“I’m sorry, Luc.” Trembling, she whispered, “I should have.”
“I wish you would’ve. I don’t like secrets.”
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
He stared off to the west, where the sun was dropping off the edge of the horizon.
She swallowed hard and tried to imagine what her life would be like if she lost him. A sick feeling overwhelmed her. “I know you’ve always wanted a house full of kids.”
“I’ve always wanted a wife who truly loved me, too.”
“Oh, Luc … I would. I do. I love you.” It wasn’t how she’d wanted to tell him for the first time. But there it was. Another secret revealed.
He studied her as if trying to decide if he could believe anything she said.
“With Zach—oh, Luc, I didn’t know how to love anybody then. Not even myself. I’m different now.”
“I know you are,” he finally said. “I know.” But she didn’t hear the conviction she longed to hear in his voice.
He’d gone home not long after, and she spent an agonizing night begging God not to take him away from her.
But when she got off work the next evening, he was sitting on her stoop again, waiting for her. He held out his arms and she fell into them.
“Thank you for trusting me with your secrets, Jen. I know that wasn’t easy.”
Again, they’d talked late into the night. He’d struggled with the things she’d confessed. He wanted to know she would never keep secrets from him again. “And I won’t lie to you, Jenna. I want babies. And lots of them. But there are other ways to get babies. And I’m willing to trust God on that one.”
Her heart had soared. He was talking about a future with her. And he’d forgiven her. She never should have doubted.
The doorbell pulled her from her reverie. Luke was here. She ran to let him in, her heart hitching the way it always did at the sight of him.
He stood on the rickety porch wearing a grin as wide as the Missouri sky. It took her a minute to register that something was squirming beneath the Daylight Donuts bag in his hand.
She took the bag from him, and a brown puppy with floppy ears wriggled to get free.
“What in the world …?”
Still grinning, Lucas slipped inside and set the pup on the tiled entryway, closing the door behind him. He pushed the dog’s hindquarters to the floor. “Sit, boy. Be nice now. Jen’s not a fan of your kind.”
She tried to look stern but couldn’t pull it off. “What is he?”
“He’s yours,” Luc said, mischief in his eyes.
“Very funny.”
He turned serious. “He’s a chocolate Lab. I bought him from a guy up in Fenton. Just picked him up this morning. He’s my next training project.”
“What’s his name?”
“Smoke.” Lucas looked like a proud papa.
The puppy looked up at her with droopy eyes. “He looks more like a Mud.”
“Hey! Be nice.”
She knelt and gingerly touched the pup’s head.
“He won’t bite,” Lucas said.
For Luc’s sake—and only for his sake—she made a show of stroking the soft mink-colored fur. The little guy was pretty cute—for a dog.
Since his graduation from the program in Tulsa, Luc had been talking with Andrea Morley about putting Sparky to work with her fire investigation agency. He’d also gotten Sparky a gig next week at the school where Garrett Edmonds taught. Luc would be demonstrating Sparky’s accelerant detection skills for the fifth grade class.
The kettle whistled and she jumped up to get it. “You want tea?”
“Sure.” He picked up the pup. “Let me go get his carrier.”
He came back a minute later with the pup in the crate and a rolled up newspaper in hand.
“What’s that? Puppy toilet paper?”
Luc shook his head, but she didn’t get the smile she expected. Instead, he shook out the paper and spread the front page open on the kitchen table.
Jenna brought steaming mugs and set them on the table, curious about the news.
Woman Confesses to Setting Arson Fires, the headline in the Courier read.
“She gave a full confession.”
Her eyes widened. “The woman you found outside the shelter?” That morning seemed like a lifetime ago now.
“I stopped by the station and they said it was in the Springfield papers this morning, too.”
“Did she say why? Was it just to protest the shelter?”
“I suppose you could say that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember the guy who assaulted that sixteen-year-old girl—back at the old shelter?”
“James Friar, right? He was still in jail for that, last I heard.”
He nodded. “This woman is Friar’s mother.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I can’t be sure, but I think I saw her hanging around outside the shelter that night they had to evacuate. They say arsonists like to stick around the scene of the fire to see the chaos they’ve created.”
She shook her head. “But why the fires? What did she hope to accomplish by that?”
“According to the news stories, she has a history of mental illness, so who knows? But apparently she blamed the shelter for her son being arrested. Maybe this was her way of getting revenge.”
Jenna read the story, and her heart went out to the woman. And strangely, to the son, too. A tiny shiver went up her back. There, but for the grace of God …
They shared the newspaper over tea and donuts, listening to the birds chatter in the trees outside the kitchen window. The pup barked sharply from his carrier by the door, and Luc hushed him.
A depressing thought struck her. “Does this dog—does Smoke mean another six weeks away in Oklahoma for you?”
“If he’s worth his salt, it does.” He reached across the table and ruffled her hair as if she were a puppy. “That won’t be for a while. You don’t need to start worrying for a few months yet.”
She rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh. It appeared that, if Lucas was going to be a part of her life, so were dogs. May as well get used to it.
“Besides,” he said. “I have a proposition to make about that. …”
She shot him a wary glance. “What’s that?”
“I was thinking maybe you could go with me this time.” His dark eyes danced. “As my wife.”
She’d thought this might be coming. Lucas had been dropping hints for weeks. But she hadn’t expected the rush of emotions that paralyzed her now. She tried to speak over the fullness in her throat, but nothing came out.
Lucas laughed and struggled to his feet. He came around the table and pulled her up into his arms. “Is that a yes?”
She buried her face in the crispness of his shirt, holding him close. Oh, God. I don’t deserve to be this happy.
After a minute he spoke. “I was thinking we could get you a puppy, too. We could train them together—”
She shook her head against his chest. “Not even funny, Vermontez.”
“Aw, come on … Why not? We could name yours Fire.”
She looked up at him, laughing, hoping to goodness he was only teasing. “Fire? A dog named Fire?”
“Yeah. They’d be best friends. You know … where there’s Smoke, there’s Fire.”
She groaned. “Listen, mister, you may not realize it, but this is the engagement story we’ll be telling our kids for the rest of our lives. You’d better come up with something better than that.”
The twinkle in his eye turned into a look that was pure love. “Just tell ’em about this.” He cradled her head in his hand and kissed her long and sweet.
When they came up for air, she giggled.
He pulled away and looked at her. “What?”
“I might have to stick with the Smoke and Fire story. That was not rated G.”
He grinned. “You tell it however you want, babe. Just be sure the story ends with you saying yes, will you?”<
br />
“Oh! Yes, Luc! Definitely, yes.”
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy …
1 PETER 1:8
Dear Reader,
Note to self: be careful what subjects you choose to write about.
As I begin work on my twentieth novel, it shouldn’t surprise me when my life starts looking an awful lot like the lives of my characters. And yet it seems to catch me by surprise every time.
Although we haven’t had to give up our home (yet), between having a daughter in college and a husband laid off from his job, ours has been a year somewhat like Jenna Morgan’s. As we have struggled through the months, wondering what God has in mind for the next chapter of our lives, we’ve learned a lot about what really matters, about the difference between having material wealth and being rich in friends and family, love, and joy. We’ve decided we’d choose the latter any day. (But I won’t kid you, it’s not been easy letting go of the former!)
The day he got the news of his layoff, my husband took me in his arms and said, “God has taken care of us for thirty-five years. There’s no reason to think He’s going to stop now.” A year-and-a-half later, we can testify to the truth of that statement. God has taught us so much through the pain and fear (okay, terror) and uncertainty of these days. I’m a different—I hope, better—person for the trials He’s put in our lives, and as difficult as it’s been, I wouldn’t go back for all the wealth in the world.
May God bless each of my readers with just enough joy to keep you from discouragement and just enough difficulty to keep you close to Him.
Deborah Raney
July 8, 2010
Reading Group Questions
1. In Forever After, Jenna Morgan had the difficult task of grieving a husband she never really loved. Have you ever faced a similar situation, feeling the need to pretend grief for someone you’re actually relieved is gone? How did you handle the situation? Did you share this truth with anyone? What was their reaction?
2. Lucas Vermontez felt his life was not worth living if he couldn’t get back on the firefighting crew. Have you ever been prevented from holding a job or answering a calling you feel you were created for, but for some reason didn’t qualify for? How did you handle it? Were you ultimately able to do that task, or is it something you continue to be denied? In either circumstance, how did that make you feel?
3. Jenna was essentially kicked out onto the street after an argument with her in-laws. Her pride dictated that she spend the night in her car on a freezing night rather than go to the homeless shelter. Would you make the same decision if you had no place to go? What other options might Jenna have explored? Do you think sleeping in her car was a less humiliating choice than going to the homeless shelter? Why or why not?
4. Clarissa Morgan asked Jenna to leave their home because Jenna had chosen to forgive Bryn for her fault in the fire that killed the Morgan’s son. Do you believe Jenna should have honored their request that she avoid Bryn? Or did Jenna owe her friend loyalty and forgiveness even though it went against the wishes of her in-laws? Is blood thicker than water? Is family more important than friends? How do you decide?
5. Jenna grew up poor, and the things she experienced living in relative poverty colored the way she looked at life. But marrying into wealth also changed her view of the world. What traits do these two extremes produce in Jenna, and how do you think she could find balance between the two? How have your financial circumstances—past and present, poverty or wealth—changed the way you view the world? Have you ever gone from one financial extreme to another in a short period of time? How did that experience change you?
6. Lucas had a strong physical attraction to Jenna—one that existed while Jenna was still married to Luc’s best friend (even though Lucas never acted on that attraction while Zach was still alive). Do you think Lucas should have felt guilty about his growing love for Jenna? Why or why not? Are physical attraction and affection good things on which to base a relationship? Explain your answer.
7. Conflict arose between Lucas and Jenna because he didn’t like her being estranged from her in-laws (his late friend’s parents). Do you believe he was right to be upset with her to the point of pushing her toward reconciliation? Do any of us have a right or responsibility to request that a close family member or friend reconcile with an enemy?
8. Jenna kept secret the fact that she had two miscarriages. When she revealed her secret to Lucas, he was upset not only because she kept this fact from him, but also because he’d always wanted a large family. If you knew someone you were dating could not give you children, would that change your decision to marry him or her? How did you feel about the way Lucas handled it? When you are in a relationship, how do you decide the right time to reveal similar “secrets” to each other?
9. Forever After deals with the two extremes of wealth and poverty. Discuss the pros and cons of each from a spiritual viewpoint. In your own experience, how does wealth keep you from serving God or allow you to serve Him better? How might poverty keep you from serving God or allow you to serve Him better? How does one’s financial status affect his place in society? How is it different in the United States than in countries where a class or caste system is in place?
10. At the end of the book, Lucas and Jenna had seemingly overcome their conflict and were looking forward to a life together. Given the struggles they’d been through individually and together, what do you see as potential problem areas in their eventual marriage? If you are married or seriously dating someone, did/do you recognize possible areas of future conflict in your relationship? How can identifying such issues help you deal with them in the future?
About the Author
DEBORAH RANEY dreamed of writing a book since the summer she read all of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House books and discovered that a little Kansas farm girl could, indeed, grow up to be a writer. After a happy twenty-year detour as a stay-at-home wife and mom, Deb began her writing career. Her first novel, A Vow to Cherish, was awarded a Silver Angel from Excellence in Media and inspired the acclaimed World Wide Pictures film of the same title. Since then, her books have won the RITA Award, the HOLT Medallion, and the National Readers’ Choice Award; she is also a two-time Christy Award finalist. Deb enjoys speaking and teaching at writers’ conferences across the country. She and her husband, Ken Raney, make their home in their native Kansas and love the small-town life that is the setting for many of Deb’s novels. The Raneys enjoy gardening, antiquing, art museums, movies, and traveling to visit four grown children and small grandchildren who live much too far away.
Deborah loves hearing from her readers. To e-mail her or to learn more about her books, please visit www.deborahraney.com or write to Deborah in care of Howard Books, 216 Centerview Dr., Suite 303, Brentwood, TN 37027.
After All
A bonus excerpt from
the third book in
the Hanover Falls series
by Deborah Raney
The last thing she needed was to have to call the police.
Eighteen months later, Friday, May 8
It was after eight o’clock. Almost dark, and the first-shift volunteer still hadn’t shown up. Susan blew out a sigh. She always sent out e-mail reminders to the volunteers at the beginning of each week, but made it a point never to call anyone who didn’t show. They didn’t owe her anything, and it was their own time they were sacrificing. That was just one downside to running a shelter that depended solely on volunteer staff.
“You’re still here?” Charlie Branson rolled his wheelchair out of the men’s sleeping quarters and gave her a look intended to make her feel guilty.
“We’re shorthanded tonight.”
Charlie was technically a resident of the shelter, a disabled Vietnam vet who’d been relocated to a shelter in Springfield after the original Grove Street shelter burned down. But once it was up and running at this new loc
ation, Susan had persuaded Charlie to return to the Falls, offering him room and board in exchange for some light housekeeping duties and an unofficial title of assistant manager. He took the title very seriously, and the other residents respected his authority.
Susan helped Charlie put away supper and snack leftovers. Fortunately, they were under capacity this week, with eleven men and a family of five. Two nightshift workers hadn’t checked in yet, and the rest of the men were either in bed already or in the dayroom watching TV.
Charlie took the dishrag from her and finished wiping off the serving bar. “I’ve got everything under control here. Why don’t you go home.”
“I will in a few minutes. But I think I’ll go catch up on some paperwork,” she said. She could probably trust Charlie to keep things under control until the night shift showed up, but sure as she did that, something would go wrong.
She settled in at her desk, but a minute later, Charlie wheeled into the office holding up a bottle of amber liquid—whiskey, by the looks of the label.
“What on earth …?”
Charlie wore a triumphant smirk. “Found this behind the refrigerator.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Well, it sure ain’t mine.” He looked offended.
“I know that. But you’re sure it’s not just—”
Before she could finish her sentence, Charlie had the lid off the bottle. He waved it under her nose.
“Whew … Okay, okay … It’s the real deal.” Great. Now she had to deal with it. This was the part of the job she hated.
“You know whose it is, of course.”
“I have my suspicions.”
“You’d almost think that SOB wanted to get caught.”
“Charlie—”
“Sorry.” He waved a hand. “Excuse my French. I’m just sayin’.”
“I’ll handle it.” She took in a deep breath and blew it out.
Thankfully, Charlie wheeled out of the office and headed for the dayroom—no doubt to a spot where he could still listen in on the altercation that was sure to ensue.
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