by T V Hartwell
Kirby had not seen or spoken to Laren since Sunday when they attended his mother’s birthday party and found out that he had to begin the management training program at the bank his father ran and controlled. Between getting acclimated to his new part-time job, staying on top of his screenwriting projects, and helping along with a couple of other guys to put the finishing touches on Jake’s bachelor party weekend, it was as if he forgot he still had a girlfriend.
He would be leaving the next day along with Jake and a few other guys on a party bus ride from LA to Vegas and he had no plans to see Laren before leaving. Although it wasn’t unusual for Kirby to let a day or two go by without reaching out to Laren, especially over the last month, it was unusual for there to be complete silence coming from Laren’s end. The fact that she had not called or texted him since Sunday night after he dropped her off without, once again, staying overnight or attempting to initiate sex with her, was a change.
She typically would not let more than twenty-four hours pass without trying to make some kind of contact with Kirby. She desperately wanted her relationship with Kirby to work, so much so that she had been willing to endure his indifference toward her for quite some time. But Kirby’s worth as a boyfriend had begun to diminish in her eyes despite what she was being otherwise told. She was often reminded by one of her best girlfriends that Kirby was a young black women’s dream: fine, smart, rich, and black. On top of that, his family had a controlling ownership interest in a bank. Even her mother once told her, “A young black man of Kirby’s variety is a rare find.” He wasn’t a rapper, athlete, drug dealer, or gangbanger; he was a college educated screenwriter who was free to pursue his dream without limitation while maintaining a relatively comfortable lifestyle because he still received a hefty allowance at the age of twenty-six and stood to inherit millions of dollars from a family banking fortune. Not to mention that he had no criminal record or children to speak of. Her girlfriend would teasingly sing the hook from an old En Vogue song whenever Laren would complain. “Hold on to your love,” she’d croon.
As far as other people were concerned, including Laren’s own mother, Kirby was a keeper whose shortcomings were worth tolerating. So Laren swallowed her pride and attached herself to him like white on rice, which likely contributed to their growing disenchantment with one another, she came to conclude.
Laren broke her silence and texted Kirby Thursday morning to see if they could meet before he left for Vegas the following day. Kirby was reluctant at first, but agreed to carve out the time after she indicated that it was somewhat urgent. It can wait ’til you get back, but I prefer to talk today, she said in her text.
Kirby had some last-minute errands and shopping to do before leaving town and told Laren that he would text her when he was done. At around 8:30 p.m., he finally got back to her as he was finishing up his shopping at the Beverly Center. He hadn’t eaten dinner and was hungry so he suggested that they meet at Dominick’s, one of his favorite spots, across the street from the mall. Laren already had a bite to eat but said that she could order a drink while he ate and agreed to meet him there. It wasn’t far from her apartment.
Kirby waited for Laren to arrive so that they could go into the restaurant together. The warm August night under the glow of the LA sky felt resplendent and dazzling, perfect for a romantic dinner for two. Dining al fresco on the restaurant’s ever popular and beloved back patio seemed idyllic. However, neither of them appeared to be in a particularly amorous mood. They didn’t even hug or kiss when they greeted each other.
“How are you?” Kirby asked after they were seated.
“I’m fine, and you?”
“Aaaah,” Kirby moaned deeply. “It’s been a crazy busy week, but I’m looking forward to going to Vegas tomorrow.”
“When are you leaving?”
“Half of us are taking a party bus there and will be leaving around noon.”
“A party bus? Why not just fly there? It only takes an hour by plane, if that.”
“That’s how we wanted to do it—old school. We’ve done so many road trips together over the years to Vegas, Coachella, Mammoth, Mexico. It’ll be like old times. Plus, this might be the last time Jake gets to do a road trip with all of the guys for a long time. At least as a single man.”
“Hmmm,” Laren uttered apathetically as she looked down to peruse the menu.
“I thought you weren’t going to eat.”
“I’m not. Just looking. Haven’t been here in a while,” she said with a roll of her eyes but not sure if Kirby got the implication.
When the waiter came over to take their order, Kirby knew exactly what he wanted without even studying the menu. He fired off his order before the waiter could even speak. “I’ll have the grilled filet, medium please, and a side of spinach,” he said. Kirby’s diet was fairly consistent during the week—high on protein and low on carbs, except for the good ones like fruit and vegetables. “Also, I’d like a martini but more on the dry side,” he said.
“And I’ll have a glass of chardonnay,” Laren said finally. “Nothing to eat. Thanks.” She handed her menu back to the waiter.
“So what’s going on with you?” Kirby asked when the waiter left.
“Oh, a lot,” she said with some distance as she surveyed the patio, observing the other patrons. Mostly young Hollywood types who looked like they worked in the business. Just like them. “Cameron Diaz is sitting over there in the corner. Did you see her?”
Kirby turned to look without trying to be too obvious. “Oh yeah. I’ve seen her here before. This is a popular spot for a lot of celebrities.”
“Is that why you like coming here?”
“Not necessarily. I like the food here too, but it is a watering hole for people in the business. That’s not a bad thing if you want to make connections and be seen. It is what it is,” Kirby said somewhat defensively and slightly annoyed at the question.
He heard the ping on his phone indicating that new messages had been delivered, which he began to read. Laren started checking her messages too although none were new. She was just trying to look as occupied as Kirby.
Kirby appeared to have a message or two that required his response, so he started typing away. After nearly ten minutes of this, Laren grew impatient and finally asked him, “Who are you typing to?”
“Oh, that was just one of the guys asking about the details for tomorrow,” Kirby lied as he promptly sat his phone down on the table. He had received a message, but it was about something else and it only took him ten seconds to read it. The rest of that time he was playing Solitaire.
“So what did you want to talk about? It sounded like you had something pretty urgent to discuss,” he said.
Laren took a sip of her chardonnay and allowed it to roll on her tongue for a few seconds, before she said, “I want to talk about us.”
“Okay,” Kirby said, folding his arms and tensing up as if preparing for another showdown with her about his lack of communication and engagement with her. After four days of not speaking to one another, he knew this talk was coming but he thought it wouldn’t happen until after the weekend.
“Why haven’t I heard from you these last few days, Kirby?”
“I’ve been really busy. You know I started working at the bank this week on top of doing my regular job and putting together this bachelor party. There’s just been a lot going on.”
“So you have time to do all these other things, but you don’t have time to even text or call me? A simple hello, how are you, would do.”
“I didn’t hear from you either all week. It’s not like I was ignoring messages from you or something. I assumed you must be busy as well.”
“Really, Kirby? I call you or text you almost every day unless I hear from you first.”
“Exactly, and I didn’t hear from you.”
“Why do I have to be the one to call first? Why don’t you ever call me first?”
“I do.”
Laren looked at him sideways, cle
arly vexed.
“I know I didn’t this week, but you can’t say that I never call you.”
“I didn’t say you never call, I said that I call you every day unless I hear from you first, which is hardly ever. Okay, sometimes you send me a half-assed text out of the blue, but I can’t remember the last time you called me just to chat. We talk because I make an effort. You don’t.”
Kirby snickered and shook his head as if discounting her assertion.
“Whatever, Kirby,” Laren said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head in disgust as she took another sip of her wine.
“So is this what you wanted to talk about? Why I haven’t called you until today?”
“No, darling. I texted you. Remember? That’s why we’re sitting here right now.”
“Okay. Excuse me. So you’ve wanted to talk to me all week and instead of just calling me you waited around for me to call you when all you needed to do was simply call me and now you’re mad at me because you decided to wait until today to call me?”
“Let’s cut the bullshit, Kirby, because that’s really not what I came here for. Okay?”
“Okay, then what did you come here for?”
“I came here to tell you that I’ve been seeing someone else.”
“You’ve been seeing someone else,” Kirby said, not so much as a question but rather to make sure he heard her correctly.
“Yes, I have. For about two months now, and things are starting to get more serious.”
“So have you been sleeping with him?”
“Have you been sleeping with other people?”
Kirby looked down at the table and did not answer her.
“Hmm. Well, I can tell you that I have not slept with him. But he’s eager to take our relationship to the next level and so am I. I have needs, Kirby, and you’re not meeting them, and I just can’t do this anymore. I am tired of feeling like I am just an inconvenience to you. Like I’m some burden you’re carrying. Our relationship really isn’t going anywhere and yet we’re still together for some reason. I guess I’ve been holding on thinking that this was just a phase and that things between us would get better, but I feel like we’re growing further and further apart by the day. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore. You’re not the same person you were when we first met and started dating. I know that people change and grow, but for whatever reason, we’re not growing together. If I go in one direction, you turn around and go in a completely different direction as if I’m not part of your life and it hurts and I can’t take it anymore,” Laren said, starting to cry.
Laren used her linen napkin to wipe her tears away as Kirby sat silently, blindsided by Laren beating him to the “break-up” punch. It was sobering.
“I feel as though I have been in this relationship for all the wrong reasons; overlooking the fact that you don’t really love me. That was so clear at dinner on Sunday night. When your uncle was asking you questions about our relationship, you just sat there and said nothing. Then you leave the room as if it’s an insult to your intelligence for someone to suggest that I am worth a long-term commitment. I was the one who spoke up, trying to cover for you without really knowing what the fuck I was saying. Your uncle’s guess about whether you want to marry me is as good as mine, because I really don’t know either. I’m tired of guessing and tired of being the one who’s trying to make our relationship look real when I know it’s fake. I deserve better.”
“You’re right,” Kirby said. “You do deserve better. I know that I haven’t treated you the way you deserve to be treated. I feel like I’ve been holding on to this relationship for all the wrong reasons as well, and knowing that my heart isn’t in it. I’m not sure it ever was, to be perfectly honest. You and I, we just kept things going without expressing our true feelings and being open with each other.”
“I tried,” Laren defended herself quickly. “I tried many times to get you to talk and to open up to me, but you refused. You wouldn’t talk to me. You always ran and just blew me off, Kirby.”
“You’re right. I admit it. You are right,” Kirby conceded, unable to argue the point. “There are some things that I’ve been going through. Some changes that I’ve been dealing with about myself. Who I am and who I want to be. Dealing with my parents and their expectations of me. I haven’t shared any of that with you. I’ve kept it to myself. I know I shut you out and I’m sorry for doing that. It wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry.”
Laren looked down and continued to dot her eyes with her napkin, not sure if she was fully prepared to accept his apology just yet.
“So if you knew that your heart was never in it, then why did you stay with me for so long? When you told me that you loved me in the past were those just words? Were you just pretending to be in love?”
“At one point, I thought I loved you. But I’m not sure if it was really love. I’ve always cared for you and still do. It’s complicated,” Kirby said, not sure of how to express himself without revealing more than he wished to share.
Laren shook her head and rolled her eyes, clearly unsatisfied with his answer. “When did you become not sure?”
Kirby thought for a few moments before finally saying, “Probably a year after we started dating.”
“So this whole time you haven’t been in love with me? Have you been sleeping with other people all this time too? You didn’t answer that question before. So have you?”
“Yes, I have,” he admitted.
Laren sighed and shook her head in disappointment. She had long suspected Kirby of cheating and even confronted him about it, but this was the first time he actually admitted it. “What a fool I’ve been. The handwriting has been on the wall all along and I chose to ignore it, wasting my time with you. You are a self-absorbed, egomaniac pig. You disgust me,” she said, rising from her seat to leave.
“It’s been nice knowing you too,” Kirby said solemnly as Laren grabbed her purse and walked out.
Chapter 27 I Can Love You Better
Jake came home from work that evening feeling mentally exhausted and emotionally spent. He was rattled by his conversation with Mike Wallace, and he wanted to talk with Amanda about this secret illness she supposedly had, but he needed time to consider how he would approach her about it in light of Mike’s admonishment that confronting her and revealing that he knew anything about it would make matters worse. Besides, Amanda had left that morning for a business meeting in New York regarding the fashion accessory line she was creating with Lucy and would not be back in town until Saturday, so he would not see her again until after his trip to Vegas.
The stress of his work coupled with the revelation that his fiancée had a life-threatening illness that was so severe that her father was willing to pay him to break off their wedding left him dazed, confused, and afraid. Amanda and his future with her was the bright spot in his life that he looked most forward to. Building a life together and having a family was his dream. But that all seemed in doubt. On top of that, Jake had another issue lingering in the background not yet fully resolved. He was so consumed with thoughts about his conversation with Mike earlier that day and about Amanda’s well-being that he couldn’t think about much else. But he felt a nagging anxiety about something unrelated that he needed to fix. He had pushed the other issue so far back in his mind that he couldn’t recall exactly what it was until it walked through the front door.
Although they had exchanged text messages the last few days and had a brief phone conversation the day before regarding plans for Vegas, Jake and Kirby had not seen each other since their minor confrontation at the gym on Monday night. Kirby essentially canceled their Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday workout schedule by simply not showing up, but Jake pretty much got the message on Monday so he really wasn’t looking for Kirby anyway on the other two days. And as usual, Jake had spent most of the week up until that point with Amanda at her place, so this was the first opportunity the two had to face each other again.
“Hey, brutha,” Jake said, emergin
g from his bedroom where he was packing for the trip to Vegas the next day.
“Hey, man,” Kirby said, sounding melancholic as he had just returned from his dinner with Laren.
Kirby walked over and stood at the long center island countertop that separated the kitchen from the living and dining space to look through his mail. Jake followed behind him and placed his hands on his shoulders to gently massage them.
“Tomorrow can’t get here soon enough,” Jake said. “I can’t wait to get out of here.”
“Me too,” Kirby replied. “We’ve got a few surprises in store for you.”
Jake pressed himself against Kirby’s backside and gave him a bear hug, feeling affectionate toward his beloved friend. But he didn’t hang on for too long so as to avoid the temptation of being aroused by the feel of Kirby’s hard, muscular body.
“Oh yeah. Like what?” Jake said as he walked around to the other side of the countertop to face Kirby.
“You’ll have to wait and see. I don’t want to spoil your surprise.”
“Oh my word, knowing you, I can only imagine that it will be pretty decadent and wild.”
Kirby grinned as he continued to peruse his mail. “I think you’ll have a good time. We just want to make sure that we remind you of what you’ll be missing after you forsake all others in exchange for marital bliss.”
Jake laughed as he threw back his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “Oh my God, now I’m getting nervous. I knew this was a mistake. I should have never put you, Pax, and Will in charge of things. You guys are going to get me in trouble. I know it.”
“Calm down, calm down. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, my friend. No need to fear. We’ve got you covered.”
Jake just shook his head and smiled as he turned to grab a snack out of the refrigerator. He was eager to have some fun with his buddies, resigned to the idea of surrendering himself to whatever awaited him. Jake still had some frat boy in him and he was ready to unleash that dude once again, at least temporarily, to free his mind from the pressure of the situation in which he found himself.