His back crevasses from his muscular shoulders calling my attention to them so much that I can’t help but think what it would feel like to have my nails digging into his skin. His arms are just as bulky, if not more defined. I’ve never seen the man go to the gym so I wonder how he manages to stay this fit all the time, but I also don’t ever see him eating or drinking crap. The only time he’s ever eaten something somewhat unhealthy was when he dug into a cheeseburger at the motel. They were cold as shit but he could care less.
“You might think you’re as quiet as a mouse but let me be the first to tell you how obnoxiously loud your footsteps are. You’d think I’m livin’ with a damn snow monster.”
I gasp at what he says, trying not to laugh because it’ll only encourage him to continue. “I must be a whole lot better than the way you snore. You could wake the dead you know.”
He chuckles lowly, turning to face me as he brings the coffee cup to his lips. After taking a sip I watch him grab another mug from my display and pour me a cup, adding two shots of vanilla sugar free syrup and a dash of almond milk. Just the way I like it. He swirls the spoon inside and as I get closer extends the mug out to me.
Bringing the cup to my lips I take a sip, “You know, you could make a career change and become a barista.”
“Yeah, that’s as likely as me changing my name to Buttercup.”
“If you were a pony it’d be cute.” I say smirking behind my mug.
“There’s only one part of me that’s close to a horse, darlin’.” Oh, we don’t have to put two and two together to figure out what he’s saying.
I about choke on my coffee and decide to set it down on the kitchen counter beside us. “You’re one arrogant asshole, but I do like it from time to time.”
“Stop fuckin’ around with me, Lola. You like it all the time.” Bull might not have noticed his slip up, but I sure as hell have. He didn’t call me Alexa. He called me Lola. Now how in the fuck does he know my name?
I take a step backward, not entirely sure what to think about the knowledge he has. If he knows my name, he must know everything else about me too. Fuck. How did he even find out? For a split second I think Amanda could’ve said something . . . but she wouldn’t have access to that information. It’s under lock and key with the FBI. She’s ATF. She wouldn’t have been able to access it.
“W-what did you s-say?” I ask, thinking for a moment I might have had a hallucination. Maybe he said something else and I thought he said my name.
“You heard me. Now I think the two of us should have a little chat since you haven’t exactly been honest with me. Come on, let’s take a seat.” Bull walks over to the small farmhouse table I have sitting in between the living room and kitchen, planting his ass on the bench and stares at me.
But he just rubbed me the wrong way. Something about his tone leads me to believe he’s pissed. How in the world does he have the right to be upset with me? I was in witness protection. It’s not like I fled from a crazy ex, changed my name in a botched way and lied to him about the last thirty years of my life.
Sucking in a deep breath I take my coffee off the counter and sit beside him. I’ll need the caffeine to keep focused and help me get through this conversation. “Apparently you know everything, so why don’t you tell me?” I whisper in an annoyed tone.
Bull waves his finger from side to side reminding me of how a parent berates a child. “Nu-uh. We’re not playing this fucking game. I know what I’ve been told and I’d appreciate it if you could give me your side of the story.”
I can’t help but roll my eyes at his sudden imbecile attitude. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I suppose he is right in a way. Whatever he knows might not be accurate, so I should spill everything. I just don’t want to. I don’t want to have to relive everything I went through as a child or feel the shame for actions that weren’t my own. I have so many regrets from back then and I doubt they’ll ever go away. Even years’ worth of therapy will never make me feel one hundred percent better because I chose not to act as a child, not until it was too late. If I had told the authorities sooner maybe lives could’ve been saved. That is the biggest regret I will ever have.
“Well, you know my name is Lola so I’m pretty certain you know who my biological father is.” I say biological father because it makes me feel better. He was never there for me in the way a true father should have been. It’s a term I use to distance myself from that man. No, scratch that. The monster.
“Fynn Müller,” Bull responds and I give him a nod.
“That would be the beast. I’m sure you know of him. Who doesn’t after all? He’s pretty fucking famous for he and my biological mother’s extra-curricular activities.” My therapist always told me it wasn’t healthy for me to make light of the situation, of what they did to those people, but understood I needed to do things to cope with the shitshow that was my childhood.
Bull leans against the table so his mid-back is pressing into it, remaining quiet as I debate on whether or not to remain quiet.
“I turned my parents in when I was a teenager. I don’t know what changed for me but I couldn’t keep acting like I wasn’t seeing what was happening. Maybe it was out of fear, or maybe it’s because I wanted to help prevent others from suffering the same fate those did who came before them. I’m not sure. So, one day I contacted the authorities and my life started to feel like a movie. I was put into witness protection, placed in a foster home in Utah and stayed under the radar. But when I had to come back to Montana for their trials it almost killed me. I’ve never felt so afraid in my life. Facing both of them and having them know it was me who turned them in . . . it made me fear if they ever got out. After the trial I lived a happy life in Utah . . . and discovered quite a bit about myself. Ultimately, after a few years of intense work in school I ended up getting a job with the FBI as a psychological profiler. Given the type of people who raised me, I was in tune to the type of people who do this. Growing up the way I did made me want to lock these animals in cages where they belong.”
Bull cocks a brow, “You work for the FBI?”
“Uh, not at the moment. I’m on a leave of absence of sorts. My work was getting to my head and mentally it was just too much. I may decide to go back but I haven’t made up my mind yet. Luckily my job allows me to work from remote locations as long as I’m on a secured server and network. They give me the facts and I analyze the data.”
“What is it with the smartest women working for the government? I swear, y’all are a magnet to us.”
I smile at his sweet compliment and continue speaking, “It wasn’t my intention to hide anything from you, however this isn’t something I openly discuss. For so many years I was terrified and lived in the type of fear people can’t ever come close to imagining. Lola was a petrified little girl. Alexa was the name I took when I decided not to be scared anymore.”
“Sorry if I seemed pissed, I just don’t like secrets. You and I . . . we can’t have any secrets, little lamb. Not if we’re going to make this work between us. I’ll have you know I’m not the type who gives up.”
“Okay. I’ll be honest with you about everything from now on.” I admit.
For the first time this morning he gives me a slight smirk, “Good. Whether it’s about your past or your . . . kinky fetishes. We both need to be open with the other. I promise I’ll do the same as well.”
“Thank you for last night. I was so lost because I’d never done anything like that before but . . . it was sexy as hell.”
“Did you like it?” Bull asks, putting his hand over mine.
“Yes, I did. I loved it, actually.”
“Alright, then we’ll make sure to do it again sometime.”
“With Grim?” I question.
“Nah, it doesn’t have to be Grim unless you want it to.” Bull is opening up an entirely different world to me. My core is burning with excitement as I think about the sexual adventures he’ll take me on, letting me act out my darkest temptations.<
br />
I’m starting to realize Bull must’ve liked what happened last night. “You enjoyed it too, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. I didn’t want to like it, but I did.”
“Do you have an idea of who you want it to be next time?” I ask him. He looks as if he’s contemplating an answer for a minute or so, then answers.
“We have plenty to choose from. When the time is right I think we’ll know.”
“Yeah, maybe it takes the fun out of it by planning.”
Bull clears his throat, “I hate to change the subject, but are you going to tell me about your brother?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
What you allow is what will continue
~ Unknown
Bull
The second I ask her about her brother, Alexa furrows her brows and looks confused as hell. “I know you call everyone in your club brothers, but I don’t have a relationship like that with anyone.”
What she says doesn’t make any sense to me. Not unless she didn’t know about his existence. “Alexa, I’m talking about your little brother. You share the same father.”
She cocks a brow at this point, “You’re serious?”
Jury’s out. She never knew about him. “Yeah. He was working with the Bears too. Looks like the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. You really didn’t know?”
“Wow. I saw online there were rumors that he re-married a woman while he was in the slammer and she got pregnant but nothing was confirmed.” Seems to me like her father was a real tool. Not only did he commit all those murders but divorced his wife and married some new chick while they were locked up. Guess Alexa’s mother got the shit end of the deal.
“You work for the FBI and you never thought to look into it?”
Alexa shakes her head, “No, I didn’t care about what he did. Whether it was divorcing my mother while they were both serving time or if they both dropped dead. Why would I waste my time on them?”
She does have a point. “Okay, so your younger half-brother was the man who married Ashley. The one who beat her so badly she drove back home with broken ribs, a swollen face and ultimately ended up losing the child she was carrying.”
Sadness washes across her. “Blackjack mentioned a little about what she had gone through to me. I’m so sorry. It must’ve been a horrific experience. Why did he do that to her? Not that he needed a reason. Evil flows through the bloodline of the family I was born into.”
“He was working for the Bears. We didn’t know it at the time, not until later. Hell, we didn’t even know he was Fynn Jr. until Agent Williams told Fist, Blackjack and Hawk. He was operating under the name Harry. Ironic he changed his name too, right?”
“I’d imagine no one would want to be anywhere near a Müller. It’s a unique surname. Everyone would believe he was a relation and I bet he wanted to make sure no one figured it out.”
Damn, she is a smart woman. “I’d have to agree with you there.”
Alexa tilts her neck to the side, “There’s a reason you’re telling me all of this. Are you going to cut to the chase and spit it out?” Sometimes I think she’s too smart for her own good.
“Your father worked for Grizzly who abducted you as a way to get your father to come out of hiding. That’s what we all believe anyway. What Grizzly didn’t realize is your father didn’t give a rat’s ass if he killed you. He’d much rather do it himself given the opportunity. Or at least, it’s what he spread around the jail when he was in the slammer. He bragged to the other inmates about how he’d love to punish you for betraying him. Grizzly is in the wind and I promise you we’ll get him for everything he’s done to you. None of us will let him get away with it, but I don’t think that fuckin’ coward is our problem right now.”
Alexa abruptly rises and walks over to the kitchen sink, plants her hands on both sides of it and takes in a deep breath. “Please don’t say it. Please.”
I stand up and approach her, placing one hand on her neck forcing her head to turn to look at me while the other rests on her hip. “Alexa, nothin’ is going to happen to you. Trust me. I will protect you with my life.”
She shakes her head from side to side, shutting her eye as she attempts to cover her face. “No, no! You don’t understand what he’s capable of. You haven’t seen it firsthand, but I have. I’ve seen the torturous ways he hurts people. How he drugs them with something that won’t allow them to move but does allow them to feel everything. I’ve heard the screams after being thrown down the stairs. Hell, I’ve heard the saws he used to chop them apart limb by limb breaking through their bones. Tormented screams were like a lullaby to me as a child. Bull, I have no doubt you are capable of defending yourself in any given situation. However, I highly doubt you’ve ever faced a man as sadistic as my father. No one on this earth compares to him. Not even Satan himself.”
I force her hands away from her face and bring my lips against her own, sliding my hand up into her long, platinum blonde hair and hold it tightly as I hiss my words. I need to make this abundantly clear to her. “Alexa. Trust me. I won’t allow any harm to come your way. Your past was hell but your fuckin’ future is gonna be heaven. I’ve told you time and time again I’m not the type of man who gives up easily, so accept it. Your father has made it his last wish to come after you and he won’t be able to get within a hundred feet of your pretty goldilocks’ hair. Baby, you’re a fuckin’ Reaper now. You’re one of us which means you have an army at your disposal.”
Pressing my lips against Alexa’s I kiss the ever lovin’ daylights out of this woman. I don’t know what she needs to feel safe but I’m startin’ to feel like a cock inside her might be it. It’s the one time I don’t see her overthinking or wanting to stay stuck in this house of hers.
I pull away for a split second and keep my eyes trained on hers. “Little lamb, do you trust me?”
“I’m s-scared, Bull.” She chokes out, emotion coursing through her.
“Answer me.”
“I don’t know.” Alexa mutters, opening her eye she looks into my own.
“You need to start, ‘cause I’m your fuckin’ shepherd. It’s my job to protect you and the herd. I’m an enforcer, baby. This is what I do.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
“The real power of man is in the size of the smile of the woman sitting next to him.”
~ Sumcoco.com
Bull
Three days have passed without one freakin’ peep from anyone, and I mean anyone. The club has been quiet, and Alexa hasn’t really wanted to leave the house. I’m really starting to believe she’s one of those introverted types. The kind who would rather stay home versus going out to drink with friends. Kinda makes sense how she managed to enjoy a job where she could work from home.
I see her typing away on her laptop on the chaise couch downstairs and peer over to her, “What’re you typing so relentlessly on?”
She chuckles for a few moments but stops, “You’re going to think I’ve lost my mind. I just know it.”
“Alright, now you have to tell me.” She’s definitely piqued my interest.
“I may or may not be writing about my experiences growing up with two parents who were serial killers and got away with it for years until I turned them in to the Feds.”
“Shit. You serious?”
Alexa taps something on her laptop and closes it, placing it on the small coffee table in front of her. “Yeah, I kept debating it in my head but I think this is the right thing to do. Imagine other kids who are in situations like mine right now, if not worse. Think about how one day they could pick up this book and realize they’re not alone. That there are others in this world just like them. Not only that but I think it would be good for me to get all my feelings out on paper, talk about how my life experiences helped grow and shape me as an individual. How they inspired me to work as a psychological profiler. Maybe I’ll even talk about how I was kidnapped and how this man came in and rescued me. My knight in shining leather, or whatever. Actually,
he’s not that important. Maybe I won’t bring him up at all.” She adds a wink on the end as she goes from serious to playful.
“Not important, huh? Coming from the girl who has the hots and is totally falling for my arrogant ass.”
Alexa’s face flushes with beet red color. It’s adorable seeing her blush. I was joking, but now I realize what I’ve said is true. The woman is falling for me. Fuck, it’s about damn time. Now if she can actually trust me we’d be set. We haven’t known one another for long but I need her to see I’m not the enemy. I’ll do anything for her, and damn how much I mean that. She’s starting to like me more and more every day and I believe with that comes trust. We’ll get there. It’ll just take time.
My phone starts to ring from the coffee table next to where her laptop is and she picks it up, answering for me. “Hello,” Her expression turns quickly. “Bull, you need to come get this.”
I walk over to her, take the cell phone out of her hands and press it to my ear. “Yo.”
“Hey.” It’s Hawk. Shit, I haven’t heard from him in a hot minute.
Taking a few steps away from Alexa I walk over to the other side of the basement. “What’s going on? You sound a little worse for wear.”
“Yeah, we’re taking shifts right now so I’m fuckin’ exhausted man. Even though we’re rotating taking them I feel like I can’t get any good sleep. Not with what’s going on down here.” We haven’t gotten an update of how our Vegas charter has been doing over the last couple weeks.
“What’s goin’ on? We’ve had some shit happen up here too.” I say.
“We got intel last week Onyx has been two-timing the club. She’s started working for this new gang that just rolled into town. Fuck, the chick has showed us her true colors that’s for damn sure. Damon and Amara don’t want to act on it yet, though. To make matters worse she’s gotten increasingly close to Cobra and they haven’t told him what she’s done yet.” Hawk tells me.
Chaos: A Reapers MC Boxset Page 40