ocean’s draw that he couldn’t resist? He knew in a heartbeat: freedom. Absolution. Stimulation. Connection with a force of nature so improbable that you were either nurtured or mercilessly brought down, making the risk worth riding over or exploring beneath her waters. He turned his face into the sun, the breeze cooling his skin, lifting his hair. The draw was impossible to resist. He understood why so many women and men loved the sea. Writers. Singers. Sailors. Artists. Athletes. Philosophers. Fishers. Lovers. Loners. The ocean’s constant motion and unfathomable depths were too magnificent to ignore.
He joined Bobby in the wheelhouse. The smell of salt air, seasoned wood and a pleasant lingering scent of fish filled his lungs.
“Nice day for a run,” Peter said.
Bobby adjusted the Yankees cap on his head. “A good day at sea is better than a bad day in Heaven, my boy.”
Peter smiled. “I’m glad to finally be taking a spin with you.”
“Yeah. Should have had you out sooner.”
Peter clapped Bobby on the shoulder. “I can pretty much figure out why you didn’t.”
Cassie’s father released a long sigh. “Life sure can complicate matters sometimes.”
The men stood in companionable silence, sipping coffee from insulated containers while Bobby steered the Lady Beth through the jetty into open water.
“Where are we headed?”
Bobby shrugged. “How about a few miles out? Let’s see what’s running.”
“Sounds good.” Peter scanned the horizon. The sea was pretty calm, and the Lady Beth rode the small swells with an easy grace. “So, how is Cassie doing?”
“The same, I’d say.” Bobby looked at Peter. “She told us about your proposal. I’m sorry she said no.”
“I have to say, I didn’t see her refusal coming. I thought for sure she’d say yes.”
“You mad at her?”
Peter scoffed. “Seriously not. Distressed? Yes.”
“She said you were pretty rough on her.”
“I didn’t candy-coat my reaction to her rejection. No.”
Bobby nodded once. “Good.”
“Really?”
“It’s been a long time since Kyle. She has to move on.”
“I believe she is in love with me. That’s the problem.”
“I want to know what you’re planning to do.”
Peter stood straighter. “Well, if you think for a minute that I’m giving up on her, you’re out of your mind.”
Bobby adjusted the trawler’s bow and pushed the Lady Beth to an easy cruising speed. “I’m glad to hear your resolve. You’re good for her.”
Not sure if he should prod into a subject where he didn’t belong, he took the chance. “Doc tells me Kyle was like a son to you.”
Bobby actually winced. When he looked at Peter, anguish pooled in his eyes, and his voice dropped to a whisper. “Losing that kid was like the devil deciding to destroy me.”
Peter couldn’t even imagine trying to wrestle with the burden of such guilt. “That day must have been hell for you.”
Tears filled Bobby’s eyes. He choked on his words. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing Kyle.”
“What happened?”
He released a ragged breath. “We were near the canyon. Hundreds of feet deep. We first heard about the storm on the ship-to-shore before we saw her coming. The black clouds flew toward us like witches flying in front of the sun. The rain, thunder and lightning hit within minutes. The wind whipped up the sea like a washing machine.”
“Wow.”
“When I figu
red out what happened I cut the damned engines. Kyle was wearing an inflatable life jacket. The damned thing must have been faulty or he would have floated. His waders filled up and dragged him down. The three of us scrambled around the deck screaming his name in that storm, stripping off our clothes while looking for some sign of him. Something to grab hold on, while clinging to the sides so none of us would get swept over. We only needed some sight of him beneath the surface so we could dive after him. We wanted Kyle back. One minute that damned wave swamped the deck. The next minute, Kyle was...gone. Goddamn the ocean for taking him.”
Bobby slapped the wheel, his voice tight with frustration. “How do you go home to your baby and tell her you lost the man she loved?” He rubbed his eyes. “How do you tell your buddy and his wife that their son isn’t coming home? Ten years later and it feels like he died yesterday.”
“It wasn’t your fault. Nor’easters come from nowhere and are deadly.” Peter knew his explanation did nothing to make Bobby’s sense of guilt any less. No words could.
“Blame isn’t the problem. It’s living with the helplessness of knowing there was nothing I could do.” He shook his head. “I can promise you, that day brought me low.”
“Yet, you still come out here.”
Bobby held up a hand. “Doc told you straight. Kyle was like the son I never had. Out here is the only place I can talk to him. I wanted to bring you out here so he could check you out and see how determined you are to take good care of his girl.”
“Jesus, Bobby.”
A crooked smile broke on his face. “When I thought Beth was dying, here is where I emptied my soul. The good part is, you can howl your brains out and no one will hear you.”
Silence fell in the wheelhouse once more. After a while, Bobby gestured to the wheel. “Want to run her for a while?”
Peter took the helm. He skimmed the horizon, resting on a black cylinder-shaped object. “Do I head for that buoy?”
Bobby laughed. “Probably not a good idea.”
“Okay. What’s so funny?”
“It’s no buoy. You’re looking at the conning tower of a submarine heading out from Connecticut. You’d be chasing that puppy for miles and never catch up.”
It felt good to laugh at his own ignorance. “I guess I’d make a lousy sailor.”
“Nothing a little time at sea couldn’t change.”
“Well, I have a bigger fish to catch back on land. She has another think coming if she believes for one second that I’m going to let her get away.”
Bobby looked at his watch. “We’ll have to head back in a while anyway. I promised Beth I’d take her to lunch before Cassie got off from work. Beth likes to be around when Cassie is home.”
A pang of longing rocked him. It wasn’t even a week and he craved some quiet time with her. “I know the feeling. Don’t rub it in.”
Back at the dock, Peter phoned his brother.
“Hey, Gil. Where are you?”
“In town. Rudy and I are talking with this lovely woman who owns the flower shop.”
“Can you pick me up?”
Bobby finished securing the dock lines. “I’ll give you a ride home, Peter.”
Gil must have heard Bobby’s offer. “That would be great, bro. Some interesting stuff is going down here. If we could have another half hour we might have good news.”
“I’ll have Bobby bring me to the florist’s. It’s closer than his house.”
“That works. See you in a few.”
Peter found Rudy and Gil chatting with the petite redhead who owned the store. The three of them stood by the counter at the register discussing marketing strategies and ways to rearrange the interior of the store, talking as if they were lifelong friends.
Gil lit up when he saw his brother. “Pete, come meet Janie Baldwin.”
Peter shook hands with the smiling woman. “You sold me roses in the beginning of the week.”
“I remember. You’re dating Cassie Michaels.”
He didn’t bother to explain the change in their relationship. After all, if he had his way, he’d be turning Cassie’s attentions back onto him as soon as possible. “That’s right.”
At Rudy’s raised brows, he shrugged.
Janie gestured to the guys. “Talk about coincidence. I’ve met the love of my life, but he happens to live in Key West. So, I’m changing my life. Relocating.”
Gil added, “Rudy and I are buying the flower shop from Janie. She’s offering us excellent terms.”
Peter whistled. “Holy cow. You guys move fast.”
“No moss on these rolling stones, bro.” Gil shook Janie’s hand. “So, your attorney will draw up papers and we’ll talk more next week.”
Janie smiled. “Perfect. I can’t believe how well this worked out.”
Rudy put a hand to his chest. “Breathe deep, Petie. Can you imagine spending every day around the fragrance of flowers? This is heaven to me.”
Peter laughed. “If you want me to be happy for you, don’t call me Petie, especially in front of a lady.”
Gil steered Peter from the store. “Next stop, your friend Brian. Let’s secure that apartment so we can enjoy the rest of the day. I want to hear how your sail went with Bobby and the deep blue sea.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
CASSIE SAT IN the recliner chair in the infusion area on the third floor of the hospital. Doc had been by earlier while they had administered the pre-chemo drugs through her port. His easy chatter helped distract her from the medicines burning her chest, and the warm blanket tucked around her lessened the chill running through her body. Today she wore a fleece athletic cap on her head because she just could not get warm during treatments.
While waiting for the pharmacy to mix her chemo cocktail, Mom had run down to the lounge to answer some phone calls. Dad sat in the chair next to Cassie in her little cubicle watching a morning talk show, which she was sure held no interest for him.
She caught his glance jumping back and forth from the television to the heart monitor reading her vital signs. She appreciated that Dad wanted to be here for her. Probably would have been better if he wasn’t, though. She sensed his worry, knew he didn’t have the stomach to watch her suffer. She didn’t have the heart to ask him to give her space the way she had summarily dismissed Peter. She couldn’t be so unkind to Dad. They had too much history to cause each other any more pain.
The irony was, Peter would have been the perfect bedside companion for her during these chemo sessions, the way he had been for the first half of her sessions. Yet, she’d made damn sure he hadn’t been here for any more after they had broken up. She had given strict instructions to the nurses in charge not to admit him. She knew her decision hurt him, but she had to win this battle without leaning on him. Right or wrong, it was her decision. She’d live with her choice—or not.
Closing her eyes, she pushed Peter from her mind for the hundredth time that day. She’d been so tempted to answer his last text, but what good would that have done? She had asked for distance between them. And she was getting it. She hadn’t expected his absence to consume her every waking thought. What the heck was wrong with her?
The chemo nurse returned with a second nurse wheeling the infusion. They’d done Cassie’s blood work earlier and given her a copy for her files. The nurse asked Cassie to read her arm band, state her name and date of birth to check against the proscribed chemical mix to be sure she would be given the correct dosage.
In one breath, she hated this regimen, in the other, she was grateful for a cure. Knowing her body was going to physically react to the poison for the next week had her heart pumping. Breathing deep, she popped in the ear buds from her iPod. Her muscles immediately relaxed in response to the flow of tranquil piano music filling her mind.
She settled into her recliner for the
long four-hour infusion while the nurse attached the tubes to her port. She had lost a few more pounds this past week. They’d told her to eat a large breakfast this morning, but she hadn’t been able to. A milk shake and toast were all she’d eaten.
Between the steroids and the other nonchemo drugs, she felt curiously alert for the beginning infusion. Dad had held her hand while they’d inserted the tubes, and he still held it now as they sat together, music streaming through her ears while she watched the feisty blonde on the talk show measuring her short height against her guest, a seven-foot-tall basketball player.
An unusual sensation of nausea overcame Cassie. She swallowed a few times, realizing her throat had tightened. Her skin felt prickly. She didn’t want to say anything to distress Bobby, so she breathed slow steady breaths and hoped what was happening wasn’t what her nurse’s mind told her was happening. A cold sweat broke on her forehead. Her throat constricted more. Bobby squeezed her hand. She squeezed back. The television screen began to gray before her eyes, focus blurring. She blinked a few times. The screen swirled. No. She needed help. Fast. Pulling the ear buds from her ears, she said, “Dad. Help.” She wasn’t sure if the words came out. She tried to mouth the words to get the nurse, but the light-headed sensation grew more intense, gave her a sudden sense of calm. She decided she didn’t need to speak. No, she’d rest. Closing her eyes, she drifted. Bobby called her name from a distance. Once. Twice. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was aware her mother had returned and had begun yelling.
* * *
FINISHING UP WITH a patient whom Doc had just fitted with a cast, Peter was unable to take his mind off Cassie, who was undergoing treatment three floors up. Today was her second-to-last chemotherapy regimen. He had signed up for a double shift today and knew exactly in which room she was having her infusion. He wanted to be around—as close as he could get without upsetting her, just as he had every single chemo treatment since she asked him to leave.
He knew Cassie had given orders not to let him in, but the nurses were kind enough to let him peek in when she was dozing, or assured him of her progress if she was awake. Beth and Bobby were with her now. Bobby had come down about an hour ago to let him know all the preliminary meds had been administered and they were waiting for the chemicals.