And she was not the only one, by the looks of it. Annis was looking dreadfully pale again. She laughed for the cameras, and she and Kosta held the knife. But, as they cut into the cake, Bella was fairly certain that it was only his hand over hers that stopped Annis from shaking pitiably. What on earth was wrong? Was she ill?
All thought of her own problems fled. As soon as the cake was taken away to be sliced for the guests, she saw Annis slide her hand out of Kosta’s. She murmured something in his ear and slipped away. Bella put down her untasted champagne and followed.
She caught up with Annis in her bedroom. She was sitting in the window seat, her cheek against the glass and her eyes closed. She looked green.
‘Annie!’ exclaimed Bella, shocked.
Annis didn’t open her eyes. ‘It’s all right. It doesn’t last. I’ll be right as rain in two ticks.’
Quite suddenly Bella understood a lot of things: the way Annis had snapped last night; her tiredness; this morning’s sickness. Maybe that illness in New York that had sent her off to Hombre y Mujer with no companions but the Japanese tourists.
‘It’s not nerves, is it?’ she said, almost inaudibly.
Annis shook her head, eyes still closed.
‘I see.’
Bella felt numb.
She got Annis some water and retreated.
‘Is there anything I can do?’ She could hear the constraint in her voice.
Annis gave a wry smile. ‘Maybe babysitting in the fullness of time.’ She opened her eyes. ‘Don’t look so worried, Bella Bug. It really does pass.’
‘So I’ve heard.’ Bella tried to smile. This was a nightmare. ‘Do you want anything?’
Annis shook her head. ‘Just rest. That usually does it.’
‘Then, I’ll leave you.’
Bella went.
It felt like an escape. She was shaking. She hadn’t felt like this since she’d first realised that Annis was in love with Kosta and he with her. Since she’d first known that, all her bright hopes had come crashing down without anyone even noticing.
She took refuge in her stepfather’s study. It was out of bounds to the guests and the caterers alike. Besides it contained the big-wing chair she had hidden in as a child when Tony had taught her to play hide-and-seek.
She sank back into it, pulling up her knees and hugging them. No one just looking in would have known there was anyone in the room at all.
What’s wrong with me, she thought. Why should I care that Annis and Kosta are going to have a baby? I lost Kosta months ago. Heck, I never had him. The moment he clapped eyes on Annis I lost any chance I ever had with him. The baby makes no difference.
And yet…
She had thought she could not feel lonelier. It seemed she was wrong.
Across the courtyard, the wedding party laughed and chatted and toasted everyone concerned. Bella knew she would have to go back and join in soon. But she did not move.
I’m all out of revelry, she thought.
The door opened. Bella held her breath. She knew she was invisible in the great chair. All she had to do was sit still as a mouse and the intruder would go away.
Only he didn’t. He closed the door behind him and just stood there quietly, waiting.
She stood it as long as she could. Then she catapulted out of the chair to face him.
‘What?’ she flung at him.
‘Thought so,’ said Gil de la Court with satisfaction.
‘OK, so you found me. Big deal.’
Bella shook out her skirts. The stuff glinted like a peacock’s tail, jade and emerald and turquoise. With a bit of luck, among all that flamboyant colour, no one would notice how she had creased it.
He ignored her fussing with her dress.
‘Why are you hiding?’
‘I’m not any more,’ she pointed out.
‘But you were.’ It was not a question.
She shrugged. ‘I’ve been doing my cabaret act for hours. I needed a break.’
‘I noticed.’
‘What?’
‘The all singing, all dancing Bella show,’ he said drily.
She was taken aback. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, who is the star of today’s performance?’
Her chin came up at that. The abrupt movement dislodged her headdress. The stephanotis flopped annoyingly over her brow. She pushed it back with an impatient hand.
‘So?’
‘Wasn’t there supposed to be a bride around somewhere?’
Bella winced. ‘Annis isn’t feeling well.’
He snapped his fingers. ‘Of course. That must be it.’
She was suddenly, gloriously angry. She gave him a glittering smile that was a hundred and ten per cent fury.
‘No, of course that isn’t it,’ she said affably. ‘You know what they say about stepsisters. Well, here I am to prove it. Upstaging Annis at her own wedding.’
His brows twitched together.
She remembered what Lynda had said. That he had been more than halfway in love with Annis. It looked as if her mother was right. In which case why had he been chasing Bella so hard ever since New York? It added fuel to a fire that was already burning quite brightly.
‘How clever of you to find me out. You must be really pleased with yourself.’
The damned flower fell over her face again. She dashed it away with an unsteady hand. The waxy bloom flew straight across the room as if she had thrown it. He caught it instinctively.
‘My, what fast reflexes you have,’ said Bella. She made it sound like an insult and was glad. She knew how close she was to tears. And she was not going to cry in front of this man. She was not. Blinking furiously, she made to barge past him.
‘Fast enough,’ he said, suddenly grim.
He’d caught her so neatly. He’d let her own impetus take her into his arms. Hard. And before she could catch her breath or her balance he was kissing her.
Bella’s roar of outrage was muffled by his mouth. This was not like the icy morning kiss. He was not nearly so controlled this time. In fact, she was not sure that he was controlled at all. His arms were like iron but she could feel little tremors in his hands, and under his ribs, like a volcano about to erupt. And his arousal was unmistakeable.
She had a moment of primitive panic at that raw physicality.
And then civilisation reasserted itself. For both of them, fortunately.
He let her go. He was rather pale and his mouth was a taut line.
‘Not here,’ he said curtly.
‘Not—’ Bella looked at him speechlessly. ‘What do you mean by that?’
The look he gave her was deeply ironic.
She did not pretend to misunderstand him. ‘Forget it.’
His eyes were hard. ‘Don’t think I can,’ he said with devastating honesty. ‘Can you?’
No said something inside her, something very deep and old, something she had never heard before.
Bella gave him a horrified look.
Before she could speak, he said, ‘I know you think you’re in love with someone else. Well, where is he? If he was worth your loyalty, he would be here with you today, wouldn’t he?’
She shook her head with a despairing laugh.
‘Does he know you, like I know you?’
‘You don’t understand.’
‘Yes, I do. I’ve watched you all day.’
Her throat was so full, she could hardly speak. ‘Gil—’
‘You make a beautiful bridesmaid. You do a great job as the daughter of the manor. Only I’d rather have Tina the Tango Dancer. Where did she go, Bella?’
He touched the side of her face with clumsy, tentative fingers. It was too much. A tear brimmed over. She felt it trickle down her cheek. He must have seen it too but he did not look away.
‘All that fire. All that passion,’ he said. ‘And look at you now. What do I have to do to get her back, my Tina?’
The tears were falling fast now. She had to work hard keeping her eyes wide
open to abate them enough to be able to see.
‘Stop it,’ she shouted. ‘Just stop it. You just don’t understand. Nobody understands.’
This time she got past him before he could stop her. She thought he called her name but she didn’t care. She banged the door on him.
It took her some time to cool down. Even longer to splash water on her face to get rid of the tell-tale signs of tears. After that she repaired her make-up and did what she could with her hair. Still, New York expertise told, and when she went back to join the party she knew she looked good.
Which was just as well because the first person she walked into was her new brother-in-law.
‘Hi, gorgeous,’ said Kosta.
Of course, he had never taken her seriously, thought Bella. In an odd way, that made the memories easier.
‘Hi, yourself,’ she said, with a friendly smile.
She gave him a hug that she convinced herself was sisterly. It was certainly enthusiastic enough to have come from an exuberant baby sister. That was what it would have looked like to the other guests. Maybe that was what it felt like to Kosta. That was certainly the way he had treated her ever since he had got engaged to Annis. It was as if that night, the dark secret never very far below the surface of her memory, had never happened.
He hugged her back. ‘Where’s my beautiful wife?’
‘Resting.’
‘Sick, eh?’ He pulled a face. ‘She’s having a bad time, poor love. And today has been a strain. I told her we should pull out of the wedding. Run away to sea and get married in Tahiti. But she didn’t want to disappoint Lynda.’
Bella smiled without constraint for the first time for hours. ‘That’s my Annis.’
‘Yeah. That tender heart is going to take some living up to,’ said Kosta with feeling.
‘You’ll manage it.’
He squeezed her shoulders. ‘You’re a good friend.’
‘I try,’ said Bella drily.
‘And a stunner. I think you’ve knocked poor old Gil for six. He kept asking about you last night.’
‘Did he?’ said Bella. The constraint was back again with a vengeance.
‘So I told him you were a heartbreaker and supplied a list of men who’d bear me out,’ said Kosta cheerfully.
‘Thank you.’
‘Didn’t look as if it was going to make any difference.’
Well, it wouldn’t. Not to a man who thought he knew her better than anyone in her life had ever known her on the strength of one dance, one car journey and two kisses.
And could just possibly be right.
The thought stopped her dead in her tracks.
Right? Right?
But surely the only man who knew her was the one who knew her terrible secret? The man who had been there and had seen it. The man who had caused it. The man who, very kindly, very chivalrously, had turned her down and had sent her away.
Except that, as he’d proved every time they’d met, as he had just proved again, he didn’t know her at all. Oh, he knew what happened. But he didn’t know what it had meant. Not at the time. Not since. He probably thought she behaved like that with every man who happened to take her fancy. If he thought about it at all.
Bella gave a strangled laugh. ‘The problem with weddings is they make people want to pair everyone else off too.’
‘You could be right,’ said Kosta equably. ‘So you think Gil’s got wedding fever, do you?’
No, she didn’t. There had been no wedding to infect him that icy night in New York. But she was not telling anyone else that. She was scarcely even admitting it to herself.
‘Yes,’ she said, lying through her teeth.
Kosta laughed. ‘Whatever you say.’ He looked at his watch. ‘I ought to go and change if we’re going to do the ceremonial departure. I wish we didn’t have to come back for the dance. The sooner I get Annis out of this madhouse and onto a nice warm beach the better.’
‘Sounds like heaven,’ said Bella, meaning it.
‘Then, you ought to string Gil along for a bit. He’s got his very own place on a Greek island. You could get the holiday of a lifetime out of him before you give him his cards.’
‘I’ll bear it in mind,’ she said with irony.
‘Do that. He’s due for a bit of fun. He works too hard, Annis says. And he had his heart broken by the wrong woman.’
Bella was taken aback, in the light of Lynda’s account of Gil’s romantic history.
‘Did Annis tell you that?’ she asked cautiously.
‘No.’ He was not very interested. ‘I forget who told me. She was someone he worked with, I think. His lost lady, I mean.’
She could just have become your wife, thought Bella. In spite of herself, she felt a touch of fellow-feeling for Gil de la Court.
She still avoided him for the rest of the afternoon. Quite possibly he was trying to avoid her too. She certainly did not see him again until Annis came downstairs hand in hand with Kosta, ready to be waved off in the car to which assorted boots, bottles and jocular notices had been attached.
Annis was looking as radiant as a bride ought to now. Her rest had restored her colour. And she leaned against Kosta’s shoulder with absolute confidence. Bella felt that treacherous little hand squeeze her heart again. She held back as the guests all surged forward half carrying Annis and Kosta to the waiting car.
A voice in her ear said, ‘What are you doing now?’
She did not look round. She said evenly, ‘Waving goodbye to my sister.’
‘And then?’
Quite suddenly she knew she couldn’t take any more. The smart evening dress would stay in her suitcase. The dance would have to take place without her.
‘Getting out of the bridesmaid’s uniform and heading back to London,’ she said with resolution.
‘I’ll drive you.’
‘But the dance—’
Gil was obstinate. ‘I drove you down. I’ll drive you back.’
‘That’s not necessary.’
‘Oh, yes, it is. You have no idea how necessary.’
‘There’s no point. We’ve got nothing to talk about.’
‘We agree on something, then,’ he said, startling her into looking round at him.
Only then there was a concerted rush for the car. As Bella looked, distracted, a laughing Annis staggered under the onslaught. At once, Kosta swung an arm round her, shielding her with his body.
‘The bouquet,’ someone shouted. ‘Throw the bouquet.’
Annis had obviously brought it downstairs with her for that express purpose. She scanned the crowd, clearly looking for someone.
Bella had a sudden and horrible premonition.
‘No,’ she said under her breath. ‘Oh, no, please.’
But Annis had seen her. She looked momentarily disconcerted to find her sister right at the back of the laughing group. She said something to Kosta. He bent his head, then looked up at where Bella stood. A broad smile dawned.
He took the bouquet from Annis and swung his arm a couple of times experimentally.
How could he, thought Bella, knowing what he was going to do and not quite believing it. How could he?
He whirled the bouquet in a powerful overarm throw. It arced high over the leaping crowd and hit Bella full in the face. She tried to avoid it but there was nothing she could do. She staggered. She might even have fallen if Gil had not steadied her, catching the bouquet one-handed as it recoiled.
A cheer went up.
He grinned waving the bouquet above his head. ‘My luck’s changed.’
Bella pretended that the shock in her eyes came from a scratch from one of the wired freesias. Gil gave her a handkerchief. She managed to wipe her eyes and blow her nose under the guise of dabbing at some non-existent wound.
The guests turned back to Annis and Kosta and she breathed again. But she was still reverberating like a tuning fork.
Kosta at the wheel, the car did a lap of honour. As it passed, Bella saw Annis take Kosta’s ha
nd and put it on her stomach. They exchanged a look of affectionate complicity. And total trust. And love.
For a moment Bella could hardly breathe.
Alone, she thought. I’m alone. I’ll always be alone. He doesn’t remember because he never noticed.
And beside her was Gil de la Court who had noticed all right.
She turned to him, little tremors still running through her, but her head high.
‘OK.’
‘What?’
‘You can give me that lift,’ said Bella. Her smile glittered. She was offering a lot more than a lift and she could see that he knew it. ‘As soon as you like.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
IT WAS surprisingly easy to get away. Bella expected a protest from Lynda but it did not come.
‘Don’t blame you,’ said Tony Carew, holding his wife’s hand firmly. ‘The young men will be disappointed but we’ll just tell them you had a plane to catch.’
So she changed quickly into trousers and a soft cashmere sweater in tabby-cat colours and kissed a few selected guests goodbye, smiling carefully.
‘Your turn next,’ said one of the godmothers, hugging her.
The smile stayed in place. ‘Sure.’
‘I’ll call you when I come to New York,’ said the man she had flirted with before lunch.
‘Sure.’
‘Don’t want you to go,’ said the child she had played pata-cake with.
Bella gave him a quick, grateful hug.
Gil put her bag in his car. Bella kissed her parents. Tony mussed her hair, as he’d used to do when she went back to school as a child. Then Lynda linked an arm in his and Bella got into the car. As they drove off, Tony and Lynda waved. By that time they were hand in hand and Bella’s mouth ached with smiling.
Gil looked in the driving mirror as he swirled the car into the shadow of the great laurel hedge and away down the drive.
‘You seem very close.’
‘They’re very close.’ In spite of herself she sounded desolate. She pulled herself together. ‘I mean, we all are. Close, I mean.’
He sent her a quick look.
‘You get on well with your stepfather, don’t you?’
‘Always.’
‘Do you still see your real father?’
Bella was surprised into telling the truth. Something she did not often do about Micky Spence.
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