I squeeze Izzy’s hand tightly as we venture down the road and she turns onto the small dirt road that leads up to the trailer. It goes back about half a mile and she parks directly in front of the house. “Is your mom ever gonna put your stuff away?”
I hear the judgment in her tone, knowing she isn’t trying to do it. Momma sold the shed next to our house last month. While she sold the shed, instead of putting everything in the house . . . she left it outside. The shed is where I used to lock up my bike, but now I have to put it next to the steps out front. At this rate, my bike wouldn’t have lasted another year.
“I doubt it.” I don’t mean to let the emotion come out in my voice, but I can tell it does as Izzy looks me dead in the eyes.
“I love you, but I hate what this place does to you. It’s like you’re being suffocated. I hate we’re being separated when we go off to college, but I can’t wait to see all the great things I know you can accomplish. For so long, you’ve held your family together. Now, it’s time for you to put yourself first, Chels.”
I unbuckle my seatbelt and hug Izzy the hardest I can before the rain starts to pour down. We hold each other for a few moments before I start to pull away, not wanting to get soaked. I’d rather grab my bike, put it next to the steps, and get safely inside. Hell, I know if Izzy isn’t back to her house soon, her mom will be freaking out.
Izzy grabs me by the arm and stops me from pulling away. Her eyes drift from mine down to my lips and she sucks in a quick breath before she brings her face closer to mine, pressing her lips onto my own.
I don’t know what to do or what to think. Never in my life has a girl kissed me, especially not Izzy. I was lucky to get my first kiss from Josh Cox last year, and I think he only kissed me because he took me to homecoming and wanted to make Marissa jealous.
I yank myself away, open the door, and immediately grab my bike. I don’t bother looking back to her truck and rush inside as quickly as I can. So many feelings are coursing through me right now. I’m nervous, scared, and anxious all rolled into one.
The second I open the door, I realize my mom is passed out on the couch. I go from feeling human to transforming into the emotionless void I am in this home. It’s what’s gotten me this far, and it means I’ll make it to graduation.
It’s no surprise that right next to her on the floor is an orange bottle. As I venture closer, I’m not shocked in the least bit.
There’s not a drop left.
Chapter One
You are being presented with two choices: evolve or repeat
~ @SpirituallyEmpowered
Raven
I’ve been here at the Reapers MC clubhouse for a few weeks now. It felt weird at first to be smack dab in the middle of all these bikers, but now it feels normal. I’m definitely not a clubwhore, ol’ lady, or biker myself, however, they do the best they can to make me feel at home.
The clubhouse burned down in the middle of a war with the Bears MC, so we’re rebuilding right now. Zane is the interim Prez, and Fist’s oldest son. He’s been making all the decisions since his father has been incapacitated by his depression. Sadly, Fist’s woman died in the fire. Fist also made another change since his brother, Cracker, who was the VP died the same day Saffron did— Blackjack was named the interim VP.
Fist hasn’t been remotely the same since that day. I didn’t know him very well, but he was always kind and sweet to me. He reminded me of a Santa Claus lookin’ type who was a little hotter but could also snap your neck in two. Now he’s just . . . emotionless.
I’ve been staying in his daughter Ashley’s old room in the house she grew up in. His bedroom is down the hall from mine and he constantly has his door shut. The only reason I know he’s alive is because when my insomnia keeps me up, I can hear him make his way downstairs in the middle of the night to get food.
Tonight is one of those nights where it’s brisk as hell out and the old insulation does a shit job at keeping the house warm. It’s a little past two in the morning and I’ve gotten about three hours of sleep. That’s how my insomnia works. Some people can’t sleep for shit, but mine allows me a couple of decent hours of sleep at a time. I’m betting I’ll be awake for a few more before I can get some good shut-eye again.
I made some chamomile-lavender tea a few minutes ago, allowing the tea bag to seep in the hot water before I mix my honey and lemon juice in. I hate putting sugar in tea because it fucks it up. Plus, buying raw, unfiltered honey is great for people like me who get seasonal allergies.
Chamomile is a natural relaxant and so is lavender. A therapist told me when I was younger that my anxiety is the root of my insomnia, but I wasn’t going to go to more appointments. I didn’t have much cash to begin with and as soon as I found out I wasn’t dying, I felt fine. I’ve always been anxious as hell, but I’ll never let it beat me.
Footsteps creak down the stairs and Fist comes in wearing his old, worn-down robe. It’s gray and ratty as hell. Not to mention, it stinks. I’ve seen homeless people who smell better than Fist does. It’s only because he hasn’t showered. Zane said something to me the other day wondering if his father hadn’t showered. I almost slapped him upside the head. Not one part of me could figure out how he didn’t fully know his father hadn’t washed. He stinks!
Even with the smell, I won’t treat Fist any differently. He’s gone through an incredibly traumatic experience losing his brother and then the woman he loved. Not only that, but his clubhouse burned to ash before his very eyes. That has to take a toll on a man, especially one who was so used to having control and maintaining order.
I have to admit, I had mixed feelings about Fist at first because of the grief he was giving Ivy. He was directing his hostile feelings toward her, something he should’ve never done that in the first place. We all figured out that Grizzly, the man who was thought to be Ivy’s father, isn’t. He’s her step-father and Ivy’s been reunited with her biological father and family.
“You always awake?” Fist questions, raising a brow as he makes his way toward the refrigerator. I watch him closely, internally betting on whether he’s going to open the fridge door or grab a bottle of bourbon from the top.
I run my finger over my mug while answering him. “We’ve already gone over this. I can’t sleep at night most of the time, so I sit down here instead of sitting in the dark. Plus, I don’t want to wake Frank up.”
“Ah, the guy who isn’t your boyfriend?”
“He isn’t,” I confirm, further elaborating. Fist and I have gotten in many discussions about this. Frank is the gayest man I know. He loves anyone big, burly, and hairy. One night, he made a joke about dragging his tongue down a man’s chest to his happy trail and flossing his teeth along the way. I thought I was going to vomit, but I keeled over laughing instead.
“Yeah, whatever. You two sleepin’ in the same bed is confirmation enough that boy can’t be on my team.”
“Yeah, we share a bed because we’re limited until the clubhouse and the other homes get built,” I remind Fist.
Boy, we’re so far away from making any progress on that front. We have Fist’s house jam-packed with people, plus Ashley and Blackjack’s too. Anywhere we can put bodies, we have been. Luckily, Frank and I are good enough friends that we could room together. The two of us have been through quite an ordeal. Well, the two of us and Ivy but she’s already gone down to Las Vegas with Kade.
I can’t blame them for leaving considering we don’t know where her satanic step-father is. He wants her dead more than anything else on this planet, probably more so now than ever. Ivy is pregnant, so keeping her and the baby safe is Kade’s priority, as it should be.
It’s only been two weeks and I told her I’d be down in Vegas before Christmas. Not only myself but Frank too. It’s an opportunity for both of us to get a new start. I just need to wrap up a few things up here— loose ends, so to speak.
All my life, the only thing I’ve ever wanted was a clean break. Even now, I can’t get one. Not when a gho
st of my past called me up out of the blue. I have dinner with her tomorrow in town. The only thing I can wonder is if she’s going to give me hell or make me question everything.
Chapter Two
“And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.”
~ John Muir
Hawk
It may only be ten in the mornin’ but I’ll be damned if it isn’t five o’clock somewhere. I take my glass bottle and head out the front door of the clubhouse, walkin’ toward the picnic tables Damon and Amara had put out front. I plant my ass on the wood and stare off into the distance.
For the most part, anyone who’s already awake is off and doin’ whatever the hell it is they do each day. Some days I don’t even know why I’m here. I know Fist wanted Damon to have numbers in his ranks when it came to openin’ up this charter of the Reapers . . . but now that we’ve got more members with the patch-over from the Brotherhood MC, it doesn’t matter. At least not to me anyway.
Things have been quiet for the last couple of weeks, but only after everything blew to hell —literally. Kade, Fist’s son, is on his way down here with Ivy, his ol’ lady. They’ve been takin’ their grand ol’ time, bein’ all leisurely and shit. I can’t blame either of ‘em for extending the drive. Hell, when I rode down I wish I could’ve broken it up some. My ass and back were screamin’ at me for days. I used to be able to take these long rides and have it not affect me one bit, but now I’m approaching my thirty-third birthday . . . I feel like I’m fuckin’ fallin’ apart.
I bring the nose of the bottle up to my lips and take a long draw, surprised that there’s not a speck of white on the ground. This time of year up in Montana we’ve usually had a few heavy snowfalls by now. I’m standin’ out here in the sun where it can’t be below the mid-seventies.
Over the past couple of months, most of our problems down here have evaporated like a puddle in the desert heat. We had problems with this Mexican gang that was hired by the cartel, but since we knocked them on their asses, we haven’t had any problems. Well, that and the fact the leader of the cartel, Rafael Ramirez, was replaced by the Lopez family. No one liked Rafael, but our friends at the Skulls Renegade MC over in Tennessee were really fuckin’ angry with that bastard . . . so much so that they killed him.
I don’t blame them one bit. Hell, if they hadn’t, Boog’ would’ve been next in line. You see, his girl had her entire life fucked up by Rafael, as did her sister Maria, who is with two of the Skulls men. The only thing that fucker Rafael ever did was cause misery for everyone around him.
“You’re up awfully early,” Onyx purrs over my way.
The woman keeps tryin’ to get with Cobra and I, but she’s not my type. There’s some cute little bird up in Montana that I just can’t seem to stop thinkin’ about. She got shot a few weeks back and it pissed me off more than anything that Damon and Amara ordered me to stay down here. They both kept sayin’ we didn’t know what was comin’ our way. After all, history repeats itself. Usually, whenever one charter is hit, the next one is close behind.
Since it’s been so quiet down here for so long, we took our time to prepare for whatever hell may come our way. I just never expected most of my troubles to be coming from these prostitutes Onyx has. She’s basically their Madame, or pimp, whatever you wanna call her.
“I could say the same about you. Hasn’t Cobra been keepin’ you up pretty late?”
“He has, yes, but I think you know I’m not the type of woman who needs much sleep. If you catch my drift.”
I sit my bottle down on the picnic table and give her a stern look. “Listen Onyx, we’ve gone over this shit a thousand times. I’m not gonna fuck you. You wanna be a patch bunny, then just hop around to the next one. I’m not sinking my cock into your cunt because Lord knows what’s been growin’ up in there.”
Onyx giggles. Shit, this woman surprises me. In most cases, I would’ve been slapped across the face, but nope. Not this one. “No one ever says no to me, Hawk. You’ll see. Hell, maybe I’ll get a two-for-one. Chaz and Cobra don’t mind having a bit of fun with me. Maybe I’ll trade Chaz out for you next time. Word on the street is you’ve got a pretty heavy one.” She looks down at my pants, reminding me of a lion eyeing a gazelle on one of those documentaries.
I’m about to say something smart-assed to her when I hear the unmistakable sound of a truck headed our way. We haven’t had any visitors for about a week and as I scan the area, I see all of our grocery getters are still here.
The red-colored truck comes flying down the road and slows as it hits the gravel mixed with sand. I take another swig of my beer and rise, putting my hand over my head to get a better look at who could be inside.
Kade’s mean mug is smirkin’ like he never has before and I immediately walk up to the truck. I’ve never seen Ivy before, but she’s a gorgeous woman. She’s got long, thick black hair and her skin is a caramel color I haven’t seen before. Kade rolls down his window as he brings his truck to a stop. “I thought you two got lost or some shit. Only took y’all a thousand years to get down here.”
Kade throws his head back in laughter. “We needed a break. Decided to make a small vacation out of our trip.”
“I don’t blame you there. Y’all have been through hell.”
Ivy instantly looks at Kade, giving him a concerned look. She’s been through some rough shit, but all of us Reapers have too, especially Kade. Word on the street is his dad isn’t much of the same man anymore. All the brothers have been gossiping like schoolgirls, saying how Fist has changed. I’m sure it must be hard on his kids, especially his sons. Knowing Ashley, she’s still got some sliver of hope her dad will turn shit around. The twins have always been a little more realistic, though.
“Yeah, well, here’s to hoping it’s behind us. I heard you guys haven’t had much trouble lately.”
“No, we haven’t,” I confirm, answering Kade while I give Ivy a smile and extend my hand through the window to her. “My apologies for being rude. I’m Hawk.”
“You’re Hawk?” she asks, eyes growing wide.
I nod, wondering why she responded like that. “Yeah, says so right here.” I show her my patch. “You know me or somethin’?” I know the woman doesn’t know me ‘cause we haven’t met before . . . but she’s definitely heard about me.
“No, sorry. We just have a mutual friend in common.”
“Oh, who’s that?”
Instead of Ivy answering, Kade does. “Raven.”
Shit, Raven’s friend is down here? I had no idea these two were close, but I’ll use it to my advantage. I’ve been wanting Raven for ages. I can’t help but hold back my mischievous smirk and Kade catches me. “You know, Ivy talked Raven and their friend Frank into moving down here.”
“Frank. Who the fuck is Frank?” I blurt out my question, already angered by hearing another man’s name.
“He’s our friend. He worked at the same bar we did and we both think that by Frank moving down here with us, it’ll give him the opportunity to live life as his fullest self. He has slim pickings up in Montana,” Ivy explains, although I don’t understand.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Frank is gay. In Vegas, he has plenty of potential men who can make his life a little happier.”
Shit, I never thought I’d be this happy to hear a man isn’t straight. The only downside is knowing Raven won’t be here for a few more weeks. Fuck it, I’ve waited this long for her. I can wait a bit longer.
Chapter Three
Cutting people out of my life doesn’t mean I hate them. It means I respect myself
~@Karim Murad
Raven
I asked Fist last night if I could borrow his old truck because I don’t want to drive my car into town— not when I know she’ll recognize it. I’ve had the same one for years and I want to have the upper hand here. After all, it’s not like I’ve had it for the majority of my life.
Fist ended up making a trade with me. If I bring him back a bo
ttle of whiskey, he’d let me use it. I figured it was a fair enough deal and accepted, although I hope someday soon he stops drowning his sorrows in liquor. I know it’s hard to deal with loss, but everyone gets over it. We all just have different ways of coping.
I hear my phone buzzing on the dashboard and pick it up, putting whoever has called me on speaker. “Hello?”
“Uh . . . Raven. Why on earth did you hide the fact that Hawk is so easy on the eyes? I just met him this morning when we got to the clubhouse and he shook my hand like a gentleman. All-day he’s been getting me whatever I need, treating me like a queen.”
“Well, you kinda are royalty to them, Ivy,” I point out. She’s basically a Monroe now, so she needs to start getting used to being treated with dignity and respect.
“I don’t think that’s true at all. I do think since Fist accepted me, everyone else is starting to, though.”
“Yeah, they are and have been,” I agree. “So, tell me . . . how’s he look?”
“Besides the fact he could impregnate women just by looking in their direction? Normal.”
I laugh, trying to picture him the last time we saw each other. He had this aura about him. It made me want to trust him from the first second we met, to tell him all my deep, dark secrets and the hurtful things that have been done to me. His eyes are a soft blue and so kind. It instantly made me want to be wrapped up in his arms, but I couldn’t be at the time. I was still sorting shit out with CJ, trying to make our relationship work for the umpteenth time. We’d been getting on and off the rollercoaster that was our relationship for years.
Chaos: A Reapers MC Boxset Page 18