by Brenda Novak
He picked a blade of grass and stuck it between his teeth. “I wasn’t,” he admitted. Then he got up and strode away so he wouldn’t have to stare into her dark lenses and see only himself staring back.
* * *
REBECCA PROBABLY WOULD HAVE sat outside the Honky Tonk for hours, if Booker hadn’t returned to search for her. The coldness numbed her hands and her feet, but it also seemed to numb her senses, diminishing her desire for a cigarette and slowing the process of her mind to a crawl so she could carefully examine each thought. Only a month ago, she’d been poring through bridal magazines and planning her new life in Nebraska.
Now she’d be picking up her old life just where she’d left it, knowing she might never escape Dundee or her past mistakes. She would watch Josh, her father’s standard of the perfect son, continue to be successful. He’d probably marry and have children while she remained single and cut hair until her back ached each day just to bring home enough to cover her living expenses.
But life didn’t always go as planned. She, of all people, understood that. She wasn’t going to grovel, wouldn’t even try to convince Buddy she was worthy of his love. She hadn’t done anything to him. And she’d already made her peace with Josh.
So why did peace between them still feel like war? She couldn’t figure it out.
The loud rumble of a motorcycle drowned out the strains of a Travis Tritt song coming from the Honky Tonk, announcing Booker’s return long before his headlight arced into the lot.
There were a few good things about staying in Dundee. One, she knew the others at the salon well enough to ensure that Mary Thornton never received a decent haircut in the future. And two, she still had her friends, Booker and Delaney. Booker would need some help taking care of Hatty. She was too high-maintenance for one person. And Delaney would need some help taking care of the baby, due in only a couple of weeks.
Standing, she dusted off her pants and started for the motorcycle before Booker could park and head back into the Honky Tonk. “You looking for me?”
He cut the engine. “What do you think?”
“Sorry. I’ve been having a little heart-to-heart with Josh Hill.”
“I don’t see any blood,” he said, removing his helmet long enough to study her. “That’s a good sign.”
“We called another truce.”
“You’re smiling,” he pointed out. “Must’ve been some truce.”
“I’m smiling because he forgave my thirty-thousand-dollar debt.”
His eyebrows shot up. “What does that tell you?”
“That I don’t have to pay for the Excursion.”
This statement met with a few seconds of silence before Booker went on. “Actually, it says a lot more than that.” He zipped his leather coat. “But it doesn’t matter, right? You don’t like him. He’s still the bad guy.”
“Right.”
Booker smiled and handed her a helmet. “Feels good to let someone else be the bad guy for a change. But I’ve never seen two people fight something as hard as you’re both fighting this.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you do.”
“No, I don’t,” she said, hoping he’d let the subject drop.
He didn’t. “Then why don’t you do yourself a favor and prove me wrong?”
Warning bells went off in Rebecca’s head, but she was curious enough to press the issue. “How?”
“Treat Josh as if you like him for a change and see what happens.”
“Nothing would happen. Except he’d think I’m certifiable.”
“Chicken,” he said.
Rebecca felt a scowl coming on. “I’m not chicken.”
He started the engine. “In that case you don’t have anything to lose, right?”
“Right,” she said slowly, because there wasn’t a better answer. But she wasn’t so sure.
* * *
JOSH LOOKED AT Mary as she sat across from him at the diner. They’d never made any promises to each other, yet it felt as though they’d been married for years. Not the steady, abiding, mutual respect kind of married. The “where did love go?” kind of married. The kind where a husband and wife wake up one morning, take a hard look at each other and realize they no longer have any reason to continue sharing the rent, never mind the rest of their lives.
He let his gaze fall to Ricky, who was sitting in the booth beside his mother. Ricky was a great kid. Josh hated to ruin Mary’s very obvious plan to give him a father for Christmas. But he wasn’t completely convinced that a permanent connection to Mary was the best way to participate in Ricky’s future. He could be a friend, a mentor, maybe an uncle…
Why he’d had such a sudden change of heart, he couldn’t say. It wasn’t five nights ago he’d decided, at the Honky Tonk, that he would marry her. Eventually. Then she’d entered the restaurant and approached his booth this morning and he’d suddenly known: he didn’t love her the way a husband should love a wife and time wasn’t going to change that.
On the one hand, it was a relief to finally achieve some clarity. On the other, he knew he was going to disappoint a lot of people—Mary more than anyone. A part of him still wondered if he wouldn’t be better off settling for less love and more peace—because the only woman who remotely tempted him was Rebecca—but he now knew that was a risk he’d have to take.
Maybe nothing had changed, after all. Maybe he just didn’t like what his heart had been telling him….
“Can I go horseback riding today?” Ricky asked, his mouth jammed full of pancake, interrupting Josh’s thoughts.
“Swallow before you talk, baby,” Mary said.
Josh considered all the things he had to accomplish over the course of his day. The breeding season was nearly upon them; the mares they were trying to breed would be kept under lights beginning in early December, to create a false spring and thereby bring them into heat early, and he had a lot of preparation to do before that. A client from Nevada was supposed to arrive around noon with ten mares. Josh wanted to be there to greet him and introduce him to his stud manager. After that, Conner Armstrong had scheduled a meeting to discuss the progress of the Running Y Resort, in which Josh and Mike were large investors. Paperwork was piling up at the office—the registration papers for various foals from last season, a limited partnership he was trying to put together to buy yet another stallion. And Mike was out of town attending a horse show, drumming up more business. Josh didn’t really have time to take Ricky riding, but his determination to maintain some type of relationship with the boy, and guilt for what he was about to tell his mother, made him say yes.
“Yippee!” Ricky cried the moment he heard his response. Wriggling out of the booth by slipping beneath the table, he turned and held out his palm. “Can I have a quarter for the vending machine?”
The vending machine by the exit sported cheap rings, chains, gum and candy, and Ricky insisted on getting a plastic prize-filled bubble every time they came to the diner. But a few quarters was a small price to pay for a little privacy. Now that Josh knew there was no hope for him and Mary, it was unkind and useless to string her along.
“Here you go,” he said, handing Ricky every quarter in his pocket and several dollars he could change at the register. “Have fun.”
Mary smiled as her son ran off, obviously pleased with his generosity. “You spoil him,” she said.
He didn’t spoil Ricky the way Mary did. At least he didn’t coddle him. But what she did with her son suddenly seemed like none of his business, so he didn’t comment. “We need to talk, Mary,” he said.
She brightened, and Josh feared his serious tone had misled her into believing he was finally going to propose.
“About what?” she asked, folding her hands neatly on the table.
“About us.”
She sat up taller, her smile widening. “I think it’s about time we did.”
Josh winced as her blue eyes met his and he read the hope and excitement there. “T
his is going to be difficult,” he admitted.
She glanced over at Ricky, who was kneeling in front of the vending machine, pumping one quarter into it after another and eagerly opening each prize as soon as it dropped into the bin. “Why will it be difficult?” she asked. “You can say anything to me. I probably know you better than anyone.”
She gave him an intimate smile, and Josh had the impression she was referring to the day in his office when she’d offered him a quickie, and he hadn’t followed through. They hadn’t had sex since then. She must be wondering what was going on with him. He’d been wondering himself.
“I think we should stop seeing each other,” he said, hoping the more quickly he dispensed the bad news, the less it would hurt her.
She blinked at him and made a valiant effort to keep smiling. “You’re joking, aren’t you? Everyone knows we’re perfect for each other. We should’ve married years ago, right out of high school. But then I got involved with that lousy Glen, and—”
He reached for her hand. “We’re not going to get married,” he said. “It’s taken me too long to figure it out, I know. And for that, I apologize.”
“But things have been going so well between us,” she said, her voice bordering on shrill. “I mean, if this is about that little incident in your office a couple weeks ago…well, you can’t blame me. I mean—”
“That has nothing to do with it, Mary. I just realized that…that we’re better off as friends.”
Her fingers curled until he could feel her nails digging into his hand. “You can’t mean that. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately, that’s all. You’re making a rash decision.”
Josh knew his decision was anything but rash. But Ricky was back already, his mouth jammed with gumballs, his pockets filled with toys and candy. He was watching his mother curiously. Josh thought maybe he should let it go for now. “We can talk about it later,” he said.
Her fingers didn’t relax their death-grip. “We’ve invested more than seven months in each other, Josh. That doesn’t disappear in a two-minute conversation.”
He looked uncomfortably at Ricky, who’d turned soulful eyes in his direction. “I realize that.”
“So you’ll think about it? You’ll think about it long and hard before you destroy something that was meant to be?”
“Mary, I’ve—” he started, but Ricky was beginning to frown and ask what they were talking about, and the waitress was hovering at the table next to them, removing dirty dishes, so Josh simply shrugged and said, “Sure.”
Mary smiled in relief. “I can make you change your mind,” she said. “Do you want me to come over tonight?”
More party favors. “No. I’ll call you though, okay?”
“Okay.” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “I know I can make you happy.”
Gathering her purse, she grabbed Ricky’s hand and dragged him out the door just as Judy brought the check.
“Would you like anything else?” she asked Josh, holding a coffee pot in one hand.
An escape from Mary without hurting her, Josh thought. But there wasn’t a thing anyone could do to arrange that, so he slid his cup toward her and doubled up on caffeine.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
JOSH DIDN’T KNOW what to do with himself. He’d tried to call Mary every evening since Wednesday, but her mother always said she wasn’t home. He suspected there’d been several times when she really was there, and refused to come to the phone for fear of what he might say. But he couldn’t exactly accuse her mother of lying….
Oh well, he wasn’t keen on speaking to Mary tonight, anyway. There was no reason to break things off in a hurry. If Mary needed a few more days to accept his decision, he could wait.
That didn’t solve the problem of what he should do with his night, however. He’d been busy the past couple of days catching up on paperwork in his office. His eyes were tired and his shoulders ached, but he wasn’t quite ready for bed. Not yet. It was only ten o’clock on Friday night, for crying out loud. He was freshly single—not that he’d ever really been attached—and felt like going out. But there weren’t a lot of places to go in Dundee. And he didn’t have a lot of single friends to hang out with anymore.
He considered his short list of possibilities before picking up the phone. Who said a man had to be single to go out for a drink?
* * *
“YOU’RE SMILING at Josh Hill again,” Delaney complained.
Rebecca shifted her attention to the couples moving on the dance floor. Delaney had called a few hours earlier and insisted, since Conner was visiting his grandfather in California for the weekend, that the two of them have a ladies’ night out. Rebecca highly doubted her friend had had the Honky Tonk in mind when she’d suggested getting together, but Rebecca had been thinking about Booker and his challenge to treat Josh nicely for a change. Part of her believed that Booker was wrong—Josh hated her as much as he ever had. The other part kept acting like a tape recorder, playing, rewinding and replaying her last conversation with Josh. Especially the bit where he admitted he hadn’t been drunk that night at his house.
They certainly had some unresolved issues. She felt it was time to give Josh a wink and a smile—to act as if they actually were friends. And maybe find out what that summer night was all about…
Fate seemed to second her opinion. He’d appeared tonight.
Of course, Delaney didn’t know she’d changed tactics where Josh was concerned. In case things worked out badly, Rebecca didn’t plan on telling her.
“I’m not smiling at Josh,” she said.
“You were. I saw you,” Delaney argued. “You’ve been glancing his way ever since he came in. And he keeps looking over here, too.”
“So? We’re just being friendly. We’ve called another truce.”
“This is more than friendly. This is flirting.”
Rebecca turned and dropped another quarter in the jukebox. “Will you stop? We’re not flirting.”
Delaney propped a hand on what was left of her hip, and motioned with her head toward the far wall, where Josh stood next to a couple of married friends and their wives. “He’s staring at you right now. See? Wait…he saw me watching and looked the other way.”
“He’s probably just wondering where Conner is,” Rebecca said.
“He’s probably wondering how you could set fire to his truck three weeks ago and be smiling so coyly at him now,” Delaney replied.
Rebecca adjusted the black leather miniskirt she’d worn for maximum impact. “I don’t think he’s holding a grudge,” she said and chose a song by Tammy Wynette.
“Am I missing something here?” Delaney asked. “What’s happened between the two of you since you killed his truck?”
“Nothing.” Rebecca widened her eyes and spread her hands palms up so she’d appear innocent. “Really. I apologized for…the accident, and he forgave me. That’s it.”
“So where’s Mary? She’s usually here when Josh is, but I haven’t seen her tonight.”
“How should I know?” Rebecca said. “Mary and I aren’t exactly friends.”
Delaney opened her mouth to say something else, but just then Billy Joe and Bobby squeezed through the crowd. “Hey, Laney,” Bobby said. “How’s that bun in the oven?”
“Doctor says the baby’s doing great,” Delaney said.
“Glad to hear it. How much longer?”
“Just another week or so.”
Bobby shook his head. “Jeez, that went quick.”
Billy Joe didn’t even acknowledge Delaney. He was too busy whistling at Rebecca’s outfit to pay any attention to a woman nearly nine months pregnant. “That’s some skirt, honey,” he said, his ruddy face creasing in an appreciative grin. “What do you say we give it a whirl?”
“Fine by me,” Rebecca said, and let him lead her onto the dance floor. Soon Bobby and Delaney were dancing next to them and, for a moment, it felt like old times. Good times.
Rebecca started to relax. Buddy mig
ht have dumped her, but she wasn’t without options. And right now, her options weren’t looking bad. Booker had driven Granny Hatfield to Boise for the day and probably hadn’t returned yet, so he wouldn’t even have to know she’d taken him up on his little challenge. Apparently, Mary had other plans for the evening, as well. And here was Josh, all by his lonesome….
She smiled at him yet again. She knew he had to be surprised that she’d suddenly turned on the charm. He’d been watching her with a mixture of distrust and curiosity all evening. But if she kept this up, his curiosity would soon overtake his distrust, and that might be enough to get her what she wanted. One night. Just enough time to satisfy the craving he’d created more than a year ago.
* * *
THE MYSTERIOUS SMILE Rebecca gave him whenever their eyes met proved too much for Josh. He broke down and asked her to dance, despite all his resolutions. But he was trying to hold her at a respectable distance. She was the one who kept moving closer, all soft and cuddly, her hair smelling like rain and her skin glowing in the dim light. She felt so damn good that before long his hands slid down to curl over her behind and keep her right where she was. Somehow it seemed as though she belonged this close.
“Now this is the kind of truce I like,” he murmured, feeling desire lick through his veins. He automatically recalled the taste of Rebecca’s kiss, and became obsessed with her mouth. His gaze lingered on her lips, then took in the green eyes that slanted up at him so mischievously—and all the blood in his head began to head south at a record rate. Maybe it was this phenomenon that was costing him the ability to reason, but he couldn’t figure out what, exactly, had changed between them. Why were they in each other’s arms? Alcohol certainly had nothing to do with it this time. They hadn’t been at the Honky Tonk long enough to get drunk.
Yet, here they were, clinging to each other as if they couldn’t get close enough. It took all of Josh’s self-restraint not to bend Rebecca over his arm and kiss her as if there was no one else in the world, regardless of the fact that they were in a public place.