by Chloe Walsh
Reaching for my hand, Johnny lifted it to his mouth and dropped a kiss to my knuckles. "So, listen," he said in a low tone, ignoring the noise coming from the backseat. "I wanted to ask you about something."
"Oh?" Excitement thrummed in my veins and I turned in my seat to give him my full attention. "What?"
"Dinner tonight." He cast a quick sideways glance at me before refocusing on the road. "At my place."
Instantly, my anxiety piqued. "I don't know, Johnny," I mumbled, feeling my face grow hot. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea." It was a terrible idea. His mother was kind and warm and loving, but I doubted she wanted me back there after Saturday night. I'd seen the way she looked at me when she dropped me home; all suspicious and worried. Johnny's words from months back were still floating around in my head.
"My parents don't want me going over to your place. They think it's a bad idea…"
It didn't take a genius to read between the lines of that statement and know that I was the bad idea.
"It was her idea," Johnny said, knowing where my thoughts had gone.
My brows shot up in surprise. "It was?"
"It's true," Gibsie offered from the back seat. "Mammy K has been tormenting him to bring you home again. I heard them talking on the phone this morning. She has some big news for the two of you."
My eyes widened. "Big news?"
"Gibs!" Johnny barked. "Stop fucking earwigging."
I frowned. "What news?"
"No clue," Johnny muttered, rubbing his jaw.
"I'm in the same car as you, asshole," Gibsie growled. "I can clearly hear your conversation. What do want me to do? Stick my head out the window and bark at the traffic like a dog?"
"I want you to stop listening in on my conversations," Johnny shot back, vein ticking in his neck. "Jesus!"
"Fine." Holding up his hands, he leaned back in his seat. "I'll say no more on the matter."
"Thank you."
"Wait – I'm invited for dinner tonight, too, right?"
"Gibs!"
"Am I?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Jesus Christ, Gibs. I swear to god, I will pull this car over and you –"
"Fine!" Gibsie huffed. "I didn't want the roast spuds anyway. My Mam's are better."
"Gerard," Claire coaxed. "It's okay. You can have dinner with me."
"Can I eat you?" he asked, sounding playful once more.
"If you're good," she replied, patting his shoulder.
"What?" Gibsie's voice rose so high, it was almost girlish. "I mean –" he roughly cleared his throat several times before adding, "What?"
Feely chuckled quietly. "Lost for words, Gibs? That's a first."
"I know, right?" Claire giggled, using her finger to close Gibsie's mouth. "I think I broke him."
"So, will you come tonight?" Johnny asked, drawing my attention back to him. "Please? It would mean a lot to me."
"Okay," I whispered, forcing out the word when all I wanted was to say no and hide. "I'll come."
He turned to look at me and beamed. "Really?"
Oh god, that smile. "Really," I confirmed, heart racing. "If you're sure?"
"I'm sure," he replied, eyes blazing with heat.
"I know I'm not supposed to talk to you," Gibsie interjected. "But eyes on the road, Cap. I have a very pressing dinner arrangement to get to this evening, with a tantalizing main course up for grabs, and I don't want to be showing up dead to it."
"What – oh, Jesus!" Johnny barked, swerving the wheel and narrowly avoiding the traffic coming in the opposite direction. "I think I ran a red light," he added, cheeks reddening.
"You sure did, bulldozer," Gibsie mused, patting his shoulder.
"What's that thing he's always saying to the lads, Gibs?" Feely added, "Oh yeah; get your head out of the girl and onto the road."
"Funny," Johnny deadpanned. "Very funny."
"What are we doing for your birthday, Johnny?" Claire asked then. "It's only what – three weeks away?"
"We?" Johnny arched a brow. "I didn't know we were 'we' kind of friends, Claire."
Claire made a pssh noise. "Your girlfriend is my best friend, Johnny Kavanagh, which means I'm going to be at your party. I'm going to be a lot of places you are. Like your car right now. So get on board with it and tell me what you want for your present."
"I'm turning eighteen, not eight." Johnny laughed. "And I'm not having a party, so don't buy me any bleeding presents."
"Oh yes you fucking are having a party," Gibsie countered. "A big one. With cake, cocktail sausages, and a shit ton of tequila."
"Tequila again?" Feely glared at Gibsie. "Really?"
"Listen, I'm not going to sit here and apologize for something that happened a million years ago," Gibsie huffed. "I puked on your dog, Feely. It was a genuine mistake. I've done it to Sookie a million times and you don't see her giving me the cold shoulder. And I haven't done it since, so can we please move past it?"
"I don't have a dog – that was my mother you puked on!" Feely snapped, sounding outraged. "And it was last Christmas, not a million years ago, asshole."
"What?" Gibsie frowned. "That's was your Mam?"
"Yes, asshole!"
"Ah, lad, I'm so fucking sorry," Gibsie strangled out, slapping a hand across his mouth. "I thought she was a dog."
"Not making it any better, Gibs," Johnny mused, lips twitching.
"I didn't mean that she looks like a dog," Gibsie quickly corrected. "But she was so soft and furry –"
"Repress it," Johnny ordered.
Gibsie frowned. "Hey, is that why your parents won't –"
"Won't let you step foot inside the house anymore?" Feely filled in, giving him a dirty look. "Yes, Gibs. That's exactly why."
An uncomfortable silence enveloped us then, one Claire thankfully broke by clearing her throat and saying, "Anyway, moving on from Gerard's less than stellar regurgitation antics, I think we should do something for your eighteenth, Johnny, and if you don't want to have a party, we could go camping."
Johnny's brows furrowed. "Camping?"
"Camping," Claire confirmed, tone laced with excitement. "School will be over by then, the weather should be good, you all have cars, so we could go anywhere we wanted. And best of all, Shan, Lizzie and I don't start our Junior Cert until the week after your birthday." Grinning, she added, "It's a win-win."
"Babe, you're a genius," Gibsie declared. "I fucking love camping."
"What do you think, Shan?" Johnny asked, casting a sideways glance at me. "Would you go?"
"Does a bear shit in the woods? Of course she'll go!" Gibsie answered for me. "Right, Little Shannon?"
"Don't put words in her mouth," Johnny growled. "She doesn't have to –"
"I'll go," I blurted out, excited.
Johnny's brows shot up. "You will?"
I nodded. "Absolutely."
"But your Mam…"
"Will say no," I agreed, squeezing his hand. "But it's your eighteenth, and I'm still going."
"Then it's settled," Claire chimed in, clapping her hands together. "We're going camping!"
59
Enough!
Shannon
"We better go back to class," Johnny groaned, breaking our kiss. It was the end of big lunch and we were hidden behind the school greenhouse where we spent the second half of lunch break together most days. Like usual, I was sitting on the wall surrounding the vegetable garden and, like usual, Johnny was standing between my legs, with his hands clamped on my hips, and his tongue in my mouth.
"We can go straight to my place after school," he offered, pressing another searing kiss to my lips. "Do something before dinner?"
I didn't want dinner unless he was on the menu. "What kind of something?" I asked, voice a little breathless, as I traced my fingers down the hard ridges and grooves of his stomach. "What have you got in mind?"
"I don't know," he replied gruffly, hands moving to my ass. "We could play a little GTA? Or talk?" He squeeze
d tightly and I moaned. "Whatever you want, Shan." Dropping his face to my neck, he suckled hard on my flesh. "Shite, I think I marked you," he muttered, jerking his head back, eyes locked on my neck. Grinning sheepishly, he added, "Sorry."
"Sure you are." He looked about as far from sorry as a person could get. "I believe you."
"How are you feeling?" he asked then. Smiling softly, he grazed my hip with his fingers. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," I whispered, tugging him closer. "Stop worrying."
"I can't help it," he groaned. "I'm always worried about you."
"I wanted what happened, Johnny," I reassured him. "I still do."
His eyes darkened. "Yeah?"
Shivering, I nodded. "Yeah."
"I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Shannon Lynch," he admitted in a husky voice. "You make me lose my head."
"Good," I teased. "I like it when you turn your brain off."
The second bell sounded, letting us know that we had two minutes to get to class, but I remained exactly where I was, gripping his waist with my thighs and mentally begging him to stay, stay, stay…
One hour of lunch wasn't enough. It was never enough time with him, but I reluctantly released him when he mumbled something about a French test.
Johnny helped me off the wall and then secured my hand in his as we made our way back to school. "You nervous about dinner?"
I nodded. "Terrified."
"She won't bring it up," he promised, tracing his thumb over my knuckles. "So don't even worry about that, Shan."
"Will your dad be there, too?" I asked, voice small.
"Yeah," he replied, holding the door open for me to step inside. "He's still trying to make more of an effort and be present." He rolled his eyes at the notion. "She's still driving me around the bend, Shan. It's worse than ever. The closer we get to June, the more of a weeping mess she becomes," he added with a shudder. "It's all 'how's your willy, love,' and 'are your testicles swelling again' or else she's reading out statistics on head injuries in rugby."
I knew exactly how his mother felt. The closer we got to June, the more I became a weeping mess, too. I was just careful to do it when Johnny wasn't around. I didn’t have the luxury that most girls my age had. My boyfriend would be leaving soon. I knew phone calls were coming in from the scouts, whether he told me about them or not. I knew we were on borrowed time, moving closer and closer to the goodbye that kept me up at night – to the day he would leave and I would stay.
"So, what do think about what Claire said in the car this morning?" I asked, dragging myself from my depressing thoughts. Pulling him to a stop outside the girls' bathroom, I squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. "The camping trip for your birthday? Are you excited?"
"Only if you're going." Johnny looked down at me and frowned. "I'm not going if you're not."
"I'm going, Johnny." Hail, rain, or snow. "I'm not missing your birthday."
"Oh yeah?" He grinned. "Are you going to share a tent with me?"
"That depends," I teased, grinning back at him. "Can you pitch a tent?"
Johnny gave me a knowing smirk and my face flamed in embarrassment.
"Not that kind of tent," I quickly amended, blushing.
"You're so cute," he chuckled with a shake of his head. "I'll meet you here after last class, okay? We can head back to my place together."
"No, I'll need to go home first and get changed."
"You look perfect as you are," he argued. "Better than perfect." Grinning, he hooked an arm around my waist and dragged me flush against him. "In fact, you look like dinner."
I sagged against him, feeling my body grow hot and achy. "I still need to go home first and check in on Joey." Pressing my hands against his chest, I took a safe step back before I lost all common sense and did something reckless. "I can ask him to drive me over to your place around eight? You'll be done with training by then, won't you?"
"Oh, shite, yeah." Johnny frowned, like the notion of training had only come to him. "I have training."
"I know," I agreed, smiling. "I can come over afterwards."
"Or we could just blow –"
"You train and I'll come over when you're done," I cut him off by saying. "That's the plan, remember?"
He looked frustrated but he gave me a reluctant nod. "Yeah, you're right."
I grinned. "I know." Taking another step back, I waved him off. "Now go on – and enjoy double French."
With a heavy sigh, Johnny pressed a kiss to my cheek before strolling off down the hall. "Hey Shan?" he called over his shoulder.
"Yeah?"
Smirking, he said, "je veux lécher la chatte de ma copine."
I frowned. "What?"
Johnny grinned devilishly. "I said, je veux être à l'intérieur de toi."
I scrunched my nose up. "You know I'm terrible at French."
"I'm counting on it," he laughed as he sauntered off. "See you tonight, baby."
Grinning like an idiot, I waved him off and rushed into the bathroom. I'd been bursting to pee since the class before big break, but didn't want to waste a minute of my lunch hour with him. However, the moment I stepped inside the bathroom, I regretted it. Not only had I just come face to face with Bella Wilkinson, but she had two of her sixth-year friends with her.
Up until now, I had miraculously managed to avoid being on my own with her, and aside from the daily comments in the corridors and the lunch hall, she hadn't given me any trouble. I had a feeling that was about to change. The look of pure loathing on her face as she prowled towards me only confirmed those feelings.
"Look who it is, girls," Bella mused, looking as devastatingly beautiful as always, as she stood in front of my only exit. "The little whore without her guard dogs."
"Leave it alone, Bella," one of the girls – the one with the brown hair – surprised me by saying.
"She's a bitch, Tash," Bella spat, casting a warning look to her friend. "You know what she cost me."
In full on flight mode, I turned on my heels and moved for the door, but she intercepted me, blocking my path.
My heart hammered wildly in my chest, bucking and leaping and screaming at me to get away. Instead I just stood there, looking up at the girl I knew hated me. "I need to go," I strangled out, my voice barely more than a panicked whisper. "Let me out," I added, forcing myself to straighten my shoulders.
"We're not done talking," Bella hissed. "We're not even close to being done."
"I don't want to talk to you." My heart was racing so hard, it was making me feel faint. "I just want to go," I added in a shaky tone. "I don't want any trouble."
"You just want to go," Bella mimicked and then laughed. "Well tough shit, honey, because I have plenty to say to you."
You fool, my brain hissed, you know better than to come in here alone.
We only had three weeks of school left and then we were done for the summer. Bella would be done with Tommen altogether. I could have avoided her for twenty-one bloody days.
Dammit, why did I have to walk in here?
Tilting her head to one-side, Bella smiled cruelly down at me. "How's daddy, Shannon?"
My body seized up as a concoction of devastation and humiliation flooded me.
"Did you hear about Shannon's father, girls?" Bella continued to taunt. "Her father is an alchy scab on the welfare." Narrowing her eyes, she added, "Apparently, he beat the shit out of her at Easter and put her in the hospital, but I think fair play to the man. He was probably just trying to beat the slapper out of her."
"Bella, stop!" the girl she had called Tash barked. "That's enough."
"It's not enough," Bella snared. "That bitch stole my boyfriend, Tash."
"Well, I'm not being a part of this," the Tash girl said, and with that, she stalked out of the bathroom, shoving Bella out of her way as she went.
The other girl, the blonde one leaning against the sink, didn't say anything at all. She just stood there, glancing anywhere but me, reminding me of so many other girls I'd met
down through the years, and making me despise her most of all. I hated girls like her. The ones who knew something was wrong but did nothing to stop it.
Fight back, Shannon. Joey's voice flooded my mind. Don't let those bitches intimidate you!
"I didn’t steal your boyfriend," I shot back, shaking from head to toe. "Because Johnny was never yours."
Bella arched a finely plucked brow. "And you think he's yours?"
"Yeah." I replied, shocking myself with my words. "He is."
"Then you should know that he's only with you for one thing," she spat, looking furious. "An easy fucking lay."
"That's all he was with you for," I stunned myself by saying. "We're not all like that, Bella."
Her face reddened. "Excuse me?"
"Let me out," I repeated, making a point of staring at the door. "Now."
When she didn't step aside, I moved to go around her, only to stagger backwards and land awkwardly on the floor when she pushed me full force in the chest.
"I said we're not done, bitch." Stalking towards me, Bella swiped my schoolbag off my shoulder. Unzipping it, she poured the contents on top of me. "You're a dirty slut," she hissed, shoving my forehead with her fingers. "You don't belong in this school, so go back to the council estate with the rest of your fucked-up family."
"…You're a useless cunt…"
"…You're the biggest mistake of them all, girl…"
"…Your own mother didn't want you…"
"…You're the poison in this family…"
Enough.
Enough.
Enough.
"Enough!" I screamed, scrambling to my feet. "Don't touch me!" Tears were pooling in my eyes, but I blinked them away, feeling more fury in this moment than I had in my whole life. "Don't you ever fucking touch me again!" I continued to scream as I completely took leave of my senses and charged at Bella.
I caught a glance of her surprised expression about two seconds before I lunged at her, releasing sixteen years of pain and mistreatment into my fingertips as I scratched and shoved at her with everything I had in me. She was too big for me, and I knew I didn't have a hope in hell of finishing what she started, but for once in my life, I was fighting back. Something had changed inside of me, I felt it the day I woke up in that hospital bed, lucky to be alive, and I refused to take any more. I wasn't going to be pushed around by her or anyone else.