by RR Haywood
‘Can you drive?’ Dave shouts at April.
She doesn't reply but climbs over into the driver’s seat and takes control of the vehicle. She pulls away, driving forward and then sweeping round in a wide circle before facing back down the road.
‘I’m okay…’ I get to my feet as Dave stares at me with sharp eyes.
‘They’re pouring out the gates,’ Nick yells down.
‘Mr Howie…you need to switch on and deal with this…everyone is looking to you, do you understand?’ Dave whispers fiercely.
I nod back, gulping as I look at him.
‘You can’t lose it…not you.’
‘I’m okay.’
‘Are you?’
‘I’m fine…fine Dave.’ He stares hard at me before nodding and looking out the window as April brings the vehicle to a stop beside group.
I push the rear doors open and jump down, taking a quick glance at the mass of bodies charging out the now open gates.
‘Form a line here and make ready,’ I shout and point at the ground just behind the Saxon. The lads respond quickly, running over to kneel on the dirt road. They start grabbing magazines and putting them on the floor in front of them. ‘Nick, get down here…Dave on the GPMG…Lillian, stay close to Blowers and follow his instructions…Joe…get inside the vehicle with the dog and stay there. I run back to the front of the vehicle and grab my assault rifle from the side of the driver’s seat.
‘What about us?’ Marcy shouts as I run past her.
I stop dead and stare at her, then at the other three, April now stood back with them.
‘We need to leave here…don’t do this…don’t kill them,’ Marcy says.
‘Why not?’ I ask her with a humourless smile as I eject my magazine and check it.
‘Because you know them…they’re your people, Joe said the dog is immune,’ she speaks quickly with nervous glances at the thick crowds in the distance, ‘what if we can find a cure…you kill them and that’s it…no going back.’
‘How do we find a cure Marcy?’ I ram the magazine back into the assault rifle, ‘the doctors are now your lot and all the equipment is in there.’ I yank the bolt back.
‘There’ll be somewhere else we can try…just go...get in the vehicle and go…let me try and speak with them.’
‘What?’
‘Let me try, I’m one of them Howie… get in your vehicle and get ready to go…let me try, please let me try.’
‘Marcy they’re not us,’ April cuts in, ‘there was no connection, nothing…the one I saw was like a stranger.’
‘I’m not you April,’ Marcy says without hostility.
‘They are not our kind Marcy…she saw me, looked at me, knew what I was…but showed no reaction.’ The long speech makes me realise how flat her voice is, like monotone and without expression.
‘Aren’t you all connected?’ I ask quickly.
‘No it doesn't work like that,’ Marcy replies with a frown.
‘Your fucking boyfriend had thousands,’ Nick shouts, closer to us he hears the conversation.
‘I don’t know how it works,’ Marcy exclaims, ‘and we don’t really have the time to discuss it right now,’ she looks to the crowd marching towards us.
It looks like every member of the fort has come out. All marching at the same pace directly towards us.
‘Well there it is,’ I say, ‘your…woman,’ I spit the word out, ‘said they’re not part of your perfect little clan so you can’t control them…they’re fucking undead…so we kill ‘em…that’s what we do.’
‘Why haven’t you killed us then? We’re undead…we’re zombies…’
‘Marcy I think now is not the time to goad this rather angry young man,’ Reginald says quietly with a nervous glance at me.
‘Are you really going to do this?’ She demands.
‘Yep…you know why? Because we get people turning up here every day, survivors that have heard about the safe fort…they’ll die if we don’t stop these things now.’
‘But your sister is in there.’
‘No,’ I snarl with venomous fury, ‘my sister is dead…everyone in that fort is dead…those things are not the people we left this morning.’
‘For god’s sake Howie, I’m the same person I was before I turned…can you not see this?’
‘Are you? This big group you said you had….where did they come from Marcy? Because we killed every fucking one of them that Darren had.’
‘Listen…’
‘Answer the fucking question,’ I roar at her, ‘where did they come from?’
‘I turned them but that was before…’
‘Before what? Before you suddenly decided to hand yourself in…get fucked.’
‘Before I realised what we are,’ she yells at me, ‘before I understood the potential of this thing inside us…we don’t feel pain, we don’t suffer…’
‘Save it and fuck off.’ I turn away from her. She grabs my arm and spins me round, her face contorted with a look of pure determination.
‘If you kill them there is no going back…Darren said you were good…he said Howie was righteous and always doing the right thing…if you do this you’re no better than him…he was sick, do you understand?’ She speaks loud and fast, pronouncing every word clearly, ‘he was demented from the infection…he thought it was his to use as he wanted.’
‘And what? What do we do? Find another doctor and more equipment and somehow find a fucking cure and then come back and give it to them while they all line up and wait patiently? Don’t be so fucking stupid…’
‘We can…’
‘What about the survivors that turn up later or tomorrow? What about them? They’ll walk down this road and get fucking killed because we’re pissing around trying to find a fucking needle in a haystack…do you know how lucky we were to find those doctors and get that equipment…we’ve got the fucking fuel to run the generators right there,’ I point back at the tanker, ‘we had everything we needed…’
‘So what’s your plan?’ She asks folding her arms with a stubborn expression.
‘Plan? Nick…do you want to tell her the plan…’
‘Kill ‘em all,’ he says bluntly.
‘Every one of them,’ Blowers adds.
‘With eight of you? How the hell….’
‘With a big fucking machine gun and a truly nasty bastard holding it…that’s how.’
‘Mr Howie,’ Dave calls down.
‘I didn’t mean that Dave…I was making a point.’
‘We don’t have enough ammunition for all of them.’
‘What!?’
‘We used a lot today, at the refinery and then getting the tanker…we won’t have enough.’
‘We’ve got the assault rifles…and all the guns we collected…’
‘Okay…just thought I would mention it.’
‘Noted.’
‘Roger.’
‘You lot are mad,’ Marcy shakes her head, ‘we’re not the sick ones…’
‘Marcy we should go, this isn’t our fight,’ Reginald says quickly.
‘Yeah Marcy,’ I sneer, ‘this isn’t your fight…go and fucking pretend not to be a rancid diseased whore somewhere else.’ She slaps my face hard. An instinctive reaction that stings my cheek and turns my head to one side.
‘You were meant to be good,’ she whispers. I look back at her to see a tear falling from one red bloodshot eye.
Silence as she stares at me, that single tear rolls down her cheek to be absorbed by the soft skin of her upper lip. It leaves a wet trail, distinct against her tanned skin.
‘We’re going,’ she turns to Reginald then looks at the advancing horde. Without another word she walks off, the other three following in her wake. Mildred gives me a withering look as she passes.
‘We just letting them walk off?’ Clarence asks.
I shrug and stare at the retreating forms as they move up the road towards the estate, ‘shoot them if you want.’
I can’t take m
y eyes off Marcy. The feeling of shame burns through me. Shame at pinning her down and hurting her, shame at calling her a diseased rancid whore. Shame at feeling the electrifying tingle of pleasure as her tongue licked my thumb. Shame for not killing all four of them. Shame at everything I have ever done, for who I am and what I’ve become. Shame for that tear that fell from her eye and the look of hurt she gave me.
None of the lads fire at the four walking away. None of us having the stomach for cold-blooded murder like that, for that’s what it would be; murder. They didn’t threaten us, they didn’t try and hurt us. And that girl April, she put herself between me and Sarah, as though defending me. Why? Why do that?
Maybe she was protecting Sarah, but then she’d be facing me if that was the case. No, she was protecting me from Sarah. From my own sister who was one of her own kind.
This is fucked up. Everything is fucked up beyond recognition and I don’t know what to do. The horde are coming at us and every bone in my body is demanding for them to be killed. They should be killed. But they were our people, Chris is in there, Terri, Debbie, Ted and Sarah. Kelly the engineer and the doctors. All the guards from the gates.
Indecision and shock cripple my mind. Too much, this is all too much. We should just load up and go, find somewhere safe and hide away. Take the Saxon and the fuel tanker and leave all of this shit. Let them fight to the death and wipe each other out.
But that fort. That fort is our place. We fought for it, killed and lost our own so we could have that place and now it’s taken from us. Is it worth it? If we killed this horde now what would be the reason? To take the fort back or revenge? Or simply because they are undead and that’s what we do. We kill. We take life and kill.
Where’s the limit? At what point do we withdraw and say enough is enough. Those things coming at us now are our own people, women and children we saved, rescued and brought back to safety. Men who fought alongside us. Debbie was right. I’m just a supermarket manager and I’m in way over my head now.
These people are all looking to me for a decision, stay or go. Kill or flee. Murder or live our lives and try to forget this place ever existed.
You were meant to be good.
Who the fuck is she to judge me. She’s undead. A dirty filthy diseased undead. Rancid and fetid with unclean blood.
You were meant to be good.
Good? Who said I had to be good? This was never about being good. This was about survival and doing the right thing.
Oh.
Shit.
There it is. Doing the right thing. Fuck it. Our way was the good way. Doing what was needed for the protection of others. We killed but we did it to protect our species. I look back at the fuel tanker and feel a sudden pang of guilt for the lives that were lost when the refinery went up. Now there is no more fuel in that place, just a dirty black cloud scorching the heavens.
Dave grips the machine gun on the top of the Saxon. Joe stands in the back holding the dog at his side. Clarence stands at the far end of the line, the others all kneeling and waiting. They’re all waiting.
We lost the fort but it’s still there. The high walls are still there. The equipment is still inside it with the food and the armoury. The people have changed but the fort remains.
There are other survivors. Scared people that need somewhere safe and decent. Not like the refinery where evil twisted men take the power and become corrupt and greedy.
Maddox and his kids and more groups everywhere. Word will spread and this place will be a beacon for hope.
I see it now. I see what we have to do.
The grip of indecision eases off as my mind settles and I feel clear.
‘We have to take it back,’ I speak clearly and look along at them all, ‘but that is just my instinct, if any of you feel different then say so now…’
‘I agree,’ Clarence replies in his deep voice.
‘It’s ours…we gave too much to lose it,’ Nick says.
‘I’m in,’ Blowers adds quietly.
‘Lani?’
‘I agree, you know those people but no more than I knew some of the people on the Isle of Wight…they turned and so have these…they aren’t people now, they’re things.’
‘Dave?’
‘Yes Mr Howie.’
‘What do you think?’
‘I just said…I meant yes as in yes we should take it back.’
‘Cookey, you’re unusually quiet.’
He scratches his head with a puzzled frown, ‘er…I kinda thought that’s what we were doing anyway…but yeah I agree, we know them and stuff and like it’s gonna be hard but er….it’s our fort and we don’t really have anywhere else to go…and like…if we don’t kill them then they will do others in and…and…well that ain’t right and you always said we had to do the right thing…’ He takes a breath, ‘that er…that chick with the big tits…’
‘Alex.’
‘Sorry Dave…that Marcy with the big tits,’ he carries on missing the point of Dave’s interjection, ‘she said you were meant to be good but like…she meant us didn’t she…she meant we’re the good guys cos like we do what you say…and she said that we shouldn’t kill ‘em cos they were our people but she missed the point…and…and well we have to kill ‘em cos they’ll kill more if we don’t…and even if we do get a cure or somethin’ then it’ll be too late for this lot…and they…well they ain’t the only ones left are they?’
Everyone stares at the young man as he finishes off and looks awkwardly at the ground, ‘fuck it…I know what I mean but like…it didn’t come out right…’
‘It did mate,’ I reply to him.
‘Came out perfectly Cookey,’ Clarence adds.
‘It did,’ Blowers nods at his mate.
‘Cheers,’ Cookey grins sheepishly.
‘Bloody hell, the lad’s got a brain buried somewhere in there,’ Clarence smiles.
‘He hasn’t,’ Blowers says quickly, ‘he wrote that speech ages ago and had it ready.’
‘Fuck off Blowers…I didn’t.’
‘Big tits?’ Lani asks with a shake of her head.
‘What? She has got big tits…they were bloody amazing,’ Cookey protests.
‘Was a great rack,’ Nick nods ruefully.
‘Rack?’ Lani continues to shake her head, ‘is that all you think about? A zombie woman turns up talking and not biting us…and generally being the opposite to every other zombie we’ve met and all you see is the big pair of tits.’
‘Er….yes?’ Cookey grins.
‘Is that bad?’ Blowers laughs.
‘The other one was fit too,’ Cookey sighs.
‘What was her name? April?’ Nick asks.
‘Yeah April, she was fit as…’ Blowers says.
‘True,’ Nick nods, ‘lovely arse.’
‘Oh did you see it, it was like…perfect…just perfect,’ Blowers replies.
‘Man…if I get turned I hope it’s by her,’ Cookey sighs again, ‘and I know just where she can bite me too.’
‘ALEX!’ Dave and Lani shout together.
‘What?’ He says innocently, ‘just saying…if she put sunglasses on you’d never know she was a zombie.’
‘Can you stop saying that bloody word please,’ Clarence moans.
‘Which word?’ Cookey seizes it on quick as a flash as Clarence groans.
‘You mean zombie?’ Nick asks.
‘Which one? The zombie word?’ Blowers grins.
‘Can we focus on the giant fucking horde charging at us?’ Clarence snaps.
‘They are getting closer,’ Lani observes.
‘Er…is it always like this?’ Lillian asks, speaking for the first time since we stopped.
‘Yep,’ Lani replies dully, ‘always…always always always…they never bloody stop…you’d think this would shut them up wouldn’t you? Oh no…’ she shakes her head, ‘a nuclear bomb wouldn’t stop them.’
The three lads chuckle proudly while grinning at Lillian.
‘Boss�
�we need to start shooting before they get any closer, they’ll flank and swarm us otherwise,’ Clarence says seriously.
‘Okay…lads you ready?’ I get a chorus of replies in the affirmative.
‘Dave, you ready?’
‘Yes Mr Howie.’
I raise my rifle and aim down the sights, ‘fuck ‘em…we’ll win,’ I pull the trigger and listen to the explosion of sound coming from the assault rifles to my side and the GPMG firing above.
Thirty-Seven
‘You’ve done the right thing,’ Reginald offers. He struggles to keep up as Marcy stalks through the ruined estate. Her face a picture of fury as she strides faster and faster.
‘You did everything you could Marcy, it was just bad luck that someone got to the fort ahead of us.’
She doesn't reply but just stares fixed at the road ahead of her.
‘He wasn’t a nice man…’ Reginald continues, ‘he was rude and very aggressive, not at all what I had expected. You’d think he would at least show basic manners given the effort we’ve taken to get here and we did look after that boy until he arrived too.’
She presses on showing no reaction.
‘And pushing that gun in your face was just barbaric…utterly barbaric, you’ve still got the mark on your head now, it’ll bruise you know.’
No reaction. A dark look on her face.
‘I mean, I know he just found out his sister has been turned and yes, granted, seeing her stood in front of him like that must have been very alarming especially, as April said, she called out to alert those inside that her brother was there…practically giving him up, but be that as it may, and as shocking and distressing as that is, Mr Howie needs to understand that he isn’t the only one to suffer loss.’
She doesn't say anything but walks on, the dark look on her face starting to ease.
‘Indeed I am glad to be away from there. As I said, Mr Howie was not what I was expecting in any degree. The power of the man is apparent. His ability to lead appears unquestionable and I know I certainly felt a level of…well I don’t know how to say it but…intrinsic, yes I felt an intrinsic fear of him…no…not fear, wariness say or…well, just an awareness of who he is.
Marcy walks on maintaining the same pace but now looking down at the ground instead of fixed on the distance ahead.