by Chloe Walsh
"No." Heart racing, I arched against him. "Don’t go."
"Fuck," he groaned, as his big body shuddered under my touch. He exhaled a harsh breath against my neck that caused my skin to erupt in goosebumps. "It's too soon –"
I trailed my trembling fingertips down his stomach, not stopping until I reached his belt buckle. "I don’t care." Sliding my fingers into the waistband of his school trousers, I inhaled a steadying breath and tugged hard. "Stay."
His breathing was hard and uneven.
"What are you doing?" he asked, breathing hard, as I fumbled with the buckle of his belt. "Shannon, we can't –"
"Please?" I breathed, freeing his belt buckle and popping the button on his trousers. "I want you."
"I don't have a condom," he groaned in to my mouth, hips thrusting wildly. "I'm sorry."
"Condoms," I moaned, bucking my hips up to meet his thrusts. "In Joey's room." Raiding Joey's bedroom wasn’t uncommon behavior for me, but planning to steal from his condom stash was a different matter entirely. I had no clue what I was thinking if I was being truthful with myself. I just wanted him. Badly.
"No –" Breaking our kiss, Johnny shook his head and stared down at me, eyes almost black with desire. "Not like this."
"Don't you want me?" I whispered, feeling my heart sink.
"You know I want you," he panted, pressing his forehead to mine. "I only want you."
"Then why –"
"Because I'm not taking your virginity in this house, Shannon!" he growled, jaw clenched. "On an after-school whim, with your brother's fucking condom." He shook his head. "I'm not doing that, baby."
"I don't mind, Johnny," I urged. "Honestly, I don't."
"Well, I mind," he shot back, pulling himself up on his elbows. "I'm not having sex with you and skulking out the door an hour later because your family will be home." Groaning, he pressed a kiss to my lips and climbed off me. "You deserve better, and I'm not doing that to you." Chest heaving, he walked over to my bedroom window and leaned against the sill. "When we sleep together, I want us to sleep together." He looked over his shoulder, blue eyes blazing. "All night."
Scrambling into a sitting position, I didn’t make a sound, too busy concentrating on trying to control the rapid rise and fall of my chest, as his words speared through my heart.
"I want to make it good for you," he added, turning back to face me. "And I can't do that on a timer."
"Oh," I finally breathed, watching him watch me. "O-okay."
"That doesn't mean that I don't want this." Exhaling heavily, Johnny walked back to the bed and sank down beside me. "Because I do, Shannon," he said gruffly, pulling me onto his lap. Smoothing my hair back, he pressed a soft kiss to my lips. "I just… I need to do right by you."
"Okay," I whispered, burying my burning face in the crook of his neck.
"Are you mad at me?" he asked hoarsely, nuzzling my bare shoulder with his nose as he trailed his fingers over my spine.
I shook my head, keeping my face buried in his neck. "No, I'm not mad at you, Johnny."
"No?" He pressed a kiss to my shoulder. "You sure?"
"Positive," I whispered, keeping a death grip on his neck. "I just want to keep you."
He chuckled softly. "You can."
"You promise?" I croaked out, clenching my eyes shut and tightening my hold on his poor neck.
"I promise," he replied gruffly, pressing another kiss to my collarbone. "I'm already yours."
"What are we going to do, Johnny?" I dared to ask the question that had been plaguing me for weeks. "When you get the call up?"
Johnny sighed heavily. "That's an if, not a when, Shannon, and a very big one at that."
"You're going to get the call," I strangled out, chewing on my lip nervously. "What happens when you go?"
"I don't know how that's going to play out," he finally replied.
"It's scary," I admitted in a small voice. "Thinking about you going away soon."
"I know," he told me, voice thick. "It's scary for me, too."
"Really?" I asked shakily.
"Of course! Shannon, I don't want to leave you," he said, tightening his hold on me. "But if I make it onto the squad, it's only for a month of the summer and then I'll be back to you."
I exhaled a ragged breath, panicked at the very thought of spending that long a time away from him. "I know."
"Don't be sad," he coaxed, wrapping me up in his arms. "It might not even happen."
It was going to happen.
Johnny was going to leave.
Just like he warned me months ago…
"I love you, Shannon like the river," he said then, breaking through my depressing thoughts. "Only you." Leaning back so that I had no choice but to lift my face and look at him, he smirked. "Like a crazy fucking amount."
"I love you, too," I strangled out, voice thick with emotion, giving him back his words. "Like a crazy fucking amount."
Pressing a gentle kiss to my lips, Johnny pulled back and whispered, "I want to make you feel good."
My heart hammered wildly. "You do?"
He nodded slowly, blue eyes locked on mine. "Can I?"
I blew out a ragged breath and nodded weakly. "Yes."
Shifting us around so that I was beneath him with my legs dangling off the side of the bed, he pressed the palm of his hand against my stomach, encouraging me to lie back down. "I want to taste you," he told me as he knelt on my bedroom floor and reached for the edge of my knickers. "Is that okay?"
Was it?
Oh god.
"Yeah." Nodding eagerly, I sagged back against the duvet, arching my hips upwards as Johnny slid my underwear off and pushed my thighs apart.
My breathing was ragged and uneven as I pulled myself up on my elbows to see him, feeling both embarrassed and curious.
With his hands on my thighs, spreading me open, Johnny dipped his head and trailed his lips up the inside of my thigh before shifting his attention to my other thigh. "You're perfect," he whispered, lips brushing against my most intimate of areas.
I felt his tongue swipe out, touching me, tasting me, and my eyes rolled back in my head. He did it again, and then again and again, until I was a panting, breathless mess, bucking wildly against his face.
"Oh my god –" Writhing on the bed, I reached for his head, digging my nails into his scalp, as he continued to torment me with his lips and tongue and fingers. "Johnny, I'm going to –"
"Shh, Shan, " he coaxed, dragging my hips to the edge of the bed and placing my legs over his shoulders. "I'm just getting started." And then his mouth was back, tongue teasing me, fingers plunging in and out, causing my back to arch off the bed.
"Oh shit –" Biting down hard on my fist, I pulled on his hair, too delirious with sensations to control myself. "I can't…" My body shook violently as tremors of illicit pleasure shot through me. "Oh god, I need –"
Bang, bang, bang…
"Shannon?" Darren's voice filled my ears and I wanted to cry. "What are you doing in there?"
"Oh fuck!" Johnny's head popped up from between my legs, wide-eyed and flushed. "Your brother."
No…
"Don't stop," I begged, tugging on his hair. "Johnny, please –"
"Shannon, if you don't answer me, I'm coming in," Darren called out.
"Don't come in!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as Johnny lunged for the door and turned the lock. "I'm getting dressed."
Scrambling for my pajama bottoms under my pillow, I quickly dragged them on, eyes locked on Johnny who was digging through the pile of discarded clothes for his own. He tossed my shirt at me to put back on before grabbing his own.
"He's in there, isn't he?" my brother demanded from the other side of the door as I clumsily buttoned my blouse. "That's his car parked up the street?"
"Shite," Johnny mouthed as he slipped his shirt on. Leaving it unbuttoned, he pulled his jumper on, only to pull it back off when he realized it was my jumper. "I knew I should have moved the car."
"O
pen the door, Shannon," Darren demanded, banging loudly. "Right now."
"Fuck off," Johnny mouthed, giving my bedroom door the middle finger. "Asshole."
Stifling a giggle, I darted off the bed and pushed open my bedroom window. "You can climb out here."
"I can't jump down," Johnny hissed, gesturing to his crotch. "My dick."
Now, I did laugh – loudly.
Johnny narrowed his eyes. "It's not funny, Shan. I only just got it back working."
"He'll kill you if you go out the door," I mouthed back at him.
Johnny rolled his eyes. "I'm shaking." Smirking, he added, "You really do shake all over just before you –"
"Open the damn door, Shannon," Darren roared.
"I'm getting dressed, Darren!" I screamed back at him. "God!" Turning back to Johnny, I mouthed, "What do I do?"
"Open the door," he replied.
I shook my head. "No way."
He nodded. "Yes way."
"Johnny."
"Shannon."
"Shannon Maud Lynch, open the fucking door or I'm going to kick it down!" Darren bellowed.
Johnny arched a brow. "Your middle name is Maud?"
Cringing, I nodded. "My parents hate me."
He grimaced in sympathy. "Ouch."
"I'm knocking this door down in five, four, three, two –"
"Okay, okay, I'm coming!" Summoning every ounce of bravery inside of me, I inhaled a steadying breath, walked over to the door and flicked the lock. "Just be cool," I whispered to myself as I cracked the door open just enough to pop my head out. "Hey, Darren, what's up?"
"Send him out," was my brother's terse response. "Now."
"Who?" I asked, playing dumb.
"Your boyfriend."
"My boyfriend?"
Darren's face turned purple. "Shannon, pack it in."
"It's alright, Shan," Johnny said as he gently tugged me away from the door before swinging it inwards. "Before you say it, I'm already leaving," he told Darren. "And, no, I won't do it again."
"Not so fast," my brother growled, folding his arms across his chest. "Are you being safe with my sister?"
"I'm not talking about Shannon with you or anyone else," Johnny replied, jaw clenched.
"Oh, you can bet your hotshot ass you're going to talk to me," Darren growled. "I'm her brother."
"Her brother," Johnny agreed, folding his arms across his chest. "Not her fucking keeper."
"Darren," I spluttered. "Stop."
"Don't 'Darren' me," he shot back, glaring at me. "Your blouse is inside out and buttoned all wrong, and you're locked up in your bedroom –" he gestured stiffly to Johnny, "with him looking like every teenage girl's wet dream."
"Oh my god," I choked out, mortified. "Stop talking."
"Are you protecting her?" he continued, directing his question at Johnny. "Are you being safe? Am I going to have to worry about her coming home with a plus one?"
"What I do or don’t do with Shannon is none of your bleeding business," Johnny shot back, looking wholly enraged. "So, back the fuck off."
"It's my business if she comes home pregnant –"
"No," Johnny snapped, interrupting him. "It's my business if that happens. Not yours, or any other member of your fucked-up family. It's mine." Turning back to me, he pressed a kiss to my cheek and said, "Bye, Shannon," before stalking out of my bedroom.
"Bye, Johnny," I croaked out.
"Don't let me catch you in my sister's room again, Kavanagh," Darren called after him.
"Yeah, yeah," Johnny shot back, not missing a beat. "I'll call you later, babe."
"Yeah," I breathed, staring after him as he disappeared down the staircase. "Okay."
"If Mam had caught him in here, this would have ended very differently," Darren grumbled when the front door slammed shut.
Unable to wipe the smile from my face, I walked over to my bed and flopped down with a contented sigh.
"Shannon?" Darren pressed, leaning in my bedroom doorway. "Are you even listening to me?"
"No," I replied softly. "I'm really not."
"Jesus," he muttered to himself. "You're in trouble, girl."
Didn't I know it…
49
Flying Bras
Johnny
"I want a word with you, Jonathon Kavanagh," Mam announced, stalking into my bedroom with a basket of folded laundry in her arms. "Right now."
"Jesus Christ, Ma!" Scrambling for the towel I had discarded when I stepped out of my ensuite, I wrapped it around my waist and gaped at her. "Did you ever hear of knocking?"
"I'm your mother, Johnny. I housed you in my body for nine months, so no, I don't believe in knocking," she shot back, unfazed. "And stop fidgeting around, will you? There's nothing you have underneath that towel that I haven't washed, wiped, and talcum powered."
Jesus Christ…
"Now." Setting the basket down on my bed, she turned to stare at me, hands on her hips. "Is there something you want to tell me?"
"Like what?"
"It'll be better for you in the long run if you just confess now," she told me, eyes narrowed.
My mouth fell open.
Was she serious?
What the fuck did I do?
"Is this about training?" I asked, confused. "Because you heard Dr. Quirke. I'm allowed to attend light sessions starting this week." I had been given the all clear by not one but three different doctors last week. I had been put through fitness evaluations, strength training, pelvic examinations, and a whole heap of other bullshit before they finally deemed me fit enough to return to the pitch.
"No," Mam replied evenly. "Try again."
I frowned. "It's not about training?"
"Nope."
My brows shot up. "Are you sure?"
"Positive."
I scratched the back of my head. "Is it about rugby?"
"Last chance," Mam said, tapping her foot on the floor. "Make me proud."
"I would if I knew what I'm supposed to say," I choked out, feeling nervous.
"Well then," Mam said in that tone of voice that sent shivers down my spine. "Let me give you a little hint." Shoving her hand into the laundry basket, she yanked out a white, cotton bra. "Imagine my surprise when I was hoovering your room yesterday and found this under your bed."
Aw shite…
Dangling Shannon's bra from her fingers, Mam arched a brow. "Care to explain?"
"Would you believe me if I told you that was mine?" I offered weakly.
"It's not your size," Mam growled before taking aim at me with the bra. "In my house!" she wailed, slapping me over the head with Shannon's bra. "And then I went to tidy your bedside locker, and guess what I found in your drawer?" She took another swipe at me with the bra. "A box of condoms!"
"Unopened because I didn't do anything –" Diving into damage control mode, I tightened my hold on my towel and ducked around her. "Ma, we didn't have sex, I swear to god!"
"I'm taking the lock off your door," she warned. "I mean it, Johnny. You can't be trusted."
"Fine," I strangled out, backing up as she prowled towards me. "I don't need it, because I'm not doing anything."
"Then why was your girlfriend's bra under your bed?" Mam demanded. "Huh?"
"She got changed in here after school a few weeks back," I lied through my teeth. "She must have forgot to pack it in her bag."
"Is that so?"
"Yes! That is so." Feigning hurt and outrage, I glared at my mother. "Jesus, Ma, I can't believe you'd think so little of me." Huffing out a breath, I added, "I know I'm not perfect, but knowing my own mother thinks that about me really hurts."
Mam narrowed her eyes. "Don't you play mind games with me, Brains. I taught you everything you know, you little pup!"
Fuck.
"Look, we haven't had sex," I said evenly, keeping my eyes on Mam, hoping like hell she'd believe me and release her death grip on Shannon's bra. "I promise, Ma. We haven't." I held my breath and waited for her to make her next move.
"I just want you to be safe," Mam finally said with a heavy sigh as she sank down on the edge of my bed. "No, scratch that. I want to go back in time so that you're ten year's old again."
"I'm not ten," I replied, edging closer with caution. "I'm eighteen next month."
"Ugh, don't remind me," she wailed, shoulders slumping. "The years are going by too fast."
"It'll be alright, Ma," I assured her, not knowing what else to say. "Don't be getting upset."
"It's all happening now," she continued to weep. "You're back to training this week, and you have a girlfriend. One of these days, I'm going to blink and you'll be gone on me. Off to France with the rugby. And then what?"
"Come on, Ma," I coaxed, sitting down beside her. "I don't even know if I'm going to make the squad this year."
"I know you will," she replied, resting her cheek on my arm. "And I'll be so proud of you."
"Then why are you sad?"
"Because you're my baby." She sighed heavily. "And it's hard to watch you fly from the nest."
"I'm not jumping any nest," I shot back. "I'd die on my own."
"Johnny," Mam admonished in a sad tone. "I'm being serious."
"So am I." Wrapping my arm around her, I gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I'm being deadly serious. I wouldn't make it a week without you."
She smiled. "You think?"
I nodded. "I know."
Mam was quiet for a long moment then, before asking, "Are you excited for today?" Wiping her eyes, she turned to smile up at me. "Your first day back on the pitch?"
"Terrified," I admitted.
Concern flashed in her eyes. "You don't have to go back," she hurried to say. "If you're not ready, I can call your coaches–"
"I am ready," I cut her off by saying. "I'm just worried."
"About what, love?"
"Not being the same," I muttered. Not being good enough.
"You know how I feel about the rugby," Mam said. "I've never made any secret of it, but you should know that I support you one hundred and fifty percent. I know you're brilliant, love, and I know you're going places. You're a phenomenal player, and you need to remember that. It's okay to be nervous. You've had a hard few months with your surgery and recovery, but know that there are other boys out there who would kill to play like you do on your worst days."