by Josie Wright
I look at Allie who seems ready for a fight. Her left eyebrow is raised and she has a look of bring it on in her eyes.
“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”
Instead of her answer, I hear Jake’s dirty chuckle. “You have no idea, man.”
I laugh before flopping back down on the bed, but end up groaning as I run my hands down my face.
“Thanks, Allie.”
“Anytime, my friend. Anytime. Just don’t be surprised if you find your tires slashed. I doubt Kylie will be this understanding.”
“I guess I should apologize to her, huh?”
“Oh, hell no. I wouldn’t advise that. She’ll get over it believing you’re gay and therefore, not interested. If she finds out you called her the name of a girl you’re in love with—no, I don’t want to buy a black dress for your funeral.”
“I think I might need a shower—” I don’t get to finish the sentence because Allie speaks up.
“Uh, yeah, you kinda do.”
“Thanks. After I’m showered, you guys want to go out for breakfast somewhere?”
“I’m in,” Jake says, getting up from his place on the floor.
“Me too,” Allie agrees, giving me a hug and then making her way out of the house with Jake.
I guess it’s time for me to get my shit together.
Chapter 15
The Next Step
Eleven months later…
I walk down the familiar corridor of the hospital for the last time—at least for the foreseeable future.
I’ve spent the past eleven months following Allie’s advice. The house is fixed up; every room looks streamlined, modern, and as good as new. It was a lot of work, but the end-result is worth it. It now resembles a home and not a collection of dust traps. To my surprise, it even started to feel like home to me, but never a hundred percent. There’s just something missing, but I suppose it’s as much of a home as I’ll currently get.
Mike’s tools have been put to good use between the work on the house and the jobs I’ve worked on throughout the time I’ve spent here. There was always a steady supply of those, sometimes so many I had to say no in order to be able to still get stuff done in the house. My skill set has improved, and I’ve impressed myself a few times with what I was able to accomplish.
My dad and I have gotten closer, or as close as you can get when you never see each other in a private setting. There were good visits and less than thrilling ones.
Usually, the mention of my mother would send him straight into depression and make a conversation next to impossible. It was tiring, frustrating, and at times, frightening.
Throughout this whole time, I couldn’t help but think that despite everything my mother did, his reaction wasn’t normal. It wasn’t healthy, and a feeling of fear crept into me, wondering if maybe one day I’m bound to go down this road, too. Considering I can’t stop thinking about Frankie, can’t get her out of my head, I’m not sure the fear is unfounded. Knowing what I know now, I can’t stop the nagging thoughts telling me I’ll end up just like him—crazy.
He’s had his ups and downs in the time I came to visit and the downs were hard to witness. I’ll never know my dad the way he used to be. The man before his world fell apart, and for that, I can’t help but hate my mother. She’s taken something from me she had no right to take. The more time I spend with my dad and the more I witness his pain, the more this feeling grows.
I broached the subject of eventually leaving back in March. I didn’t know how he would take it. He had been silent for a long time, a really long time, before he said, “Son, you don’t need to revolve your life around me. I’m in here. I doubt I’ll ever get out. I can’t cope, especially not now, after finding out the truth about what your mother has done to us. Whenever I was out of the hospital, I ended up breaking down, trying to end it all. I’m safer in here.”
It’s not the type of words you expect to hear from your father as encouragement, but I guess it’s the sentiment that counts. And it makes me feel better knowing he’s okay with it.
Now I’m on my way to say goodbye, which is important for both of us. This time we get to say goodbye, and we know we’ll see each other again. I promised to visit him as often as I can when things have settled, and I have figured things out with Frankie.
He’s already in our usual spot on the couch when the nurse ushers me into the room.
“Hey, Dad.” I plop down next to him on the couch.
“You packed? Ready to go?” His interest seems genuine, although I detect some hesitation in his voice. I don’t like the idea of leaving him behind. It must be so much harder for him. I’ll be trying to get my life in order while he’ll never get his back.
“Yeah, all ready to go. I’ll just have to stop by the house on my way and grab everything. And then I’m on the road.” I grab the envelope I have in my jeans pocket. “Here are pictures of the house. I thought you might want to see them.”
I pass it over to him, and he starts flipping through them.
“Wow. This is really great work, Son. I’m proud of you. It’s…I had no idea this old house had that kind of potential. I bet you could make a lot of money selling it.” His eyes are wide with amazement. It’s the first real compliment he has given me, the first time he said he’s proud of me. It makes my heart swell with satisfaction and pride.
“Where did you learn to do this kind of work?” I don’t answer right away, which causes him to look up at me, awaiting my reply.
What am I supposed to say? Oh, the man who stole your wife and your kid taught me all this. That might not be the best way to say goodbye, so I decide to lie. I don’t like it, but there’s no point in opening more wounds for him. And to be honest, I also don’t want to deal with the fallout.
“Oh, school and now Mike has helped me a lot,” I say, hoping he’ll believe my lie.
“It’s really amazing, Ben.” He puts the pictures back in the envelope and wants to hand them back to me.
“You can keep them if you want to. I have them on my phone.”
“Thanks. So what’s your plan of action?” The corner of his lips tugs up into a smile.
“Go back, hope she’s there for Thanksgiving, and that I’ll make it out without her nailing my balls to the wall. And that maybe instead she’ll give me a chance to prove myself.”
“Keep me updated on that.” He gets lost in thought. It’s something I’ve gotten used to with him. I just give him the time he needs.
Suddenly, he turns to me and says out of nowhere, “You remind me so much of me, Son. We’re quite alike.”
I don’t answer him right away, unsure how to react. My heart starts to pound and my mouth goes dry, a feeling of panic and dread grips me. I look at the broken man in front of me, the man who just voiced my biggest fear, and I know I don’t want to end up like him.
There are times when I wonder how he was before my mother left him. If he was this fixated on her, as well. It wouldn’t excuse what she has done in any way, but it definitely would be hard to be in a relationship with someone like that.
If my feelings for Frankie ever bordered on this kind of obsession, I’d leave her before becoming a burden in any way. Though this won’t be a problem if I don’t succeed winning her back, which won’t be easy. I’m not scared of fighting for her, but I’m scared of her finding out about my father and possibly coming to the same conclusion I have—that I might turn into him one day.
But I can’t let it go without trying. She saw me at my worst and she still wanted me. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.
“Okay. It’s time for me to get going if I want to make it there by Thanksgiving.” I stand and he follows my lead. I hug him, holding him close.
“You take care of yourself, Dad. Just remember, you aren’t alone anymore. You have me. You always will, okay?”
When he pulls back, his eyes shine with tears.
“You too, Son. You too.”
For a moment, we sta
nd awkwardly around the room. Then I turn toward the door and give him a wave before I leave to get the last few things out of my house.
***
Back at the house, I grab my stuff and walk through it one last time. It’s gorgeous. There, I said it. The house is fucking gorgeous. Gone is the musty darkness and oppressive décor. It’s fresh, open, and inviting.
I haul my duffel bag and one box with pictures and my dad’s trophies into the truck before I get another box with some keepsakes I want to take with me. They are taped shut, so I can store them somewhere until I know where I’ll settle.
I turn off the light and lock up before I climb over the small fence and knock on Mike’s door. Kitty opens it, dressed in black sweat pants, and a red, tight T-shirt with the word Bitch printed in bold, black letters across her chest.
“Hey, Ben. Come in.” Yep, Kitty moved in with Mike. Things seem to be serious. The two are really good together. She’s a cool chick with a good head on her shoulders and a huge heart.
I make my way inside where I find Mike, Jake, and Allie at the kitchen table.
Allie immediately bounces over to me, putting her arm around my waist. She couldn’t reach any higher even if she wanted to.
“So you’re really leaving?”
“Yep. It’s time to sort out this part of my life.”
“Well, that’s really smart of you. I wonder who helped you figure that out.”
“Oh, this really annoying chick told me to get my shit together. I guess even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then.”
Jake starts laughing. “She regularly finds two, don’t you, Allie?”
Allie blushes, but it’s Kitty who comes to her rescue.
“Manners, Jake.”
“You’re a stripper, Kitty. Me talking about nuts offends you?”
“I get naked for money. You’re rude for the sake of it. There’s a difference, young man.”
Mike ignores them both and rolls to my side, laughing.
“Don’t be a stranger. You’ve always got a family here.”
“Thanks, Mike. For everything.”
“Right back at you. Without you, I wouldn’t have met Kitty. I owe you.”
I clap his shoulder before I walk outside, Jake and Allie on my heels.
“Okay guys, this is it.” I take the keys out of my pocket and hand them to Jake.
“Here you go, man.”
“You sure about this?” he asks, taking the keys from my hand.
I’ve decided to rent out my house to Jake and Allie. They need a place of their own now that Mike has Kitty, and this will allow them to stay close enough if he ever needs any help. Besides, they’ve become good friends in the past months, and I know they’ll take care of my house.
“You’re renting the house. It’s not like I’m giving it away for free.”
“Yeah, what’s up with that, dude?” Jake jokes, pulling me into a one-armed, manly hug. When he steps back, he nods at me, now completely serious. “Thanks, we really appreciate it.”
“No problem, man.”
When he lets me go, it takes about a nanosecond and Allie hangs around my neck. How she managed to reach that high is a mystery. I’m tempted to check the area for a hidden trampoline.
“I’ll miss you, Ben. Frankie better be worth it. And if not, you can always come back and tell Kylie you’re bi.” She chuckles into my ear.
“She’s definitely worth it. I won’t become your brother-in-law anytime soon. You’ll have to find a new project—some other poor schmuck who needs an ass-kicking. Thanks for that, by the way.”
I let her go and make my way to the truck. Once inside, I open the window. I give the house another look before I start the engine and roll down the driveway.
“Stay in touch,” Jake shouts, and I wave in agreement.
Turning my truck north, I’m Michigan bound and nearly as nervous as I was when I was coming here eighteen months ago.
Chapter 16
Surprise, Surprise
The ride back to Michigan takes me three days, and it’s definitely less dismal compared to the drive down to Tucson. This time I even shave, shower, and change my clothes, making sure I don’t end up looking like a homeless person again.
When I’m about an hour from my hometown, I pull over at a gas station. I get gas and then move the truck to the parking area, just sitting and staring into space for a few minutes.
Fuck, I need to do it. I take out my phone, still knowing the number by heart, and hoping it hasn’t changed.
On the second ring, someone picks up.
“Okay, I told you a million times, I don’t need to buy life insurance, or a cable subscription, and I also don’t have a need for pills that will make him stand longer or grow bigger. There have been no complaints in either department.”
I start laughing loudly, realizing how much I missed Dave.
“Ben? Fuck, is that you, man?”
“Yeah, it’s me…” I trail off, thinking about what to say next. Please, don’t hang up. Sorry I fucked your sister and left. Please don’t let the dogs out when I pull up in front of your house.
But I don’t have to say anything because Dave does the talking. “Holy shit, Ben. Where the fuck are you?”
“An hour from home. Could you meet me at the old drive-in theater?”
We used to hang out there a lot when we were younger. No one ever came out there and we could just chill and listen to music, get drunk, and make out with girls. “I know it’s the day before Thanksgiving and all,” I say, hoping he’ll agree.
“Sure thing, man.”
I let out the breath I wasn’t aware I was holding.
“Thanks, Dave.”
I’m about to hang up when I hear, “Glad you’re back.”
It makes me a total pussy, but I’m so relieved right now I could bawl like a little kid. It seems like Dave doesn’t hate me, and, considering he’s been more my brother than my friend, that’s a big weight lifted off my shoulders. If I have him on my side, it’ll be easier to get Frankie there, as well.
***
An hour later, I pull up onto the large, abandoned lot where the drive-in theater used to be. I notice Dave’s green 1972 Ford Torino sitting in the middle of the field facing toward where the screen used to be, as if he’s watching a movie. The car was his graduation gift from his dad—a car like the one Clint Eastwood drove in the movie Gran Torino, one of Dave’s favorite movies.
When I pull up next to him, he gets out of the car, and walks over to where I stand beside my truck.
I’m preparing myself for the worst, but when he pulls me into a hug, it’s a relief. He doesn’t want me dead, which seems like a good sign. He pulls back, and I start to relax when out of nowhere his fist connects with my jaw. My head flies to the side at the sudden impact. Stumbling back, I grasp the truck for balance. He definitely has gotten better with his left hook.
“What the hell?” I ask, rubbing my jaw.
“We’re brothers, you asshat. You think you can disappear for nearly eighteen months, not say a fucking word, and I’ll not knock you on your ass for it? Now care to tell me what’s going on?” He walks by me, hopping onto the hood of my truck and reclining back.
I rub my jaw a moment longer, hoping it won’t bruise, before I take a seat next to him.
“Listen, I don’t want to go into detail. Some shit went down with my mom, and I had to leave and figure some things out. I needed to clear my head, and I didn’t want to put you or Frankie in the position of having to lie for me.” At the mention of Frankie’s name he gives me a skeptical look but doesn’t say anything.
“You don’t want to talk about what shit it was?”
“No.”
“The shit taken care of now?”
“Yep.”
“And since we’re meeting here I’m guessing you don’t want your mom to know you’re back?”
“Correct.”
“You’d like to spend Thanksgiving with us?”
“If you guys will have me after the stunt I pulled.” I’m not only referring to my disappearing act, but also to the way I left Frankie behind, wondering if Dave or his parents actually know what happened.
“Not a question. My parents will be ecstatic. You’ll probably be treated like the long-lost son. If we don’t sit here for another hour in the fucking cold, we should be home before Frankie arrives. At least according to her texts.” He looks at me with a grin tugging at his lips.
“She’s coming home for Thanksgiving?” I try to ignore my pulse speeding up at the thought of seeing her again.
“Yep, she wouldn’t miss it for the world.” With that, he hops off the hood, walks over to his car, and says over his shoulder, “Welcome home, bro. You can follow me home and park in our garage so your truck isn’t visible. No worries, though. Your parents are spending the whole Thanksgiving weekend at the bed and breakfast. They have a tourist group from Germany and promised them an American Thanksgiving.”
“Thanks, man.” When I get in the truck, I let out a loud sigh. Not only has it gone better than I hoped with Dave, although I’m sure there will be some more questions later, but I also don’t need to fear running into my mom and Ron. Now, I only need to survive Frankie’s wrath.
Drumming nervously on the steering wheel, I follow Dave to his parents’ house, hoping their reaction will be just as positive as his. I don’t know what possesses me, but I skip a few songs until the first notes of “She Hates Me” by Puddle of Mudd start playing. It feels weirdly fitting, and despite my nervousness, it makes me laugh.
It seems like Dave doesn’t know about Frankie and me. If that’s the case, there is no chance her parents know, which is one less thing to worry about. Although it makes me curious why she hasn’t told anyone, especially her brother. They’ve always been close.
Ten minutes later, I park my truck in their garage, grab my duffel bag, and follow Dave inside.
“Yo, Mom, Dad! Look who’s here.” His voice is loud enough to be heard throughout the whole house.