by RR Haywood
‘It is rather hot,’ she concedes.
‘Rather hot, oh I say, it is rather warm don’t you know,’ Nick puts on his poshest voice in an attempt to gain a smile.
‘Very good,’ Lilly nods primly, ‘Nick, thank-you and I do believe you I do, but I’m so scared.’
‘Good,’ Nick nods, ‘fear keeps you alive.’
‘Is that another of that Dave’s sayings?’
‘No,’ Nick grins, ‘I heard that one on telly. Dave would say Nicholas stop swearing and put that cigarette out and is your kit cleaned and have you shaved today?’
‘Does he really sound like that?’
‘No, Dave’s fucking great.’ Snaking back they gain the tree line and start heading away from the valley, an awful sadness steals through Lilly’s heart.
‘Lilly and Billy eh?’ Nick asks as they step free of the shade into the blistering heat once more.
‘Yeah I know, believe it or not my parents never thought about it. They always wanted him to be called William.’
‘Oh I get it,’ Nick nods.
‘He was William for years then went to school on his first day and the teacher called him Billy. Then all his classmates called him Billy and it just stuck.’
‘Hmmm, I was like that too.’
‘Oh? How so? What was your nickname?’
‘Wanker,’ Nick says seriously.
‘Really?’ Lilly stares in horror.
‘Nah, not really,’ Nick grins, ‘it was thicko when I was younger because I couldn’t read or write then it just got worse as I got older as I still couldn’t read or write and now…ha! I still can’t read or write and here I am, running around the countryside.’
‘With a beautiful girl,’ Lilly laughs.
‘Alright big head,’ Nick chuckles.
‘No, you said it a minute ago…Look Lilly, you’s like crumpet love,’ she deepens her voice trying to make jokes as a way of masking the desperation.
‘I never said that,’ Nick laughs easily.
‘True, you said you’s fucking stunning you are.’
‘I don’t speak like that, I don’t sound like you but I ain't that bad.’
‘I am only joking Nicholas.’
‘Thank you Lillyander.’
Nick can sense the despair coming from the girl and works to keep the chat light. Cookey and Lani are good at making conversation to put people at ease. Mr Howie always seems to know what to do. If the team were together now a plan would have been made within five minutes. The boss would have stared down at the house with those brooding eyes, everyone would say they were up for it, and then with a few suggestions from Clarence and Dave and they’d be off.
‘At least we’re going downhill this time,’ he comments quietly.
‘True,’ she replies. Glancing over, she can see the kindness in the young man as he hovers nearby ready to offer a helping hand on the uneven ground. Everything he said made sense and she works hard not to snap at him. He’s right, if they mess it up then Billy really is alone. It might take longer this way but they stand a better chance of succeeding.
What if they don’t come back though? What if this Mr Howie says it isn’t their problem or they have other things to do? Will Nick still come back or stay with them? He’s promised now but that could change for any reason.
Fretful and worried she thinks frantically, tiredness sapping at her heavy legs as the images of the last day get stuck on replay in her mind. Norman pawing at her, the screams and seeing Sam being raped, her father being killed then following the boys back to the van. Those two men in the street then trying to fight Nick. Todd being bitten and turning. It goes round and round, a never ending video of lust and violence. Lust from Norman, lust from that rapist and the violence of everything else. That’s all this world is now; just sex and violence. Men want sex so they take it. Men want food so they take it. Not all men are like that, Nick hasn’t once glanced at her in that way she has become so familiar with, he hasn’t made any suggestive comments either, well other than saying she was beautiful.
He does think she’s beautiful then, and he said stunning too which is a very high compliment. So he’s not gay but just very polite and well mannered. Handsome too and he’s got a lovely backside.
That’s it. There’s the hook to make sure he will come back. Make it so he wants to come back, give him something to come back for.
She’s kissed boys and fumbled around a bit but that’s as far as it’s ever gone. Naturally at fifteen years old she knows the birds and the bees, what sex is and well, pretty much everything to do with it, apart from actually doing it.
How would she start? Now or later? Say something or do something? What if he rejects her? No, he pretty much blushes every time she looks at him and he did say she was beautiful and stunning.
It’s got to be now. If she waits she’ll overthink it and never be able to do it. He’s very handsome and it’s not like it would be rape or anything, not if I’m giving it to him. It’s not how I imagined the first time would be but then it could also be far worse. He’s kind and caring and I have to make sure he’ll come back.
‘Nick,’ she blurts out. He snaps to face her, alarmed at the tone in her voice.
‘What?’ He asks urgently. Seeing the strange look on her face he steps closer, staring with concern.
‘Er…’ She stammers, her heart hammering like crazy. She fidgets for a second and almost backs out but no, he has to come back, he has to want to come back.
‘What the fuck…’ Nick gasps as Lilly launches herself at him. Clumsily planting her lips on his, she pushes against his body.
Nick freezes. Things like this don’t happen. Zombies yeah, the apocalypse definitely, all of that is fine but beautiful women don’t just throw themselves at you in the middle of fields.
She pushes harder, wrapping her arms round his waist to pull him in tight. ‘Kiss me,’ she murmurs but the words don’t sound right, not like when Nick has kissed women before and sensed them getting turned on.
Gently he pulls away and despite the bizarre circumstances he finds his heart beating strong and hard, his face flushed as she looks up and locks those blue eyes on him. Her lips, as clumsy as they were, were soft and yielding.
‘What?’ She asks with a worried look, ‘don’t you like me?’
‘Yeah, yeah course but…what you doing?’
‘I want you,’ she blurts, ‘I really want you.’
‘Want me? What now? Like here?’
‘Yes,’ she nods remembering that women who want to look seductive bite their bottom lip so she tries to nibble on it suggestively, ‘right here.’
‘Seriously?’ Nick stares in wonder at the girl as she chews on her lip. She looks amazing with the way her blond hair falls round her shoulders, smooth skin and those eyes which bore into him, causing his breath to catch.
‘Come here,’ she whispers.
‘Lilly, this is…well…what the fuck!?’
‘Come on Nick, I really want you…’
‘What? Lilly, I…fuck me what’s going on?’
‘Nothing, just all this heat and…and you’re so strong and handsome and…I don’t know, I just really want to do it.’
‘It?’
‘Yes, sex I want to do sex with…I mean I want to have sex with you.’
‘What?’ Nick keeps repeating, his mind reeling.
‘You said I’m beautiful,’ she says in a quiet voice, stepping towards him.
‘You are, I mean yeah, like you really fucking are,’ Nick nods willing himself to move back but being unable to do anything as she steps in close, ‘but…’
‘But what?’ She asks trying to make her voice light. She can feel her legs trembling and her hands shaking, so she moves in quick again to plant her lips on his once more.
Nick wills and wills himself to break away but it feels so nice. So soft and warm. He doesn't grab or do anything but just stands there and lets her kiss him. Her lips stay still, planted on his as though waiting
for him to do something.
Fear of rejection keeps her locked on, a desperate worry that he’ll get back to the fort and stay there with his team and she’ll be left alone to rescue Billy. Terrified and feeling completely helpless, something happens. He doesn't grab at her, he doesn't grope or do anything. He doesn't even really respond. But something changes.
His body is close, so warm and masculine, capable and ready for anything. He moves, just a tiny shift, but she finds herself shifting too. He moves again, a slight tremble that she detects through his lips then slowly, as gentle as a feather brushing against her skin, his lips move as he starts to kiss her back.
Her heart that was racing in fear a second ago, now races from a different reaction. A closeness of two people alone and scared, both of them young and trapped in horrors that no person should ever go through. Emotions start pulsing through them. Terror, then adrenalin, exhaustion and heat.
Contact. That’s all it is. Just the act of two people putting their lips together but it means so much more. Fleeting and random and done for every wrong reason, but all of those wrong reasons blend to become the right action. He kisses her slowly and she kisses him back. Not from self-imposed duress, not because of wanting to lure him into coming back, not because of a need to give her body to him so he wants it again but for another reason. She kisses him because it feels right, because she wants to kiss him.
He feels the change. The awkward force that shocked him is suddenly gone. Nick knows he’s been exceptionally lucky to be with Mr Howie and the others and that if it wasn’t for them he’d probably be dead somewhere. This contact, this kiss, tells him why they fight. They fight because life is for living, because the race has to prevail and keep going.
He doesn't know when the shotgun and axe fall from his hands but he knows when her fingers entwine in his. Electricity pulses through him and all from a slow, gentle loving kiss.
Lilly feels the strength in his warm hands, the long fingers that squeeze with a gentle firmness. He could take her right now. He is strong enough to do what he wants, but he restrains himself with a gentleness that sends her heart soaring.
When the kiss ends they stand still, eyes closed and lost in a feeling of pleasure that has become so rare in this new world.
Reality seeps back in as they become aware of the heat, of the uneven ground beneath them, of where they are.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers.
‘Why?’ Nick croaks, his voice low and husky.
‘I…I…nothing,’ she turns away with such a look of sadness it propels Nick to react, reaching out to gently take her wrist.
‘What? What is it? Where did that come from?’
‘I don’t know,’ she looks up at him then quickly away, ‘I’m scared Nick, scared that you won’t come back with me so I thought I would…let you have sex with me. ‘Her voice tails off, squeezing her eyes closed from shame. ‘You can if you want,’ she blinks up at him again, ‘I don’t mind, really I want to…’
‘Lilly,’ he says softly, a sad smile forms on his lips.
‘You can have sex with me now and later when you come back, or whenever you want,’ she rushes on, ‘I don’t mind, really Nick I…’
‘Stop,’ Nick shakes his head as he stares at the girl, ‘I don’t…’ the smile grows until he can’t stop himself from laughing softly, ‘shit Lilly, for a second I thought you liked me. Fucking hell,’ he groans rubbing his forehead before reaching down to collect the weapons, ‘shit a brick…’ he groans again, still shaking his head.
‘I do like you,’ Lilly blurts.
‘Look,’ he says, ‘I gave you my word that I’ll come back and I meant it, even if you run off now and I never see you again I will be coming back with Mr Howie and my team to see what’s going on down there. Fucking hell Lilly,’ he laughs again starting to walk off.
‘Nick,’ she rushes after him, ‘I didn’t mean I didn’t like you…I do like you but I was…’
‘Scared, yeah you said. Fucking hell, well for what it’s worth Lilly that was a fucking amazing kiss and you are stunning but shit, well out of my league but thank-you,’
‘Thank-you?’ She stumbles after him.
‘Yeah, thank-you. You kissed me for all the wrong reasons but shit, it was still lovely and I ain’t never been kissed by anyone as pretty as you.’
‘Nick please just listen…’
‘Have sex?’ Nick says to himself, ‘what would you have done if I went for it?’
‘I said you can have it,’ she mutters.
‘Have it?’ He turns with a hard look, ‘it isn’t something that should be fucking given like that. I don’t need to have sex with you and you don’t need to give me anything to make sure I come back.’
The darkness of the man flashes across his face, a fleeting glimpse of a rigid morality that despite the temptation, still holds true and strong.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she walks after him feeling completely ashamed of herself. She never meant to humiliate him or do anything to hurt him. The kiss was amazing, it was more than amazing, but to say that now will make it seem like more lies on top of lies.
‘Don’t worry,’ he says kindly, all trace of the anger gone, ‘you’re worried about your brother.’
‘Yes I was but…I liked it too.’
‘Okay Lilly, look I said I’ll come back so you don’t have to say…’
‘I mean it Nick,’ she gasps, ‘I really mean it.’ But it does come out wrong and it sounds false now.
‘What a fucking day,’ Nick sighs. That was the best kiss he has ever had. The nicest, the softest, the most meaningful kiss he was ever likely to have. Not cheap and horny but deep and emotional, touching him within his heart. She only did it for her brother, only so he’d come back. Shit! The most beautiful girl he has ever seen kisses him and offers him sex right here. Of all the things that could happen, of course she didn’t really mean it. You thick fucker, thinking that someone like that would want to kiss you.
He stops dead, something not right. Movement ahead, a sound maybe.
‘Nick?’
‘Sssshhh,’ pushing his fingers to his lips he strains to listen. Not far from the van now, just beyond that hedge. Voices there, someone has found it.
Spinning round he scans the area but there is nowhere to go. If they look over the gate they’ll see them both and the field is too big to cross, they’ll never make it back to the wooded copse.
Grabbing Lilly he pulls her down into the base of the hedge, covering her mouth with his hand. Male voices, at least two people. Now a third. A radio crackles with static. They’ve got radio contact with the house. With the shotgun and pistol they could shoot their way out but the people at the house will know something is happening.
‘Listen,’ he presses his mouth close to her ear, ‘they’ve found the van and they’re going to find us. Take this,’ he thrusts his axe into her hands, ‘go south and find the fort, find Mr Howie or Dave or Maddox, or a woman called Paula and tell them what happened. Ssshhh, just listen…you tell Mr Howie I told you about how I operated Tower Bridge and made the zombies fall off, you tell them I told you I set fire to the ferry coming back from the Isle of Wight…you tell them that and show them my axe…’
‘What are you doing?’ She pulls his hand from her mouth whispering back at him.
‘I’m going to go out there. Stay here and stay down. Wait for us to go then get away…get away as quickly as possible but stay away from this road for a while. Lilly just listen,’ he cuts her protests off, ‘we don’t have a choice okay? Stay here and for fucks sake don’t make a sound.’
Grabbing a water bottle he twists the lid off, before pouring a tiny drop down the crotch of his trousers.
‘Nick please,’ she whispers, ‘they might go away.’
‘Too late, they’ve seen the van and they’ll start searching any minute. I’ll go out and you get to the fort. Find a car and don’t stop for anyone. Kill anything that comes anywhere near you, got it?’
<
br /> She nods, terrified and rooted to the spot.
He starts to move then drops back down. ‘That kiss was amazing,’ he grins, ‘really, you are so beautiful… so just in case,’ he darts in and plants a quick kiss on her lips, ‘sorry but you know…like I said, it was fucking amazing.’
‘Nick don’t go,’ she tries to grab his wrist but he’s already up and moving off, ‘I liked it, I really did.’
‘Really?’ He looks back, ‘you mean that?’
‘Honestly, really I did.’
‘Fucking awesome,’ he grins, ‘made my day that has. Now just stay quiet…’ He walks out from the hedge a few feet, going further into the field, ‘oh bollocks,’ he calls out in a loud voice, ‘fucking hell.’
‘Who’s that?’ A deep male voice calls out.
‘Eh?’ Who’s that?’ Nick shouts back.
‘Who the fuck are you?’ A man appears at the gate holding a shotgun aimed at Nick pretending to wipe at the wet stain on his crotch like he just took a piss. A second man comes into view as Nick grins at them both before walking towards them. Still holding the shotgun but one handed so he can’t be seen as a threat.
Lilly lies flat, wriggling into the base of the hedge she watches Nick walk towards the gate.
‘Who the fuck are you I might ask,’ Nick shouts back but in a friendly tone, ‘you trying to nick my van?’
‘Your van is it?’ The first man replies instantly.
‘Is now,’ Nick responds, ‘found it in a town a few miles away, some bloke just got bit…he said he was going to Chapswhich House or something…got shit loads of food in the back of it, the van I mean…figured I’d try and find it.’
‘That right is it nipper?’ The man asks, ‘what was his name then?’
‘How the fuck would I know that?’ Nick shakes his head, ‘he just got bit and it was too late for fucking introductions. Stocky bloke, brown hair and loads of tattoo’s, had swallows tattooed on his hands.’
‘Terry,’ the second man says with a glance to the first man.
‘Must be, that’s their van,’ the first man replies, ‘was there another bloke with him?’