When she looked up, he was waiting with a gentle smile. “Listen, sweet woman. I don’t know what your life was like growing up, but whatever that turquoise trailer represents, this”—he spread his arms to encompass the property—“is not it. Don’t get the two mixed up.”
“How could I not?”
He shook his head. “For starters you could go look at this place. If it’s awful, fine. At least you gave it a chance.”
She siphoned a breath, feeling unreasonably panicky. But she nodded. “Come with me.”
He gave a little laugh. “Of course. You didn’t think I was going to wait out here, did you?”
“Luc … Don’t tease. This is hard.”
Something changed in his eyes—a softening … pity? But he drew her into a hug. “I’m sorry, Jen. I know it’s not easy for you.”
Now she felt bad for making him feel the need to apologize. She pulled away, hugged the door of the truck, steeling herself. “I’m okay.” She forced a smile. “All right then … let’s go take a look.”
She shivered at the images flooding her mind …
31
Jenna waited for her eyes to adjust to the dim light, suddenly aware that she was clutching Luc’s hand as if she were drowning. Before they’d climbed the rickety steps to the front door, he’d propped his crutches against the side of the trailer.
The trailer smelled stuffy. But in a different way from where she’d grown up. This kitchen carried the smells of old cooking grease, bacon, and garlic—musty smells a good airing would drive away. The room was surprisingly spacious with an eating bar that divided the kitchen and dining room—much like the one in the Vermontez home.
Lucas let her hold his hand—maybe as much to keep his balance as to give her moral support.
“Hey, this is great. Really great, for the price.” He looked around the open floor plan, then sought her gaze. “What do you think?
She looked away, not ready to let him see whatever might be written across her features. Slipping her hand out of his, she led the way down the narrow hallway, peering into a tiny bathroom and next to it, a bedroom that looked as if it would barely hold a double bed.
“This is convenient.”
She turned to see Lucas bracing himself between the two walls of the hallway.
“Wouldn’t even need my crutches here.” He grinned, trying, she knew, to elicit a smile from her.
She didn’t feel like smiling right now.
At the end of the hall was a bedroom almost as large as the guest room at Bryn’s and, beyond that, a full bathroom with a deep whirlpool tub. Okay, so maybe they’d come a long way in designing trailer houses in the last twenty years. Still, the low-hanging ceiling, the feeling that the whole house was rocking and swaying beneath their footsteps … It all brought back too many memories.
And where would she go if there was a hailstorm or a tornado? How many times had her mom awakened her and Becky in the middle of the night to drag them halfway across the trailer court to the cramped cellar in the community building to wait out the storm?
She shivered at the images flooding her mind, coming faster than she could deflect them. No. She couldn’t stay here. Not even one night. She would not go backward.
She sidestepped Luc and headed back down the hall.
“Hey, did you see this?” he called after her.
“I’ve seen enough. I’m not interested.”
She made a beeline for the front door and went straight to the pickup. She climbed in and wrapped her arms around herself. She was still huddled there, staring at nothing, when Lucas finally emerged from the trailer five minutes later.
Watching him navigate the uneven terrain between the front door and the car, she had a sudden sense of what he’d lost in the fire. It moved her—and scared her a little, too.
He went behind the truck and spoke to Sparky, then came around and slid his crutches under the seat. Lucas would carry his disability long after the cast was removed and the doctor gave permission to abandon the crutches. He would always walk with a limp. If they were … together, his disability would be hers in many ways.
“What took you so long?” she asked, not meaning for the words to come out as sharply as they had.
He looked at her as if she’d just slapped him, and his retort was equally sharp. “I was turning out lights and locking up. What’s the problem?”
She immediately felt repentant. “I’m sorry. I … I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
Without responding, he turned the key in the ignition and backed the truck until they came to a wide spot in the lane where he could turn around.
But instead, he stopped and reached across the seat to put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey.” He put the truck in Park and angled his body toward her. “Jenna … It’s me, remember? Your friend?” He brushed her bangs out of her eyes in a way that didn’t feel like “just friends.”
She felt paralyzed. “Would you please talk to me? Jenna?”
But she couldn’t. How could she possibly make him understand everything that was swirling through her head? She couldn’t explain what that trailer represented. That it was everything she’d spent the last decade of her life trying to overcome, trying to put behind her.
She may have lost the status and wealth she’d had with Zach—or the appearance of wealth anyway. But she would not go back to ground zero.
Lucas sat with his hands at ten and two on the steering wheel, waiting, praying silently for Jenna. He’d never seen her like this. She was actually trembling in the seat beside him. Yet she refused to tell him what was wrong.
He wanted to take her into his arms, to just hold her until she stopped shaking. But he knew from past experience that it wasn’t possible for him to “just” hold Jenna Morgan. And he’d promised her they’d just be friends for now. “How can I help if you won’t talk to me?” he prodded, risking a hand on her shoulder.
“Maybe I don’t want your help.” She slid the little goldfish charm back and forth on the chain at her neck.
“Fine.”
Silence.
He shook his head in frustration and started the truck’s engine. They drove back to his house in silence. This wasn’t going to work. They were too different, wanted different things.
He knew Jenna thought they’d had an open and honest conversation that Christmas afternoon when they’d driven out to the country to talk. But there was too much they hadn’t talked about. He hadn’t revealed the biggest of his concerns: Jenna believed in God, but it was a stretch to say they shared the same faith. He’d always felt free to talk about his faith with her, and sometimes it felt as if she was close to understanding what it meant to him. But if there was any possibility of this friendship turning into something more, he needed to be sure where she stood. Dogs might be negotiable in their future, but faith wasn’t.
He couldn’t hold back the sigh that escaped him as they pulled into the driveway at his house. He pulled the truck up close to her car.
She turned to him with a sad smile. “Thanks for going with me, Luc. I’m sorry it was a wasted trip.”
“I’m sorry, too. I’m sure you’ll find … a place that’s just right for you.”
She looked at him as if she was trying to decipher a deeper meaning from his words. He hadn’t intended one, but now that he thought about it …
She opened her door. “I’d better go. I have to work at four.”
“Okay.” He was tired of trying to pull meaningful conversation out of her. Tired of trying to make their friendship work when he wasn’t sure it was meant to.
He watched her get into her car and waited until she’d backed out of the driveway before he got out and went into the house.
How could one woman have the power to put him on top of the world one minute and in the depths of depression the next?
He felt like he was on a roller coaster.
32
Ma was in the kitchen fixing a sandwich when Lucas came in. She must have come ho
me for lunch when he was out with Jenna.
She looked up from the counter with a cheery smile. “Hey, you. Where have you been?”
Great. He was in no mood to talk. He just wanted to medicate himself with a strong cup of coffee and be left alone.
“I went to look at a house with Jenna.”
“Oh? Did she find something?”
“No.” He deposited his crutches in a corner of the kitchen and went to clean out the coffeemaker from breakfast.
“Is she looking to buy?”
“No. It was a rental.” He drew fresh water and measured coffee into the filter. “Not what she was looking for, though.”
“Oh? What is she looking for? I’ll keep my ears open.”
“I don’t know what she’s looking for, Ma.” He felt bad for being short with her. He just didn’t want to talk about Jenna Morgan.
Ma must have gotten the hint because she took her sandwich to the table with a magazine.
He waited for the first cup to brew, then filled a mug and headed down the hall to his room.
“Oh, Luc! I almost forgot.” Ma’s voice stopped him. “You’ve got a letter. It’s with the other mail by the phone.”
He went to flip through the stack of bills and junk mail until he came to a white business envelope addressed to him. The return address was handwritten and contained only a post office box number and zip code, but he recognized the address. It was from the guy at the training center in Tulsa, Wyatt Barnes.
He ripped open the envelope and extracted the single sheet it held.
Dear Mr. Vermontez,
Re: your application for our Accelerant Detection Canine Training Program.
Your résumé has been reviewed by the committee and placed on file with our Tulsa facility. As noted on the application, we typically place our trainees up to one year in advance. However, we have had a cancellation for the upcoming February-March training session in Tulsa, and your application is among those selected to fill the vacancy.
Providing both handler and canine still meet eligibility, can supply all necessary documents, medical/veterinary releases, etc., and handler/canine team can be available to report to the Tulsa facility by 8 a.m., Monday, February 9, for initial evaluation, you will be considered for inclusion in this session.
He felt like he was on a roller coaster.
“Is it good news?” Ma asked.
“Maybe. There’s an opening in that training program in Tulsa.”
“Tulsa?”
“I told you about it, Ma. The accelerant detection training.” Why did she think he’d been spending every spare hour working with Sparky, especially since Gina had gone back to school?
She frowned. “I don’t remember anything about it being in Tulsa.”
Searching for the phone number on the letterhead, he fished his cell phone out of his pocket. “I need to go call them before they close for the day.” Without giving his mother a chance to grill him, he headed down the hall to his room.
The letter said he was among those selected. So it wasn’t a done deal. Given his circumstances, he was probably at the bottom of their list. But it was worth a try.
He went back to his room, gently pushed Lucky off his desk, and settled into the chair. Dialing the number on the letterhead, he rehearsed how he’d describe his physical challenges. It struck him that his recent injury might actually be to his advantage since it camouflaged his injuries from the fire and appeared more temporary than his actual disability.
But life had been cruel to him too many times over the past year. He wouldn’t let himself get too worked up yet. But even as that thought fired the synapses of his brain, a new flood of hope rushed through his veins.
Jenna adjusted the straps of the smock apron and straightened the Welcome to Hanson’s pin on her left breast pocket. She’d been checking for three hours straight and her feet were killing her.
Things usually quieted down after six o’clock on Fridays, but she was the only checker up front tonight. She heard several women chattering and laughing back in the floral department. She hadn’t seen them come in, but she was pretty sure they were the only customers in the store.
Maybe once they left she could take her break a little early, at least get off her feet for a minute. An idea had been brewing since she’d driven away from Luc this afternoon, and she was eager to get to a computer.
The feminine voices grew louder, and she turned to see a group of four women headed toward her. They were dressed to the nines and sporting enough bling among them to open a jewelry store.
Her breath caught. It was Vincette Gregory and Mallory Thames—and three other women from Clarissa’s book club group. Vincette and Mallory were probably in their mid-thirties—closer to Jenna’s age than Clarissa’s. She’d never quite felt she fit in with Clarissa’s social circle. Still, she’d considered these women friends at one time. Of course, she hadn’t heard from any of them, from any of the Morgans’ friends, since she’d been staying at Bryn’s.
She’d always wondered how Clarissa had explained her absence from Hanover Falls’ version of high society. Clarissa could be vindictive, but not if it reflected badly on the Morgans. And explaining why her daughter-in-law had been reduced to working as a checker at Hanson’s definitely qualified.
Jenna finger-combed her hair and straightened the charm on her necklace, feeling like a seventh-grade nerd facing the cheerleading squad.
“Hi, Vincette. Hey, Mallory. You guys look nice. Out on the town tonight?”
“Oh, my gosh! Jenna, is that you?” Vincette turned to her posse. “Girls, look, it’s Jenna!”
They all clustered around, offering friendly greetings, but she got the impression that some of them were feigning surprise at seeing her here.
“I haven’t seen you for ages, Jen,” Mallory gushed. “We’ll have to get together sometime. I heard you sold your house. Are you still in the Falls?”
“I’m … staying with a friend—while I look for a place.”
“Oh, listen.” Mallory’s eyes went wide. “The Jimersons just listed their house. It would be perfect for you, and you’d love Laurie’s colors. You wouldn’t have to change a thing.”
Jenna had been to a Christmas party at the Jimersons’ house two years earlier. It was a beautiful home. And so far out of her price range it boggled the mind. “That’s … a little more than I’m looking for,” she said.
She took a package of burp pads from the cart and scanned them, along with an assortment of baby items and a stork gift bag. “You must be going to a baby shower.”
“Cinda Larson’s.” Mallory’s smiled turned sheepish, and Jenna knew it was just dawning on her that Jenna hadn’t been invited.
Cinda was another one from the book club group. Clarissa would be at the shower, too, no doubt.
Jenna finished ringing up their gift items and miscellaneous gum and snacks they’d collected at the checkout.
She somehow managed to keep her smile—and her dignity—pasted on until they were gone. But she wanted to curl up in a corner and weep.
Grow up, Morgan. These women had been as friendly as ever to her. It wasn’t their fault she’d spent the afternoon looking at a trailer house to rent.
Listening to her, Jenna wondered if she would ever know this kind of happiness.
33
Jenna arrived back at the apartment that night just as Bryn pulled into the parking lot. Jenna jumped out of the car and took an armload of groceries from her friend. “You’re off early, aren’t you?”
“Myrna let me leave after my break. Things were pretty dead in library land tonight.”
“Lucky you.” Jenna unloaded groceries onto the counter, and they worked together to put them away.
“Well, unfortunately she’s not paying me to take off.”
“Oh … Ouch. Hey, I got paid today. I really would like to write you a check for the rent.” There went her savings. But it was only fair.
But Bryn’s face fell and she
held up a hand. “Oh, Jen, I wasn’t hinting. Honest. I’ve told you before I don’t want you paying. Shoot, I should be paying you for all the cleaning and laundry you do around here.” She gave a lopsided grin. “Besides, you need to save your money. D-Day is upon us. I got the lease papers today. We’ve got exactly two weeks and one day to be out of here.”
She blinked. “Wow. Are you ready … for the wedding, I mean?”
Bryn’s eyes lit. “Honey, I’ve been ready.” She giggled, but all at once her eyes brimmed with tears. “Oh, Jen, I can hardly wait.”
Jenna reached across a bulky package of paper towels to give her friend a quick hug. “I’m so happy for you. And you know if there’s anything I can do to help get ready, you just say the word. My mornings are free almost every day.”
“There’s really not much left to do. I’m telling you, I can’t recommend this small-wedding-no-reception plan highly enough.”
“Straight to the honeymoon, huh?” Jenna teased.
“Got that right.”
They laughed and finished putting groceries away with Bryn chattering about the plans she and Garrett had made for a delayed honeymoon this summer when he was off from teaching. Listening to her, Jenna wondered if she would ever know this kind of happiness.
She was happy for her friend, but she was relieved when Bryn headed for her room and she could do the same.
She changed into her pajamas and brought her laptop to the bed. Sitting cross-legged on top of the quilt, she opened a browser and started exploring the possibility of selling some of her belongings. Judging by the prices people were getting for furniture and electronics and even clothing on craigslist and eBay, she had a gold mine sitting in the Morgans’ garage.
She needed to get her stuff out of storage there. Surprisingly, in the six weeks since she’d left, they hadn’t hounded her about retrieving her things. But if she could raise enough money selling some of her belongings, she’d be in good shape for getting an apartment, maybe even paying Bill and Clarissa a little. She’d felt as if she’d taken advantage of them, but under the circumstances she hadn’t had much choice. Still, she didn’t want to be beholden to them in any way. She would honor Zach’s parents and have as much of a relationship with them as they would allow, but she also needed to cut the ties she could.
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