I stared at him, a thousand little moments, memories hitting me all at once. Realization that, despite what I wanted to believe, he wasn’t messing with me about this. “You lied to me,” I said. It was the first thing I could think of, the thing that hurt the most. He knew how much Nain’s lies had hurt me, and here he was, telling me he’d done the same thing.
He nodded.
“You’re not going to make excuses for it?” I could feel my power rising as my temper flared, and the building gave a shudder around us as it did. “Aren’t you going to tell me it was for my own good, or because you loved me so much it totally made lying to me okay?” I asked, and I could hear the venom in my voice.
“No. I was an idiot.”
“Is there anything else I should know?”
He shook his head. “It’s all there. I love you. You’re mine. I can feel you. And me telling you this is just going to make things more screwed up between us, and I know it. I’m not going to lie to you anymore.”
I shook my head, tried to remember to breathe. “I can’t believe this.” On one hand, part of me could admit that this was everything I wanted to hear from him. He loved me. He wanted me. On the other, I'd been jerked around, lied to, left behind. And this man standing there before me, pleading with his eyes, was supposed to be my best friend, the one I could trust completely. And he'd lied to me. Not just a fib, not an “oh, yeah, you look great in that dress” type of lie. This wasn't a crush he had. This wasn't just attraction. He'd imprinted on me as his mate. That is a huge freaking deal for a shifter. They mate for life, and do so only once they've found their true mate. My best friend, and he'd chosen not to share something that huge with me. Especially since it kind of involved me.
He watched me. “It bothered you that I was going to this thing with her tonight. Why didn’t you just tell me not to go?”
“Because I don’t own you. I have no right to tell you where to go or who to go out with or who to talk to or anything else.” I closed my eyes, shook my head. Why did everything always have to be so goddamn hard? Even my best friend couldn’t be straight with me. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut and the heart at the same time, and it confused me as much as it enraged me.
“Except that you do own me. Completely,” he said. “Remember that next time you think it’s even possible for me to want someone else.” He watched me, started loosening his tie. “And then maybe think about why it is that the idea of me wanting someone other than you bothers you so much.” He met my eyes one more time, then headed upstairs, leaving me to try to figure out how to deal with the turmoil of my warring emotions.
♦ ♦ ♦
After my little conversation with Brennan, I’d been doing my best to avoid him. I wasn’t mad that he could feel me. Shit like that, I knew from my own powers, was beyond our control. The fact that he hadn’t told me was what pissed me off. The fact that, for basically our entire friendship, there had been this lie between us.
I hurt for him, too. If my own little jealous (yeah, I could admit it) freak-out over the shifter was any indication, I could only imagine what he’d gone through all that time. Knowing that he loved me, and that he’d not only stood by and watched me choose someone else, but that he’d had to endure feeling my pleasure when some other man loved me…it was just too much.
And I was confused over just about everything with him. I don’t handle this type of thing well.
So I avoided him, and he let me do it. We said as few words as possible to each other throughout the days that followed. It was starting to put me in a bad mood, frankly.
We did our best to keep things running smoothly, but after a little over a week of avoiding each other, things were starting to fall apart, just a little bit, fraying at the edges. We’d been bickering with each other all day over stupid things. Shanti was sitting in the dining room working on the algebra problems I’d assigned her. Brennan was cleaning up after dinner and I was sitting at the counter in the kitchen reading through the reports Chief Jones had sent over for me.
“What’s going on tonight?” he asked me.
I shrugged. “Normal crap.”
“Want me to come with you?”
“I can handle it.”
He took a breath. “I know you can. Never said you couldn’t.”
“Then stop trying to help me.”
Shanti groaned. “Oh, shit. Here we go again,” she said, gathering up her books. “Y’all can do this by yourselves. It’s all reruns with you two lately.” And with that, she headed up to her room and shut the door.
“Watch the language,” I called after her.
Brennan shook his head and went back to washing dishes, irritated. “I know you don’t need me or my help. I just thought we’d get out of here and do something else for a while.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m tired of the pissiness lately. Maybe if we beat someone up together you’ll get over it,” he said, giving me a look and turning away.
“Aw, I’m not fun anymore, huh? Maybe you can find company elsewhere. Lemme think,” I said.
“Don’t even, Molly,” he warned.
“Or what?” I asked.
He turned around, crossed his arms. “What, do you want me to threaten you? Should I rough you up the way Nain used to when you disagreed with him? Maybe you’d want me if I acted like an asshole all the time.” I stared at him, and my jaw dropped. He took a deep breath, and I felt him trying to draw back his anger. “Shit. I’m sorry. That was stupid.” Silence as we both tried to handle our own anger. ”I shouldn’t have told you,” he said, turning away again.
“Yeah. You totally should have just kept lying to me.”
“Apparently.”
“It doesn’t change anything.”
“Yeah. Because you clearly couldn’t stand me before,” he said, and the growl in his voice was unmistakable.
“What, did you expect me to be charmed? Was I supposed to be all ‘oh, Bren! I’m yours! Let’s live happily ever after, baby!’ Please.” I got up and tossed the police reports in the garbage.
“No. I know you too well for that.”
“You don’t know me. One person in this whole world knew me, and he’s dead,” I said.
He went absolutely still. Glared at me. “If you really believe that, then you haven’t been paying attention. At all.” His anger, pain, love, need roared over me. He was overwhelming, in every way, and being around him was driving me completely insane, ready to snap at any second.
We glared at each other for several long seconds, and I felt like I was either going to cry or scream. So I did what I always seemed to do with Brennan lately.
“I do not need this,” I muttered. Then I walked out, slamming the door behind me.
I took it out on big bads, of course. I was just finishing fighting a sprite who’d tried stalking a girl as she walked home from work. As I sent his ass home afraid of me, I felt Eunomia flutter down behind me. I turned to look at her.
“You really need a new hobby,” she said, shaking her head.
“Yeah, I’ll take up crochet sometime,” I muttered.
She laughed. “You’re in a mood. Even more than usual,” she said, landing and sitting on the ground nearby. I plopped down next to her. The imps moved away from us, seeming to know when I wanted privacy. They went to the street and perched on the hood of my car, keeping an eye out for trouble while I talked to Eunomia.
I shook my head. “I got into another fight with Brennan and said something stupid,” I said, plucking a clover blossom from the patch of lawn we were sitting on.
“From what you tell me, you’ve been saying many stupid things to him lately,” she said, watching me.
I shrugged.
“Does he deserve it?” She asked after a while.
“He lied to me.”
“Yes. And he admitted it. Does he deserve for you to continue acting like this?”
“No,” I said. “Every time I start feeling something for him, I panic. And then I
throw Nain’s memory in his face. I know it’s cruel, and I do it anyway.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes. “You know. You’ve told me all about all of this. I sat with you afterward, remember?” I nodded. “Consider something, from someone who knows something about eternity and vows and all of that. You loved your demon husband. I know you did. And you bound yourself to him and you meant it. He broke that bond, by choice, by not telling you what would happen when you destroyed his enemy. Not you. You do not have to spend the rest of your life in some kind of self-assigned purgatory.”
“I’m afraid,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Of what?”
“Doing this again. Letting someone in. Losing them.” I sighed. “He’s my best friend. He’s my right hand. I’m able to do everything I do because he has my back in every possible way.”
She raised her eyebrows. “And, so, you treat him like garbage, because….?” Eunomia said.
I didn’t answer. Shook my head. “Stupid Guardians and their stupid logic,” I muttered.
“All I’m saying is, maybe stop being so wrapped up in your own fears that you overlook the good things in your life. Look at what the man has been through for you.” She ticked the points off on her fingers as she talked. “He helped train you to fight. He’s had to cope with hating himself since the Puppeteer took control of him. He watched you love someone else. Stayed by your side for months when you mourned the man he lost you to. Became your partner, your confidante, even though it must have hurt him a lot of the time.”
She stopped for a second, then went on. “And, just to top it off, he pulled your burnt, broken body out of a fire, and he sat by your bedside day and night, watching, praying that you’d come back, and he’s been calm and strong through every insane situation you’ve put him through.” She paused. “You know what? Forget you. The shifter is enough to make me reconsider my maiden status.”
I smacked her lightly on the arm. “Not funny, E.”
“You see what I’m saying, don’t you? Please tell me you are not that clueless.”
I sighed. “I do. He’s too good for me.”
She rolled her eyes. “And, that’s where we end the discussion because we’ve veered into Stupidville. Clearly, you need a distraction. How about guarding the gate?”
I stared at her. “Are they through?”
“Not yet. It’s weak, though, and we haven’t been able to stop it. We’ve tried everything. We’re at that point. We need you to protect your end.”
“Why didn’t you just say that? We don’t have time to chit-chat.”
She tilted her head, studied me. “Because you needed to talk. You’re not a robot, demon girl. Admitting you have emotions is not a weakness.”
“I don’t have time for emotions. I don’t have time to think, let alone try to figure out any of this shit with Brennan,” I said.
“You need to make time. What are you fighting for, really, unless it’s to protect those you love?” She let me think that over for a bit. “All right. Should we go now?”
I nodded. “Where?”
“Let’s fly.”
I stared at her again. “Hell, no.”
“You’ve flown with me before.”
“I was mostly dead at the time,” I pointed out.
“Want me to knock you out?” she asked sweetly. She straightened her robes, flexed her wings, and grinned at me with her sharp little teeth.
“Try it, Big Bird,” I muttered, and she laughed.
She grabbed me under my arms, and we soared through the air, the city below us a blur. I closed my eyes and tried not to puke. When she finally set me down, I felt like kissing the ground.
She laughed. “Who would have guessed that the big bad Angel was such a baby?”
I gave her the finger. And then I looked around, froze. A thousand bad memories hit me. Screams, the smell of burning flesh. Anguish, emptiness. I could still hear my own screams reverberating off of concrete.
She watched me. “I’m sorry, my friend. This was another reason I put off showing you where the gateway was,” Eunomia said softly.
“What are the odds?” I whispered as I looked around the abandoned Packard plant. Crumbling walls, garbage.
Where Nain had died.
I felt myself nearing the edge. A few months ago, I would have gone over.
I was different now. I would not be destroyed by this. Not again. I let myself feel my grief. Let myself mourn again, for just a moment, remembering. Remembering everything. The good, the bad. The passion and the pain. Honoring him for what he’d given to me.
I also, insanely enough, felt myself letting go. Letting go of the anger, the hatred. The guilt. Letting go of him, even as I wept for him again.
I settled myself down, wiped my eyes, and I took a deep breath. Shook my head. “It’s fine. We have things to do.”
She watched me.
“Really.”
Then she smiled. “Good.” She fluttered to an end of the factory, almost exactly where we’d fought that night. “Come here. See if you can sense it.”
“Should I be able to?”
She shrugged. “I’m curious. Humor me.”
I walked that way, making a point of not looking at the spot where Nain had died. I could pinpoint it, seared into my mind. I reached Eunomia, looked around. Nothing but concrete and trash. Then I closed my eyes, felt an unpleasant sensation, like a pull, almost physical. I opened my eyes, pointed to my left. “It’s there.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“I can feel it because of the demon thing, right?”
She shook her head. “I do not think so. Anyway, this is the gateway. If something comes through, kill it.”
I laughed. “Right. Because it will be that easy.”
She raised her eyebrow. “I think you can handle it.”
“If they get through, it’s because they fought their way past a bunch of demons and a Fury to get here. If they get through, I’m pretty sure we’re fucked.”
“Deal with it. It’s what you do.”
I felt it then. Something was bashing the barrier between the gateway and us. “Feel that?” I asked Eunomia.
She nodded. “Something is coming.”
Chapter Nine
The words were barely out of her mouth when the first of the demons barreled through the gateway, seeming to appear out of nowhere. Six of them, huge, hulking, eyes glowing. Skin the color of old bruises. I readied myself, dove into them, punching, cutting.
“You have to use your powers, devil girl,” Eunomia yelled, before winking out of sight, back to the Nether to find out what was happening.
I tried to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach as I unleashed fire on the two nearest me. One was grabbing my hair, and I sent mental knives behind me, at him, and I glanced back to see his eyes bleeding. He still held onto me, though, and another came at me, black, cruel-looking sword gleaming. He slashed, and I felt it rip across my stomach.
I gritted my teeth against the pain. I hated feeling my blood streaming out of my body. “Big mistake, asshole,” I growled. I launched forward at him, leapt onto him and coursed fire into his body as he screamed. Soon, he was still, and I turned to take on the one that was already bleeding as the first two lay in smoking lumps.
Two more. The first charged toward me, knocked me down, put his gigantic hands around my throat and started squeezing. I fought him, but it was like fighting steel, and I was already weakening a little from healing myself. He looked down at me, grinned a slimy, sharp-toothed grin, and reached for my pants.
“Sorry, buddy. There’s only one demon I’ve ever let into my pants, and it’s definitely not you,” I said. Then I smiled up at him, shot mental knives at his stomach, and he fell off of me, screaming. I rubbed my bruised throat, looking around for the other one while his teammate laid blubbering at my feet.
I saw him running for the exit. I ran after him, determined that he not leave the factory. If he got out, it wo
uld be easier for me to lose track of him. He looked over his shoulder, and I could feel his fear.
Damn, demonic fear was good. It strengthened me, and I put on a burst of speed, leapt onto his back as he tried to get away.
“Who sent you?” I asked him, standing up and throwing him back into the factory. He roared in pain as he struck the concrete wall. He sprung up and tried running at me, but I tossed a small fireball at him. It struck, and he panicked and started rolling around on the floor, extinguishing the flames. I waited patiently as he got himself together again.
“I’ll ask again. Who sent you?”
My imps were surrounding the two of us now, watching, waiting. The demon rose to his knees.
“Nobody.”
I conjured a fireball, bobbled it in my hand, and felt his fear spike. “Are you sure?”
“I swear. Nobody sent me.” His voice was a little high-pitched for a demon. He seemed young, compared to the ones I had come across.
“Then how did you and your buddies get here?” I still held the fire, and he stayed on his knees.
“There was a fight. A bunch of us were bashing at the gateway, trying to get through. The Fury and her guard demons got distracted when the mob attacked them, and a few of us were able to come through before they realized what was happening.”
“Is the gateway really that weak?”
He nodded. “If they are not working to keep it intact, it opens.”
“Why did you come here?”
He looked at me as if I was stupid, which really annoyed me. “Freedom.”
“What was your crime?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“I murdered my parents.”
“The Furies tend to look down on that,” I said. I remembered the things Nain had told me about his own parents, though, and had a feeling this demon's parents probably weren't worth mourning.
“Yeah.” He watched me. “You’re like them. You’re going to send me back.”
I studied him. “I don’t know how to send you back,” I finally admitted.
We sat in silence. “So I have a choice to make here. Do I kill you, the way I did your buddies, there?”
Broken: Hidden Book Two Page 8