Her Delayed War

by R. J. Nicolson

  “Cory, I’ll grab Jodi’s bags and we will follow you all there.” This jolts me from the frozen bones that have taken over my body.

  “I’m going with her.”

  “You can’t travel to the hospital with her. Cal and Diane are going to drive you there unless you want your dad to drive you there.”

  “I need to be with her, she needs me. Shit, I need to be with her, please don’t stop me.”

  “Son, I’d let you but she isn’t stable. They are going to work on her as they travel so need all the space they have. Follow them and make sure you are there for her when she gets to her room. She will need you then.” My mams words shock me and I look at her with new eyes.

  “How do you know this?”

  “I went back to school; I needed to be better for you if you ever came home and forgave us.” Her eyes fill with tears and she shoos us off to follow the ambulance.

  The silence is crippling as we drive to the hospital, we gave the ambulance about ten minutes head start because of me and we missed them when we pulled into the hospital parking. We high tailed it into the reception where we were ushered into a waiting room. I swear a year passes before someone walks into the room.

  “Mr and Mrs Emery?”

  “That’s us.” Cal stands and my fucking heart hurts, surely by now I should be her next of kin, instead I’m just the fucking stand in who means fuck all.

  “Mr Jenson?”

  “Yes!” the word leaving my lips isn’t lost on anyone because it’s full of pain.

  “The ambulance had to stop half way here, they had to work on miss Emery and remove the baby. This is a first for the paramedics. In this case they performed an emergency delivery and saved both Miss Emery and the baby, they are now on their way here and will be arriving within a few minutes.” My mouth falls open in shock as does Cal and Diane’s.

  “They are both okay?” The words tumble from my mouth and she nods at me.

  “I’ll be back as soon as you are all allowed in to see them.” We all nod and I feel arms wrap around me.

  She leaves before I can ask further questions, questions that are floating around in my head and are slowly breaking me. My heart is fracturing knowing I’m not there for the love of my life right when she needs me.

  The clock ticks by slower than it has ever ticked by before. Hours pass and no one has been in to tell us anything about my baby and the woman I need to stabilise me. They are lost among closed doors and curtains. About thirty minutes after we got here my parents joined us and so far it’s been silent, no one speaking, no one moving just the peaceful rhythm of breaths while mine is literally choking me.

  When the doors burst open and Emily throws herself into the room springing herself at me, I take her into my arms knowing I can draw some comfort from her.

  “So, do I have a niece or a nephew?”

  “We don’t know yet honey, we are still waiting on news as they had to deliver on route.” I’m glad it’s Diane who answered because my heart bottomed out at her words.

  I sink back into my chair tuning out Emily and my princess’ parents voices; my heart is once again at odds with the world.

  I don’t even feel it when my parents slink into chairs either side of me and grab my hands but I feel grounded. I feel like everything happening is normal and I’m no longer alone. I’m no longer the man who in all the drama can’t control his emotions enough to pull me from drowning in my own pit of self-pity.

  There are only two people who need me right now and I’m not one of them.

  Chapter 34

  Jodi

  I try to pull myself into some sort of sitting situation but it’s no use that shit burns.

  “F..u…ckkkk.”

  “Baby, don’t try to move you’re in the hospital.”

  “Where is my baby?”

  “She is in neo-natal. She’s ok but they needed to wait until you woke up to bring her here.”

  “I need these out Cory.” I pull in a long breath, a much needed breath. “Did you name her? Hell baby, did you see her? Does she even look like me?” The panic written all over my dry words and face makes him drag my limp body into his.

  “I haven’t seen her; I needed my queen to introduce me to my princess. The formal bonds are yours to tie to me.” Tear’s treacle from my eyes knowing that no one but my knight would utter them.

  “Will they let me go to her?” His eyes cloud over again at my words.

  “My love, if I had to carry you to that little lady, I would do, fuck what they thought. But she is your little one and with one word, you will be escorted to her. Do you want me to get the nurse, she will take you?”

  “You won’t come?”

  “I’m not down as your partner; I’m not entitled to visit without your consent.” The tears and hurt are plain to see.

  “How long have I been in here?”

  “Five days.”

  “You haven’t seen our baby in five days?” Shit man, why didn’t I just add him to my notes.

  “It’s ok, I sneaked a peak through the screen and she’s perfect. From what I could tell she’s the double of you but my heart needed you back before I was allowed to hold her. She is mine but I needed you to have first hold, first bond. I needed you to allow me to have her.” His words hurt my heart; if I’d only put in my notes that he was her dad, she wouldn’t have had to have the staff nurse her, she would have had the best and most amazing dad caring for her for the last few days.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, I need you better so we can meet her together.”

  “Call someone in.” My voice is hoarse, well hoarser than normal.

  “Baby….”

  “No, I want my baby and I want her to meet her daddy.” When I see him squeeze his eyes together my heart breaks more. He reaches up and presses a button on the wall behind my head.

  “Oh hello, Miss Emery. Do you need something?”

  “Yes, I want to know why my baby isn’t here in this room with her dad and I?”

  “Well erm Miss Emery erm well.”

  “Stop, just get someone in here because it seems my baby and her daddy haven’t bonded and I’ve been out for days.” When she leaves with her tail between her legs Cory looks at me.

  “I didn’t want you to think I was stealing her, I didn’t want you to think I was taking his place. I couldn’t work out why you hadn’t changed the names on the files, I would have forced myself on them but I didn’t know if that’s what you wanted and I didn’t want you to feel like I’d stolen your voice.”

  “Never.”

  “But I didn’t know.”

  “Well you know now and remember this, you are her daddy. You are the only man except my dad who will be the main male fixtures in her life. Baby, you are the only man who I’d honestly share my life with. You are the one for me, the one for our princess and despite DNA you are it for her.”

  “Will you deny it?”

  “Nope, I’ll tell her the whole truth when she is old enough to understand. Actually, I’ll probably make you tell her since you will be her rock just as much as you are mine.”

  The tears that spring freely from his eyes release the tears from mine and he grabs me closer as we sob together. Only the cough in the background of our world pulls us from the kiss that has been unlike everything we have shared these last few months.

  “Miss Emery, Mr Jenson would you like to formally meet your princess.” Shit, I wanted to laugh when I heard his name spoken; forever he has only been Jenson to me well, until we moved in together.

  “We have a guest who is missing her mammy.”

  “Then she gets the best of both because we are both here to welcome her.” When the heat of the fragile bundle hits me, I’m hooked and I haven’t even seen her yet. “Oh my fucking god!”

  “What’s wrong? She’s perfect baby.”

  “She truly is she’s beautiful beyond words Cory.” Tears stream from my eyes as I take her in examining her tiny
features and wrinkly skin. “Why is her skin so dry and peeling?”

  “It’s normal; it won’t last long after a few baths and oils.” The nurse tells us both. “Do you want to try skin on skin contact? It’s a great way to bond with your baby, especially since you have been out for a few days.”

  “I would love to, but can her daddy have some time first?”

  “Erm, yes of course Miss Emery.”

  “Are you sure baby? I’m happy to wait until you have time with her, she needs her mama.”

  “I’m sure.” My lip quivers and Cory knows why.

  “Can we lie together on the bed and do skin to skin with mam and baby but so we are all super close and can see her together?”

  “Of course we can do that. Aw, you are both too cute. Do we have a name for this little princess?” the nurse asks as she moves the side of the bed down to allow Cory room on the bed.

  “Yes.” I say as Cory says “No.”

  “Okay then.” The nurse laughs, “I’ll let you both figure that one out.” She pulls down the blanket while stripping our precious gift of her vest and pulling away my hospital gown from one half of my body as Cory relieves himself of his t-shirt. My mouth waters at the sight as he climbs in beside me and pulls me into him as close as possible. “You ready to meet your angel?” When we nod she places our little one between us but primarily on my exposed chest.

  “Hello my baby, Cleo.” When he hears me speak he stills.

  Cory

  She named her. She named her the only name I suggested during her pregnancy because I felt like I was taking something she would want to have control over.

  “Cleo?”

  “Yes, Cleo-Rory Jenson.”

  “You wanted to name her Rory?”

  “I did and I have but I gave her the name daddy chose for her because you just know next time it will be a boy and I’ll get to pick his name.” She laughs at me just as the nurse who is walking away laughs also.

  “Hey son, paybacks a bitch you know?” She snickers walking towards the door.

  I shrug off her response and look over at my girls. One who I’ve wanted forever and one who shouldn’t be mine but I need like the air I breathe. “Cleo?”

  “Yes baby; Cleo-Rory Jenson just like her daddy, give or take a lot of letters.”

  My heart hurts and not in a bad way; in the best possible way imaginable.

  “Do you hate it?” Jodi’s face falls.

  “No I fucking love it. I didn’t want to think about it because I know you weren’t happy with it but shit Cleo-Rory is perfect.”

  “Don’t you get it yet? Don’t you understand how much you mean to both of us? Don’t you see how much I need you? How much you mean to me? How much you mean to us both?” Her voice is still husky and dry at times even after all the therapy but it just ensnares me more than it did before. “Don’t you see what you are to us?” her voice is strained from over use but it’s not as breathless as it used to be. “Cory you are the air I breathe; the only person who can make me live and the only one who can heal me when I’m struggling. The first and last letters of her names CO-RY.”

  I swear this woman rules my emotions.

  It takes two weeks to get my princesses home, the longest two damn weeks of my life. I couldn’t stay with them and because Jodi suffered so much during the birth, they wanted to monitor her. I swear I’ve aged thirty years and haven’t shaved this whole time making me haggard and homeless looking. I’ve spent the time away from visiting my girls getting to know my parents again; knowing this is what Jodi would want me to do and it’s fair to say we are making things right.

  The day I pick them up I’m almost dancing, my legs are so restless.

  “For god sake Cory, you are going to kill us before we even get to the hospital. Slow your boots son.” I can’t help it. I’m so freaking excited to grab my girls and get the hell out of there. Start what should have been ours before but what is definitely ours now.

  “Sorry Cal, just need my girls.”

  “You better be prepared to share son, I swear I’ll beat your ass if I need to.”

  “We can share.”

  “Oh hush your gums Cal, he’s just excited to have our girls home. We will be first on the list to babysit in a few weeks.” Diane sticks up for me.

  “Nope not happening, how often did I allow my girl to leave my sight when she was born? He is going to steal them and I’ll never be able to do anything about it.” Cal sulks at his wife. Shit, this is crazy.

  “Love, Cory isn’t going to take away from the fact you are Jodi’s Dad and Cleo-Rory’s grandpop’s I promise.”

  “I promise too.” I say sheepishly.

  “You better believe you won’t, I’m top fucking dog here and those two girls are more mine than yours son.”

  “Cal take that back. You wanted a son and now you have one. One you can trust those girls with, one you can entrust your own life in. Don’t forget what he has done for Jodi all these years. Don’t let yourself ruin this for our girl.”

  Man, I love Diane, she isn’t just one of those parents who will dismiss love; she fully supports the love shared between two people just as I do.

  “Cal, I won’t take either of them from you but I will protect them just as hard as you. I’m not here to steal them from you but to be the man who deserves them forever.” I see Cal soften at my words.

  “I knew I liked you son, just remember I was here first.”

  “I won’t ever forget it Cal, but I am here to make sure she has someone at hand.” When his eye brows hit his fore head I fix what I said. “I mean I’m there when you aren’t on hand but this princess is mine and if I need to I’ll fight you for them both, I’m ready to be a husband and a father.”

  “You sure son?”

  “Do you want my blood? Need me to pledge my name in blood? Because I can tell you, I’m happy to do whatever.”

  Chapter 35

  Jodi

  Going home never seemed possible. Therapy and getting better almost killed me first time round, don’t tell my parents, hell don’t tell Cory. Healing from the strains of my crazy child birth is something else but here we are ready to leave. All the paper work is signed; I just need my man to turn up with the car seat and we can get home and start our future together as a little family.

  “Miss Emery?”

  I swing around and come face to face with my worst nightmare. I feel my legs turn to jelly and sit back against my freshly made hospital bed.

  “Are you ok dear?” The grey haired lady asks before she enters my room. Walking closer to me with her arms raised. “Let me take her before you drop her dear.”

  “N-n-no-oo, n-oo-no I nee-ed y-oou to lea-ave.” I scramble to find the words and make them strong.

  “Sylvia maybe now isn’t the right time.” My nightmare speaks but when I look at him slowly I notice he is older, so much older.

  “I can’t leave Fred, I need to meet our grandbaby I need someone now he’s gone.”

  “Plea-ease le-ave I-I-I Cannnt do thi-sss no-ow.”

  “We understand dear. Sylvia, come on love we will sort something another day.” He lifts his gaze from her to me. When I nod slowly he breathes a sigh of relief. “Here is our number we would love to know you both. Sorry about Sylvia; she isn’t normally like this but since his death we have no one else. When we found out about you we just wanted to see you. We need to know what happened but most of all we would like to know the little one.”

  He scares me, he’s so similar except the age and my whole body shakes, holding my princess closer to my chest proves difficult but I manage it shielding her from these people who have invaded my safety net. I look away from them and put my head against Cleo-Rory’s blanket covered head. I hear the shuffle of feet then the tremendous roar of my hero.

  “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

  “Cory, what’s wrong son?” My dad speaks before anyone else does.

  “I suggest you both leave, you are not welcom
e around my fiancé or child again, Understand?”

  “We are not here to cause trouble. We lost our son and we just want a chance to know our grandchild. We know Lance is that baby’s father and we also know they were together for months before he was killed. We know he suffered PTSD but we couldn’t get him in treatment, we tried but he wouldn’t listen, that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve the chance.”

  “You have no fucking right coming here unless you are asked and you don’t fucking have any rights.” Cory growls at the couple in front of him.

  “That baby is our grandchild, we have every right.”

  “No, no you fucking don’t. The moment your son took Jodi away from us and physically, mentally and emotionally abused her and almost fucking killed her when she was already on the edge, he lost every right to anything. Do you understand yet what he had become?”

  “We know about you Cory, we know you aren’t stable either and we won’t let you take our grandchild from us. You’re a threat to yourself. Lance told us everything. Do you think you’re a damn saint?” Sylvia is almost spitting on my man and my heckles rise as the fear I felt when they first entered diminishes.

  “Mam can you grab Cleo-Rory for me.” She almost trips over her own feet as my dad plants himself in front of them as I walk towards Cory grabbing his hand as I face Lance’s parents. “You know what he did to me?”

  “Well we were told bits and pieces.” Fred states.

  “Did they tell you he held me against my will, plied me with alcohol to make me compliant, made me do things to satisfy his sick needs, made me feel like no one cared, hit me, bullied me.” Catching my breath I continue. “Then when he was found he tried to take me out knowing he wouldn’t get out alive. Do you know what I’ve been through, can you even grasp the concept of what this does to someone already suffering a mental illness that people want to brush under the carpet and pretend doesn’t exist?” Breathe in breathe out. “Your son slit my throat, almost ending my life. If he had of succeeded he would not have only killed me but my daughter also. So until I can get past all of this and why it’s took you both so long to find me you are both to stay the hell away.” My voice becomes dry and hoarse quickly. But I continue anyway. “Cleo-Rory is Cory’s daughter we love each other and he shows me love in the real way, so right now I need time to figure out how to fix my life before I allow you both in it, if ever. This isn’t something either of you can fix but until you understand the full extent of your sons actions you will never understand PTSD.”