“Christ, Maggie,” he said, his hand falling helplessly by his side. “I love you.”
“Don’t you dare use those words,” she snapped, holding the door open. “If this is your idea of love, I don’t want it.”
* * *
SIX HOURS LATER, Maggie heard a telltale thump a second before her grandfather’s Mercedes lurched toward the right. Jolted out of self-pity, she steered the car off the road and turned the engine off. She got out to inspect the damage. Just as she’d suspected when she heard the familiar noise, the right rear tire was flat. And to make matters worse, the rim was bent. She must have hit something. Glancing behind her, she saw a big piece of wood that had probably blown into the street from the woods nearby. It had happened before, only today she’d been too distracted to swerve around the debris.
She turned her attention back to the car. Even if she knew how to change a tire, she had a hunch her poor old car needed more than the spare in her trunk. Maggie pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed the one person she could count on to help her.
“You were right,” she said when Olivia answered. “I should have picked up a mechanic at the car show.”
“What happened?”
“I blew a tire and bent the rim. I need you to come get me. I’m on the road to my house, about four miles away from the bridge,” she said, fighting back tears. She’d made it to the airport, through the flight back and halfway home without crying. She refused to break down on the side of the road.
“What else?” Olivia said gently. “I know you’re crying, Maggie.”
“It wasn’t real, Liv,” she sobbed. So much for maintaining her composure.
“We’re talking about your Ranger now, not the car, right?”
“He was just following orders,” she said, struggling to steady her breathing. This wasn’t like her. She didn’t lose control of her emotions. She didn’t feel this deeply. Not for anyone. And it could only mean one thing.
“Oh, God,” she whispered into the phone. “I love him.”
“Stay in the car,” Olivia ordered. “Lock your door. And don’t do anything stupid. I’ll be there in five minutes.”
Eyes wide, her breath coming in sharp gasps, Maggie stumbled back to the car and sank into the driver’s seat.
Love.
She leaned her head against the steering wheel as hot tears ran down her cheeks and soaked her fingers.
Oh, God. Oh, hell.
That shattered feeling inside? It wasn’t just her trust. She’d gone and fallen in love with the man. Head over heels. And she hadn’t even realized it until now.
She’d thought giving her heart would be a conscious choice, something she planned and organized before she said the words, as she had with Derrick. But that hadn’t been love. Not real emotional-whirlwind-inducing love, not like this. This was everything she’d always feared. It threatened to rip her to shreds, leaving her world in chaos.
Maggie squeezed her eyes closed against the onslaught of tears. What an idiot. How could she think she had any control over love? She should have known better. After years spent loving a father who’d chosen alcohol over her, she should have realized love wasn’t under her control. Love happened. Plain and simple. And it had happened to her.
* * *
MAGGIE SAT ON the floor of Olivia’s living room surrounded by stick-to-your-thighs calories. Linguine Alfredo. Mozzarella sticks. Chocolate cake. Take-out containers surrounded her, waiting to offer comfort, but her body, her stomach in particular, insisted on wallowing in misery.
“What about lemon cream cake?” Olivia asked, pulling a brown box from the bag. “I ordered all your favorites.”
Maggie took the container and set it down beside the rest. “I’m not hungry.”
“Not even for cake?” Her friend plopped down on the floor beside her, not questioning why Maggie had chosen the worn blue carpet over the furniture. “Are you sure?”
Maggie shook her head. Beside the Alfredo, her cell phone vibrated. She didn’t have to look at the caller ID to know it was Hunter. He’d been calling for the past hour. Part of her wanted to answer just to hear his voice. But another part of her wanted to yell at him for playing with her emotions.
“I can’t believe I fell for him. I knew from the start that he only wanted to interfere with my work, but a few kisses, an offer of kinky sex, and here I am.”
“You really think he slept with you to stop your questions?” Olivia picked up a fork and dug into the steaming hot container of shrimp scampi. “Seems like an awful lot of effort when he could have simply refused to talk. The man made you s’mores. If he really wanted to mess with your book, I’m sure a person with his training could have found another way.”
“My study,” Maggie said, a renewed sense of panic washing over her. Oh, God, what else had he done? “After Frida’s, I couldn’t find him, and then I ran into him near my study. He was probably messing with my computer.”
“Well, did he?”
The phone started dancing again, begging to be answered. Maggie pushed it farther away. She was definitely too angry to talk to him. “No, my blog launched on time and there were no changes to my rough draft.”
“Have you stopped to think that it might not be so black and white?” Olivia asked. “Maybe what started as following orders turned into something real?”
No, she hadn’t. She lived her world in black and white, leaving the murky area in between to people who hadn’t had their hearts broken time after time growing up. “But how can I trust him now?”
Olivia shrugged. “Love is risky.”
Maggie shook her head. “I grew up surrounded by risk. I’ve had enough.”
“You can’t hide behind your past forever. You need to find your future and figure out who you are.”
“Who I am? If this book succeeds, I’m a bestselling author and tenured professor.”
Olivia stabbed another shrimp with her fork. “Is that all you want for yourself? You went to the car show for a reason, Maggie.”
“Because you made me.”
Olivia shook her head. “I pushed a little, but you wanted to go. You might not have realized it then, but you were looking for something.”
“Orgasms.”
“Is that all?”
Maggie closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the ottoman. “No, I was looking for a part of myself, the part that was buried beneath responsibility and my need to micromanage my life.”
“Did you find it?”
Maggie opened her eyes. “Yes.” In bed with Hunter she’d found her passionate side. But he’d given her more than fantasy sex. He’d been the person she confided in. He’d taken care of her for a change, cooking for her, protecting her from her colleague’s wandering hands, fixing her gutters.
“I want what I had this week. The fantasy,” she murmured. “And not just the sex. I want the loving, trusting relationship.”
“Maggie, if he loves you and you love him, it doesn’t have to be a fantasy.”
Then why did it still seem so far out of reach? Maggie sighed. “Letting Hunter into my life—trusting him, loving him—means putting my heart out there, and what happens after that? I wouldn’t have control of that and it scares me. Liv, what if it doesn’t work?”
“Then it ends and you’ll hurt,” Olivia said bluntly. “But what if you never give him a shot, Maggs? You deserve a little happy in your life, and I think he makes you pretty damn happy. Right?”
Maggie bit her lip. It had been so long since she’d thought about what made her happy. She’d been so focused on taking care of her father and then on her career that she pushed happiness to the side. “When I’m with him, I no longer feel as if I’m hiding part of myself. I can have my career and my, er, cake.”
“Is that what we’re calling it now?”
“It was supposed to be just one night of amazing sex. How did it get so complicated?”
“It’s never just sex. You’re not a robot, Maggie
. You’re a woman who happens to enjoy sex with this man, and you have a successful career. You can have both, but no one said it was going to be easy.”
“What if he never wanted me? Not really,” she said, voicing the fear that had wrapped around her like a vise when she’d overheard Connor and Jed talking. “What if he was only with me to do his job?”
“Do you really believe that?”
I’m never going to get enough of you. His words from the night she’d made his fantasy come true echoed in her head. That moment, when they’d made love, it had felt sincere. But there wasn’t a cold, hard fact she could point to that said, yes, he meant every word. She had to take it on faith.
“Maybe parts of it were real,” Maggie admitted. Her phone started vibrating again. Maggie leaned over and saw Hunter’s name.
“The parts that matter?” Olivia asked.
The connection between them that they’d tried to ignore, but couldn’t? She hadn’t imagined that, and she knew Hunter had felt it, too. She’d known she was safe to explore her fantasies with him.
And his kindness. That had been real, too. He hadn’t repaired her gutters and made s’mores for her because he’d been following orders. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she’d let someone help her, take care of her. And it had felt good.
Maggie nodded. “What do I do now?”
Olivia lowered her fork. “You start by answering your phone before I throw it out the window.”
Maggie picked up her cell, which was vibrating again. “Hunter?”
“Where are you?” He sounded breathless, as if he’d been running.
The sound of his voice stirred up her emotions. Desire, love and fear intermingled. Was she making the right choice? Was he worth the risk? “I’m at Olivia’s.”
“Give me the address. I’ll be right there.”
“You’re in New York?” she said, surprised. “How?”
“You didn’t think I’d let you go without a fight, did you? I hopped a military flight.” She heard the sound of a car engine turning over in the background. “Now give me the address. I found Logan waiting on your doorstep. He dropped everything when I asked him to meet with you. I’m bringing him with me now, so be ready with your questions, Miss Maggie.”
Maggie rattled off the address and then set the phone down, her hands trembling. “He’s coming here. And he has Logan with him, his teammate the army didn’t want me to interview. He really did it, Olivia. He put his job on the line for me. He loves being a Ranger. More than anything.”
“Maybe he loves you more,” Olivia said.
“Oh, God, maybe he does.” Maggie waited for the weight of this revelation to sink in and threaten to smother her. But it didn’t. Instead she felt the first inkling of hope pulling her out of the shattering despair she’d carried around with her since she overheard his teammates talking. If he was willing to put his career on the line for her, his feelings must be real. “What do I do now?”
“You decide whether he’s worth the risk. Whether you believe in him and trust him. Whether you love him enough.” Olivia handed her the chocolate cake container. “Here. Eat the cake. It will help you think.”
19
HUNTER PULLED UP in front of Olivia’s modest one-story cottage. He got out of his rental car and rushed to the front door without waiting for Logan. He had to see Maggie. He needed to know she was all right. And then he had to convince her that his future was here with her.
He knocked, and Maggie opened the door as if she’d been waiting on the other side. He could feel the tension in her body without touching her. She’d changed out of her business clothes into her exercise pants and gray hooded sweatshirt, the one that hugged her breasts. His gaze dropped briefly to her chest before he looked back at her face. She had a smear of chocolate on the side of her mouth. His hand itched to reach out and wipe it away. But he couldn’t. Not until he said what he came to say. Not until he was certain she wouldn’t pull back and slam the door in his face.
“What happened to your Mercedes? It’s not parked out front.” He grimaced as he said the words. He should have started with I love you, not where is your car? But what if something had happened to her? An accident?
“Flat tire,” she said. “The rim was bent out of shape. Olivia picked me up and I called a tow truck.”
“Next time, call me,” he said. “I’ll fix it for you.”
She stared at him for a long time, as if she was trying to gauge his honesty.
“I mean it, Maggie,” he said softly. “If you call, I’ll be there for you. Always.”
“Maybe I will,” she said. She stepped back and held the door open. He watched her fingers drumming against the wooden door. “Would you like to come in?”
Logan, who’d followed him out of the car, said, “I’ll wait out here.”
“No, please join us.” Olivia appeared in the doorway behind Maggie. “You must be Logan. I’m Olivia.” She extended her hand, effectively drawing Hunter’s reluctant teammate into the house. “Maggie and I went a little crazy with the takeout. Why don’t you join me in the living room for a late dinner? You must be starving.”
Logan nodded as he stepped into the house. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Can I talk to you before you interview him?” Hunter asked Maggie as she closed the door behind them.
She nodded. “The interviews can wait.”
For the first time since Mike had called him at the base that morning, Hunter felt some of the tension ease. It was like the feeling he had when he came home from a mission—relief, but uncertain what came next.
“Come with me,” Maggie said. She led him down the hall to a small kitchen decorated with the same wild colors Olivia favored when it came to her clothes.
She turned to face him, her arms crossed tightly around her torso. “You risked your career for me.”
He heard the disbelief in her voice as if she were waiting for him to correct her. “I did.”
Her brow furrowed. “Why? You’ve worked so hard—”
“I’m not giving up on us,” Hunter said, his hands on his hips. “I’ll do whatever it takes. You come first, Maggie.” He watched her jaw fall open, her eyes widen, and he realized she’d been a child the last time anyone had made her a top priority. Maggie didn’t just need to hear the words “I love you”; she needed to know he wasn’t offering an empty promise.
“You mean more to me than my job,” he continued. “I’ve already spoken to the colonel. He knows you’re meeting with Logan, and what you choose to print is your call. I trust you to use your judgment and he’s going to have to live with that. He also knows I’m leaving. It wouldn’t be right to stay after I disregarded his orders, even if it was unofficial. I’m taking a job with a private security company.”
Her arms fell and she took a step toward him. Not within arm’s reach, but close. “No,” she protested. “You love being a Ranger. You can’t leave.”
“It’s done, Maggie,” he said. “If you’d asked me last week, I would have told you I couldn’t imagine a future where I wasn’t shipping out with my team. But now? I’m not sure what I’ll be doing for this new company, but I don’t think they’ll park me behind a desk. And as long as I come home to you, I’m happy. I want you, Maggie. In my bed at night and when I wake up in the morning.”
“You meant it when you said you love me.”
The hint of surprise in her voice was crushing. His hands formed tight fists at his sides. The fact that she’d doubted his sincerity for even a moment confirmed he’d made the right choice. His job should never come before love.
“I do,” he said. “And I’m going to work damn hard to make sure I never give you a reason to doubt me again.”
Silence filled the room. He watched as her chin dropped to her chest and she closed her eyes. Oh, hell, had he pushed too hard? Maybe he should have let her talk to Logan first. Maybe she needed more time.
“My turn?” she asked quietly, her voice rough wit
h emotion.
He nodded. “I’m listening.”
She opened her eyes and lifted her gaze to meet his. He saw tears threatening and wanted to reach out and wrap her in his arms. But he needed to hear what she had to say. Would she send him away? Call him a liar? Had he broken her trust beyond repair?
She drew a deep breath, blinking back the tears. “I’m ready to take that risk,” she said, her voice steady.
Hunter felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He took a step toward her.
“But,” she continued.
He stopped dead in his tracks. God help him, there was a but.
“I’m scared, Hunter,” she said. “Scared it won’t work. Afraid you’ll break my heart.”
“Maggie, we’ll make it work.”
“Let me finish.” She closed the distance between them and rested her hands on his chest. “I’m willing to take that risk. But in return, I want it all. I want the fantasy. My career and you in my life.”
Hunter reached out and drew her to him, wrapping her in a tight embrace. He closed his eyes tightly. He hadn’t realized until he’d pulled her against him how close he’d been to falling apart, how close he’d come to spilling tears.
“You can have it all,” he whispered in her ear. “Miss Maggie, I’m going to do my best to make your dreams come true. And my best is pretty damn good. I might be leaving the army, but I’m still a Ranger. I’ve been trained to never give up. Ever. I’m going to make you happy. You have my word.”
“That’s good.” She pulled back, but he refused to let her go. She looked up at him, smiling. And he grinned like a fool back down at her.
“Because I’m falling in love with you,” she said. “Head over heels.”
Epilogue
Five Months Later
MAGGIE OPENED THE cover of the book in front of her and looked up at the young woman standing across the table. “Who should I sign this to?”
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