“There was. Your words…the pain…it was so raw. So real. It hurt to listen to yet it was beautiful. I haven’t lost anyone like you did, but I related to your words more than I realized. I’d been living in denial for a long time, and hearing your messages made me realize it…that I wanted more in life. The love you had…I wanted to find someone to love me like that, and I wanted to love that person back just as hard. It’s fucked up and doesn’t make sense, I know.”
Sierra doesn’t speak. I gently move so I can see her face. Tears are in her eyes and my heart sinks. Did I say the wrong thing? Was the brutal honesty too much?
“It does,” she whispers. “It does make sense.” She blinks and tears fall from the side of her eyes, dripping down into her hair. She reaches up, hand landing on my cheek. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
“I found more.”
The rain continued to fall the rest of the afternoon. Sierra fell asleep, nestled in my arms. Exhaustion tugged at me, and I fought it as long as I could, wanting to soak up every second of this.
The sun is setting when I wake up. Tinkerbell is on my chest, purring and kneading the blanket with her paws. Dolly is sitting on the table next to the screen, laying in between a collection of colorful lanterns. Humidity clings to the day, and the setting sun takes away the heat.
I brush Sierra’s hair out of her face and kiss her cheek. Her eyes flutter open and she smiles as soon as she sees me.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay,” she yawns. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I, uh, haven’t been sleeping well.”
“I haven’t either. We both needed to nap.”
She looks at the setting sun. “Yeah, I guess we did.”
“Are you still in pain?” I ask carefully.
“Not really. It feels like a normal period now. What about you? You should not have worked a job like you did.”
“I know,” I agree. “I felt it the next day.”
The hammock sways as Sierra sits up enough to look at my wound. “It looks bruised, Chase.”
“It feels like it is. I’ll take it easy now.”
“You better.”
“Can Sexy Nurse Sierra—sorry.”
“What’s wrong?” Sierra tips her head.
I run my up her arm. “I’m not sure how to handle having sex again after everything.”
“I don’t either,” Sierra tells me, and brings her arms in around herself. This is a hard topic to discuss. “We’re both on sex restrictions right now. For another week at least.”
“I’ll wait. However long it takes, I’ll wait.”
She smiles. “I know.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”
“Good. Me too. I can attempt to cook for you again.”
“I’d like that.”
We stand and stretch. Sierra picks up Tinkerbell, and Dolly trots along, weaving in and out of our feet.
“I have to ask one thing,” I tell Sierra and reach down to scoop up the calico cat. “What’s with the cat shelf?”
Sierra turns, and in the millisecond it takes her to respond my heart races. Then she smiles. “They like to climb on things and be up high. You know they’d love it if we put up a system of shelves around the house.”
I’m smiling right back. “I did help Josh put up floating shelves in Dakota’s room. I can see the cats hanging out up there.”
“I know, right?”
“Where do you want to put them?”
Sierra looks at Dolly in my arms, and her smile turns into a grin. “I’ve sketched the whole thing out. Let me show you.”
I follow her to the stairs. We make it up when someone knocks on the door. I set Dolly on the ground and jog down the stairs to see who’s here. Sierra is behind me, still cuddling Tink.
Lisa stands on the porch, holding a bag of food and a bottle of wine. Her eyes go from me to Sierra, and her shoulders are timidly pulled in. It makes sense things are tense between the two of them.
“I brought tacos,” she says, holding out the bag. “I hear we have reason to celebrate tonight.”
Sierra takes the bag and steps aside, welcoming Lisa in. “We do.”
Relief washes over Lisa’s face. Sierra takes the wine and tacos into the kitchen, and Lisa grabs my arm.
“Chase,” she starts, looking at the ground.
“It’s okay,” I say, surprising myself. “We want to move past everything.”
“Right, and okay. Good idea.” Then she looks up with a smile. “And about the bookstore…Sierra told me what you did. Thank you.”
35
Sierra
My father leans over the table, eyes drilling into Chase. It’s Sunday evening, and we’re all sitting around the table for dinner. The first course has been served, but Dad hasn’t taken a single bite.
“What’s the most valuable thing you’ve recovered?” he asks Chase, completely fascinated by Chase’s past as a bounty hunter.
“That depends,” Chase says and rests his hand on my thigh, “on what you consider valuable.”
“You should tell him about the boat in Scotland,” I say and take a drink of wine.
“That was fun,” Chase says and goes into detail, starting with the sketchy plane ride in a small aircraft. My entire family is enamored, not eating as they listen to Chase talk about his crazy adventures.
Across the table, Lisa catches my eye. She picks up her wine and gives me a small toast. I relax in my chair and put my hand on top of Chase’s. He’s still not ‘ideal’ as my mother told me just hours ago, but knowing the truth behind his record has cleared the tension. And now Dad won’t leave Chase alone and keeps firing off question after question.
We have dessert on the patio and the kids swim while the adults sip drinks. I watch my nieces and nephew splashing in the water, laughing and having the time of their lives. My mom and sister are in the pool with them, laughing just as much. It’s one of the rare times I see my mother let loose and act like a normal human being, not caring about her hair or makeup, or the opinions of others.
Will I be able to interact with my mother like that when I have kids? Maybe we’ll get along better when we can bond over the baby. It might be wrong, but I feel like she’ll like me better if I give her more grandchildren.
“You’ll have one someday,” Chase says, reading my mind. He’s not supposed to go swimming yet, so we’re sitting by the edge of the pool with our feet in the water.
“Someday,” I repeat, feeling the painful tug on my heart. What could have been weighs heavily on me, and perhaps it always will. Though this time, there is a promise of happiness in the future.
He puts his arm around me and kisses my forehead. “I hope we have a girl. And she looks just like you.”
I smile. “I’d like that. And if we have a boy, I imagine him looking just like you. But no tattoos until he’s thirty.”
Chase laughs. “You won’t be happy to know I got my first tattoo when I was fifteen.”
“That’s not legal, is it?”
“No. A friend’s brother did it in his garage. It was terrible.”
“Can I see it?”
“Kind of.” He pulls the sleeve up his left shoulder. “It’s been covered up. That’s how bad it was.”
I laugh and bring my face to his, running a hand through his wavy hair. We stay at my parents’ until everyone leaves and go back to my house for the night.
“Now that you’re the owner of The Book Bag,” Chase starts, pulling down the sheets and getting into bed, “are you going to set different hours? You’re not exactly an early riser,” he teases.
“I totally would. But I think most people would argue ten o’clock isn’t early.”
“It’s not. I’ll come in with you. As your business partner, I’ll make a sacrifice and get up along with you.”
“You better, or you’re fired.” I get under the covers next to Chase. The Book Bag is going on, business as usual, just with
a new owner. Chase is going to help me get things started and will work the register so I can handle the legal parts of becoming a shop owner.
He reaches over and takes two books off the nightstand and hands one to me. I take a minute to admire him and let this moment sink in. We’ve been through a lot together in a short amount of time. I might never find a reason to explain why the bad things happened, or why the good ones continue to come. The loss is still painful for the both of us. The mistakes we’ve both made saliently sit just below the surface, reminding us that we’re both human.
Bad things happen.
But good things do too.
There are no reasons. No way to know why life unfolds the way it does.
All I know is right here, right now in this moment…things are as close to perfect as they are going to get. Chase is in my bed with a good book. I don’t think I’m ever getting out.
And I’m okay with that.
36
Chase
“What about this one?” I ask Dakota.
“I have it.”
“This one?”
“Uhhh. Have it.”
I pick another book from the shelf. “There’s no way you have this one.”
Dakota laughs. “I do!”
I’m purposely picking books she already has because she finds it funny. It’s Monday evening, and Sierra is getting ready to close the store for the night. She’s standing at the front of the store, holding baby Aaron as she talks to Melissa.
“You pick one,” I tell my niece, who’s giggling like crazy. She gets very serious and thumbs through the books, picking one about a princess who fights dragons at night when the kingdom is sleeping. I pull a twenty from my wallet and give it to her, making her even more excited that she gets to pay for her own book. She skips her way to the register.
“As far as grand romantic gestures go,” Josh starts, walking down the aisle, trying to get Noah to sleep, “you’ve set the rest of us up to fail. There aren’t enough stores for sale in Summer Hill.”
I laugh and stand, putting the books Dakota and I looked at back on the shelf. “I’ll consider that more next time. Though next time, I’m going bigger. Like a house.”
Josh laughs. “I don’t know what happened.” He looks at Sierra and back at me. “But don’t let it happen again.”
My eyes settle on Sierra. “It won’t.”
Four months later…
“You were right,” I tell Sierra as we walk hand-in-hand along the sidewalk, stopping in front of The Book Bag. “Halloween is an even bigger deal than The Fourth of July.”
“Just wait until Christmas,” she says. “It’s like the early holidays are just warm-ups. Halloween is my favorite.”
“Mine too.”
We stop in front of The Book Bag, setting up a table. In half an hour, the kids of Summer Hill will fill the streets and trick-or-treat from shop to shop, showing off their costumes as they collect candy.
I go to the edge of the sidewalk and look up and down the street. Every storefront has been decorated, and Sierra told me each year people become more competitive to outdo each other.
“What are you thinking?” she asks me. “You have that deep thought look going on.”
“Is it turning you on?”
“It is,” she says and wiggles her eyebrows. “But your costume is too.”
I look down at myself. “It’s the tights, right? It highlights my cock.”
“Don’t talk like that!” she whisper-yells and laughs. “Someone might hear you.”
“They don’t need to hear me. They can see this monster.”
Laughing harder, Sierra walks over to me. It was her idea to dress up as Belle and Gaston.
“And I was thinking about how weird this town is.”
“You always say that.”
“I do. But remember, I like weird.”
“Weird is good.”
I put my arm around her. “Weird is very good.”
And now, weird is home.
37
Sierra
“This is overkill, you know,” Chase tells me, turning away from the table with an eyebrow raised. It’s Thanksgiving, and we’re at my parents’ waiting impatiently to start dinner.
“I want to make sure you don’t eat it.”
“You can just tell me what has shellfish in it. You didn’t need to make a sign.”
I smile and nod. “I did. Just to be sure.”
“Everything with shellfish is on that table,” Sam says. She takes Chase’s food allergy as seriously as I do. “Don’t go by it.”
Chase rolls his eyes, acting more annoyed than he actually is. I laugh and move around the large island counter to him. He snakes his arms around me and steals a quick kiss.
“Happy Thanksgiving,” I tell him and then turn back to the kitchen. “Is everything ready?”
“I think so,” Mom says, opening the oven to check on the turkey. Sam and I exchange looks, silently laughing. Mom doesn’t know how to cook a turkey. Her personal chef prepared most of the meal, while we handled the side dishes.
“I’m going to run home and get changed,” I say. I’ve been in leggings and a T-shirt all day, knowing it was pointless to get dressed while cooking. “I’ll be back in like fifteen minutes.” I turn to Chase. “You can stay here and hang out with the guys if you want.”
Scott, my brother-in-law, and my dad are in the den watching football. Chase had been in there with them, but keeps coming into the kitchen to ‘check on me.’ It’s a bit odd, and it’s almost as if he’s nervous, which doesn’t make sense. Chase isn’t shy and doesn’t care what others think about him. He’s been around my entire family before. Well, except for Scott. But Scott got here two days ago, and he and Chase get along great.
“I’ll come with you,” he says.
“You don’t have to. I’m going to change and probably fix my makeup.”
“Probably?”
“Okay, I will fix it.”
Chase’s hands land on my waist and he leans in. “I’m coming with you. Because I want to fuck you.” He kisses my neck.
“Mhhh,” I moan and let my head fall back. “Yeah, you’re coming with.” I take his hand and go out the door. He insists I do my makeup first, and says he has to go to the car to get something.
He’s still outside when I’m done with my makeup. Wondering what’s going on, I look out the window and see a single lantern light near the edge of the forest. I grab my jacket and go outside to see what the heck Chase is up to.
“Babe?” I call, picking up the lantern. I hold it out in front of me and look into the trees. Another candle flickers next to the river, and I see Chase crouched down by the water. “What are you doing?” I ask.
He stands, and candlelight flickers on his face. “I was going to wait,” he starts and holds out his hand. I pick my way over tree roots and uneven ground, coming to a stop by the side of the river. “I had this whole big thing planned.”
“Wait for what?”
Chase pulls something out of his pocket, not taking his eyes off me. “To ask you to marry me.” He drops down to one knee and opens the box. Firelight flickers off a giant diamond ring.
My jaw drops and my hand flies to my chest. Tears fill my eyes and I look from the ring to Chase.
“Sierra, I love you more than anything. You’ve made me a better person and have given me everything I never knew I wanted. Will you marry me?”
“Yes,” I say, hardly able to find my voice. “Yes, yes I will!”
Chase gets to his feet and puts the ring on my finger. “I love you so fucking much,” he whispers and then kisses me. “Do you like the ring?” he asks nervously.
“Yes!” I assure him with a laugh and bring my hand up. “It’s beautiful.”
Chase kisses me again, and then grabs me by the waist, grinning. “We should hurry so we can get that quickie in before your family comes looking.”
“You have to have a June wedding,” Mom says.
&
nbsp; “No.” Gran shakes her head. “May is better.”
“June weddings are classic,” Mom persists.
“June is overrated,” my aunt chimes in. I look at Chase and smile. I warned him this would happen. The wedding planning started the moment I walked back into the house and showed off my new ring.
“I like May,” I say to Chase. “June is good too. October is my favorite, but that’s too far.”
“I’m good with May,” he agrees.
“We’re getting married in May,” I announce.
“Not this May,” Mom and Gran say at the same time.
“There’s hardly any time to plan!” Mom exclaims. “Venues are already booked.”
“I’ve always wanted to have the reception here,” I go on. “I don’t want a big wedding.”
“You could always do a wedding in Disney,” Scott suggests. He winks at me. “It would have to be small that way.”
“I like that idea,” Chase tells me with a smile. “I’ll marry you tomorrow in Vegas if that’s what you want. As long as we’re together.”
“What?” Mom practically shrieks. “No one is getting married in Vegas! Though I am open to the idea of a Disney wedding.”
“Don’t worry about what you want, Sierra,” Lisa jokes. “You’re lucky enough you got to pick your fiancée and not have an arranged marriage.”
“I’m not that bad,” Mom insists. Sam and I laugh. “I just want to make sure things are perfect.”
Chase takes my hand and smiles. “They already are.”
Epilogue
Chase
Three years later…
“Ethan?” I look around the living room. “Where’s Ethan? Where’d he go?” Wild giggles come from under the pile of pillows in front of me. “Mom, have you seen Ethan?”
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