by Ryan, Lexi
I frown. “Now I’m confused.”
His smile is soft, and his eyes sweep over my face. “I’ll help you have a baby, but we’re gonna do it the old-fashioned way so you can relax about it.” He shakes his head. “None of this ‘am I ovulating, am I not’ nonsense. Just you and me and old-fashioned baby-making until you have a little one growing in your belly.”
I blink at him. I think I know what he’s getting at, but considering the subject matter, I think it’s best if I get some confirmation. “I’m sorry. What exactly do you mean by old-fashioned baby-making?”
He straightens, putting some space between us. My heartbeat steadies, and I can breathe easier . . . yet I miss his heat.
“You know,” he says, “when a boy likes a girl a whole lot, sometimes they do this thing where they kiss, and then they give each other a special—”
I smack his arm. “Shut up!”
“You do know how to do it the old-fashioned way, right?” His face splits into a grin, but his voice is soft. “I mean, it hasn’t just been you and that turkey baster your whole life, has it?”
I can’t believe I’m smiling. He’s talking about us sleeping together, and I’m smiling. And . . . kind of hot. What’s wrong with me? Do I have a fever? Am I delirious? Is this even real? “You’re an asshole.”
“I’m an asshole who’s making you an offer. Take it or leave it.” Then he turns around and walks out of the kitchen, and I’m left standing here trying to wrap my mind around what just happened.
Jake
“This is the dumbest fucking thing you’ve ever done,” Levi says. He folds his arms and leans back against the bar. The place is closed. Barstools have been flipped, and the floors have been mopped. Outside, the streetlights gleam.
I meet my little brother’s eyes and shrug. “I’m not denying that.”
“So what happens when she gets pregnant and carries on with her plan to be a single mom? Then you have a kid out there.”
And at least she’s part of my life. “Lots of kids are raised by parents who aren’t together. But if I have my way, that won’t be what we’re dealing with here. You don’t understand, Levi. I decided a long time ago that I wanted Ava in my life one way or another. That’s why I kept my mouth shut when she married that asshole.”
Levi grimaces. “This is different. This changes everything for you. Have you thought about that?”
“I can either watch her have some other man’s baby, or I can watch her have mine.” I shrug. Honestly, once that became the crossroads in my mind, my decision was clear. Offering to give Ava a baby is the biggest gamble of my life. But is it really a gamble, given the alternative?
When I saw that stack of papers on Ava’s table with details of potential sperm donors, my mind was made up.
“Somebody’s gonna get hurt,” Levi says. “Seriously hurt. And I’m afraid it’s gonna be you.”
“At least I’ll know that I tried.”
Ava
“He said what?” Teagan says.
“He said he’d do it, but only if we did it the old-fashioned way, because that’s the only way I’m going to be able to relax enough to get pregnant.”
Teagan snorts. “Well, that’s a line I’ve never heard before.”
I slap her on the arm. “Come on. This is Jake we’re talking about. It’s not like this is all some elaborate scheme to get in my pants.”
“But isn’t it? I mean, he’s single, and not a manwhore hopping into every available chick’s bed—because trust me, I’ve tried—so you know he jacks off from time to time. What harm would it do to hand over the goods? But instead, he’s all”—she lowers her voice to a low rumble—“It’s better if we do it this way, sweet Ava. We’re more likely to succeed if I’m actually doing the dirty with you. I bet he’ll have an excuse for going down on you, too.”
My cheeks flame so hot at that image. I’ve been trying to ignore the bits and pieces of me that are interested in Jake’s proposal for non-maternal reasons. “Shut up,” I growl.
Teagan winks at me. It’s girls’ night, and we’re sitting in our booth at the back of Jackson Brews. I told Teagan I’d fill her in on my personal drama before the others arrived, but the truth is, I need someone to give me guidance. Since I already know how Ellie feels about my baby-making plans, I wanted to hear Teagan’s take. I’m so afraid I’m going to make a bad decision that I’m paralyzed. “You think it’s a bad idea,” I say.
Teagan’s eyes go wide, and her grin stretches across her face. “Are you kidding me? I think it’s a great idea. I have been in favor of you fucking Jake since . . . I don’t know, since I knew there was an Ava-and-Jake. You two are amazing together. There should be a name for you. Avake. Jayva.”
I grimace. Back in high school, Jake’s sister called us Jayva, and Jake hated it, which always made me think he hated the idea of anyone thinking we were a couple, so I hated it. “Please don’t use those words ever again.”
She chuckles. “Okay, okay, but you know what I mean.”
“I know we’re friends. I know this is complicated.”
“Right, right, and nobody wants to ruin a friendship for a couple of hot nights, but now you have an excuse, and if you get a baby out of it, bonus.”
“What if it makes things weird between us? Can we have a bunch of sex and then go back to being friends?” There’s the rub. It’s the question that’s been haunting me since Jake’s indecent proposal. I promised him I’d think about it, and in the five days since I’ve done nothing but think. And think. And overthink. On one hand, it’s exactly what I want, and the intimacy of lovemaking over turkey basting appeals to me on the most basic level. On the other hand, what if it screws up me and Jake? Am I selfish enough to risk our friendship?
“Let me get this straight,” Teagan says. “You don’t think it’s going to be weird to have his baby and be his friend, but if you have a few orgasms along the way, it might be too much to handle?”
“Can you orgasm with someone and just be friends?” I ask. I don’t notice Levi at the table until Teagan turns to face him.
“What do you think, Levi?” Teagan asks. “Is it possible?”
Levi grins at her. “Wanna go into the restroom and find out?”
“Boy, don’t tempt me. You have no idea how long it’s been.” She turns back to me. “I think the real question is whether you want to have orgasms with”—her gaze shifts to Levi and then back to me—“you know.”
Levi folds his arms and stares at me. “To orgasm or not to orgasm? That’s the question?”
I like how they say that as if I’m capable of orgasming with anyone.
“She doesn’t hate the idea,” Levi says to Teagan. “Look at those cheeks.”
“Why are you even here?” I ask him.
“Levi has a Spidey-sense for women talking about sex,” Teagan answers.
“It’s true.” Levi nods. “It’s a gift, really. That, and I’m filling in for Jake tonight. Something came up, and he needed someone to cover the bar.”
“Can you get us some drinks?” Teagan asks. “I think this conversation calls for tequila.”
Wrinkling my nose, I shake my head. “Just beer for me. Do we have any of the vanilla imperial stout left?”
“Sure thing.” He turns to Teagan. “And for you?”
“Well, if you weren’t serious about the orgasms, I guess I’ll have the imperial stout too.”
“Sweet. Coming right up.” He meets my eyes and the humor falls from his face. “Just think it through before you jump into his bed,” he says softly.
“What?” I squeak. Was I stupid for thinking he wouldn’t know who we were talking about?
He shrugs. “Drinks will be out in a minute.”
“Yikes,” Teagan says as Levi walks away. “I’m sorry. I thought I was being cautious.”
I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a secret.” And if we do this, it won’t be.
My phone buzzes in my purse, and I pull i
t out to see a text.
Jake: Have fun with the girls tonight. I’ll come by your place Friday. I’d like to review the benefits of turkey-baster alternatives if you’re up for it.
Teagan tips my phone down so she can read the screen, and I don’t stop her.
“What should I reply?” I ask.
She smirks. “How do you spell bow-chicka-wow-wow?”
Jake
Since I offered to give Ava a baby, I’ve been keeping my distance. I need her to make this decision on her own and to have a chance to think it through. I hung out with Carter at his place until I was sure Ava would be gone, but the moment I walk into my bar, I know she’s there. I feel it.
I immediately scan the room for her. Before I can spot her, I hear her laugh. I’d know that laugh anywhere—it’s clear and unapologetic. The laugh of a confident woman who knows who she is and what matters to her.
The sound does something to me—warms me up and grounds me all at once.
She usually cuts girls’ night short on school nights, so I’m surprised she’s still here, camped out in the back booth with her friends. It looks like everyone made it tonight, and Ava is surrounded by all her favorites—Teagan, Nic, Veronica, Ellie, and even Shay. They’re all laughing over something, but when Ava spots me, the laughter falls from her face. She watches me as I cross from the front door to behind the bar.
“How’s it going, boss?” Cindy asks when I step behind the bar. She pulls a steaming rack of pint glasses from the machine under the counter.
“Great,” I answer. But I don’t feel great. I feel like a guy who just put his friendship on the line and is waiting for the other shoe to drop. “How’s it been tonight?”
“Busy night. Went real fast. Levi was a big help, but I sent him home about thirty minutes ago.”
“Great,” I say, my eyes on Ava, who’s still watching me. I wink at her and go about my business, as if having her attention isn’t screwing with my brain, as if I don’t want to pull her into the storage room, push her against the wall, and convince her with my mouth that this can work. That there’s nothing she needs to say but yes.
I pull the receipts from the register and grab the deposit bag for tomorrow morning’s bank run. Just another day.
I threw her world off balance with my proposal, but part of me wonders why it came as such a complete surprise. I told her how I felt before she married Harrison. Does she think those feelings went away over the last five years? Then again, we both pretend that conversation never happened, so maybe that’s exactly what she thinks.
Ava whispers something to Teagan, and then Teagan turns her attention to me. Judging by her grin, she knows what I offered Ava. For my sake, I fucking pray Teagan’s got my back on this.
Teagan climbs out of the booth so Ava can slide out. Fuck me dead. She’s in red heels, jeans that hug her hips, and a sleeveless black tank that slides over her hips as she walks. I should get some sort of Oscar for keeping my poker face when she comes toward me dressed like that.
I watch her carefully, almost expecting her to stumble or at least sway in those killer red heels. Her stride is even and steady, and when she props her elbows on the bar and looks at me, her eyes are clear.
“Can we talk tonight instead of Friday?” she asks.
I arch a brow. Not drunk but still willing to talk to me. I’ll take it. “Sure. Upstairs?”
Her cheeks flush bright pink. “Just to talk.”
I lean on the bar across from her and lower myself so I’m level with her. “Don’t worry,” I say softly so only she can hear. “I’m not planning to fuck you right now.” I look at my watch. “You’ll be headed to work in eight hours, and the first time I get you naked, I’ll require far more time than that.”
Her pink cheeks flame brighter. “First of all, be quiet or someone will hear. Second of all . . .” She straightens and folds her arms, giving me a once-over before she lifts her chin. “You wouldn’t know what to do with me for that long.”
“Challenge accepted.” I scan her face. Those soft brown eyes, flushed cheeks, gently parted lips . . . “Come on.” I head to the back hall and the stairs to my apartment. I don’t let myself turn back, but I can hear her behind me.
At the top of the stairs, I unlock the door to my apartment and hold it open for her. She walks in right past me, hitting the lights for us on her way. I close the door behind me and lean against it, waiting for her to start talking.
She wanders around my living room, her arms crossed, her gaze roaming around the space as if she’s looking for answers. I wait, not wanting to rush her or what might be the most important conversation of our entire relationship. I expect her to have reservations. Hell, I like the idea of us having a baby together, and I have reservations. Most of them fall under the heading of What if She Never Feels This Thing I Feel for Her?
Suddenly, she spins to face me. “Are you serious about what you’re offering? Because if this is your idea of a big joke, Jake . . .” There’s so much vulnerability in her eyes that my chest aches.
“Shit. Of course I’m serious. Do you think I’d joke about something like that?” I want to cross the room and pull her into my arms. Instead, I press my palms against the door and force myself to stay put.
She swallows. “I don’t know. I just can’t figure it out. What’s in it for you?”
I drag a hand through my hair and grimace. That’s a loaded question, and she’s not ready for the answer.
She rolls her eyes. “Sex, yeah, I get that, but you’re not that hard up. This could change things between us. That terrifies me. You’re my . . .” She chews on the inside of her bottom lip. “You’re my rock.”
“It doesn’t have to change anything.” But hell, I’m hoping it’ll change everything, and for the better.
“I need to make sure you understand my situation. It’s not as if we’re going to be able to get drunk one night, sleep together, and get the job done. I mean, maybe? But . . .” She drops her gaze to her shoes. “The whole time Harrison and I were married, we were trying for a baby. We had no success. Obviously.” She lifts her gaze to meet mine. “This might not be any different.”
The look on her face makes something unravel inside me. It’s as if even admitting there’s a chance that her body won’t cooperate causes her physical pain. And the idea that she needs to prepare me for this? As if her struggle to get pregnant might change how I feel about her, or that I won’t want to get on board if I have to touch her more than once? That is insane. “Ava . . .”
She holds up a hand. “Harrison would get so frustrated with me. It got to the point that he didn’t want to have sex with me at all unless he knew I was ovulating, which was tough to know, since I’m broken.”
“You’re not broken.”
“You know what I mean.” She tries to smile, but the effort does little but highlight the worry around her eyes.
I take a step closer, but she’s still not close enough. She won’t be until she’s in my arms and wants to be there. She won’t be close enough until she’s come there on her own. “Let me get this straight,” I say softly. “You were trying to have a baby, but you weren’t really having much sex.”
She draws in a breath, then nods slowly.
“And he wouldn’t have sex with you, but then when you didn’t get pregnant, he blamed it on you.”
“In a nutshell.”
Jesus. Leave it to fucking Harrison to screw her up like that.
My loathing for her ex-husband just reached a whole new level, but I keep my poker face in place and nod. “You’re telling me that if this is going to have any chance of being successful, we’ll need to have regular sex.”
“And even then, there’s no guarantee,” she says.
“Right. So I need to understand now that we might need to have regular sex for months, and months, and months.”
Red creeps up her neck and into her cheeks. “That’s what I’m saying.”
“That sounds terrible,” I sa
y, taking a final step forward, getting as close to her as I can without scaring her. She smiles for real this time and smacks my chest. I grab her hand and hold it there, and the contact is better than I imagined. “Your husband was an idiot, and I’m nothing like him.”
“Okay.” She swallows and nods, and the hand on my chest curls into my shirt. Her pulse flutters in her neck, telling me her heart’s beating as fast as mine. “We’re really going to do this?”
“We’re really going to do this.” My voice sounds too thick, and if she could cut just beneath the surface of my words, she’d see I’m planning for us to make so much more than a baby.
Dear God, let this work.
She clears her throat. “Do you think . . . I mean, should we get screened or anything? For infections or whatever?”
I step back and force myself to take a breath and remember I’m not going to rush into this. Slow the fuck down, Jackson. This is a marathon, not a sprint. “I’m okay with that if it would make you feel better.”
She nods sharply. “It seems like the responsible thing, right? I mean, I haven’t been with anybody since Harrison, so they’re not likely to find anything but dust up there, but—”
I cough to cover my laugh—not at the dust joke so much as my shock that she hasn’t been with anyone since Harrison. And she’s planning to sleep with me. I won’t let myself think that means more than it does. “I don’t think vaginal dust mites are a thing, so you should be good. And I . . .” I drag a hand over my face, feeling a little awkward admitting the next part. “A girl I used to see called with a scare a couple months ago, so I’ve had a panel done. It was clean and I haven’t . . . been with anyone since.”
She cuts her gaze away. Not for the first time, I feel like an ass bringing up other women. Ava always acts sort of slighted when she knows about me seeing someone. Another reason I haven’t given up on her, I suppose.
“One more thing,” she says, bringing her eyes back to meet mine. “If at any point one of us wants to be done with this . . .” She searches my face. “If the sex feels wrong, or you change your mind about this crazy plan or anything, we can call it off. But we have to promise each other we’ll talk about it so we can go back to being friends.”