by N'Tyse
My conscience was beginning to whup my ass, and I faced the fact that Sand owned my heart. The score was even. I had cheated on her, and she had cheated on me. One back washed the other. I grabbed the phone that was lying next to Vincent’s side of the bed and punched in her digits. First, I tried the home phone. I was greeted by my own voice.
Damn. I hadn’t realized that I am so damn long-winded. That is a long-ass greeting, I told myself.
I quickly hung up before the beeping sound came on. I had intentionally blocked my number by pressing *67, so there was no way she could trace the call back here. I hurriedly dialed her cell and waited for her to pick up. When she didn’t, I became worried. Sand hardly ever let her phone ring without answering it to see who was calling. It could have been a connect or maybe me. It continuously rang and rang. I disconnected the call. Where was she? Then, suddenly, a picture of her girlfriend flashed in my mind. I slammed the phone down and knew that she was somewhere laid up under that ho.
I tried to control my emotions; after all, I had brought this on myself. I needed to see her. I wanted to see her. I had to tell her that I was sorry for all the shit I had kept hidden from her. I wanted to tell her that the letter I had left for her was written out of anger and to pretend she had never read it. I was still in love with Sand, and I couldn’t play myself any longer. The shit was real. Our love was real.
It was about seven o’clock, judging by the way the room had darkened since I’d come in. I still had time to find her and tell her that I loved her. I could beg for forgiveness, and she would take me back with open arms. I would tell her about Vincent, the baby, and how all these years I had denied that I was gay but had known deep down that I was. I quickly threw some clothes in a blue and red duffel bag. I slipped on some jeans and an old Nike shirt, one that I generally wore around the house to lounge in. I slipped on my tennis shoes and grabbed my purse. I almost made it past Vincent without him seeing me. My shadow across the television screen busted me out.
“Where you going?”
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to face the back of his head. He was still watching me in the TV.
“I, um, um, gotta go sit with Shun. She’s at the hospital. Jo Jo sick with the flu,” I lied. I didn’t know what I was so nervous about, but my underarms were starting to perspire and my pubic hairs already had my thong clinging to them, I was sweating so hard. You would think I was used to lying, the way it had become so ordinary, like an English professor’s fluency with English.
“Well, it’s dark out, so you need to be careful.”
“Okay. I will. I won’t be gone long.” I tried to haul ass out that front door, but he stopped me again.
“Rene.” He sprang up from the couch and walked toward me. I didn’t know what he was about to do. I was scared as hell, and I didn’t even know why. He lifted up my shirt and bent down to kiss my stomach. I sighed softly. “What are we now? Almost three months?”
I just nodded my head yes. I couldn’t take this anymore. “Baby, I gotta go. Shun needs me.” I walked out the front door and left him standing alone. I called Shun from a prepaid phone I had bought earlier at the grocery store. I had to warn her not to call the house.
“Why I always gotta be your scapegoat?” she spat.
“Because that’s what friends do.”
“Where are you going, anyways?”
I paused before I could say anything. I knew how much Shun hated to see Sand and me together. I knew she disapproved of our relationship. She was rooting for my life of fake happiness with Vincent, even though she knew my heart was with Sand. She had tried to convince me that Vincent would just make me forget all about Sand with the swerve of his dick. I had tested the waters. I had even envisioned Sand’s head in between my legs, replacing Vincent’s dick, but the shit still hadn’t worked. Yes, he had a dick, but that was all that he had to classify him as a real man, which was what I had figured I needed society to see. I wasn’t sure if it was just that I hadn’t been able to get what I wanted from him because I compared him so much to Sand or if it wasn’t working all around and I was still trying to find a reason to stay.
I had exhausted myself so much from telling lies that I decided to just come out and be honest with Shun.
“I’m gonna find Sand.” There was a brief silence.
“Rene, you are making a big mistake. Vincent loves you. What are you doing?”
“Shun, with all due respect, I don’t need you to tell me who I need to be with. I listen to you constantly go on and on about Sand and me. The truth is, I’m tired of it. You bash on her in my face, but she’s no different than I am. I love her, and I know she loves me. Understand that I don’t need you or anybody else telling me who or what I need to be with. This is my life, not yours. I’ll sleep with whoever I wanna. If nobody likes it, they can kiss my caramel ass!”
She was quiet, but I could still hear her heavy breathing. Then she said, “I just don’t want you to throw away a good thing. A man like Vincent is hard to find. She cheated on you, for God’s sake. Have some dignity.”
That was the last draw. I had had it. She would never understand it, and it wasn’t my place to make her. I disconnected the call. Immediately after that, Vincent was calling me on the new number I had left on the coffee table without him seeing.
“Hello?”
“Rene, I forgot to tell you, when you get back home tonight, I have a surprise for you.”
“What? A Surprise?”
“I was meaning to give it to you earlier, but I had to make sure that my partner would come through on his end of the bargain. And he did. He just called.”
“Honey, you’re spoiling me,” I replied in a sweet, innocent voice.
“No, I’m not spoiling you enough. I love you, Rene.”
I held the phone to my ear, letting the tears drip down my face. I needed to tell him before it was too late. “Vincent, I love you too. I just don’t think I deserve—”
“Stop. I don’t want to hear that. You deserve everything I have planned for you. Believe me, it’s all worth it.”
“Honey,” I said between sniffles, “I’ll talk to you later.”
“All right. See you later. Call me when you reach your destination.”
“I will.”
I pulled up into my old parking space. I had been away only for a day, but it seemed like an eternity. I ran up the flight of stairs, with the duffel bag in tow. I unlocked the door and barged in, wanting to catch some tramp ho up in my shit so I could act a fool on her ass. Everything was exactly how I had left it, except there was a crystal glass missing from the bar rack. I spotted it immediately. I rushed to the kitchen sink, and there it was. I inspected it for lipstick. There wasn’t any. Sand and I used the crystal glasses only for company. And I was not talking friends. I was talking “run and clean everything till it’s spotless” company.
I walked around the small apartment, giving it a once-over. You would have thought I was just moving in the way I was checking everything out. I walked over to the caller ID and checked for any new calls. There were several. I didn’t recognize any of the numbers, so I skipped over them, scrolling to the next. None for me. I picked up the phone and decided to call Sand. Once again she did not answer. This time, I felt the need to leave a message.
“Hey, hon,” I teased, throwing on the sexiest phone voice I could put on. She was bound to run home after hearing that. I whispered something nice and sweet. I headed to the bathroom to shower again after all that sweating I had done earlier. Then I threw on one of her muscle T-shirts and walked around the house in a shirt and panties, anticipating the makeup sex. I was getting moist just thinking about it.
Sand
The moment I pulled into the parking lot, I spotted all the commotion. There was a long-ass line that had begun to curve around the building. Everybody was waiting impatiently to get inside and see for themselves what all the hype was about.
I parked my car in the reserved section, which had be
en intentionally blocked off with orange cones. As soon as my boy Reginald saw me, he ran over.
“Damn, Sand, we got a house full, and people still tryin’a get in.” He was as excited as I was about the grand opening.
“That’s good. That’s real good,” I repeated. I was pleased to know that. He was the fifth person I had keeping count of every single head that entered my building. One of the reasons was that I didn’t want to create a fire hazard, and another was that I would know exactly how much money I should be counting at the end of the night. “Well, when we reach our max, close the doors and don’t let nobody else in.”
“All right. I gotcha.” He ran back to his post.
I slipped my way on through the crowd and inside the doors, where all my hard work was invested. DJ Sparks had the place rockin’. The vibration of the speakers had everybody up on their feet. You couldn’t help but join in on the dance floor and shake your ass. The first performing artist, Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz, hyped up the crowd with their rap lyrics. Fans who had rehearsed the song were able to sing along, as well as throw in their own dance routine. I took a glance around the place. Black bulbs were in all the light fixtures, except for those surrounding the six bars and above the dance floor. Those were multicolored strobe lights shining down. Anyone who wore all white or neon colors would surely be the center of attention for the night, including me. I was dressed down in solid white and had removed the black and green beads from the ends of my hair and replaced them with white ones. I was g’d up, most definitely.
I continued to check out the club, making sure all the bouncers and undercover security officers were in place and on duty. They were. I checked over each bar, ensuring that the attendants were handling that end and that the waitresses were on their jobs. The bartenders knew the drill: no watered-down shit, but don’t make ’em pass out. I knew from doing my research that the bar cash was where the money was at. So for that reason, we had everything in the book, from Cristal, Moët, and Hpnotiq to basic gin and juice. I estimated that I’d rake in at least forty grand just in liquor tonight.
Everyone appeared to be having a good time. Sandrene’s was on blaze. Finally, I headed to the spot where I knew I’d camp out for most of the night—the VIP. I made my way through the crunk crowd and headed to the ballas’ section of the club. The VIP room was sectioned off from the rest of the club, but those who were inside were still able to see what was going on outside the room. A two-sided mirror allowed you to see the other side, while those outside of the VIP would mistake the long glass for a regular mirror and would see their reflection. That was the cool part of the VIP. And while the outside had hidden security cameras, the VIP did not.
The room was decorated nicely in a black-and-white zebra print that matched the marble tile on the outside dance floor. Inside of the VIP was a bar, a pool table, a big-screen television, and leather sectional sofas and chairs throughout. I had let the decorator do her own thing, and I had to admit, it was hot. I really liked it. Everything matched perfectly. I made my way around the room, introducing myself to everyone, including the high rollers who had come through to check out the new spot.
The VIP also had its own DJ. He was an older cat, but he knew music like no one else. He would mix it up a little, taking it from new age to old school every other track. I checked my watch. It was ten minutes past eleven. The party was just beginning. I walked past a few of the ladies who must have been invited into the VIP. Certain ladies had been hand selected to roam around the VIP all night if they wanted. They didn’t have to pay. They had a purpose, and I had mine. The more they could get the fellas to spend that money and buy them drinks all night long, the more revenue I was kicking in. I made sure that the finest ladies in the building were escorted inside the VIP for free. Three of the finest were standing right in front of me, staring out through the glass, watching the peep show from indoors. They looked too damn good not to be seen and flaunted around this muthafucka, so I had to volunteer my services.
“You ladies doing all right tonight?” I had a sweet smile spread across my face.
“Yes, we fine,” one of them answered.
“Can I offer y’all a drink or something?”
“Not right now. We don’t wanna get too tipsy. We already had one,” the same one said. She showed me her glass.
“All right. If you sexy ladies need anything, you just holler at me, a’ight?”
All three of them blushed. “All right,” they chorused.
I could tell who the leader of the pack was, because she was the only one speaking and was speaking for all. That told me a lot about her. She was aggressive, knew exactly what she wanted, and liked to be in control. The type of woman I had promised myself never to get involved with again, especially after fucking with Jasmine.
I walked off, picked up the pace, but I was tempted to look back at her one more time. She looked so damn good in that sleek orange dress, with her weave flowing down her back. Yes, she was watching me, and again, I was turned on. “I’m irresistible,” I said aloud, flattering myself with my own cocky attitude and ego. I stepped over to the bar and requested my usual—a glass of vodka, my liquid painkiller and stress release.
As I allowed the liquid to coat my throat warmly, my thoughts shifted to other things. I tried to shake off the chilling voice of the person who had called me earlier, but I couldn’t. I tried to erase the words that Shun had said to me. Rene was involved with someone else, and that someone else was a man. I couldn’t believe that. I just couldn’t. The idea of it made me go crazy. I brought the glass back to my lips and took another swallow, this time finishing the glass.
“Hit me again,” I told the bartender. The vision was too much to handle. Rene and another man was impossible. She would never do anything like that. Shun was a liar, anyway. I took another hard hit, tossing the drink up like it was cherry-flavored Kool-Aid. Then I remembered what Peaches had told me, and I was forced to down the rest of my drink. I shook my head at the fact that James and Chyna were trying to set me up for some shit I didn’t do. But I couldn’t figure out why.
I was back to feeling alone. I walked around a little bit more to feel out the crowd in the VIP. I spotted Nessa with no problem. She had on an animal-print jacket and a nice little pantsuit with a matching cowgirl hat. She had it going on. I made my way over to where she was sitting. She was glowing under the fluorescent lights.
“Sup, baby girl?” I said as I sat down next to her.
“Nothing.” She appeared a little amazed by everything that was going on.
“Where your girl at?”
Nessa looked back up at me with a smile on her face. “She here.”
I looked around, hoping to see her.
“She went to the restroom. She’ll be back.”
“Oh.”
She looked at me like I was up to something.
“What?” I asked, smiling at her.
“Don’t even play. I know what that little smirk across you face mean, Sand. You ain’t fooling nobody.”
“What smirk?” I said, denying the obvious. I laughed and continued to play dumb.
“Um, yeah, the smirk that says you like my friend.” Nessa giggled a little. “But don’t worry. The feelings are mutual.”
“What? You know something I don’t?” I asked as I tapped her on the leg.
“My secret is quiet as kept.” She started laughing, then placed her right index finger to her lips.
“Come on. Don’t do me like that,” I begged.
She shook her head. “Nope, nope, nope.”
“All right. I got you when it comes tip time.”
That got her attention. She looked up. “Okay, wait, wait, wait. Promise me you won’t say anything.”
“Come on, Nessa. You can trust me.”
“All right. Deja likes you. She really likes you.”
I started smiling. “Shit, I thought you had something to tell me. She bound to like me. I’m a likable person.”
She elbowed me in the side, and I pretended to be hurt.
“I’m moving over here. You dangerous.” I slid onto the love seat across from her. She started laughing, but I had seen Deja turn the corner, and I was hoping she would sit next to me on the love seat.
“Hey, Sand. You doing all right tonight?” Deja said as she approached us.
I stood up, making space for her to slide in next to me or take a seat with Nessa. She sat on the love seat, where she had seen me sitting. I sat back down next to her.
“I’m fine, Ms. Lady,” I replied, calling her after my car, respecting her and caring for her like I did my ride. “How are you tonight?”
She looked over at Nessa, who had her attention focused elsewhere. “I’m all good now.” She looked back at me. After what Nessa had told me, I could read in between the lines of that statement. I decided to throw her a curveball.
“That’s good, Ma. I hope you stay all good, because you know you look it.”
She smiled and blushed so much she couldn’t look me in the face.
“Are you ladies thirsty?” I asked, quickly after sensing a little discomfort from her. I knew that some gay women really didn’t like to share or flaunt their business in public and make a scene, so I eased back a little and revised my approach.
“Yes, I would like a glass of chardonnay, if you have it,” Deja replied.
“And what would you like, Nes?” I asked, slicing her name in half to sound more like a longtime friend.
“Whatever is gon’ give me the balls to walk over to that sexy chocolate muthafucka over there.” She pointed hesitantly at the other side of the room. I followed her finger. There stood James, posted up in a corner, in an all-black suit. He bounced his head up at me when we made eye contact. I looked away and back down at Nessa, who was damn near squirming in her seat. She must have gotten herself wet the way she kept shifting her legs from one side to the other. “Ooh and that bald head. Goddamn. I need my drink, Sand.”