by S. L. Scott
I set the guitar down and crawl over next to him. The cool air chills my legs exposed by the short skirt, but I settle on his lap, his guitar discarded to the side. With his strong, warm arms around me, I lean against his chest. “Tell me about Perseus again.” I know the story of the boy who became a man when he cut of Medusa’s head and fulfilled a destiny predicted long before his birth, but I like hearing him tell the ending.
Derrick’s hand rubs over my thigh, the veins more prominent as he grows bigger and stronger, becoming a man. “Jaymes, my beautiful Andromeda,” he whispers against my neck. “Together we’ll forever live in the heavens.”
I tighten my arms around his neck. “Forever in the heavens together.”
. . . I was naïve enough at seventeen to believe we could be together forever here on Earth. Seventeen feels like a long way from twenty-three these days. So much life has happened I don’t think he’d recognize me now. I barely recognize myself. “Hey Mom?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t get your hopes up, okay? Sometimes we’ve got to let the ones we love the most go so they can live their dreams.”
She doesn’t say anything, but I can feel her sadness through the air between us. Or maybe it’s mine I feel. Either way, hope isn’t a luxury I can have these days. I deal in reality. Always reality. I peek back up at the sky and there they are shining brightly despite the haze of the surrounding lights. Perseus and Andromeda.
Together forever.
But only in the stars.
6
Derrick
The can I toss hits the side of the bucket and bounces onto Kaz’s stone patio. My heels press against the fire pit and I lean back, balancing on the back two legs of the chair. “The stars betrayed the raven night. Two lovers caught in the shining light. Each held a dream to believe. Their love, like their hope, stolen by thieves. Winter now shuddered and spring lay nigh. What was once forever became a dreadful goodbye.”
“We should record that with the band.”
I don’t move anything but my eyes when I swing my gaze to Kaz. “It’s written in a past that pulls me back too often to admit.”
“You used to sing it. One of our more popular songs. We played it every night whether we had a gig or not. It’s when we lived in that first apartment down on Sunset. Remember? The one with the broken air conditioner and no fridge.”
“We lived out of a cooler for drinks and leftovers foraged from the great wild hills of Hollywood.”
Kaz laughs. “How many couches do you think we slept on?”
“Too many to recall.” I look at him. Really look at him. He’s different these days. Still my same friend always looking to the sunny side of life. Talented. So damn good with a guitar, and any instrument you put in front of him. But in the last year he’s had his own form of evolution. He’s changed. He’s at peace with the war he was waging inside. “How’s Lara?” There’s that damn smile again, just from the mention of her name. I roll my eyes, but find myself smiling too. “I want that.”
He tosses his empty beer can and makes it into the bucket, his arms flying up in victory. “What do you want?”
“That feeling.”
Kaz rarely shows all of his cards, but we know each other well enough for him to lay down his weapons. “We don’t have just one shot. The beauty of living is that we get better. Every day is a new start. But nothing is gonna change if you don’t. Toss me another.”
I reach into the cooler, like old times, and toss him a cold one. He takes a long drag before belching operatic style.
“Like I was saying, tomorrow’s a new day. You going to live the same as today?”
My gut twists as disappointment sets in. “I was hoping to see her. Was that an asshole move to show up like that?”
“Not when your mom asked you to. The asshole move was waiting all these years to see her, and then only go because your mother wanted you to.”
After popping the top on another for me, I swig and swallow. I grab my guitar and he grabs his. We start a song we’ve played in front of thousands, but keep it acoustic and just for us tonight. I stop halfway through and add, “The guy I trusted with my life growing up is the same one who stabbed me in the back the second I was out of sight. She’s been with him ever since.”
His hand stills and he turns his baseball cap around, bill backward. “You sure about that?”
“It took a lot to get out of that shithole. I owe him. He won’t forget or let it slide.”
“You owe him what? Your girl? He got her. There. Done deal. What else do you think you owe him that keeps you from getting the life you deserve?”
I’m still not sure I deserve what I have now, or ever will. “Why do I deserve this life, Kaz?”
“Because you worked for it. Your fingers bled for this job. It’s not about being hired players. We’re part of the band. A permanent part. We’re not gonna get fired. We’re contributors. The band is where they are now because of us. Own it. You deserve that recognition. So whatever the fuck those guys back home think you owe them, you don’t owe them shit. But you do owe a lot to yourself.” He shrugs. “Some people are just born into greatness. Others work their asses off for it.”
Jaymes was born with the most perfect voice I’d ever heard. Add in her guitar-playing brilliance, and she was also meant for more than the life she’s living. Choosing to stay for the right reasons killed her chance of getting out. She should be reaping the rewards in a music career. She is that talented. She deserves the recognition. But there was no talking her into leaving . . .
“Come with me, baby. Just pack and leave.”
Her tears cover her lap, her head hanging low. “I can’t. I can’t leave her.”
“I’ll come back for your mom. I promise, but I have to go tonight.”
As if I’ve injected hope straight into her veins, she looks up—bright, but pleading eyes on me. “Okay. Tonight. That means we have a few hours to figure things out. We can go inside and talk to my mom.” She reaches for the truck door to open it, but I stop her.
“No. I don’t have hours.” I take her face between my hands, my anxiety making them shake when I touch her. “You’ve got to listen to me, Jaymes. They’ll come here—”
“Who? Reggie?”
“Yes.”
“Good. He can help us.”
“No. He won’t help us. Please. Just pack—”
Her hands wrap around my wrist. “I need more time. I can’t just leave because you want me to.” The air thins in the cab of the truck, our eyes lock together, until I blink, realizing this is it. The feel of her skin becomes a memory keeping my palms warm as I pull away.
“I love you.”
Tears flood her eyes as her hands still hold tight like a vise around my wrists. “Don’t leave me,” she whispers.
My voice matches hers; so quiet I can’t hear it in my heart. “Please. Come with me.”
“I ca—”
“I’m begging you. Please come with me.”
I once swore I’d never beg anyone for anything again. That sick feeling that settled in the back of my mind at ten telling me I was less, not worthy of even food some days comes back like a bolt of lightning. For her. For Jaymes. For love, I’ll beg. “I’m begging you.”
She sits back and looks away from me, solidifying that emotion in my gut. “I love you.”
I reach for her again, touching her hand and bringing it to my lips. As soon as I kiss her delicate skin, she looks my way. The tears overcome the barrier of her lower lids and fall in streams down her cheeks. “I will always love you.”
“Come back for me. Don’t leave me here forever. Promise you’ll come back for me.”
My heart hurts, so much that I struggle to look beyond the pain. I say the words, although I’m not sure I can back them. Not right now. Not under the circumstances that have driven me to make this rash decision. I understand she can’t leave her mom. I really do. I’m leaving mine too. But I want her with me. Need her with me. But
I won’t force her. I love her too much to do that. “I promise.”
The door opens and I close my eyes. I can’t watch her leave me. She steps out, but looks in. “Derrick?” I loosen my hold on the steering wheel and look her way. The quiver in her tone is heard when she says, “I know I just made you promise, but I changed my mind.”
Confusion sets in quickening like the beat of my heart. “Don’t come back. Not for me. Not for anything. Go do great things and don’t let anyone stand in your way. Not even me.” The door slams closed and she turns and runs inside her house.
She meant every word. There were no tears in her eyes. All I saw was the strong determination of the stubborn girl I love more than life. “Don’t come back. Not even for me.” Oh, Jaymes . . .
But my time’s run out. Reggie’s probably already left my house. He’ll come here next, so I can’t be here when he arrives.
He’ll stay away from Jaymes as long as I stay away.
The only way to protect her is to stay as far away.
Until I can come back for her.
That’s a promise I can keep.
Shifting the truck into drive, I pull away from the curb and head into the heart of LA.
. . . “I didn’t know it was goodbye for good.”
“It doesn’t have to be. You don’t know what’s going on in her life. Maybe you should put some feelers out.”
“My mom knows, but I told her not to tell me.”
“So she won’t? Even if you want to know now?”
Sitting up, I say, “I need Lara.”
Kaz’s head jerks back. “Whoa. Whoa. Slow up there.”
Shaking my head and rolling my eyes, I say, “Not in that way.”
* * *
My mom nudges me. “I don’t need a professional to help me.”
“You’ve talked about having friends and family over for meals and parties. You need a table to do that. You hate shopping, so let Lara help you out.”
“Have you seen the prices? That’s why I hate shopping.”
“Stop worrying about money and let Lara and me worry about that. You just pick out stuff you like. Then you can start hosting your friends over here.”
She stops and turns toward me. “Friends like Nita?”
“Exactly,” I reply with a smirk that gives it all away because she’s onto me.
“Maybe this is a good idea.” She pats me on the arm and walks away. “Lara?”
I sit on the couch and open the photos on my phone. Scrolling back to the first few I ever uploaded to this phone dated back to the night Jaymes and I celebrated four years of dating. On a whim, we drove down to the Hollywood Bowl. Her favorite band was playing and I wanted to surprise her. I didn’t have tickets, but I planned to get us in any way I could. I scored two tickets in the parking lot thirty minutes after it started, but we got them for a discount. I brought binoculars. We needed them, but she loved every minute and sang every song. She danced, her skirt blowing in the wind as her legs swayed to every note of the greatest band in the world’s music. All three original members of The Resistance were on fire that night. That’s when I knew what I had to do.
I’d get us out. I would be the one that took dreams and made it happen. Watching the band on stage, I knew that’s what I wanted to do and nothing would stop me.
I flip to the next photo. Jaymes’s hair was wild that night, a flurry of dark hair flying around in the wind. Pink lips puckered for a kiss that was just blown my way. God, she was so gorgeous. I’m reminded of what Kaz said the other night. Feelers. “Hey Ma?” She and Lara are looking at an iPad on the kitchen counter. They both stop and look my way. “When are you seeing Nita next?” There’s no point pretending. The woman always could see right through me.
“Wednesday. Maybe you can pick me up again? Say a half hour later?”
“That works.” I look back at the phone. Feelers. That’s all it is. Just a quick hi, how are you? Nothing more.
Unless there’s a chance for more and maybe feelers can turn into a conversation. I turn off my phone. My imagination is getting the best of me, but I can’t help feel that I might finally get the chance to keep the most important promise I once made.
7
Jaymes
Three text messages later, it’s confirmed. Diane Masters is at my mom’s house. This wasn’t anything but good news last week. I was simply happy my mother had reconnected with her long-time friend. Diane got out. Derrick fulfilled that promise. He never owed me anything, but when Diane moved it felt like that last remnant of the glue was gone. There would never be any reason left for Derrick to come back.
I didn’t just miss him. I envied him.
He did it.
He chased his dreams. Made them happen. I was both proud he made it and sad that I didn’t. When we were together, I never thought it had to be one or the other. I have no ill will that he found fame, or has made money. It’s quite the opposite. I still care. I still cheer. I still smile if I see him on a billboard or hear him on the radio. He was always confident, so damn confident. The irony from the night we went to the Hollywood Bowl still plays in my mind sometimes . . .
“I’m going to play that stage one day. Just you wait, baby.” His arm wraps around my shoulders and he pulls me to his side, one of my most favorite places to be. His six-foot-one frame towers over my five-foot-three body so I fit snuggly against him. I feel loved. I feel safe. His smile is contagious when he looks down at me. “You and me and the whole wide world will be ours to see. To own. Hollywood won’t know what hit them.”
“You think—”
“I don’t think, Jaymes. I know. That’s gonna be me. And you, my songbird, are going to sing for the world. Every station is going to be playing your songs. Maybe even our songs.”
“You dream big.”
“As big as the universe. What’s the point if any schmuck can do it?”
He’s got a point. I close my eyes and lean my head against him. We sway to a ballad that breaks my heart and heals me again. The lyrics of this song remind me of Derrick’s. There’s a haunting quality that rolls through my soul like a fog creeping out to sea.
. . . A few years later, Derrick Masters joined The Resistance. The announcement spread like wildfire; he was now lead guitarist. The news was received on shaky grounds. Some were thrilled and proud of a local making good. Others, like Reggie, were wound so tight I thought he might go after Derrick just to bring him down again. It took a lot of convincing, calming, and negotiating to keep him from pursuing the vendetta he had, but I did it for Derrick, and for Ace’s safety.
I listened to him complain. A man with a wounded ego is dangerous and nobody hurt him more than being betrayed by Derrick. It’s the only time Reggie ever treated me like a human with feelings. Might have been my face of disgust when he touched me or that he knew deep down what I was really up to—trading myself for Derrick—but either way, mercy was shown. Now I carry the debt Derrick once owed Reggie. I just wish I knew what that debt was.
When I pull up and park, I pack my memories away and look over at the house. My headlights shine on a shiny blue Lincoln. I cut the engine and take a deep breath. That’s not my mom’s car. Diane is driving nice wheels these days. Inside my rusting Corolla, that David gave me a great deal on, I stare into the front window of the house for signs of life. If I thought my hands were shaking before, that was nothing. Even my lip is trembling, so I bite down on it to keep it steady.
Leah picked up Ace from his after-school program and was supposed to drop him off here while I went to night school. But her car is still in the driveway. I was so tempted to ask David if he needed me to come back and work late. “What am I doing?” I whisper, leaning my head against the steering wheel. My stomach has been full of butterflies all day. Over what? He’s probably not even here. She obviously drove herself this time.
I always adored Diane. She was like a second mother to me and that our moms were best friends, it just made our lives so much easier to spend ti
me together. But now, years later, I’m a nervous wreck over seeing her again. I know damn well it’s not just her I’m nervous to see. Taking my gloss from my purse, I swipe over my lips quickly and rub them together. Flipping my visor down, I look in the mirror. I pull my hair from the messy topknot and then twist it back up when I see it looks worse down. “Shoot.” He might not be here, I remind myself.
A knock on the window startles me and I jump a mile, my heart beating right out of my chest. When I look over through the passenger door window, I see Ace. “Oh, thank God.”
“Hi, Mommy.”
My world calms when I look at his face. “Hi, baby.” I get out and walk around the front of the car. “How was your day, buddy?” I ask, just as I catch something out of the corner of my eyes.
On the front porch, leaning against the wood column in all his newfound glory, stands the most breathtaking man I’ve ever seen. As a teenager, I thought he was the best-looking boy I’d ever seen, and based on how I’m struggling to breathe just from looking at him now, I think he still holds the title. But now he’s a man.
Ace is talking about what some kid named Shiloh got in trouble for today at school, but I’m still staring at Derrick Masters.
Derrick Masters.
My very own Perseus, though right now I’m thinking he was more my Achilles heel in the grand scheme of things.
Derrick Masters is standing on my mother’s front porch like he belongs there. A smile that shines like the star he’s become appears and he waves. Not sure if it was the grin on his face or the wave that sends me tripping flat on my face into the grassy lawn, but I’m cursing the curb when I lift up and look right into the dark blue eyes I’ve tried to despise.
“Are you okay?” he asks, trying to help me up. His voice is deep, the timbre the same one that always made my heart beat a little faster. It’s not that thought that runs through my mind. It’s his hands on me, grappling to help me to my feet.