“I do.” He took a deep breath, hoping this wouldn’t send their evening off course. “And you’re right. I do want to be a dad. How do you feel about that?”
She curled her lip as though she was considering the possibility. “I haven’t thought about changing a diaper in a long time.” She smiled. “But I can’t deny I feel a little stirring every time I pass a baby on the street. Part of me wonders what it would be like to start all over again, to have the opportunity to apply the knowledge I’ve gained with Austin.”
“You’ve done a great job with Austin,” he said, frowning. “Don’t ever doubt that.”
Looking pensive, she said, “I appreciate you saying that, but I was so young and inexperienced when he was born. I made a lot of mistakes. I was too overprotective. I worry that I didn’t give him enough freedom, maybe tried too hard to shelter him from the world because I was afraid he’d get hurt. Now I worry that I may not have given him the skills he needs to handle certain problems.”
Clint’s mind drifted back to some of the problems Austin had mentioned he was having at school. They may have been due in part to Natasha’s rigid rules, but she was just trying to be a good mom and prevent him from growing up too fast. “If you can be accused of anything, it’s of loving your son too much, and from where I sit, that’s not a bad thing.”
Her eyes glistened with tears, making her blink. “Thank you for saying that and meaning it. Sometimes I feel like I’m messing everything up.” She smirked. “You hear all these experts on TV talking about all the ways you can screw up your kids, and it makes me wonder if poor Austin even had a chance at being normal with me for a mom and no dad to balance out my neurotic tendencies.”
Clint chuckled. “We all need someone to balance us out now and then.” He wanted to tell her he could be the yang to her yin but he wasn’t sure if she was ready for another offer of help.
Before he could decide, the waiter appeared with the appetizer platter.
“It looks great as always, Layne. Thank you,” Clint said.
“My pleasure, sir,” Layne said. “Are you ready to order, or do you need a few more minutes to decide?”
Natasha reached for her menu, which she hadn’t even looked at.
“Would you mind if we ordered the seafood sampler for two?” Clint asked her. “Like I said, the seafood here is incredible, and that gives you an opportunity to try a bit of everything.”
“That sounds perfect.” She smiled as she handed the waiter her menu. “Thank you.”
“Excellent choice,” Layne said before walking away.
“So did you tell Austin you’d agreed to let him have his birthday party at my place?” Clint asked.
“I did.” Natasha grimaced. “He’s been bugging me about sending out the invitations ever since. We’re just going to do e-vites since boys his age tend to stick paper invitations at the bottom of their backpack and forget about them, but I wanted to clear the date with you before we moved ahead with anything.”
“I’m flexible.” While he did have a few important things on his calendar over the next few weeks, nothing was as important as helping Natasha celebrate her son’s birthday. He knew a kid’s twelfth birthday was kind of a big deal. Austin was crossing over from little kid to preteen territory, and that had to stir up all kinds of feelings for Natasha.
“Then next Sunday would be okay?” she asked.
“Sounds good to me. If you just give me a final head count, I can let my party planner know how many kids to expect—”
“Actually, I was thinking about that,” Natasha said, sounding hesitant as Clint reached for some smoked salmon and cheese from the platter. “Would you mind if I took care of the food and decorations? I feel like it’s the least I can do since it’s my son’s birthday party and you were kind enough to host it for us.”
“Are you sure that won’t be too much for you?” he asked, reaching for a slice of bread from the basket. “Between school and work?” And finding time for me.
“You know I love to cook.” She selected some prosciutto and cantaloupe from the platter. “Besides, it doesn’t take much to satisfy a bunch of eleven- and twelve-year-old boys. Burgers and hot dogs on the grill, chips, and a cake should do it.”
“That sounds about right.” Clint laughed before sliding his fork into his mouth.
“But there may be a bit of a problem.” She cleared her throat. “Some of the boys play sports, which means the party would have to be pretty early, maybe eleven to two or something like that, so as not to interfere with their other activities.”
“Why should that be a problem?” Clint asked, frowning.
“Well, I don’t want to show up on your doorstep at seven in the morning to get started setting up…”
He could see what she was getting at, and it was a dilemma he definitely didn’t mind. “So you guys can spend the night at my place, and we’ll get an early start on Sunday morning. Like I said, there are plenty of bedrooms. You guys can each have your own if you’d like.”
“What if I don’t want my own room?” she asked, looking up at him through her lashes as her cheeks turned pink.
He grinned. “Even better.”
***
Natasha couldn’t believe she’d been so bold, but she was getting tired of pretending she wasn’t dying to hop into bed with Clint. They spoke on the phone every day, sometimes several times a day, and their conversations were becoming more and more suggestive. Usually one or both of them hung up feeling hot and moderately frustrated.
They weren’t virginal teenagers anymore. They were mature adults who’d known each other for years. They’d acknowledged their strong feelings for each other, and Natasha didn’t want to wait anymore. She wanted Clint to be hers in every way.
“I hope you don’t think…” She was embarrassed to acknowledge how forward she’d been. Fortunately, she didn’t have to say the words. He could apparently read her mind.
He reached for her hand, offering her a warm smile. “Trust me, I love that we’re finally on the same page, Tash.”
His words sent a rush of emotion coiling through her, including gratitude that she’d finally seen him for the incredible man he was. “Of course we’ll have to be discreet for a while,” she felt compelled to add. “For Austin’s sake. He likes you a lot, and well, I’m afraid he may be letting his imagination run away with him where you’re concerned.”
Clint withdrew his hand, looking pensive as the waiter returned with their order. Layne asked if they needed anything else.
“Looks great, thanks,” Clint murmured. When they were alone again, Clint asked, “What is it about my relationship with Austin that still troubles you?”
“It’s not that I’m concerned about the two of you getting too close…” Liar. “It’s just that he’s young, and you remember what it was like at his age. I don’t want to do anything that might upset him.”
“You’re preparing for our inevitable breakup, aren’t you?” he asked, clenching his utensils while staring at his plate. “Austin is imagining what it would be like if we were a family, and you don’t want to encourage that because you don’t believe it could really happen.” When he finally looked up, he asked, “Is it your son you’re trying to protect or yourself? Be honest.”
How did this go from a conversation about intimacy to her fears and insecurities? “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being cautious.” She didn’t know why she felt defensive. Maybe because he seemed determined to make her defend her position. Most would say she was being a responsible parent trying to protect her young son, but Clint clearly didn’t see it that way. He saw her as a woman running scared, and she hated that he made her feel like a coward.
“This isn’t about being cautious.” He took a forkful of food and chewed carefully. “It’s about being scared. No matter what I say, you’re determined to believe the worst. I’ve bent over backward to convince you I’m in this for the long haul, and you still don’t believe me.”
“Excuse me?” he asked, frowning. “What does that have to do with us?”
“Just answer the question,” she said calmly. “How long did it take?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess it took me a few months to learn the basics, but it took years to become proficient.”
“That’s the way it is with me and relationships.” It was a ridiculous analogy, but she had to make him understand how she felt before she put their relationship in real jeopardy. “Maybe within a few weeks or months I can learn to be a decent girlfriend, but it will take a lot longer for me to be a really great partner. I need to practice. I need to figure out how.” She reached for her wine, remembering his toast about their future, and wondered whether he was already regretting the words that had touched her so deeply.
His half-smile told her the silly comparison had reached him. “So you think being a good partner is like learning a new skill? You need time to become good at it?”
“I think so.” She set her glass down after coating her dry throat. “I might make a lot of mistakes along the way. I’ll stumble and fall, and I hope you’ll be there to pick me up.”
“You know I will.”
“I have faith in you. I’m learning what it means to trust, but this is new to me, so I’m sorry if it takes me a while to figure it all out.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry I pushed so hard. I didn’t mean to. It’s just frustrating sometimes. I want you to feel the way I do, but I have to remind myself that I’ve had a lot longer to get used to the idea of us as a couple.” He chuckled. “Hell, I’ve been imagining it long enough.”
Every time he said something like that, she had to pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. Clint Davis had been fantasizing about her? It still seemed surreal, as though she were living someone else’s life, because rich and famous men didn’t give ordinary girls like her a second glance in the real world. Except in this case. She was determined she wouldn’t allow her pessimism to rob her of the joy she could be experiencing in this moment.
“I’m so sorry about all this,” she said, gesturing helplessly. “This is our first date. You went to so much trouble to make it special, and here I am ruining it because I—”
“You haven’t ruined anything.” He closed his eyes briefly, as though trying to collect his thoughts. “We may have gotten a little off course, but that doesn’t mean we can’t turn things around, does it?”
Natasha smiled, feeling infinitely better. “I’d like that.”
***
Kissing Natasha good night in the backseat of the limo was one of the hardest things Clint had ever had to do. Once they’d resolved their dispute, the evening had gone flawlessly. After some gentle prodding from Dean and the other patrons, Clint had agreed to sing a few songs. Naturally, he’d selected songs he knew were Natasha’s favorites and sung them to her as though no one else were in the room.
They’d talked about their pasts, plans for the future, Austin, and Clint’s family. They’d danced and held each other close without the need to utter a word. He’d laughed harder with her than he had in months, maybe years, and he felt as though they’d achieved what he hoped they would at the onset of the evening. Which was why he was having such a hard time letting her go.
“At least let me walk you up,” Clint said, brushing his fingertips against her cheek when he reluctantly tore his mouth from hers.
“My mama’s up in my apartment with Austin.”
“So? I’d love to meet her.”
“You will,” Natasha assured him, patting his chest, “but not tonight. It’s late.” She touched her mouth. “And I’m pretty sure my lips are swollen from your kisses. You don’t know my mama, but trust me, she won’t let that go unnoticed.”
Clint chuckled. “Are you worried she’ll embarrass me?”
“No, I’m worried she’ll embarrass me.”
“Fine, I won’t come in, but I do want to walk you up.”
“No need.” She smiled. “I come in from class after dark most nights, remember? I’m perfectly capable of getting up to my apartment all by myself.”
“Yeah,” he said, eyeing the expensive dress and jewelry, “but you don’t go to class dressed like that.”
“If it would make you feel better, you can sit here until I go inside, and I’ll text you as soon as I get into my apartment.”
“You’d better.” He pulled her close, still not ready to let her go.
“I had the best time tonight. Thank you.”
“I should be the one thanking you. I can’t remember the last time I laughed like that.” He’d already known she was beautiful and sweet, but he’d had no idea how amusing she could be after a few glasses of wine.
“I still don’t know if you were laughing at me or with me,” she grumbled.
“With you, definitely with you.” He chuckled. “Except for the time when your older brother busted you for underage drinking and hauled your ass home.”
“That was so embarrassing,” she said, dropping her head on Clint’s shoulder. “And of course the guy I’d been crushing on had to be there to witness my brother’s fit.”
“He was doing what any good brother would. He was trying to protect his little sister.”
She framed his face with her hands, smiling. “Figures you’d take his side. I suppose you’d have done the same thing if you had a sister, huh?”
“You can count on it.” He brought her hand to his lips. “I protect the people I love, Tash. Nothing means more to me.”
“I know.”
He searched her eyes, wondering if she had any idea how much he’d grown to love her. She’d heard the words, but until he could find a million ways to express his feelings, she still wouldn’t have any idea of the depth of them.
“Well, I really should get going. Austin has a soccer game in the morning.”
“You feel like some company?”
“Seriously?” Natasha laughed. “I’m sure you have better things to do than watch a bunch of kids—”
He silenced her with a kiss. “You’re wrong. There’s nothing I’d rather do than hang out with you and Austin tomorrow. Maybe after his game, we can grab some lunch and I could give him another guitar lesson.”
Natasha smiled. “He’d love that.” She kissed him. “So would I.”
“Good, it’s a date.” Clint sighed as he reached for the door handle. “The only reason I’m agreeing to let you go is because I’ll be seeing you again in a few hours.”
She groaned as she looked at her watch. “God, we have to be at the field by nine, which means you’ll have to be here by eight. Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Just to prove my worth, I’ll bring the coffee.”
Natasha grinned when he stepped out of the car and held out his hand to her. “My hero.”
Pulling her into a quick embrace, he whispered, “And don’t you forget it.”
Clint watched her walk up the few steps to her building before she turned around to blow him a kiss. He smiled, wishing he’d been quick enough to capture that picture. That was how he always wanted to think of her: happy, in love, hopeful. He climbed back in the car and instructed his driver to give it a few more minutes before he drove off. Clint smiled when, a few minutes later, his phone buzzed. He glanced at the screen.
Miss you already. Can’t wait to see you in the a.m.
He quickly typed, Sleep tight, beautiful, before tapping the glass to let his driver know it was time to head home. Tipping his head back against the leather seat, he closed his eyes and replayed the night, thinking about how many more special nights they had to look forward to.
Chapter Eleven
Natasha sipped the coffe
e Clint had been kind enough to bring while Austin filled them in on how many kids he was expecting at his birthday party. To his credit, Clint gave Austin his full attention whenever it wasn’t focused on the road.
“Sounds like it’ll be quite a party,” Clint said, smiling at Austin in the rearview mirror.
“We haven’t sent the invites yet, but I told all the guys, and they said they wouldn’t miss it,” Austin said. “None of them know a real celebrity, so hanging out with you makes me a pretty big deal.”
Natasha cringed inwardly. “Austin, you’re not supposed to be using our friendship with Clint to improve your social standing.”
She turned her head just in time to see Austin roll his eyes. “Mom, you can cut the friend crap. We all know Clint’s your boyfriend. I told the guys too, so if y’all wanna, you know, kiss or hold hands at the party, it’s okay. Just don’t be, you know, too—”
“Enough!” Natasha said, glaring at him. She couldn’t help but notice out of the corner of her eye that Clint not only seemed to be taking Austin’s words in stride, he looked amused.
“I appreciate that we have your blessing,” Clint said, trying to hold back a smile. “But we’ll try to be on our best behavior in front of your buddies. I remember what it was like at your age.”
“That’s the cool thing about having another guy around,” Austin said, nudging Clint’s shoulder as he leaned as far forward as the seatbelt would allow. “You know what it’s like. Mom doesn’t have a clue.” At Natasha’s questioning look, Austin rushed to explain. “It’s not that you’re not great, Mom. You are. But it’s nice to have a guy to… you know, have my back.”
Natasha knew her son wouldn’t have felt that way about just any guy. Clint’s legendary status earned him serious brownie points, which concerned Natasha. If Clint was going to become a permanent fixture in their lives, Austin had to understand that life with him would be normal. Sure, they might enjoy a few perks, but she refused to allow her son to become spoiled or taken in by the glitz and glamour surrounding Clint’s celebrity status.
Hero Worship (Music City Moguls Book 6) Page 10