“No, Cap, she doesn’t flinch away. She…she jokes.”
“What do you mean?” Cap asked, studying my face in confusion.
“Like, she called herself a gun moll. She said she was going to think of it as being on Lucky Luciano’s arm. Today was the first day that she came out of her room and she didn’t flinch away from me or seem timid. I asked how the ribs were and she said she liked them in barbecue sauce.”
“Do you think she’s not all there?”
“No, she was avoiding my question, making jokes about cannibalism.”
He leaned forward across his desk, “Not about being one, right?”
“No, thank God. Could you imagine having to deal with that on top of everything else? It brings a whole new meaning to watching your back.”
“So, basically what you’re saying is that she’s dealing with everything just fine.”
“But she’s not, Cap. It’s all a defense mechanism. She needs to talk this shit out. If she doesn’t, she’s never gonna deal with it.”
“You can’t make her want to talk about it.” He shrugged his shoulders, as baffled by this as I was. “Some women just deal with things differently than others. Look at Cara. She was tortured by a psychopath for ten days, and now years later, she still has panic attacks. Then there’s Freckles, who had her fingers chopped off by a gang and she’s ready to go blow up the world. I mean, who the hell knows what runs through these women’s brains. It’s a fucking miracle that I’m not dead after living with Freckles all these years. I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to die in battle. It’s going to be because Freckles shoves a grenade down my pants in my sleep.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “I’ve made peace with my impending death.”
“Your woman has a seriously fucked up fascination with grenades.”
“Tell me about it. I blame Sinner. He’s the dipshit that started teaching her all this crap. If it weren’t for him, she’d be a normal reporter, chasing after her stories like anyone else.”
Cap was delusional if he seriously thought Freckles would ever be a normal anything. Freckles was the woman that ran toward danger, and not because she was out to save someone, but because she liked the edge. Cap could see the disbelief in his statement on my face and sighed.
“Yeah, you’re right. She would still be Freckles.”
“So, what do I do about Raegan?”
“Fuck if I know, Jackson. I can barely figure Freckles out, let alone someone else’s woman.”
“Whoa, she’s not my woman. She’s just staying with me.”
“Yeah, right,” he snorted.
“She is. I’m protecting her. That’s what we do.”
“Keep telling yourself that. Now, get the fuck out of here. I have work to do.”
I stood, leaning on his desk as I glared at him. “I’m fucking serious. She’s not my woman.”
“Yeah,” he nodded with a grin. “I completely believe you.” He shooed me away, laughing like I was the fucking idiot.
“I’m fucking serious, Cap. It’s not happening.”
He burst into laughter and I clenched my jaw. I was not like everyone else. I wasn’t falling for a woman I barely knew. I didn’t have some white knight complex and I wasn’t tripping over my feet to please her. She was just staying with me. I stormed for the door, throwing it open and turning back one last time to Cap.
“I’m just fucking protecting her. This will never be more than that. I don’t want her.”
Cap bent over laughing, clutching his stomach and I could see tears leaking from his eyes. The man was fucking laughing at me like I was going to turn into one of them and fall all over my feet for a woman. It wasn’t happening and I would fucking prove it to them. I slammed the door behind me, shaking my head in irritation when I heard another bark of laughter from Cap.
“Yo, Jackson,” Gabe said, walking up to me. “How’s Raegan?”
“Fuck off! I’m not fucking falling for her. She’s just staying with me!”
I walked away, ignoring the look of confusion on Gabe’s face. Fuck, none of them were ever going to let this go. I should have never brought her home with me.
✯✯✯✯✯
6 months later…
“Just stay here,” I told Gabe and Chance. “I just have to grab my shit really quick.”
We were going out of town in a few hours and were rounding up all our crap to take with us. The guys had been busting my balls for months now about Raegan still staying with me, but no matter how much I told them I was protecting her, they still thought it was more. Which it wasn’t.
“Whoa, wait a minute,” Chance grinned. “You’re not going to invite us in?”
“No.”
“I have to take a piss,” Gabe said, stepping out of the truck with Chance following.
“Use the bushes,” I shot over my shoulder.
“That’s just uncivilized. We’re grown men. We don’t piss in bushes anymore.”
“Look, her parents are here and they don’t need to hear how you guys talk. When I’m at home, I watch my mouth around them.”
“Aww, he’s sucking up to her parents,” Chance said sappily. “This is serious. He really wants them to like him.”
“It’s called respect, asshole.”
“It’s called love, loverboy,” Gabe said, wrapping his arm around my neck and putting me in a headlock. He scrubbed his knuckles over my head like a brother would do and I punched him in the stomach, shoving him away from me.
“Seriously, you guys can’t come in. Just stay here. I’ll only be a few minutes.”
“You know, I’m kind of hungry,” Chance said, shoving past me for the house.
“I could eat.” Gabe followed Chance. I hung my head, knowing I was about to get razzed within an inch of my life.
When I walked through the door, Chance and Gabe were already making their way to the kitchen where the most delicious smells were coming from. Raegan and Susan were excellent cooks and I had been spoiled every single day I was home with their homemade meals. I didn’t need anyone else knowing about it. Soon, I would have a whole group of guys coming over to steal my food. They would make me share and Raegan would definitely give me shit if I didn’t let them eat.
“What are you cooking, half pint?” Gabe asked.
Raegan punched him in the shoulder, sticking a few knuckles out to make a point. “Half pint? I’m a normal sized woman.”
Gabe rubbed his shoulder playfully and then punched her back. She stumbled back from the force of his hit and I saw red. What the fuck was he thinking, hitting a woman that had been in an abusive relationship?
“Gabe,” I shouted.
“What the fuck?” Raegan said. “You hit like a girl. Even Xavier hit better than that.”
She shook her head and walked away, as if everything was totally normal. Chance looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. What the fuck? Chance mouthed. I shrugged. I didn’t get it either.
“Boys!” Raegan called from the kitchen. “Dinner’s almost ready. Go get cleaned up. Make sure you scrub your hands!”
“Make sure you scrub your hands,” Chance mocked, shaking his head as he walked toward the guest bathroom. I went into the kitchen to see what Raegan was making and licked my lips at the feast in front of me. There was lasagna and garlic bread that was just coming out of the oven. Susan was setting the table like we were eating Christmas dinner, complete with wine glasses that I didn’t even know I owned.
Chance, Gabe, and I stood around the fancy looking table, looking completely out of place. We were dressed in our tactical gear, sans the bulletproof vests. I still had my guns strapped to my thighs and my shoulder holster still in place.
“Well, sit down.” Susan brought out the wine and started pouring.
“Uh, none for us. We’re going to hit the road soon. We have a job to go out on.”
“You boys work too hard,” she scolded in a motherly tone. “You let me know when you’re coming home and I’ll make sure you have a nic
e dinner waiting for you.”
“Gabe has his own family to eat with,” I smirked. Gabe frowned, probably because he didn’t get a whole lot of home cooked meals. Isa was a great cook, but she worked too and didn’t have the time to make the kind of meals that I got.
“I don’t have a family.” Chance shook his head sadly, gaining the sympathy of Susan immediately. She walked over to him, pinching his cheek before pulling him in for a hug.
“You come over whenever you want. We can’t let you starve.”
“Uh, this is still my house,” I said irritatedly.
“Oh, hush. These are your friends. Are you really going to let them go hungry?”
“Trust me, they won’t starve.”
“But I have nothing better to do. I could make a nice meal for you boys a couple of times a week. It’s the least I can do to help out around here.”
Now I just felt guilty. The woman was trying to help, and even though she was taking over my house, I didn’t really feel all that angry for how she took control. She and Raegan pretty much took over taking care of my house and cooking, and Robert had taken over the upkeep of the property and house. I really didn’t have a whole lot that I ever had to do.
“Now, you boys sit down and Raegan and I will get dinner on the table.” She cupped her hand around her mouth, “Robert! Dinner!” And then she was rushing back into the kitchen, leaving us standing by the dinner table. Gabe and Chance were grinning at me like fools.
“Your mother-in-law is so sweet,” Chance said.
“Fuck off.”
“She takes such good care of you,” Gabe laughed. “And you know what they say about women. If you want to know what your wife will be like when she’s older, look to the mother.”
“Raegan is not my wife,” I bit out.
“And Susan?” Chance let out a low whistle. “She’s the trifecta. She can cook, she’s fucking hot, and- well, I guess I don’t know for sure if she’s a good fuck, but based on the way she moves those hips, I’d say you are one lucky fucker.”
“Stop talking about my mother- about Susan that way!”
Gabe and Chance broke into laughter. I had walked right into that one.
“He’s so fucked.”
“Let’s get something straight,” I said to Chance. “She is not my mother-in-law and Raegan is not my wife.”
“Thank God for that,” Raegan said as she walked around me. “Oh, by the way, sweetie, I washed your laundry for the trip and packed your bag. I’ll run out later today and get you some more underwear and socks. You’re running a little low. Should I also get some more lube for you? It looks like your bottle is almost empty.”
She smiled sweetly at me as Chance pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes as he roared in laughter. “Good God, woman, I think you just made my whole fucking year.”
“Who’s ready to eat?” Susan asked as she sat down at the table.
We all pulled out our chairs and sat down. Susan had us all hold hands, which was fucking creepy since I was sitting next to Gabe, and Susan grabbed my hand, gaining looks from both of those assholes. After we said grace, Susan stood and started dishing out the lasagna and Raegan passed around the garlic bread.
“Do you know when you’ll be home, sweetie?” Raegan asked, blinking those damn eyelashes at me. Laughter and snorts sounded around me. I threw down my fork and pushed back from the table. As I stormed away, I decided I wasn’t going to let those assholes take a perfectly good meal away from me. I went back, grabbed my napkin and tucked it into the top of my shirt, then grabbed my plate and fork. I would eat in the fucking bathroom if it meant getting away from those assholes.
CHAPTER THREE
Raegan
3 months later…
After all this time, Jackson still treated me like I was a delicate flower that he had to be careful around. I just wanted him to see me as a regular person. I wasn’t damaged, well, not completely. Yeah, I had made some stupid choices, but that didn’t mean I was irrevocably fucked up. Lately, any time I was near him, he made some excuse to get away from me. It was like it was too hard for him to be in the same room with me, afraid that I would freak out on him or start asking him to heal me. He was the only person my age that I had any contact with. It would be nice just to have someone to talk to.
I waited him out all afternoon, appearing to be reading, but really, I couldn’t concentrate. I was too worried about putting my plan into motion. I just had to catch him at the right time. So, when he came home and said he was just gonna hang out downstairs and watch movies, I quickly volunteered to join him.
“Uh, you know, I’m probably gonna watch action movies.”
“Perfect. I love action movies.”
“Yeah, but there could be some…violence in there and I know that could be hard for you.”
I stared him down, crossing my arms over my chest. “Do you really think that I’m that weak? That a movie is going to make me freak out and run screaming from the room?”
“I didn’t say that-”
“I’m not going to break, Jackson. Stop treating me like I’m made of glass.”
“I’m not treating-”
“Yes, you do. Do you know how many times you’ve backed away from me because you think I’m going to get scared of you? You do it all the time.”
“It’s not that I think you’re going to get scared.”
“So what is it then?” I threw my hands in the air, frustrated that he couldn’t just give me a straight answer. “You run in the other direction. You don’t joke around with me about anything, but I know you can because you do it with Chance and Gabe. Or is it that you just don’t want to be associated with a woman like me?”
“It’s because I fucking like you!” he shouted when my tirade was over.
We both stood there staring at each other in silence. I wasn’t sure quite what to say to that. “Well…I don’t get it. If you like me…”
He sighed and rubbed his hand across his face. “Yes, I like you, Raegan, but nothing can happen between us right now.”
“Why?”
“Well, first of all, you’re living with me and so are your parents. It would be a little weird, don’t you think? And second of all, you need more time. You just got out of a bad relationship and I don’t want to do anything to fuck you up.”
My ears were practically steaming by the time he was done. So, he did think I was too damaged. Perfect.
“You’re not going to fuck me up,” I bit out. “You just told me that you back away from me because you like me and it’s not because you think I’m damaged. Then you tell me that we can’t hang out because you think I need more time? Which is it, Jackson? I’m not some little girl that needs her hand held.”
“I hear the nightmares that you have. Do you really think that I can’t hear your screams on the other side of the fucking house? Those screams don’t say that you’re fine.”
“And what about you? Do you ever have nightmares from being in the military?” He just stared at me, clenching his jaw and refusing to answer. “So, if you have nightmares, does that make you too fucked up for dating or just hanging out with women in general? Does that mean you’re too damaged?”
He didn’t say anything and I was too pissed to try and change his mind any more right now. How the hell was I supposed to ever move on when the only man my age acted like I was helpless? I couldn’t date and I didn’t know when I was going to be able to leave. Eventually he would get tired of us being here and then what would happen? Would he send us to a safe house where I would never see anyone or have the chance to be normal?
I went and sat outside on the back deck, staring off into the distance. I had to face the fact that this was my life and I did this to myself. It wasn’t his fault that I was stuck and couldn’t move on with life. I just wished there was some way for me to know what the future held for me. It would be a lot easier to deal with.
The sliding door opened and Jackson stepped outside. He didn’t say an
ything, just stared into the distance. I wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence between us. He cleared his throat several times, almost like he was trying to figure out what to say. Finally, he just said, “So, do you want to watch movies with me?”
I took that as his peace offering. It was probably the best I would get for now and I could deal with that. “Yeah.”
I followed him downstairs and sat down on the couch, sure to leave him plenty of space so he didn’t feel like I was trying to encroach on his territory or attack him. He had a small kitchen downstairs and a living room set up with a huge tv and a couple of leather couches. I didn’t come down here very often because it seemed like Jackson’s sanctuary.
He made some popcorn and brought over some pop for us. Halfway through the first movie, I stretched, having given myself leg cramps because of the way I was sitting. I was trying not to disturb him. I didn’t want to do anything to get me kicked out of the room.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m stretching.”
“That is not stretching. You’re moving like you’re an old lady that might break her hip if she moves her leg too fast.”
“I have leg cramps, okay? I was sitting funny and my legs fell asleep. Then when I tried to move them, my muscles started cramping up.” He sighed and gave me the come here motion. “What?”
“Give me your legs. I’ll rub the cramps out of them.”
“Seriously?”
“No, I was joking. I’m really gonna chop them off.”
I shifted my legs toward him and he tugged me closer, rubbing the muscles of my calves.
“For all I know, you would. Just because we live together doesn’t mean I know who you are. You could be like Dexter. Maybe you’re actually a serial killer in your free time.”
Jackson Page 3