“I’m hoping not too long, maybe a week or so, but it’s gonna depend on what the hell is goin’ on up there. I have a feeling I’m missing most of the story. More than that, I haven’t heard from her in a couple of days so it’s rubbin’ me the wrong way. While I’m up there maybe I can talk to Fist and see what’s goin’ on with him. From what I hear, he’s still stuck in that depression.”
“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. No one wants to see the man down like this . . . but he lost a lot in such a short amount of time. Fuck, Hawk. Honestly, I don’t know if he’ll ever be the same,” Damon admits.
I can’t help but agree with him. I think a lot of us need to accept the man we all knew is dead, and now only a shell is present with us. “Yeah, I know what you’re sayin’.”
“Go ahead. When do you think you’ll be leavin’?” Damon asks.
I have to think about it for a second. “Well, I’m sure as hell not drivin’. My ass killed me the first time. Shit, my ass was screamin’ for weeks. If I can get a flight today, I’ll leave tonight.”
“Okay, well, safe travels,” Damon tells me and I see Amara glaring at him. I take it as a silent way of telling me to get out, so I leave out the door and shut it behind me. I wanna get in my trailer and get a small carry-on bag packed as soon as possible when my arm is tugged backward.
I turn and see Kat. “What’s going on?” she asks.
“I’m going to Montana for a bit.”
“Okay, I had a feeling that’s what was going on. Can you do me a favor?”
“Yeah, sure. What do you need?”
“Can you talk to Ashley about getting my uncle some help? I think he has some serious grief issues going on and it’s set him into a sickening cycle. I’ve been in the depression pit too, Hawk. If there’s one thing I don’t want for my Uncle Fist, it’s this.” I can see in Kat’s eyes that her uncle going through all this turmoil is slowly eating at her.
“You got it. I’ll do whatever I can to get your uncle back on track, Kat. What should I recommend to Ashley?” I’m not really vested in the whole depression thing so I don’t know what to say to her.
“You know I’ve been disappearing once a week. Well, I’ve been going to therapy and it’s been really beneficial. I think he needs to see a therapist and talk about shit. If he doesn’t want to go on an antidepressant, he should at least be talking to someone who he feels like he can trust.”
I give Kat a look that shows her in every sense I think that won’t work. “It’ll be easier to chop his dick off before we can get Fist to see a shrink.”
“Ew. What the hell, Hawk? You just put a visual in my head I didn’t need.”
I laugh and pull Kat into my arms for a hug. “Don’t worry. I’ll do my best. In the meantime, keep everyone in line down here.”
She’s starting to laugh herself. “Oh, you know I will. Without me, this entire club would be in shambles.”
Now that I can agree with. Kat is always doin’ stuff behind the scenes to make sure we all keep our shit together. “I’ll see you when I get back.”
“Okay, let us know when you get there safe.”
Chapter Twelve
She is built for a savage
~ Unknown
Hawk
I was a fuckin’ idiot when I didn’t think about what I was wearing on my flight to Montana. Here I am in a tank top and shorts . . . meanwhile, it snowed twice already up here. My balls are gonna freeze and fall off if I’m not careful. I’m gonna have to suck up to one of the brothers and borrow some clothes so I don’t get sick.
I remember the first time I was in Montana. I kept sayin’ I was warm-blooded and didn’t get sick, but damn the cold shook me to my core and I ended up with pneumonia pretty darn quick. I moved here when I was nineteen after living my entire life in South Carolina, where it didn’t get any colder than around fifty degrees.
I was able to give Bull a heads up that I was coming to the club and he’s supposed to pick me up from the airport. Now I’m just waiting for his unpunctual ass to arrive.
I’ve already gotten a cup of coffee and I’m sippin’ on it when I see a decked-out Ford F-350 rollin’ up. I think it could be him, but I’m not sure until he rolls the window down and sticks his tongue out at me like a child. Looks like Bull went ahead and got some new wheels. He’s always been very responsible, but I know he must be doin’ something on the side to make this kinda cash. In the time I’ve known him, he’s bought a new truck every single year. And I don’t mean any sorta basic truck— he personalizes it to the extreme.
I grab my duffel bag from the floor and walk out to his truck, open the passenger side door, and hop on in. “Damn, you must’ve missed us loads to be leavin’ the warmth and comin’ back to Antarctica.”
“Eh, I didn’t miss you a bit. I came here for Raven,” I joke with him, but little does he know there is a layer of seriousness attached to my words.
Bull looks in his rearview mirror and checks his blind spot to make sure no one is coming when he turns to the left and we start to leave the airport. “Damn! I should’ve known. You might be a little too late though, brother.”
I furrow my brows, “What do you mean?”
“I mean you might’ve let that little bird slip through your fingers already,” Bull says.
“Alright. You need to elaborate. What the hell am I missing?”
“I don’t know who it was. But, brother . . . someone was fucking her pretty hardcore the other night. I got a really nice view of the tits on that one. Holy shit, more than a fuckin’ mouthful. Mmm.”
Anger courses through me. Not at Raven, but whoever was fucking her. My brothers all knew I had a thing for her. I may not have claimed her yet, but she was off-limits. If anything, my brother should’ve spoken to me first. “You’re sure?” I ask, needing clarification before I let myself get too pissed.
“Yeah, dude. If that wasn’t enough, Frank bitched about having to sleep on the couch because she was upstairs with someone.”
“Did Frank say who?”
“No, but I’ve got a couple of guesses,” Bull admits.
I crank my neck to the side and look at him, waiting for him to spill his guts but he doesn’t. “Dude, fess up! I’m not a fuckin’ mind reader!”
“Okay, alright. Damn! I want to think it’s Dixon or Zorro, but somethin’ just doesn’t sit well with me there. You know who she’s been hangin’ around a lot, don’t you?”
I shake my head from side to side. “No, but I’m expectin’ you to tell me.”
“Fist.” At his words, I almost feel my heart stop beating.
“Fist,” I repeat and Bull nods as we turn onto the interstate.
“Yeah, she’s been spending a lot of time around him. I thought she wanted to help get him out of his emotional rut, but maybe she’s just been helpin’ him get out of that damn robe and liftin’ his spirits in other ways.”
Fuck. I want to strangle someone right now. Even more than that, I want to punch my own fist through a fuckin’ wall because out of any man in the club, it has to be my Prez . . . or old Prez. Fuck me sideways. I never prepared myself for this.
“How positive are you it’s Fist?”
“Brother, I’m not positive at all. The only thing I’m goin’ on is height and I saw the glimmer of a ring in the window. You know Fist is always wearing a ring.”
I nod. “Yeah, it’s somethin’ his dad gave him, right?”
“Mhm . . . oh fuck, Hawk!” Bull hollers, lookin’ straight at me. “You know who else wears a ring?”
I think about it for a moment but can’t put my finger on it. “Not Dixon or Zorro,” I reply.
“Correct, but Zane wears a ring just like his father.”
“No, Zane wouldn’t have fucked her. He knows I’ve been into her,” I quickly dismiss this theory. It has to be Fist, and I’ll deal with it as soon as I get back on the property.
Fuck, I feel like I’m in a difficult position. I wish I would’ve claimed Raven be
fore I left. Now that I didn’t, someone else has had what was only supposed to be mine. Regardless, I can’t do a damn thing about it now. The only thing I can do is accept it and claim her as soon as possible. After I do that, no one will ever touch what belongs to me.
Chapter Thirteen
“He gave her the thing that she wanted most. He made her feel desired.”
~ Purely Sensual Visions
Raven
“Any idea when they’re going to get a start on construction?” Frank asks, peering out our bedroom window. I rise from the bed and go over to the window to look and see where the clubhouse once stood.
“I’m not sure. I’m betting it depends on whether or not it’s snowed, if the ground is frozen, and all that sorta stuff, I guess,” I reply. I have no construction background whatsoever so how am I to know when things would start to get a move on?
“Yeah, you make a valid point. I’m betting they’ll have to wait until the winter season is over and the ground warms up to start the process. Everyone keeps saying we’re bound to have an awful snow season,” Frank says as he looks at me with a hint of sadness in his eyes.
“What’s the matter?” I ask, thinking I already know what’s bothering him. He came out of the closet to his family and to say they’ve been less than accepting is an understatement.
“I called my dad last night and it doesn’t even ring anymore.” He shuts his eyes, clearly trying to hide his pain.
I furrow my brows, thinking about it. A phone doesn’t just stop ringing. “How is that possible?”
“He either blocked me or changed his phone number. I get one of those basic voicemail messages that tell me the number isn’t in service. I thought it was odd, so I called my mom and got the same thing. Shit, I remember what he said to me when I was twenty-two and hadn’t brought a girl home. Told me if I was gay, he’d take me out back and shoot me like a rabid dog. This may sound awful, but it would hurt less than being discarded like trash.”
I wrap my arms around my friend and hold him close, letting him find comfort in me. “I know it hurts, but just remember that family isn’t only blood. Family is what you make it. You’re my family. The Reapers are now my family. Ivy is my family. Do you see my point?” I ask, looking up into his eyes.
He nods once, and for the first time ever, when I stare at him, I see his struggle. It’s almost like I can feel every bit of pain radiating off him like the sun on the sand. I’m lucky I don’t have to experience what he’s going through, being neglected and outcast by his family . . . however, I can only imagine what it feels like. Especially when these are the people who are supposed to love you and be there for you no matter what, through thick and thin. Family is supposed to pick you up when you fall, hold you together when you’re broken, and support you in every way possible as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. “I can’t tell you how ready I am to leave Montana, Raven. I thought if they were supportive, I might stay . . . especially ‘cause the farm is our livelihood and legacy but I can’t do it. I can’t fathom staying in Montana and seeing them purposefully avoid me. It would break my heart.”
“We’ll leave soon. I told Ivy we’d be down in Vegas by Christmas and I don’t plan on going back on my word.” I think back to what I said when Ivy asked me to go down to Vegas with her that day, how I told her my family needed me and I couldn’t just abandon them. I don’t give two shits about my Momma anymore, not after what she did . . . but Matthew would show up every now and again asking for money.
He tried to shield me from shit when we were growing up, and because of the guilt I have when it comes to that . . . I ended up giving him cash. Now that I’m thinking about it, it makes sense how Momma got my number and figured out where I was. Matthew led her straight to me. Hell, he could’ve been giving her all the cash I gave him. Jesus Christ. I feel so stupid right now. My brother was playing me like a god damned violin.
“What’s on your mind?” Frank asks, jogging me back into the present and outta my head.
Instead of lying, I’m honest with my friend. “Hearing you talk about your issues makes me think about mine. You’re not the only one with serious family issues.”
I’ve never told Frank too much about them. I confided more in Ivy and even then I was only giving her a few details here and there. She doesn’t know everything and I doubt I’ll tell anyone everything that went on. Fuck, there’s a big chunk of my childhood that I can’t remember at all. It’s a complete blur. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to remember my dad before he left or what, but the memory of him leaving our house is burned into my mind. I didn’t hate him when he left. Instead, I was totally okay with it. I remember feeling a distinction on that day as I watched him walk to his car with nothing but a suitcase.
Normal girls would’ve been crying, screaming, and pleading for their dad to stay, to not leave his family. But not me. I stood at my living room window and watched him drive away. The only thing I felt was relief. But I don’t remember why.
Now that I’m thinking about it, the last time I saw Matthew was at the bar before I was shot. If I’m remembering correctly, he asked for my cell phone number a few days before. He never needed it prior because he knew where I worked . . . so I’m betting he did give it to Momma. He’d come by the bar every couple of weeks. I’m starting to think it would be a good idea to keep my eyes open when I’m there tonight and see if he ends up coming in.
The owner had said they were going to keep it closed indefinitely, but there’s a sign up out front saying they’re opening back up tonight. Little do Matthew or Momma know, I’m starting to piece everything together.
Lord help Matthew if he does show up. ‘Cause I can guarantee it won’t be pretty.
Chapter Fourteen
And even if you’re not here to stay, I’m happy the universe allowed your soul to stop by
~ Word Porn
Hawk
I’m trying to not let what Bull said bug me, but it's at the forefront of my mind. Shit, I’ve been sitting in his truck the last five minutes since we’ve been back wondering if he was tryin’ to stir shit up between Fist and I. Bull isn’t a gossipy type of person, but boy, he’s always loved to throw a wrench in someone's life. Motherfucker.
“You ready to go in there or what?” Bull asks, raising his brows like I’m some nervous teenage girl.
“Jesus, dude. Chill,” I grumble, picking my duffel bag up from the floor, I exit the truck and head toward Fist’s house.
I figured I’d be freezing my ass off since it’s so damn cold up here, but I must be a little more warm-blooded than I thought. Maybe it’s because of all my years up here. My body could’ve become accustomed to it or somethin’. I make my way up the few steps onto Fist’s wraparound porch and place my hand on the storm door. Only now am I becoming a little anxious. It’s just because I don’t know what the hell I’m walking into.
For all I know, I could go in and see Raven sitting on Fist’s lap with her tongue down his throat. I’ll pray to God I don’t see it . . . but I’d better be prepared for the worst-case scenario. I pull the storm door open and push the next one open. I see Blackjack, Grim, and Hammer all sitting at Fist’s table.
There’s not a woman in sight and I take that as kinda odd considering the clubwhores are supposed to be sleeping in Fist’s house from what I remember. Grim stands first, coming over to me and gives me a quick hug. “It’s good to see you, brother. How are things down in Vegas?”
“They’re not too bad. Better than up here, that’s for sure.”
“I’d imagine so,” Grim says,
I crack a smile as I pull out my favorite nickname for him. “Kinda missed you, Mr. Clean.”
Grim smacks me on the shoulder. “Shit, man! You’ll never stop with that.”
“Not as long as we’re still both breathin’, brother,” I smirk.
“You gotta tell me, is the pussy good down there?” Zorro asks, causing me to immediately roll my eyes. He’s got a one-track mind. I
swear the only thing he thinks about is pussy. I’d say he’s a manwhore, but he’d have to sleep around a hell of a lot more to get any that title. If memory serves me right, he only gets his dick wet from the clubwhores within the club.
Out of everyone here, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him lock down a woman for real. He’s always bitchin’ about how they’re too much work and he doesn’t need anyone complainin’ in his ear.
“I wouldn’t be able to tell you, brother. Haven’t touched a thing,” I admit.
“Shit, no bitches into you? Don’t you have those whores livin’ at your club too?”
I nod. “Yeah, their madame keeps tryin’, but I’m not tryin’ to get any STDs. She’s not my type anyway. I don’t like bitches who beg.”
Zorro throws his head back into laughter. “Fuck, man! I’ve missed you.”
The sound of heavy footsteps causes me to look up the stairs and I see Zane comin’ my way. “Didn’t know you were coming back,” he says, sounding a little irritated I’m here, to be honest. If what I’m hearing is right, Fist has been in a deep, grueling depression. Zane could just be pissed his old man is down for the count.
Honestly, I don’t know if Zane is ready for the responsibility that comes with being Prez. He’s been preparing for this since he was a kid, but none of us thought he’d have the gavel yet. Maybe in five to ten years from now, but not at this point. If that wasn’t difficult enough, I’m pretty sure this speeds up every aspect of his life. If I’m remembering correctly, he has to marry one of the Raiders MC daughters from an alliance their fathers set up when they were kids. I have a feeling this pushes the fast forward button on him now.
“Yeah, sorry I didn’t call or nothin’. I only told Bull when my flight situation got sorted.”
Chaos: A Reapers MC Boxset Page 22