by RR Haywood
‘What do you want to do?’ Chris asks, swiftly moving on from my feeble attempt at humour. I look at Dave, but his face, as normal, gives nothing away.
‘Coffee, that’s what I want to do,’ I rub the sleep from my eyes and stretch my aching body.
‘I sent Nick to sort it,’ Dave says.
‘Sort what?’ I reply.
‘The coffee, Nick’s sorting it,’ he replies patiently.
‘Oh okay, I need a toothbrush too…’ my voice trails off, thinking of Tucker and how he’d have a cooked breakfast sizzling away in pans by now, toothbrushes lined up and fresh hot towels probably too. Darren Smith. I swear I’ll kill him.
‘Kill who?’ Dave asks me, I realise I must have said that out loud as Chris and Clarence are both staring at me too.
‘Smithy, I swear I’ll kill him. This is his fault. The disease or whatever it is, well that happened and everyone had to deal with it. But coming after us like that, targeting us, that was different…’
‘That was personal,’ Chris adds, a dark look crossing his face.
‘I keep wondering if we brought it on ourselves with the amount of them we killed over the last few days,’ I say.
‘No,’ Clarence says with conviction, ‘think how many people they’ve taken. Millions, more than that. There can’t be a person left on earth that hasn’t been affected by them somehow.’
‘They left you alone though,’ I retort quickly, thinking back to the commune in London and how little contact they had before we got there.
‘Christ Howie, it only happened a couple of days before you arrived. They would have come for us eventually,’ Chris replies almost angrily, ‘you’re right, this is down to Darren, he did this, or whatever that thing is inside him.’
‘Yeah, I guess,’ I shake my head and look down at the ground, then realise we’re all standing chatting in our under pants. It was only a few days ago that I felt too self-conscious to stand in my parent’s kitchen with Dave, just in my pants. How the world moves on.
‘Mr Howie, do we have a grievance procedure?’ Blowers suddenly asks, walking out of the room to stand squinting in the bright sunshine.
‘A what?’ I ask, confused.
‘A grievance procedure? Under the employment Act any employer must have a grievance procedure. I want to air a grievance,’ he explains.
‘Fucking what?’ I ask him.
‘Mr Howie, you left me alone in the bedroom area with Cookey and he tried spooning me…’
‘Fuck off Blowers, that’s disgusting,’ Cookey retorts from just inside the doorway, standing there with his hand in his pants scratching his arse. I burst out laughing with a sudden release.
‘This is not funny,’ Blowers continues in a serious tone, ‘I am more than happy to charge about the country killing zombies and putting myself in constant peril but I draw the line at being sexually harassed in the workplace, there’s laws about that kind of thing,’ he adds. I shake my head, still laughing.
‘Also, and this is a very sensitive thing to inform you of Mr Howie, but er…’ Blowers crosses his arms across his body defensively and effects a hurt look on his face, ‘Cookey touched me in my private place…’ Clarence starts laughing, braying like a donkey with his deep tones, Chris is chuckling away and even Dave smiles.
‘Cookey, stop touching Blowers in his private place,’ I call out between bursts of laughter.
‘Yes Mr Howie, sorry Mr Howie,’ Cookey shouts back quick as a flash, ‘is there any coffee?’
‘Nick’s sorting it,’ Chris, Dave and I reply at the same time, smiling at each other.
‘When this I over, I’m taking you all to an employment tribunal and I’ll get millions and be able to retire,’ Blowers says with indignation.
‘I would be a witness and go halves with you, but I guess I’m complicit,’ Chris laughs.
‘I, er, don’t know what that word means?’ Blowers says to more chuckles.
‘You thick fucker Blowers,’ Cookey calls out from inside the room, still scratching his arse.
‘I bet you don’t know what it means either,’ Blowers shouts back.
‘Ah now that’s a sight for sore eyes,’ I cut in, spying Nick walking back towards us carrying several flasks of coffee.
‘Where’s the cups?’ Blowers asks him.
‘Cups? Dave never said anything about cups, just coffee,’ Nick says as Dave glances at him sharply.
‘Oooh, you’ve done it now…Dave’s gonna kick your arse for that,’ Blowers replies with a sharp intake of breath.
‘Shit, sorry Dave, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,’ Nick says quickly, still somehow managing to make the word Dave sound like the word ‘Sarge’.
‘There’s cups inside, just need swilling out,’ Chris disappears into the dark room and returns holding several mugs in his big hands.
‘I’m getting dressed,’ Blowers says picking up his trousers, ‘I’m not standing around Cookey in my underpants.’
‘You’re a sick fucker Blowers,’ Cookey sighs as he walks outside to wait for the coffee.
‘Ha, do you remember that bloke on top of the motorway service station,’ Nick asks. Blowers and Cookey both burst out laughing as Nick pours the coffee.
‘I think he actually shit himself, like proper shit himself,’ Cookey says.
‘I take it that was something to do with the pair of trousers tied onto the back of the Saxon?’ I ask.
‘Um, er…maybe?’ Blowers replies, the three of them chuckling like old fishwives. I watch them and wonder at their ability to laugh and joke after what we’ve been through. Their humour is infectious though and it’s broken the strained atmosphere.
‘Young minds heal quickly,’ Chris says looking at me.
‘Squaddie humour,’ Clarence adds, nodding to himself.
‘We were talking before you came out,’ I say to the group as we drink the hot coffee, ‘We reckon that Darren won’t be far. It’s clear he wants to get at us anyway he can,’ they all stare at me and I almost feel bad for ruining the atmosphere with this serious issue, but it has to be decided now.
‘So, we can go out and try to find him, or wait here and see if he comes to us, the fort is strong and he hasn’t got an army now. We’ve got enough people here to put guards up and keep the doors locked. We’ve still got vehicles to go out and get supplies. Also, there are other forts along the coast, we should try and make contact with them, see if we can rig up some communication between us. The other important thing is to find the women and children and bring them back,’ I take a sip of coffee and look at them in turn, inviting them to join in.
‘He’s got to pay for what he’s done,’ Blowers says quietly.
‘Definitely, without doubt. But he’s expecting us to go charging after him now and expose ourselves. We should wait and see if he comes to us,’ I reply.
‘What if he doesn’t, what if he keeps running and gets away?’ Cookey asks seriously.
‘He’s a twisted sick psychopath,’ Clarence cuts in, ‘he gathered every zombie he could find and brought them here trying to get us, he won’t leave it now.’
‘Where did the boats go?’ Nick asks. I swore I wouldn’t tell a soul where they went, just in case but I think these men have proved themselves beyond doubt of their trust.
‘The captain was going to try either the forts, the big ones in the sea or take them over to the Isle of Wight,’ I explain.
‘The Isle of Wight?’ Chris replies, ‘I forgot about that, I went there on holiday when I was young.’
‘Where is it?’ Dave asks and I remember that for all his skills and abilities, he knows virtually nothing of normal life and living or much about the country either.
‘Across the water, not too far, maybe a few miles.’
‘Is there a bridge?’ Dave asks.
‘No.’
‘Tunnel?’
‘No, nothing. It’s a proper Island. Boat only, they had car ferries running every day,’ I explain.
‘And a hoverc
raft, we went over on the hovercraft,’ Chris says, clearly reminiscing about his childhood.
‘Dave, you alright mate?’ he looks suddenly pale and worried.
‘I don’t like boats,’ he says flatly, ‘we used them all the time in the service and I hated them,’ he adds with a rare display of emotion.
‘So you know how to use them then?’ Chris asks smiling, and Dave suddenly looks trapped and panicky at the mere suggestion of it.
‘Well if he knows how to handle them, best man for the job really,’ Clarence chuckles, enjoying seeing the rare sight of Dave looking worried.
‘I never said I could handle them,’ Dave starts to explain.
‘You said you used them all the time,’ Chris says quickly.
‘Yeah but…’ Dave stammers and my mouth almost falls open at the sight of him desperately trying to think of something to say.
‘I can handle a boat,’ Nick says, coming to Dave’s rescue, ‘I used to go fishing loads.’
‘Okay, so what do you think of staying here and letting Darren come to us?’ I put the question out.
‘Whatever you think Mr Howie,’ Blowers says, Cookey and Nick are both nodding.’ Dave sits bolt upright, an intense look on his face.
‘He’ll go after them,’ he says quickly.
‘What?’ I ask him.
‘Darren, he’ll go after them. He knows we’re too well protected here and he knows we expected to lose so he’ll know you would have taken steps to keep them safe. He’ll figure it out and go after them.’
‘Mate, slow down,’ I say, struggling to keep up with his logic but with a sense of panic creeping up inside me.
‘Mr Howie, Darren knows we expected to lose. There was no way we could have ever hoped to win with the numbers he threw at us. He knows you Mr Howie. He knows the effort you took to get to Sarah and he’ll know you sent them away so they couldn’t be taken when we lost the field,’ he speaks quickly, forcing his words out.
‘Dave, how? How will he know where they went?’
‘Howie, he’s right,’ Clarence says, getting to his feet. I stand up, staring round at their faces. ‘There’s nowhere else they could have gone, he’ll work it out and go after them,’ he adds.
They’re right. There was no way I would let them hide out anywhere round here. The fort was the safest place for miles and that wasn’t even deemed safe enough to keep them. Maybe he’ll think they’re still here. No, Smithy will know I sent them away. He might be a sick fucker but he’s not stupid. He was clever enough to run away when he sensed they were losing. Anyway, there isn’t anywhere near here that could hide several hundred people without being noticed. The estate was rigged with explosives traps so we couldn’t have got them out through there. The sea is the only place they could have gone.
‘Fuck it, fuck and shit,’ I spit the words out, angry with myself for sitting here and drinking coffee.
‘Mind you, he’s still got to find them yet,’ Chris offers, once again rubbing his beard as he thinks.
‘It’s an Island isn’t it?’ Dave asks.
‘Yeah it’s not small though, it’s got several towns and loads of open places,’ I explain.
‘If the boats stopped running when the outbreak started, the Island will be cut off and probably over-run by now. They’ve only got a few hours head start, if we leave now we might catch them up,’ Clarence says quickly, gathering his belongings.
‘Nick, you’re now the driver, get the Saxon down here and ready to go. Blowers can you go with him and sort out what weapons and ammo we’ve got left. Chris, did you say there’s shotguns here?’ I turn and ask him.
‘No, I did,’ Clarence answers,’ Malcolm had them in the armoury. Chris, is there a metal cutter here, we’ll get the barrels taken down to make them more manageable.’
‘Will that take long?’ I ask concerned at anything that could delay us.
‘Five minutes Howie, and trust me, it’ll be worth it,’ Clarence replies.
‘I’ll get them ready,’ Chris starts to move off.
‘Chris, I still think you need to stay here, someone needs to run this place. I saw what happens when the wrong people take charge, it needs someone with leadership.’ Chris stops and looks first at me, then at Clarence.
‘Makes sense Chris,’ Clarence offers, ‘besides; you’re getting too old to run around these days.’
‘You cheeky twat,’ Chris laughs, ‘okay, I’ll stay here,’ he drops the laugh and stares hard at Clarence, ‘make sure you bring her back,’ he turns and walks quickly away, heading towards the armoury.
‘Bring who back?’ I ask Clarence quietly.
‘His wife went in the boats,’ he replies, staring levelly at me.
‘Fucking hell, I had no idea. The woman in the commune who brought us the drinks, that was his wife?’
‘Yeah…’ I leave Clarence speaking and run after Chris, catching up with him outside the office the police used.
‘Chris, I didn’t know your wife went in the boats,’ I call out, he stops to turn back and face me, shrugging once.
‘Mate, I had no idea, I’m so sorry.’
‘Sorry for what? It’s not your fault,’ He says.
‘Sorry for not realising, there was just so much going on.’
‘Howie it’s not your fault, I took steps to protect her and get her away, just like you did with Sarah.’
‘But how can you stay here when you know she’s out there?’
‘Because it needs to be done, and if you, Dave, Clarence and the others can’t bring them back, then nobody can.’
‘Chris, do you want to go? I can stay here and get the fort up and running again.’
‘No, besides it wouldn’t be just you staying, it would be Dave too…’
‘Dave would go,’ I reply with a little confusion as to what he means.
‘Howie, Dave would go if you asked him, and then it would be reluctantly, very reluctantly. You and Dave make a good team, there’s something special about the way you both operate. Look at what you did just in this last week. I don’t think anyone else could have managed that.’
‘Don’t be daft; you’d have done it the same.’
‘I might have tried, but I wouldn’t have won the people over like you did. Those young lads respect you Howie. You’re a natural leader and like it or not, that’s your responsibility to deal with. Yeah, you could stay here and get the fort running and you’d do a good job. But you’ll do a better job going after them.’ He starts walking off again, I jog to keep up with his big strides and fast pace.
‘Chris, you’ve got years of proper army training and missions and stuff. I don’t have that, bloody hell; it’s Dave that got me out of most of the messes I got into.’ We walk into the armoury and I follow Chris as he starts picking shotguns up from a stack and laying them on a workbench.
‘But you put yourself into those situations Howie, when most people would have cowered and hidden away you went forward. We had a saying in the old days, when everyone else runs away, we run towards.’
‘Mate, I get that but it’s your wife Chris, fair enough my sister is out there but that makes it about even for us, in a manner of speaking. What I’m trying to say is that we’ve both got the right to go, not just me. We can both get the fort up and running so it shouldn’t be just assumed that because I want to go, I should do, fuck…I’m not making sense.’
‘It makes perfect sense,’ Chris says, quickly checking each weapon and sorting them into piles, ‘but what you fail to see Howie, is the way you do things. You and Dave, it’s something special. We followed you Howie. Yeah I can lead and I know I’m a good leader, and we shared the responsibility of getting ready for the battle but it was you leading us out there, it was you charging forward on your own.’
‘And look at the damage I caused, Tucker, Curtis and Malcolm might still be with us if I hadn’t charged off on my own like that…’
‘No, we would have taken losses. That is normal Howie. We cannot walk into
a fight like that and expect everyone to walk back out of it unscathed…’ His voice is firmer, rising in volume.
‘Chris, I fucked up. I over extended myself and almost got beaten down. I was fucked and on my knees, if we’d stayed as a group and kept the circle we used before then it might not have happened.’
‘If? If? If we had more ammunition, if we had more trained men, if we had fucking planes and tanks…if those things hadn’t come after us, there’s no room for if’s Howie,’ Chris shouts, not in anger but trying to make his point. ‘And yes, you were on your knees, but what happened then Howie?’ He stares straight at me, his intense look unflinching.
‘What?’
‘What happened then Howie, when you were on your knees?’ He speaks low, eyes locked on mine.
‘I got back up,’ I shrug, uncomfortable now.
‘How, how did you get back up. I saw you falter and drop. You had nothing left. I’ve been in many, many battles and fights Howie, but I have never seen anything like that. You came alive like nothing I’ve ever seen before. You scared them; something about you scared them and made them hold back. You were surrounded, they could have killed you a hundred times over in the time you were on your knees but they didn’t.’
‘Yeah, well, just lucky…’ I start to say.
‘Oh no, not lucky. No ones that lucky. Whatever that was, it was different, special. The whole field responded to you Howie, every person on that field heard your voice and the words you spoke…’
‘They were just words, bloody hell Chris…’
‘Howie, how many people were on that field?’ Chris asks me, his eyes still locked on mine.
‘I don’t know, we had a few thousand, they had a lot more.’
‘So how did they all hear you? With all the fighting, the shouting, people getting hurt and dying, thousands of people all making noise. How did they hear you?’
‘I don’t know, I was shouting, then you joined in and then the rest joined in. I guess it just carried.’ I feel weird, unsettled.
‘Howie, we all heard you. Every one of us. It was like your voice was inside our heads or something. It was everywhere.’
‘Echo?’ I try to joke, I don’t like the way this is going. Chris shakes his head, finally breaking his gaze and turning back to the shotguns.