Gently removing his fingers from my cheek, I said, “I told them I’d think about it.”
His expression instantly turned stony. “No, you’re not going to think about it. You don’t want to do it, you said so yourself.” I opened my mouth and he instantly steamrolled over my objection. “No. You’re not doing something you don’t want to do. Not again. I’d rather go back to street-racing than watch that happen again.”
I pursed my lips, silently telling him that he’d be street-racing over my dead body, then I nodded. “Okay. I’ll tell them no. Then they’ll leave…and we’ll make do.”
Tossing an arm over my shoulder, he smiled wide. “Just like we always do. And we’ll be fine. I promise.”
I wanted to tell him he couldn’t promise me something like that, but there was no need. He understood, the same as I did, that the future was fluid, and it was quite possible that we could lose everything. But I knew what he really meant by his promise—that even if we did hit rock bottom, even if we had to live out of my truck…the two of us, we would be okay. And knowing that gave me strength, made me feel like I could call Richard right now, and tell him there was no way in hell I was going to do a racy underwear ad. And then, once I hung up with him, I wouldn’t spend one second worrying about what that meant for Cox Racing.
Yes, that was exactly what I was going to do…right after the race.
Putting that stress from my mind, I waited with the rest of my crew until it was time for the main event. When we were told to line up, I grabbed my bike from its resting place and headed for the grid boxes.
Adrenaline and excitement surged through me while I waited under the heat of the afternoon sun for the light to turn green. Hayden had qualified under me, and when I looked back at him, he was shamelessly enjoying the view. Even though he was firmly on the Don’t Do It side of the Ashley’s Intimates issue, I had a feeling he’d been picturing me in a sensual underwear ad all day. He was going to be crawling all over me when we got back to the hotel. I couldn’t wait.
Myles had had a great qualifier, ending up in the number one spot again. His head was down, though, while he waited, like he was asleep. I wished I had something to chuck at him, to wake him up, but just as I was thinking that, he shifted his gaze to the sky. Not sleeping then. But still…his head wasn’t in the game, that much was clear.
I wished I could check on him, but instead, I stayed glued in my spot, waiting. He’d snap out of it once the light changed. Hopefully.
As we got closer to start time, everyone around me tensed in preparation. My heart seemed loud in my ears, louder than the bikes and the cheering fans. Eyes glued in front of me, I waited for that magical moment. Green suddenly filled my vision, and I released the pent-up need inside of me, surging forward with the pack.
All my day-to-day worries vanished as I pressed my bike harder and faster, and all that existed was the road, my bike, and me. The three of us began a conversation, an intimate, perfect discussion that had me sweeping past the other riders like they were standing still. Time froze, and yet, at the same time, it inexplicably sped up, and before I knew it, the last lap flag was being waved.
I’d been so intent on just enjoying the feel of racing—of letting go—that I had no idea what position I was in. There were three people ahead of me…none of them Myles. Was I in fourth? Had Myles slipped out of the top three? I quickly glanced behind me, hoping to spot him. Instead I saw Hayden, practically eating my rear tire. Grinning, I faced forward. If you want this, Hayes, you’re gonna have to work for it.
Pressing for speed, hoping to get away from Hayden, I started in on the number three position. The finish line was zooming toward me—my last chance to get around this guy. Feeling like laughing, I gave it everything I had…and passed him mere seconds before our tires crossed the line.
Euphoria burst through me as I pumped my fist into the air. It wasn’t first place, but it was top three, and I’d take it. Glancing back, I saw Hayden sitting in the fifth position, just behind the guy I’d passed. I could make out Felicia and Rodney a few spots behind Hayden…but I couldn’t see Myles. It wasn’t until I stopped and looked at the board that I figured it out. Tenth. He hadn’t finished that low…in a long time.
Concern for my teammate, and to a lesser extent, my business, was at the forefront of my mind as I did my mandatory interviews. When my moment in the sun was over, I headed back to the Cox garages, hoping to get some answers. Dex was beaming when I spotted him. “Kenzie! That was amazing! Watching you ride… God, I could do that all day.”
“Thanks, Dex,” I said.
As I looked around for Myles, Dex added, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re different when you’re out there. Like this weight is off you.”
With a sigh, I stopped searching and met his eye. “Racing is all I’ve ever wanted to do, since I was young. All this…stuff that comes with it…it’s not my passion. I can’t… I can’t stand it,” I said, feeling the truth of honesty lightening my shoulders.
Dex looked thoughtful as he nodded. “I can understand that.”
He looked like he wanted to say more, but I finally spotted Myles and excused myself. Calling his name, I jogged over to where he was standing, staring at nothing. “Hey, Myles…everything okay? What happened out there?”
He let out a long, weary sigh, then discreetly looked around. “Can we talk, Kenzie?”
Dread filled my stomach. “Yeah…what’s going on?”
He ran his hands through his hair, repeatedly. “I just… I’m having a really hard time…here…at events.” With sad eyes, he shook his head. “I’m miserable, Kenzie. I just want to go home.”
My eyes widened in shock. “But you won the last race? And you qualified in first again? I thought… I thought racing in Maria’s name was making it easier?”
Cringing, he nodded. “Yes…and no. Sometimes the racing is enough to…make up for everything else. Sometimes it’s not. The travel, being away…missing Nikki and Maria.” His expression morphed into a disappointed frown, and a humorless laugh escaped him. “I knew Nikki would have a hard time being away once the baby was born, but I never expected that I would too. It’s been so hard on me, so I was thinking…”
“You were thinking what?” I asked, lead forming in my belly.
“Don’t kill me, but…what if that was my last race? What if I retired?”
I felt like he’d socked me in the gut, my eyes even stung from the blow. “You can’t…you can’t retire. You said so yourself…one of you needs to make money.”
He fell onto a nearby stool. “I know. And deep down I know I can’t really quit. I can’t do that to you, I can’t do that to Nik, and I actually don’t think I could stop… I’d miss racing. I just… I can’t stand being away from them. From her…from Nik.”
Sinking down in front of him, I put a hand on his knee. “It’s temporary, Myles. Nikki wants to come back, and she will…next season.” God, I hoped that was true. She was awfully content being at home with Maria. Shit. What if I lost Nikki…and Myles?
Shaking that horrid thought from my head, I desperately tried to come up with something to sway him. “Why don’t…why don’t we invite Nikki out to the next race. It’s Monterey…it’s close. Her mom can watch Maria overnight, and we can all go out…have fun, like we used to.” Please don’t leave yet.
Myles peeked up at me, warmth on his face. “That does sound…nice.”
“Good,” I said, standing. Thank God. “Then it’s settled. You aren’t quitting.”
A dry laugh escaped him. “Yeah… I’m not quitting…”
That should have been reassuring, but there was an odd tone to his voice, a sorrowful sound. And I didn’t know if it was because he felt bad for himself, for the fact that Nikki wasn’t here…or if he felt bad for me, because he knew that his heart was leaning toward a more permanent solution.
“I’m gonna head back to the hotel, pack up…see if I can’t get an earlier flight back.” I nodded at hi
m, and he gave me a half-smile. “See you later, Kenzie. And I’m sorry I sucked today…”
I had to swallow the lump in my throat as I watched him shuffle away. I never thought I’d see the day when racing wasn’t Myles’s entire world. As an owner, it terrified me. But as a friend…it broke my heart.
***
CHAPTER 16
“I broke him, didn’t I? Myles?”
I paused in rocking Maria to look over at Nikki. She was chewing on her fingernails as she watched me. There were bags under her eyes, but the exhaustion was laced with joy. She was exactly where she wanted to be—home with her little girl.
Glancing back down at the little being in my arms, her head fully covered in a shocking amount of black hair, I shrugged and told her, “No…he’s fine. He’ll be fine.”
Nikki snorted. “I watched the race, Kenzie. He qualified first, then wound up tenth. It wasn’t his bike, wasn’t a crash, wasn’t anything but his head. This never would have happened before…” She paused, then sighed. “I broke him. I ruined Cox Racing.”
Looking up at her again, I pursed my lips. “Now you’re being dramatic. Nothing is ruined. And besides, if it does go down, it won’t be because of you…”
She tenderly put a hand on my arm. “I’m sorry you lost Ashley’s Intimates. And I totally erased your commercial from my DVR. Those bastards don’t deserve you.”
“Thanks,” I said with a smile. I’d called Richard as soon as I’d returned home from Barber, and a week later, he’d called me back with the bad news. Ashley’s was going with someone else next season. I’d lost them. While I was still reeling from the blow, I wasn’t surprised. They’d wanted more than I could give them. We just weren’t a good fit.
As I sat there, processing that, I cringed internally. I was sitting on news Nikki needed to know. The problem was, I had no idea if she’d be bothered by what I had to tell her. She could be indifferent, not really caring one way or the other, or she could be happy for me. I’d be fine with those last two reactions. It was not knowing if she’d be upset that was making me hesitant to talk to her.
She must have sensed my turmoil, because she cracked open the door for me. “You look like you just ate something sour. What is it?”
With a long exhale, I put my finger in Maria’s tiny palm. “As you know, Hayden and I are going away for a long weekend, a little R&R before Monterey. And…when we get back…we’re gonna move his stuff into my place.” She opened her mouth to speak, and feeling nervous, I quickly blurted out, “He’s going to give you two months’ rent, and he’s going to leave all the furniture…in case you want to get a new roommate. Maybe Myles? Since he’s here…so much…anyway.”
A small, tight small formed on Nikki’s lips. “Was this your idea or Myles’s?”
“Mine. But I do think it’s absolutely ridiculous that he’s sleeping on a couch when you have…” I let that thought linger with a sigh. “Hayden and I are ready. We want to live together, and since Myles is helping you with rent, and you don’t really need Hayden’s help anymore, we figured…now was a good time.”
Her smile relaxed. “It’s fine, Kenzie. I saw this coming. The only thing shocking here is that he stayed as long as he did. And I know that was because of me, and I love you both for it, but he should go, so the two of you can…be happy.”
She suddenly looked worn to the bone, the joy from being a mom suddenly tucked into a corner, just out of reach. “You could be happy too, Nik. You and Myles both.”
Closing her eyes, she shook her head. “We are happy. When he forgets that he’s…in love with me, we’re fine. We’re great. It’s just when he gets all serious and melancholy…when he starts racing like shit because he’s distracted.” Her dark eyes turned fiery. “I’m seriously going to kick his ass if he does that again. If he wants me, then he should show me by kicking ass out there and winning. I’m not going to be with a Debbie Downer.”
I couldn’t stop the grin that erupted on my face. “You’re going to be with him?”
“If you weren’t holding my daughter right now, I’d smack you in the face with a pillow. No, I’m not. I’m just saying…if he wanted to change my mind, losing isn’t the way to do it.”
A small laugh escaped me. “You want him to change your mind?”
“Oh my God, give me my daughter so I can smack you.”
I clutched Maria tighter, using her as a shield. Nikki laughed and shook her head. When her expression leveled, I told her, “I’m really glad you’re coming to Monterey. It…just hasn’t been the same without you.”
Nikki frowned. “Yeah… I know.” She flipped her lips into a smile. “I’m glad I’m going, too. I’ve missed you guys.”
Because I couldn’t resist, I said, “Some of us more than others?”
Nikki groaned and tossed a burp rag at my face. “You can leave now…bitch.”
Laughing, I gently handed Maria to Nikki. “Here, take your daughter…bitch.”
She laughed, then her face completely transformed as she took the warm, soft, sweet bundle from me. Smiling down at the content mother and daughter, I felt a pull inside me that went all the way to the center of my soul. Someday that would be me. And Hayden. Later, when I was ready to take a couple of years off racing. That would be weird. But as I said goodbye to Nikki, I reconsidered. She’d been so worried to leave, and now the only thing stressing her out was Myles—not the baby, not work. I would adapt, the same as she had.
After leaving Nikki’s apartment, I headed to the track. I was meeting Hayden there, then we were taking our bikes up the coast to a quaint bed and breakfast that Hayden had found. The photos of it looked like peace personified, and with how crazy and hectic this year had been, it sounded like heaven.
It was a Wednesday afternoon, so the track was swarming with activity when I got there, both on the Cox side and the Benneti side. As I glanced over to Keith’s garages, I saw him out front, talking to Felicia and a person that seemed familiar…somehow. It took a few seconds to register, and when it did, my hands tightened on the handlebars so hard, I thought my fingers might be bruised. They were talking to an Ashley’s Intimates rep; I’d met her when I’d filmed the commercial.
With the way everyone was smiling, I wondered if Felicia was going to be Ashley’s new spokesperson. Probably. I had a feeling she would do everything I’d been reluctant to do. I wanted to be angry about that, but truly…this wasn’t about Felicia and me. It wasn’t like she had swooped in and stolen Ashley’s from me. I’d said no and turned them away. If she was the one who’d knocked on their door and said yes, then I couldn’t blame her for seizing an opportunity. So long as it was her idea. If Keith was forcing her to do this, well that, I had an issue with.
I put it from my mind as I rode to the Cox garages. This weekend was about peace, not stress or regret.
Hayden was in the garage when I walked in, talking and laughing with Eli and Ralph. I paused for a moment to watch him. He fit in here now, no awkwardness, no tension, no lingering doubt. He was one of us, wholly and completely, and it made a warm, fuzzy feeling dance across my stomach. My eyes even hazed with happy tears.
“Mackenzie? Are you…all right?”
I turned to see my father staring at me with concern in his eyes. “Yes, Dad, I’m fine,” I said, blinking away the stinging sensation.
Dad’s lips pressed into a firm line. “I think we should talk about this trip. Now really isn’t the time to—”
“To have a life?” I countered, cutting him off. “Now is exactly the time, Dad.”
I started heading upstairs, to check on my to-do list before I left town. Dad followed me. “The next race is right around the corner, Mackenzie,” he said, walking up to my desk with me.
I started flicking through papers. Most of them had notes from Dex attached to them. He was already handling things. Glancing up, I told Dad, “John and Dex have everything under control. It’s just a few days. It will be fine.”
Dad shook his head, purs
ing his lips. He still didn’t trust Dex, but he was biting his tongue on that subject. “I didn’t mean that, I meant…you should be training. Now isn’t the time to slack off.”
The words were so familiar, I smiled. “Yeah, I probably should be, but I’m not. Instead, I’m going to spend some quality time with my boyfriend, resting, drinking, and possibly eating pasta.”
Dad’s frown deepened. “Is this because you lost Ashley’s? Because, I really think if we just—”
I held up my hand to stop him. “It’s not because of that. It’s because… I don’t want to sacrifice my happiness, my life, for a business…even this business. I want balance.”
The look on Dad’s face turned sympathetic. “You might not believe me,” he quietly said. “But I understand that.”
I waited for him to say, “But…” but surprising me, he didn’t. He simply smiled and said, “Enjoy your weekend, Mackenzie.” Then he turned and left my office. I was so stunned, I was still staring at the door when Hayden walked through it.
“There’s my girl, ready to go?” Since I was still looking at the door, he turned and glanced over his shoulder. “Something going on?” he asked.
His eyes returned to me, and I locked gazes with him. “I think hell just froze over…but other than that…everything’s fine.”
Hayden laughed, his expression confused. Smiling, I walked over and laced my arms around his neck. “Yes, I’m ready. Let’s go for a ride.”
I double and triple checked a few things before we left my office, but there was no need. Dex had already checked them and made notes for me. Amazed and relieved, I left my office with Hayden. Dex was in the garage when I got there, going over Myles’s bike with Kevin, like they were both sure what had happened at Barber was mechanical, not mental.
“Hey, Dex, great job upstairs. I was going to take care of some last-minute things before I left, but I see you already did.”
Dex turned away from Myles’s bike, and his eyes locked onto my hand laced in Hayden’s before lifting to my face. “Right…yeah, you’re leaving…” With a shake of his head, he said, “After what you said at Barber, I just wanted…” He paused to sigh. “I want coming here to be fun for you, not stressful.”
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