Evelyn jerked against him and he turned his head to meet her gaze. “And you didn’t know?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know if it’s because he never wanted to tell me or if he tried and I couldn’t hear it. But he knew what I could do and what he could do and he kept it a secret, even from me.”
“William…” So much emotion rode the syllables of his name that he couldn’t help but smile. She was the only one since Caroline who called him William and he loved the way his name rolled off her lips. What would it sound like when he…?
Cutting the thought off ruthlessly, he concentrated on what he was supposed to be telling her. “I was really angry with him.”
“Of course you were. He hurt you.” The intensity in her voice took on a deeper note than when she’d been angry with Mariska. “He was your brother.”
“He’s still my brother.” The corner of his mouth curved at the outrage sparking in her eyes. “Shh. Listen.”
Her nose crinkled, but she nodded once.
“Life on a ranch, it’s not easy. There’s always work to be done. Our Pa? He’s not an easy man, either. He’s got high standards and he demands a lot. Until last year I didn’t even think he loved me.” Touching his free hand to her mouth, he stifled the ferocious response he could see brewing in her eyes. When she stayed quiet at his request, he stroked his thumb over her lower lip. “I think it’s hard when feelings are conflicted to understand all of them. I say this as someone who’s felt every thing from every one around him for years. My Pa loved my Ma.” Tears burned in his eyes, because if he knew nothing else about his father, that fact had been the foundation of his life. A love deeply coupled with grief and loneliness. “She died giving birth to me. When he looked at me, he saw her. He missed her a little more each time.”
“And you felt that.” Her breath whispered over his thumb.
He nodded. “I’ve realized when I was little I didn’t understand all of the things that I felt. All I knew was when he looked at me, he hurt and he was sad and I blamed myself for it. I could never please him and I made his life hell.” A rueful admission, but one he could accept now. “Last year, he told me he loved me. He said it out loud and, yes, I felt it. I’ve lived raw and exposed to everyone—everyone except Jason. He got away and somehow he learned how to keep others out, but he didn’t help me and I don’t know why.”
“He should have.”
“Should have or would have, it doesn’t matter now. What matters is why he had to do it.” It had taken him a long time to realize his brother knew loyalty and was as fiercely protective of their family as Kid. He had to have a reason and maybe he would have told Kid what it was if Kid hadn’t lashed out at him.
“You sound very certain.” She punctuated the statement with a kiss to his thumb and the contact scrambled his thoughts.
“He’s a Kane.” For Kid, it explained everything. Evelyn studied him for a long moment before she tugged her hand, asking to be released. Curbing his own disappointment, he let her go, but instead of moving away, she wrapped her arms around him.
“You tell me if this is too difficult for you, but we’ve been sitting close this whole time and I think you really need a hug and at the very least deserve one.” The soft pledge carried a depth of meaning. He held perfectly still as she pressed against him, her arms looped around his neck. When nothing broke and no tumult rampaged through him, he slid an arm around her waist and eased her closer.
“I think I am all right.”
She smiled and tucked her head against his shoulder. Damp, and her hair a little stiff from the water, she fit right against him and he allowed himself the pleasure of resting his chin against the top of her head.
“So you attacked your brother?” The question reminded him of the story he’d been telling, but holding her like this made it easier to continue.
“I wanted to hurt him the way he’d hurt me, but I was out of control and what I did lashed out at everyone around me. It was bad. If it hadn’t been for Delilah, I don’t know what would have happened.” He truly didn’t want to consider it. He hadn’t been thinking anymore, only reacting and feeling. “When Wyatt came, I asked him to bring me here. I’d fought coming here for so long, but I couldn’t stay there anymore.” Another knot inside him loosened. “Not when I was the one hurting them.”
“But you’re better now,” she reminded him.
“Maybe,” he hedged. He had more control, a better sense of his gift, and a far deeper understanding of the darker nature of it all. Then again, the isolation here made it easy. The only real test had been Evelyn and the feeling of her pressed against him was reward in and of itself. “One day at a time. One challenge at a time. When I go home, I won’t be a burden to them. I will be able to pull my weight.”
“William.” The sharpness in her tone demanded he look at her, so he lifted his head and met her gaze. “You were not a burden to them. From everything you’ve said, you did everything you knew how to do. You made mistakes, but even the most educated of men make them. You have the kindest, sweetest heart I’ve ever met. Your family is lucky to have you, even Jason and Mariska—though they obviously don’t deserve you.”
“Thank you.” He smiled, tracing his gaze over the lines of her face. “But you can’t be mad at them.”
“Yes, I can. I can be anything I want. You’re my friend, so get used to it.”
Well, she’d told him. “Yes, ma’am.”
He acquiesced and let her rest her head on his shoulder again. He wasn’t quite ready for this moment of serenity to end. He’d ripped open his past for her, spread it out and let her see him. She’d stayed, hell, she sat in the circle of his arms. Her trust and the support were immeasurable.
After a long silence, he ran his fingers up and down her side, light contact that could stop whenever she wanted. “What are you thinking?”
“About how long a proper friendship needs to exist before you’ll kiss me again.”
Oh, hell. He had to go and ask, hadn’t he?
Chapter 18
Wyatt, Las Cruces de Madonna
“Check on iron and bolts,” Wyatt told Rudy. “And see how much cloth you can lay in.”
Rudy paused in middle of loading of the grain bags to stare at Wyatt. “Cloth?”
“Cloth, for making dresses. Shirts, sheets.”
“I know what it’s used for. Why do we need to buy it?” Neither Ike nor Rudy made their own clothes. They purchased in towns when they came down and made do with what they had on the mountain. Quanto used animal skins primarily, cured and treated and sewed in the old ways.
“Because Evelyn has been wearing Scarlett’s stuff and she needs some clothing of her own.” Wyatt remained next to the wagon. They’d parked right next to the general store and he let Ike and Rudy do the majority of the shopping while he kept a wary eye out. Towns, even small ones like this one laying on the other side of the border in old Mexico, held a wild number of unseen dangers. They would be back on the mountain by nightfall.
Dumping the last bag of feed into the wagon and checking that it set right, Rudy eyed him. “Can we meet her yet?”
“No.” He shook his head and paid attention to the saloon where Kid had vanished thirty minutes before. At first, the youngest Kane hadn’t seemed to be able to decide where he wanted to go. The closer they came to the town, the quieter he’d grown and the more he’d withdrawn. Wyatt had been ready to send him back when Kid nudged his horse and announced he was going ahead.
Wyatt allowed it because that was the real purpose of the visit—to see how well Kid’s shielding and training would hold in a populated situation. The true test, the greatest test, would happen when he returned to the ranch. Since they could do nothing about that for now, he and Quanto decided building Kid’s confidence would be the only way to arm him.
He didn’t disagree with that sentiment, not with how much attention Kid had begun to pay to Evelyn. Quanto maneuvered the two together and was deeply satisfied with the res
ults. Wyatt reserved judgment on all of it—particularly given Evelyn’s deepening interest. She played a good game, devoting herself to the tasks that Quanto gave her, but he saw the cool hunger in her eyes when she thought no one watched her. She wanted vengeance and she’d pushed beyond her own limits to reach them in the first place.
He wouldn’t allow her to drag Kid into a nightmare he might never recover from to satisfy that ache.
“You do realize we lived on the mountain first.” Rudy hadn’t gone to do his tasks, instead interested in talking.
“You both understand the difficulties of their training.” They’d discussed it at length in the first couple of days Kid had been on the mountain while he slept off his exhaustion.
“Six months ago, sure. How much longer are you going to treat him like he’s broken glass?”
“As long as it takes.” He didn’t examine his motivations. Kid earned his respect with his tenacity in bringing his raging gift under control. Wyatt doubted even Quanto realized the extent to which Kid had been at the mercy of his own abilities. Five times Wyatt considered ending his life and five times Kid fought back from that edge. It had been hell on Kid and he’d done it anyway.
“Never figured you for a nursemaid.” The wry statement earned Rudy a cool look and the younger man held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Sorry, but while we have a minute—Ike wants to head further south into Old Mexico, look at some crops they have going, study the seed patterns. Since you don’t want us at the house, you mind if we do that?”
Rudy and Ike were old enough and skilled enough to make the journey. While Ike’s gift was probably one of the gentlest, Rudy’s was more than capable of protecting them both. It was hard to hurt what couldn’t be touched. “How long?”
“A couple of months, be back before the autumn harvest. Most of what’s growing there will do fine without him anyway.” They grew everything up on the mountain in hidden groves and fields even Kid hadn’t ventured into. While it hadn’t been his intention to keep it secret, Ike could tease growth from a desert floor and they never went hungry, not even in winter.
He nodded. “You can go after we get the supplies back. Quanto will likely check on you frequently and I’ll have him let Buck know.”
If Rudy had complaints about the pair of dreamwalkers keeping an eye on his proposed journey, he didn’t offer them. “Thanks. Is he okay in there?” The ride down had been pleasant enough, but it didn’t surprise Wyatt that Rudy noticed Kid’s guarded silence. Journeying with the other two had been the first test. If Kid couldn’t handle their emotional pressure, Wyatt wouldn’t have allowed him in town.
“He’s fine.” The answer carried more faith than Wyatt felt, but he’d reserve judgment. Kid had asked him to let him handle any falters unless he really needed help and he’d sworn he would ask for it.
Believing his promise wasn’t hard. Letting him do it on his own, was. At some point, Wyatt would have to allow it anyway. He’d had to with all of them. Most succeeded, after a few fumbling attempts, and he mourned those who didn’t.
“All right. I’ll go get the cloth orders and the crafting supplies. Anything else you can think of?”
“Not at the moment.” He accepted Rudy’s wave and folded his arms, waiting. Nearly at the exact hour mark from when he’d walked into the saloon, Kid walked out. Fatigue lined his face, but so did a faint smile. He dodged people heading inside and strode down the rough-hewn boardwalk in front of the stores. With a half-wave at Wyatt, he stepped into the general store and back out fifteen minutes later with a pair of packages.
By the time he reached Wyatt, Ike and Rudy had loaded the rest of their supplies into the wagon and waited alongside him. “We can talk on the way back,” Kid said and slid the packages into one of his saddlebags.
Letting Ike and Rudy handle the wagon, Wyatt mounted Goliath and the four of them headed out of town, their departure as uneventful as their arrival. They’d been riding for an hour when Kid jutted his chin ahead and touched his heels to the mare’s sides. Picking up the pace, they trotted a good quarter of a mile ahead of the wagon before Kid slowed.
“Well?” Wyatt asked, tired of waiting.
“It wasn’t easy.” Kid nudged his hat up and the lines of fatigue still stressed his face. “Maybe harder than I expected, I guess. Saloon was the right place to test it. People get loose when they drink a lot of whiskey.”
They also tended to be more stupid, but Wyatt kept that comment to himself. “Did you?”
“Drink?” Kid shook his head. “Ordered one and pretended to drink it, but I figured since I haven’t had any in months, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I felt the pressure from the moment I stepped in the doors. Lots of anger, some regret, definitely resentment.”
“Did you feed?” The question brought one of the harder issues into sharp focus.
“No. I think that’s what made it harder. Even with the shield, I had a distance between me and their emotions. Like they were one step removed, but the longer I was there, the closer they moved in and the hunger woke up.” He grimaced. “I really wanted it to be easier than that.”
“Easier isn’t the issue. You handling it is the issue.” They didn’t have time for Kid to feel sorry for himself. “You handled it.”
“I handled it. You don’t have to become impatient with me. And it’s fine if I want it to be easier. I do want to go home someday.” He snapped the words without a hint of fear or apology.
“Is it home driving you or a certain female?” Ignoring the budding relationship between the two was impossible, particularly when Quanto remained staunchly in favor of the liaison. He thought it would ground Evelyn, whose control was too extreme, too rational. She refused to acknowledge the emotions she needed to drive her gift unless she was too tired to fight them anymore and that’s when her gift turned on her.
“Is this the part where you tell me not to touch her?”
Amused at the quiet challenge, Wyatt let all the emotion drain out of his face and darkened his thoughts. “And if it is?”
“Then I hope you can handle disappointment. She’s my friend.” Implacable will surged in Kid’s eyes and steadied his voice, giving him an air of maturity and sobriety that hadn’t been there before.
Wyatt let the matter rest and they rode the next few miles in silence. Twice he doubled back to make sure no one followed them, and twice Kid shook his head when he returned, but it was still better to always check. Never assume good intentions. It was why they never went to the same town twice if they could help it and varied their routes and times of visiting.
“I thought you liked Evelyn,” Kid ventured late in the day. The stress lining his face eased with every mile they’d put between them and the town.
“I don’t dislike her.” She was a student, a troubled young woman with a dark ability. He wouldn’t allow himself to feel anything more.
“You don’t like that she and I are friends,” the younger man continued to dig.
“I don’t have an investment one way or the other. Your attachment may prove problematic to your progress. If it does, we’ll deal with it.”
“You’re not half the bastard everyone thinks you are.” Kid glanced back over his shoulder, but they still had plenty of lead distance on Rudy and Ike. The brothers couldn’t hear them. “So tell me why it bothers you.”
“You don’t want to hear my opinion.”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know. But trust me, the chip on your shoulder is very loud and bright to me.” Kid sent him another sidelong look. “And no, I’m not trying to read you, but the disapproval is there, in your voice and your face.”
He was so full of manure. Wyatt knew his face didn’t betray him, nor did his voice, particularly since he’d long since mastered revealing anything in a discussion. It was easier to let everyone think he felt nothing than prove otherwise. It also reduced attempts to manipulate him. His fists tightened on the reins. No one would be allowed to do that agai
n. Whatever Kid picked up on, it had to come from his gift. A gift he’d already proven could get around Wyatt’s shields.
“I won’t tell you to not court her.” Wyatt chose his words carefully. “Or to stay away from her. Evelyn Lang, however, has her own issues and I will caution you to not let her need swamp you.”
“She’s working hard on getting the control she needs.” His immediate defense didn’t surprise Wyatt either.
“It’s not control she needs, Kid.” He nudged Goliath over so that the horses fell into step perfectly with each other. “She has too much control.”
“How can a person have too much control?”
“We talked about the darker aspects, the way a gift can turn on you?”
Kid nodded once. “As mine has been doing for years.”
“Exactly. Balance means you have to find that place between controlling your gift and your gift controlling you. She knows she can leash it—absolutely, stifle it—but every time she uses it, her gift gets a little stronger, a little more provocative. She isn’t looking at any of the darker sides of it, no matter how we push her. She’s slipped more than once. Don’t think I didn’t notice you helping her when she did.” He gave him a hard look. The only reason he hadn’t pulled Kid off helping was that he’d only stepped in when Evelyn was in true danger.
Instead of immediately defending her or his actions, Kid rubbed a gloved hand against his jaw. “How do you teach that, though?”
He wouldn’t like the answer. “We have to break her.”
Evelyn, The Mountain
It was dark by the time she heard horses jingling into the yard and the masculine voices announcing their arrival. She’d spent the day with Quanto, learning about which herbs would work in a stew. They’d divided their time between preparing it and discussing the ethics of Fevered abilities. The topic surprised her, particularly when he argued that, because of their abilities, they had to respect the law more than the average person.
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