“Yeah.” He bent his head to my shoulder and my fingers threaded through the hair at the nape of his neck.
“Thank you,” I whispered behind a rough swallow. He lifted his head to study my eyes.
Mal lifted his fingers and brushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear, much like he’d done that one night after the takedown. “I’m the one who should be thanking you.”
“For what?” I asked as his thumb slid along my jaw, making me shiver.
“For opening my eyes and making me see what was right in front of me.”
“Not sure I deserve that credit,” I murmured, feeling achy and breathless as he gathered my face in his hands and stared into my eyes. When his lips brushed against mine, I moaned into the kiss. His lips became firmer, more insistent, and he fused his mouth to mine as his tongue slipped deeply inside.
My fingers slid beneath his cut, and I grabbed a fistful of his shirt—desperately pulling him closer, wanting to crawl inside him. I didn’t know what any of this meant or what would happen going forward. It was a giant hurdle to climb just to be together, but I forced that thought to the side and got lost in the feel of his tongue, the softness of his lips, and the roughness of his hands on my skin.
Until we heard the sound of a motor outside. We broke apart, panting heavily, and I moved cautiously to the door to glance out the window. Fish had parked his bike near the garage and was already walking to the door. “Fuck.”
I unlatched the bolt to let him in, only shooting Mal a quick glance in my side view. He had moved to the other side of his hog.
“Saw the light on and wondered if you still—” His eyes narrowed the instant he spotted Mal. “What’s going on here?”
“What does it look like?” I bit out, wondering the real reason Fish would be showing up here tonight. I didn’t need this shit. If he didn’t trust me, why the hell had I sacrificed so much for this club? “He’s picking up his bike. You knew I was close to finishing before you left.”
Fish looked between us and then around the space as if he’d find some kind of evidence of foul play. “That all?”
Mal folded his arms across his chest, his eyebrows knit together. “What are you getting at?”
“Maybe I’m getting at the fact that you seem to have taken interest in one of my men,” he said, his eyes bulging. “Time you start being on the up-and-up.”
“Because I’m having my bike serviced here?” Mal replied, his jaw ticking. “You said yourself Sawyer’s one of the best in the biz.”
“It’s more than that and you know it. You two seemed awfully cozy in Woodale too.” Holy shit. Before I could open my mouth he continued. “Sawyer mentioned you two had become friends and you’d helped him out when all of that shit was going down. But now I’m wondering if maybe he’s helping you with something on the side as well.”
“Are you fucking nuts?” Mal’s voice boomed in the empty space and I took a step back, remembering just how intimidating he could be. “Are we not on the same side, trying to help our clubs be successful without all that other shit we used to be involved in?”
“Thought so, but lately, I’m getting a different vibe from you,” Fish replied, standing his ground. “Normally, I’m right about these things.”
Mal shook his head, his fists curling in frustration. He took a deep breath, glanced up at me and his eyes seemed to penetrate mine. “Okay, fine.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. “Mal, you don’t have to—”
“Yeah, I do. I respect Fish and I hope he respects me too.” He glanced at him and moved from behind his bike. “No matter what.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Fish took a step back, almost in protective mode. His hand passed over his back pocket, and I wondered if he was carrying a piece. Fuck. This could go downhill fast.
“There is something going on with me and Sawyer,” Mal said in an even tone.
Fish’s face grew beet red and his eyes narrowed. My heart galloped in my chest as my feet stayed cemented to the floor.
Mal gripped my shoulder and squeezed. “I want to date him.”
Fish’s head snapped back. “What the fuck did you say?”
“Makes no sense, yeah? Been into women my entire life…or so I thought,” Mal confessed as his hand dropped from my arm. “Then I get to know Sawyer, feel close to him…and I…start having feelings for him. Ain’t no other way to explain it.”
Fish’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly, and finally he blurted, “You’re gay?”
“Probably bi.” Mal shrugged. “And I know I have a shit-ton to lose when this gets out, and I’ve been wracking my brain about it. But fuck, I want to date Sawyer and find out where this leads.”
“Is this true?” Fish asked me in an accusatory tone. His eyebrows hemmed together in confusion.
I nodded, my fingers forking through my hair. “Don’t want to jeopardize anything. I know he’s the prez of the Disciples and I’m just…I’m sure all of this sounds crazy. Not like we planned it.”
Fish began pacing up and down the grease-stained floor. “Never would’ve guessed this…knock me over with a fucking feather.”
Mal reached for my hand and knotted our fingers together. Fish only stared at our clasped hands, his eyes wide and searching. “For the record, Sawyer didn’t think it could work between us, so he’s been staying away.” Mal took a leveling breath. “I didn’t either, at first. But I confided in Jonas and I was going to approach you too, in my own time. We were just trying to figure shit out when you came in tonight. We weren’t purposely trying to hide anything. But this is confusing and tricky for both of us.”
I squeezed Mal’s fingers for support and he gripped mine back. It felt like we were on trial or something instead of simply two men in love.
Holy shit. I was in love with Mal. My heart climbed to my throat.
“So, do what you gotta do, Fish. Out me if you must,” Mal said as my pulse throbbed against my throat. “ ’Cept if you’re gonna do it that way, wish you could leave Sawyer out of it somehow.”
Fish’s features relaxed, his shoulders loosened, and I thought Mal was getting through to him—like maybe he was beginning to understand our dilemma. Maybe. “You care about Sawyer that much?”
“Yeah, I do,” Mal replied, gripping my fingers harder as a whimper caught in my throat.
Eyes stinging, I blinked repeatedly as I watched Fish pace again, not daring to take my gaze off him to glance at Mal. I might’ve lost it right then and there if I did.
“Nah, man,” Fish finally said, as he studied our clasped hands with wariness in his eyes. “Not sure how I feel about all of this, but I’ll give you the time and space to figure it out.”
“Appreciate that,” Mal replied, taking a step forward, but Fish held up his hands.
“I’d appreciate being kept in the loop this time,” he said, gritting his teeth and obviously still frustrated. “This is definitely going to cause some waves...at least at first. And after…it’s anybody’s guess.”
After Fish said his good-byes we stood motionless, staring at the door, hands still fastened. So many emotions were coursing through me—shock, hope, adoration—and at this rate, it was numbing my brain. Didn’t think I could handle any more tonight.
“Want to go for a ride?” Mal asked quietly, staring out the window to the dark parking lot.
The idea of jumping on my bike and letting the wind whip through my hair as we sped off into the night was just what this situation called for. “Definitely.”
17
Mal
Riding into the night with Sawyer felt amazing. Liberating. Like we were taking our lives back and forging a new path. No matter what happened going forward, I felt like I had him in my corner; it was us against the world.
We rode the long way around the bay and ended up in front of my house. I’d inherited the small and modest two-bedroom Cape Cod from my dad after he passed, and though the kitchen and bathroom had needed to be gutted, it was
something to call my own.
I hadn’t had anybody over in a long time, but as we parked our bikes in the back and entered through the side door to the kitchen, I was thrilled to finally have Sawyer in my space.
When he followed me through the darkened kitchen to the living room, where I clicked on a small lamp, I was glad I’d at least kept the house tidy. I was no neat freak but I also wasn’t a fan of filth. Which made me wonder about Sawyer’s habits. We had so much to learn about each other, and I looked forward to finally having the opportunity.
“I like this place. Thanks for bringing—” Before he could finish his thought, I turned and gripped his neck with my fingers, planted my lips on his, sealing our connection. I moaned at the taste of him and as my fingers swung down to clutch his waist, I pulled him so close there was scarcely any space between us. When his fingers feathered through my hair, I could feel his cock hardening against my own.
“Just want to hold you.” Taking a step back, my shoulders bumped the living room wall, providing us an anchor. When he leaned against me, I sighed at the weight of him, the smell of soap mixed with oil and all that made Sawyer who he was.
Our lips crashed, our kisses turning desperate. Hands stroking and groping, we were barely able to break apart long enough to push our pants and underwear down to our knees, so we could finally be skin to skin.
“Thought about you constantly,” he said and as soon as our stiff dicks aligned and rubbed, we both moaned. His lips fused to mine; he kissed me so thoroughly my pulse surged and heart ached for more. For everything.
“Need you. Need you so much.” I reached between us and wrapped my fist around both of our cocks, feeling the slide of our pre-come mixing together. Our lips never parting, we thrust in unison into my palm. We spurted at nearly the same moment, gasping and shivering, our jeans twisting at our ankles.
After cleaning up in the kitchen near the sink, Sawyer pulled me into a kiss that made me groan for more, his tongue lashing at my own until we were both begging for air. My heart felt full to the bursting point and everything here and now, in the quiet of my home, felt so fucking right.
My eyes stung with tears as I cupped his chin and pecked his lips. “I’m in love with you, Sawyer. And hoping I can somehow make a life with you is probably some pipe dream. I didn’t mean to turn your world on its head and pull you into this mess with—”
“Stop talking.” He pressed his finger to my lips. “Fuck, Mal. My heart is beating so damn hard right now I might pass out.”
He lifted my hand and placed it against his chest. His heart indeed was pumping wildly, just like my own. “I’m in love with you too, and I’m ready to face whatever’s coming our way.”
He leaned forward, our lips meeting in a deep and all-consuming kiss, melting me from the inside out. His tongue slid against mine in a slow and sexy tango until I was gasping for breath and stiff as a tail pipe again.
“Now give me a quick tour of your house, and put me to bed. I’m fucking exhausted. We can talk through all this shit in the morning.” His lips twisted into a wry grin. “That is, if I’m invited to stay.”
I laughed, feeling on top of the world, and threw my arm around him, kissing his temple. Might’ve been a burst of adrenaline, but I anchored my hands behind his knees and lifted him into my arms. He was shorter than me but solidly built and when I gripped his ass cheeks to gain leverage, he half gasped, half groaned.
Before I ran out of steam, I started walking, carrying him through the living room and down the hallway. “Here’s the bathroom; you can get a better look later.”
I kicked open my bedroom door and gently tossed him onto the mattress. I couldn’t fucking wait to keep him safely tucked in my arms all night. “Now get undressed, so I can put you to bed.”
Sawyer’s eyes sparkled in the dim room as he lifted his shirt and tore it over his head.
Smoke’s birthday bash at the Hog’s Den had been a success. The place was packed with family and friends but began thinning out closer to midnight, leaving only a smattering of Disciples and Scorpions at various tables around the room.
Both clubs knew about Sawyer and me by now, but this was the first time we were at a function together in public. We’d shown up at the Hog’s Den in tandem but mostly stayed on opposite ends of the bar, talking to folks, playing darts, or rounds of pool.
All week long, we had leaned on each other for support as we each broke the news to our clubs that we were seeing each other. We even spoke to Fish privately again on a couple of occasions to let him know what was going down—but Sawyer felt on edge that he still hadn’t officially made peace between them. The fucker was apparently good at holding a grudge.
Eventually, I’d give him a piece of my mind, but one damn thing at a time.
Holding my grandfather’s gavel in my hand, I had looked each of my men in the eye and seen a mixture of shock and wariness, and even a bit of respect. Guess Smoke was right on that count. I made the offer to step down as the Disciples’ president—which would’ve been a blow but I was ready to pass the torch to Jonas or whomever they felt deserved it.
But my men had voted unanimously to have me stay, and I had swallowed back the enormous boulder in my throat that had threatened to send me into a deep dive.
Afterward, Felix told me that there was no question in their minds they still wanted me at the helm—even if some didn’t fully understand my change of heart.
I didn’t understand it completely myself but was quickly getting used to the idea. As soon as I laid eyes on Sawyer, everything would click into place and feel right in the world. And that was good enough for me.
We had subsisted in our own little cocoon for days on end, getting to know each other privately as well as intimately. Holy Christ. That had been hot as hell if not completely eye opening. I’d learned things about myself I probably never would’ve with another partner.
And though Sawyer made it clear in no uncertain terms he preferred for me to fuck him into the mattress, he also showed me what it felt like to be touched in areas of my body I had never paid much attention to. Nor any other lovers for that matter.
Like the night before when he fell to his knees in the shower and tongued my ass, I spurted all over the tile without my cock even being touched. And hot damn, if I thought about how afterward I made him keep his hands on the wall while I fucked him senseless, I’d pop a boner in front of all these men.
The bell at the corner of the bar clanged as it always did when the Hog’s Den received a nice tip, a tradition Smoke carried over from his family’s business. All eyes seemed to rise in unison to bar level. Smoke threw me a thumbs-up which boosted my confidence and although my gait felt a bit unsteady, I walked over to Sawyer who was sitting near Fish and a couple of other Scorpions at some stools. Guess it was time.
Sawyer glanced up and threw me a lopsided grin that seemed to instantly liquefy my insides. I slid my hand to his shoulder and raised my voice. “How about dinner and a movie tomorrow night?”
When I left my hand there, his smile faltered and became wary. “What are you doing?” he muttered in my direction.
“We have yet to go on a real date,” I remarked and spotted Smoke’s smile in my side view.
Leaning down to whisper in Sawyer’s ear, I added, “Showing folks we’re absolutely together. In case anybody had other ideas.” I felt him shiver. “Me and you, baby. Yeah?”
He took a measured glance around the place and it was as if everything was on pause—like the guys were holding a collective breath, wondering what would happen next. Sawyer’s eyes lifted to mine and he swallowed roughly. “Sounds great. What do you want to see?”
“I heard the new Marvel movie sucks donkey balls,” Vaughn said in that teasing voice he always saved for his admiring customers. “So that’s probably out.”
He brought just the right levity to the situation and as everyone around us chuckled, he cast a wink our way.
“How about a romantic comedy?” a Scorpi
on threw out from down the bar and many around us snickered nervously. Sawyer’s shoulders stiffened and I squeezed back in response, not allowing him to cower. I needed him to stand strong.
“Fuck that,” I replied and Vaughn laughed loudly, while the others joined in, immediately breaking the tension.
Suddenly Fish’s voice rang out in the space. “How about the new Furious movie? Seven or eight—whatever the hell number they’re on now.”
Sawyer’s gaze snapped to his leader and they stared at each other across the couple of bar stools dividing them. It was Fish’s olive branch, and my pulse thundered in my ears hoping like hell Sawyer reached for it.
“Car racing. Explosions. Action,” Sawyer replied. “Perfect.”
Before we knew it, people were giving us restaurant recommendations as well. I could feel Sawyer’s shoulder relax beneath my palm as we both smiled at the suggestions.
“We could always Netflix and chill,” Sawyer whispered in my direction, and I had the urge to kiss him right there in the bar, but I held back.
Baby steps, I told myself. For now.
“No way,” I murmured back, reaching down to momentarily slide my hand inside of his. It fit there perfectly. “Want to show the world you’re mine.”
“Only matters if you know it,” he remarked and my breath hitched in my throat. I swore I could feel his emotions vibrating through his fingertips, and when his glittering gaze lifted to mine and lit the darkest corners of my soul, I knew this could’ve never worked out any other way. I fell in love with Sawyer’s bravery, his beauty, his unflappable dignity, and given any alternate version of reality…I still would’ve chosen him.
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The Faintest Spark: Roadmap to Your Heart, Book #1.5 Page 10