by Chloe Walsh
"Gibs –"
"Trust me, you don't want to know anything about it," he hurried to say. "I promise."
I thought about it for a moment, weighed up how much shit I had going on in my own life, weighed up the drama I was dealing with when it came to Shannon's family, and decided Gibsie was right. I didn't care enough to poke around in Lizzie Young's life. I had my own issues to handle and she was my girlfriend's ill-tempered friend who I could barely tolerate but did so for Shannon's sake. "You're right," I agreed. "I don't want to know."
Gibsie nodded in approval. "Good." His brows furrowed for a brief moment before smoothing out again as a smile crept across his face. "So, you and Shannon were working out, huh?"
"Yes," I replied, eyeing him warily, not knowing what he was about to come out with, but knowing whatever it was wouldn't be good. "What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing," he mused. "Other than the obvious."
"Which is?"
"You have a free house with Shannon inside it, and instead of making good use of it, you're throwing her around like a bag of sand."
"You know why," I bit out. "I'm taking my time."
"Hmm." He tilted his head to one-side. "Did they break your instincts when they operated? You know, like when they neuter a dog and he doesn't pick up the scent anymore? Because the Johnny I remember wouldn't waste such a rare opportunity."
"I wasn't neutered, you insensitive prick," I snapped, outraged. "And my sperm swims just fine. They checked!" Twice.
"Then there's something wrong with you," Gibsie shot back, not missing a beat. "Because that girl is insanely sexy and you're thinking about rugby."
"Hey," I warned, bristling. "Don't call my girlfriend sexy."
"Why not?" he taunted. "Don't you think she's sexy?"
"Of course I think she's sexy," I spat. "I think she's a lot of fucking sexy."
Gibsie waggled his brows. "Is that so?"
"Yeah, that is so – but that's not the point." Flustered, I shook my head and pointed at him. "You don't say that she's sexy." I narrowed my eyes. "You keep your beady little eyes off her."
"Well, it's the truth," he laughed. "And I'm not blind, lad."
"You look at her?" I demanded, appalled. "At my Shannon?"
"Your Shannon," he snickered. "Yeah, I do, and it's not just me. We all look at her – and apparently looking at her is all you do, too."
"Are you fucking with me right now?" I demanded, furious.
"Nope."
"Who's we?"
Gibsie shrugged. "Me, Feely, Hugh, Danny Mac, Luke, Pierce, Donal –"
"Well, stop looking at her that way!" I roared, livid. "Jesus Christ!"
"I'm just saying, she's gorgeous and we all have eyes," he snickered. "But that doesn't mean I'm imagining myself naked on top of –"
"If you finish that sentence, I will rip your head off," I seethed. "Fair warning."
"Are you getting mad, Johnny?" he chuckled, arching a brow. "Hmm? Are you getting all fired up, lad?"
"What does it look like?" I snarled, not bothering to deny it.
"Perfect." Springing out of the chair, Gibsie grinned. "Now that we've established that testosterone still pumps in your blood, go do something productive with your girlfriend." He sauntered over to the door. "And none of that hand-holding bullshit," he added. "You're not twelve, Johnny, and neither is she."
"Get the hell out of here," I bit out, jaw clenched.
"Oh, and if you're still in the air about full penetration, then I highly recommend going down the mouth-to-pussy resuscitation route."
"Jesus Christ, Gibs!"
"It's a scenic view and very rewarding." He winked. "It's a win-win, lad."
"Go home." I pointed at the door. "Right this instant or you'll be the one needing resuscitating."
"Aye-aye, Cap," Gibsie shot back with salute before darting from the room.
"Yeah, you better run, fucker!" I roared after him, chest heaving. "Because when I'm back to a hundred percent, I'm going to strangle –"
"Are you okay?" Shannon asked, appearing in the doorway, looking flushed and uncertain.
"No," I bit out, chest heaving with a mixture of anger and lust as my eyes roamed over her body, drinking in the sight of her. She was so fucking beautiful, standing there in the black leggings, fluffy socks, and an oversized white t-shirt she'd changed into after school. Her hair was pulled back from her face in a high ponytail, her face was void of makeup – and bruises – and I'd never seen anything so fucking perfect.
I was destroyed.
I'd fucked up phenomenally and I couldn’t get out. I was all in – heart, head, body, balls… every part of me was wholeheartedly in with this girl. It felt like she had been in my life forever. Like I'd never known anything other than Shannon. She was my first love, and she was scary as fuck to me. Being with her was an obsession that threatened to consume me daily. I had to work my ass off to keep my head in check, but remembering to keep my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds was easier said than done when I had a girl that knocked me on my ass with one glance. She wrapped me up in childish, illogical, irrational knots, with a new one attaching itself to my heart with every day that passed. I was completely losing control and that was a problem for me, and my feelings for her were a serious issue because they were too strong to rein in, too much to take, and too reeking of permanence. In other words, I was royally fucking screwed.
"I'm not okay," I strangled out, running a hand through my hair in frustration.
"Wh-what's wrong?" she whispered, looking up at me with wide-eyes. "Are you sore?"
"No, it's not –" I stopped myself and released a pained growl. Her eyes burned holes in me so deep that I had to look away before completely losing myself in the girl. It was too much. She was too fucking much.
"What is it?" she asked, cautiously moving towards me. "Johnny, what's wrong?" Her small hand curled around my arm, her touch tentative, the feel of her skin on mine setting my body on fire. "You can talk to me," she added in a small voice, and the smell of her perfume flooded my senses. God help me. "You can tell me anything."
"What do you want from me, Shannon?" I croaked out, feeling incredibly vulnerable, as I stared down at the only girl I had ever loved. I needed her to tell me what to do. She needed to set the pace because I was weak around her, and I needed more than I feared she was ready to give. Gibsie had fucked with my head, and now my mind was stuck in fucking beast mode. I wanted her so damn badly, I couldn't think straight. Knowing that we were all alone only made it a million times more intense.
"What do you mean?" she asked, looking fearful.
"From me," I replied, heart racing. "From this?" I shrugged, feeling helpless. "From our relationship. What do you want from me?"
"Honestly?"
I nodded. "Always."
"Everything," she whispered, looking into my eyes. "Especially the broken parts."
Aw, shite.
She gave my words back to me, and I was done for.
Completely fucking done for.
I knew it the moment my lips crashed down on hers. I knew when I hoisted her up and felt her legs wrap around my waist like a vice. And I especially knew it as I carried her upstairs to my bedroom, spurred on by her moans of encouragement as she kissed me back just as fiercely. When I kicked my bedroom door open, I didn't feel any pain. It was drowned out by the desperate urge I had to feel skin on skin with her. My knees hit the base of the bed, sending us toppling onto the mattress.
"Shite," I growled, trying to pull myself up on my elbows so I didn't smother her. "Did I hurt you?"
"Don't talk," Shannon begged, wrapping herself around me like ivy, and dragging my body back down on hers. "Don't stop."
I didn't think I could stop if I wanted to, which I definitely didn't.
"Are you sure?" I forced myself to ask anyway. My heart was racing so hard I was sure she could feel it. "We can stop–"
My words were cut off when she dragged my face down to
hers and kissed me hard. "Or maybe not," I breathed, falling deeper into our kiss – deeper into her. I loved it when she clutched my neck with her small hands, like a kitten extracting and then detracting her claws, leaving marks on me for days with her nails.
Shannon's hands moved to my t-shirt and she yanked on the hem. Smiling against her lips, I rested my weight on one hand and used my free hand to reach over my shoulder. Catching ahold of the fabric of my t-shirt, I tugged it over my head, tearing my lips off her for the millisecond it took to toss my shirt away before returning to her. And then her hands were on me, tugging and pulling on my bare skin, nails digging into my flesh, as she rocked her body against mine almost fervently.
Hard as I'd ever been, I thrust myself against her, groaning every time I was met with her bucking hips meeting me half way. Her skin was hot and flushed, her body trembling beneath mine, as she drove me half-demented with need.
"Johnny?" Shannon strangled out, pressing her hands against my chest. "Can you get off me for a sec?"
"Shite." I sprang back faster than a moving bullet. "Did I go too far?" I asked, panting, as I knelt between her legs. "Do you want to stop?"
"No." Shaking her head, Shannon sat up and reached for the hem of her shirt. "I don't want to stop."
My heart hammered violently and my dick strained against its constraints. "Shan, you don't have to–"
She whipped her shirt over her head and my eyes instantly drifted to her chest. Adam's apple bobbing in my throat, I watched as she reached behind her back and unhooked her bra. Achingly slowly, she slid her hands out of the straps and discarded her bra on the floor. "Hi," she whispered, letting her hands fall to her sides, revealing her breasts.
"Hi." I swallowed deeply, desperately trying to keep eye contact with her and not let my gaze wander to her perfect fucking tits. Jesus, they were so perky, with little rose-bud nipples all puckered and straining. "You're so beautiful," I told her, giving up the fight and taking my fill of the sight of her. "I don't even know what to say." The fresh-looking scar between her side and right breast caught my attention and I froze, feeling like I'd been doused in cold water.
"What?" Shannon asked, sensing my withdrawal. "What's wrong?"
Battling down a tsunami of anger, I reached out and brushed my fingertips over the scar. "Is it sore?"
"Not anymore." She shook her head. "I don't even feel it now."
Well, I felt it; deeper and harder than I thought possible. I couldn't take my eyes off it. That's how they saved her. How the doctors helped her breathe when that bastard almost beat the life out of her. "Johnny, don't think about it," Shannon croaked out. "Don't look at me and see my dad."
"I'm not," I strangled out, struggling to rein in my emotions.
"You are," she countered shakily. "I can see it in your eyes."
"I'm not doing it on purpose," I admitted, shoulders sagging. "It's just hard for me to know what he did to you, and know that he's getting out any day now, and I can't fix it for you."
"I'm not asking you to fix me," she whispered, shivering. "I'm asking you to be with me."
"I am," I told her.
"Without feeling sorry for me," she added, lip wobbling. "Or looking at me like I'm broken."
"Shannon, that's not what I'm doing," I hurried to say, but it was too late; she was already off the bed and reaching for her shirt.
"It doesn't matter," she squeezed out.
Shite…
"Hey, hey, hey–" Springing off the bed after her, I intercepted her shirt before she could. "Just hear me out first, and then you can put your shirt back on," I said, tone thick and gruff. "Please?"
Shivering, she covered her chest with her hands and nodded.
Sagging in relief, I continued, "I'm in love with you –"
"Johnny–"
"No, no, please just listen," I coaxed before ploughing ahead. "I'm in love with you, Shannon. I'm completely fucking hooked on you, so when you're hurt, it affects me. It hurts me. I can't pretend that it doesn't." She shuddered and stepped closer to me. "But that doesn't mean that I'm with you because I feel sorry for you –" I hooked an arm around her bare back and tugged her all the way until she was flush against me, "It just means that I'm going to get upset when you're upset, and that when someone hurts you, I'm going to want to cause some serious harm to them in return. I'm all in, Shannon. Scars and all. Fucked up father and all. One hundred and fifty percent." Brushing her ponytail over her shoulder, I gently tugged at the end, forcing her to look at me. "I feel everything for you," I admitted, feeling my own body shake from the pressure building in my chest, caused every time this girl put her eyes on me. "And I'm saying all of this while you're standing here, looking like the sexiest thing I've ever seen in real life, praying that you don't run out on me, because I have a raging hard-on for you and it's going to take me a few minutes to calm myself down before I can chase after you."
Her breath hitched. "You think I'm sexy?"
"Look at me, Shannon –" Stepping back, I gestured to the obvious bulge in my sweats, trying to keep the outrage out of my voice. "Look at what you do to me. Do you not get that? You are so damn sexy, I can't even tell you how much."
Shannon blushed. "Really?"
"Really," I confirmed, pulling her back to me. "Really fucking really, Shan."
"If I had one of those, it would be sticking up, too," she blurted out, cheeks pink. "For you, I mean. Because I feel the same way about you."
"Uh, thanks?" I chuckled, shaking my head. "That's not a visual I'd like to think about ever, but I appreciate the sentiment, baby."
"Say something else," she said in a breathy voice. "Please?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know." She shrugged and let her hands fall to her sides, cheeks reddening. "Maybe something that's not about my tube scar?"
Awareness dawned on me and I bit back a groan. Christ, I was slow on the uptake. My girlfriend was standing here, naked from the waist up, and I'd made her feel insecure.
"I can do that." Keeping an arm hooked around her, I steered her backwards to my bed and lowered her onto the mattress. "You drive me crazy," I purred, climbing onto the bed to hover between her legs. "You're fucking sexy." Dropping a kiss to her mouth, I trailed my lips over the curve of her jaw, peppering kisses down her neck until I reached her breasts. "And you have the nicest tits I've ever seen."
A shiver rolled through Shannon's body as she fisted the duvet beneath her. "They're small."
"They're perfect," I corrected huskily, swiping my tongue out to trace her nipple. "You're perfect."
"Johnny –" Shannon's breath caught in her throat and she arched her back, pushing herself against me.
"You like that?" I coaxed, kissing and suckling on her nipple. "Hmm?"
"Don't stop." Shaking beneath me, she knotted her small hand in my hair and tugged. "It's… oh god –"
"So, am I forgiven?" I coaxed, switching my attention to her other breast. "For staring at your scar and not your tits like I should have?"
"Yes…" Shannon nodded vigorously. "All… mmm…. for…ugh…given…"
I trailed a path of kisses from her breasts to her ribs and then her bellybutton, licking and nipping as I went, until I reached the waistband of her leggings.
Stop now, I mentally commanded myself, that's far enough for one day, fucker.
With more self-control than I knew I possessed, I took a de-tour with my tongue and backtracked all the way up her body until my lips found hers.
"Why'd you stop?" Shannon panted against my lips, as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
Jesus…
"Because…" I let my words trail off, concentrating on her swollen lips and the addicting taste of her. "I like how we are." I kissed her again, softer this time. "I don’t want to be put on a timer."
"A timer?"
"Yeah, Shan." I nodded and pressed a kiss to her nose. "I don’t want to rush this with you. I want us to take our time – make the important moments worth it." Sitt
ing up, I took her with me, pulling her onto my lap. "I want you, okay?" I hooked an arm around her back, tucking her flush against me. "Badly. Don't ever doubt that." Smoothing her hair over her shoulder again, I kissed her softly. "I just don’t want to look back in five years' time and know that I fucked up the important parts because I couldn't be patient."
A small smile crept across Shannon's face.
"What?" I mirrored her smile. "What's so funny?"
"You said in five years' time," she whispered, curling her arms around my neck.
"I already told you, I need you for keeps," I replied gruffly. "There's no expiration date between us."
"Whoa." Shannon released a shaky breath and beamed at me. "You say the best things, Johnny Kavanagh."
I grinned back at her. "Want to hear something else?"
She nodded eagerly.
"I have an idea."
Shannon tilted her head to one-side, studying me with wary eyes. "What kind of idea?"
I laughed. "Come on –" Setting her down, I passed her t-shirt back to her before reaching for my own. "I'm going to show you."
"What the hell." Slipping her shirt over her head, she stood up and smiled at me. "I've got nothing to lose."
I did.
Her.
"This is not a good idea," Shannon announced half an hour later, as she sat in the driver's seat of my car in the yard, staring at the steering wheel in front of her like it was a poisonous snake about to strike. "This is really, really not good, Johnny."
I stifled a laugh and fastened my seat belt. God only knew what notion had struck me to make this seem like a good idea, but we were here now, and I was going with it. Besides, I knew she could do this. She just needed some confidence. "You can do this."
"No." Throwing her hands up, she flailed helplessly. "I can't."
"Yes, you can," I encouraged. "I've talked you through it. You know the gears, baby, and we're in a big, empty yard with nobody around. You've got this."
"No. No. Honestly, I don't! I don't have this!" Her eyes widened when she turned to gape at me. "I don’t even have a license. Not even a tractor license. I'm sixteen, Johnny, and this is an expensive car. Oh god, I'm going to kill us both!"