by S. L. Scott
Holli smiles, taking pride in her work. “That’s what I said. That’s definitely the one.”
With her long brown hair off to one side, Rochelle, says, “You look incredible. How do you feel?”
“Incredible.”
They both smile.
At the counter, Rochelle slaps down Derrick’s credit card. “He gave it to me and told me to make sure you spend lots of money.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Because he knew you wouldn’t.” The clerk takes the card, the dress from me, and some lingerie the girls insisted I get for later.
Leaning on the counter, I say, “He knows me well.”
“You’ve got a good heart, Jamie. I can tell from spending time with you and with Ace. I also know a little about your background, Derrick’s shared background. I’m not going to pretend to understand what you’ve gone through, but he says you work hard and are going to school. That’s amazing. So try to enjoy the few days here if you can.”
“Derrick makes it easy.”
“Ace has really taken to him. When Derrick came and got him this morning, he ran right to him. It was like they’ve known each other forever.”
“What time did he pick up Ace?”
The clerk hands the receipt back for me to sign. I catch a glimpse of the total and gasp. “I can’t spend that.”
Rochelle takes the pen and scribbles Derrick’s name. “You’re not. He is,” she replies all sassy. I’m handed the dress, which is left on the hanger and a nice bag with fabric straps. I’ll save it and carry my lunch in it when I return home.
Holli’s already in Christian Louboutin when we leave the dress store. Rochelle says, “Derrick got him around six a.m.”
I stop. “What? Why?”
Eyeing me, she asks, “He didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Well, I’m only telling you. Please know I’m not making any judgments.”
“Okay,” I reply even more worried now.
She goes on to tell me how she found Ace in the closet crying. My heart hurts and I feel sick to my stomach. “I need to sit a minute.”
We sit outside the shoe store. Holli is inside trying on a pair of red-soled shoes, and Rochelle sits with me. “Look, there’s a story there. Obviously,” Rochelle says. “If you need help, I’m here for you and Ace. I’ll help however I can.”
“There’s no helping us. It is what it is.” My son is damaged because of me. “Derrick and I spoke earlier. This is why he offered to help us. He knows some stuff.” Angling her way, I say, “Ace’s father is a very bad man. That’s all I can say.”
Her hand covers mine. “Derrick has been through a lot. I’m sure you might have heard the same about Dex. They’re a lot alike, those two. Not just the past partying, but their hearts are gold and when they love, they love with their entire soul.” She stands, rearranging her shopping bags on her arm. “That man loves you, which means he’ll do anything for you. All you have to do is let him in.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“Not easy, but worth the effort.” Walking toward the store, she turns back when she realizes I’m not with her. “Well, come on. Holli has ten pairs of shoes for you to try on. Let’s complete that outfit.”
Two pairs of beautiful shoes, a designer handbag from another store, and a sparkly clutch later, we are done shopping. I didn’t bother going to the counters. I knew I’d never be able to sign the receipt. Rochelle looks at her watch. “Sound check is almost over. Let’s go sneak a peek.”
We work our way through the maze of back hotel hallways and Rochelle flashes her badge to get backstage. My breath lodges in my throat when we enter through a set of doors and I see the band on stage, when I see Derrick on stage. I watch, mesmerized by what I’m seeing. I’ve seen footage online and videos, interviews and performances on shows, but never in person. I move to sit in a seat hidden in the darkness of the arena.
I’m about to sit down, but Holli says, “We should go say hi. Dalton will figure out I’m here if I don’t. He has a sixth sense.”
Rochelle laughs. “He has a Holli sense.”
The band stops mid-song and Dex stands. “I’m getting water. You guys figure out your riff shit.”
Johnny walks to Derrick and they both start playing. Derrick says, “That’s where I come in and then sing the chorus.”
“That’ll work,” Johnny replies. “One more time.”
They sync up their guitars and go through the part again. Derrick adds, “That’s it.”
“Hey,” Holli says, leaning against the edge of the stage. “Look who I brought with me.”
The three guys look over her head and right at me. Derrick’s expression lights up and I love that a little too much. “Hey, babe,” he says, walking to the front of the stage and kneeling down. “Ace is with Tommy.”
I love that he tries to ease my worries first. “And Tommy is?”
Rochelle says, “I’ll take you back to the dressing room. Dex is back there too.”
Johnny lifts Holli onto the stage and they kiss under the spotlight. I’m such a voyeur, but I can’t stop myself from staring. I’m not sure if it’s relationship goals I’m jealous of or that their lives just seem so much easier and freer than mine. Either way, I want that.
Derrick has set his guitar down and hops off the stage. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Derrick?”
“Yeah?”
I’m overtaken with emotion—I think all that shopping has made me lose my mind. This is not my world and has never been my world. Holli and Rochelle are so lovely, and although I feel bonded with them, I still feel out of my league. This is outside of my norm. I don’t want to embarrass myself, but I especially don’t want to embarrass Derrick. Leaning against him, I whisper, “Do you think I’ll fit in your world?”
“What? Of course, but you don’t need to fit in. You are my world, my love.”
31
Derrick
After we busted Tommy teaching the boys how to play blackjack, we wrapped sound check. Everyone went back to Dex and Rochelle’s, but I stayed and asked Ace and Jaymes to wait a few minutes for me.
On stage, I unplug my electric guitar and bring in my acoustic. Holding it out for Jaymes, I ask, “Will you play for me?”
“For you?” Every reason not to flickers through her eyes, but she pleasantly surprises me when she replies, “Can I play with you?”
“Sure,” I reply, grabbing another acoustic in the rack to the side of the stage.
Ace had been running around, but he stopped and sat on the stage floor. I think he knows how momentous this is.
Jaymes settles on a stool that I was using and I pull Kaz’s over. Facing her, I ask, “What song?”
“Ours.”
“You remember it?”
“How could I forget?”
“That’s my girl. Want me to start?” I ask, watching her adjust the guitar on her lap.
“Yes, you lead.”
Counting off, I tap my foot and start playing. Her part won’t kick in until the second verse, but she looks like a natural sitting across from me, her fingers positioned. The first chords she plays, she nails. Not sure how long it’s been, but it’s like she’s never stopped playing. Her sweet voice sings the melody with me, her eyes on me, but occasionally peeking over at Ace, who’s grinning from ear to ear watching his mom perform.
When the song comes to the end, she strums and holds the note just like she used to sitting in the back of my old pickup truck. Clapping echoes from the audience. We can’t see beyond the spotlight, but Johnny and Holli step back into the light. Johnny says, “Why are we not performing that song on tour?”
“I only perform it with Jaymes.”
Holli is smiling at my girl. “Your voice is amazing,” she says to her.
This time looking to Jaymes, Johnny asks, “Like I said, why aren’t we performing it?”
“Me? Oh I can’t tour. I’m in school and have a full-tim
e job at a dealership. Ace is in school too.”
I don’t step in. She can handle herself just fine, but I see the cogs turning in Johnny’s head. Wrapping his arm around Holli’s shoulders, he adds, “We’ll get Tommy to talk to Rochelle and see if we can work out a few dates. You think you can perform live in front of an audience?”
“I’ve never tried.”
“Think about it and get back to us.”
“I will. Thanks.”
They return to the darkness and this time we hear the double doors slam closed. Jaymes jumps up, and asks, “Did that just happen? For real?”
“It really happened. A few years later than it should have for me,” I say, popping a smirk that I hope makes her a little weak in the knees. “But he liked you right away. He doesn’t give out praise unless he means it.”
A roadie sneaks on stage and signals with his hand that he’ll handle the clean up. I set the guitar back on the rack and hand him the guitar Jaymes played of mine. Ace has run around and is now running down in front of the stage. We’ve got to get some of that energy out. Maybe I’ll take him for ice cream or a few laps around the parking garage. “We should get going. The crew needs to do some stuff that they can’t when we’re in the middle of it.”
We weave our way back to the empty hallways, both of us watching Ace run ahead. “You still have the guitar.”
I take her hand. “I use it in the show this tour.”
“Just surprised me.”
“I guess you were always with me, even when you weren’t.”
She brings my hand up and kisses each of my knuckles. “You know what I’ve learned most being here this weekend?”
“What?”
“You’ve found the family you always wanted.” She’s right. But she’s also wrong. Until I found my Jaymes again, I wasn’t complete. Now? Now I have my family. But only because of her and Ace.
“Not all of it.”
* * *
Jaymes
Looking down, I’m tempted to see that heart on his sleeve that he wears so openly. He used to be more protective of his feelings, not when it came to me, but when it came for anyone else to see. Along with success he found freedom. It’s amazing to see the man he’s become.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier, about what I wanted, how I saw us moving forward.” He’s addicting. Derrick Masters is better and takes me higher than any drug ever could. Not that I ever did them, but I imagine being around him is similar. I want more, another love fix. A second chance at a life we should have had the first time.
“And?” he asks.
“I never want you to think of me as someone who used you for gain.” I watch him carefully, look for his tell that he believes me. His jaw doesn’t tense, his eyes stay soft on mine, so I continue, “You said you don’t trust people when you meet them. I don’t want to be that in your eyes.”
“You can’t because of the simple fact that we have a past that wasn’t easy, but you loved me anyway. You loved me despite my flaws and poor judgment. You loved me for me. It’s the same with you. I don’t have to spend years dating you to know where your heart lies. I know you, Jaymes. I know who you are and where you came from. I know why you fight so hard to give Ace the life that you didn’t get. Let me do that with you.”
“I’ve got to be careful.”
“I know. I respect that, but you can’t keep putting your own life at risk to protect his. If you’re gone, who does he have? Your mom? Can she protect him?”
Ace is standing at the end of the corridor, excited to push through the doors. We stop a few feet back and lower our voices. I ask, “You’re taking on his child when you take me on. Do you understand the magnitude of that? You’ll have new responsibilities to him, as a father figure, Derrick. You’re still young—”
“You were younger,” he snaps back.
“I don’t care how he was conceived, there was never an alternative for me.”
“Why is that?” There’s no judgment in his tone and I don’t blame him for asking. It’s a fair question considering the circumstances and one I’ve asked myself many times, but never answered.
Looking down, the tips of my sneakers between his well worn brown Doc Martens. “I don’t like to think about it because if I do, I betray Ace.”
He brings me in, holding me against him. With a kiss to my head, he then lingers there. “Then don’t answer it. You don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to your life or the decisions you’ve made.”
“Rochelle said something similar.”
“Rochelle’s heart is as big as the ocean.”
“I could say the same about you.”
He chuckles. “Only when it comes to you.” Stepping back, he turns to Ace, and adds, “And this cool kid. Want a ride back to the room?”
“Yes.” Ace comes running into his arms and that’s when I see it.
I’m always seeing the boy and the man, but it’s not about the past and the present when it comes to Derrick. It’s about the future. “Yes.”
With Ace now situated on Derrick’s shoulders, they look my way. Derrick asks, “You want a ride too? That will be later.” His signature smirk and a wink follows. Sexy bastard.
I sock him on the arm. “Ha ha. I meant yes to everything with us.”
“You’ll let me move you out of your mom’s?”
Nodding, I rub where I playfully hit him, enjoying every second of being with him, Ace and Derrick and me, being together like a family. I also find it over the moon sexy that his hard muscle never even flinched. “We’ve got nothing to lose but more time and I don’t want to lose anymore of that with you.”
“Ms. Grenier, you’re going to make me blush. Who’s the charmer now?”
“I am. I learned from the best.” Sending him my own brand of a wink and smirk, I say, “Let’s go. I’ve got stuff to do.”
“Fine. Bossy. Bossy.”
Ace pipes in. “She’s always like that.” We open the doors and enter the hotel. We’re going to have to hurry before his fans spot him, but at least I know Ace is safe sitting atop his shoulders. I may not be on his shoulders, but I’ve never felt safer myself than standing by his side. Looking up, Derrick’s smirk is gone. Focused. He’s ready for anything. He may not claim to like any part of being Rebel but watching him now, I realize that was good training for what he was to become. He learned to become impenetrable.
I’m thinking those star-crossed lovers in the sky really do have a hand in our destiny. Here we are, years later, being the family we were always meant to be.
Without incident, we make it back to the suite. As soon as we come off the elevator we see Rochelle and Holli waiting outside the door. I laugh. I can already tell I’m in for some adventure, most likely, against my will. I whisper to Derrick, “I really like them.”
“That makes me happy.”
Holli has champagne in one hand and three glasses in the other. Rochelle looks guilty and starts speaking really fast, “So we know we promised to leave you alone earlier, but we’ve been having so much fun that we thought we could get ready together.”
“I brought drinks,” Holli adds, holding the goods up.
Derrick sets Ace down and opens the door. Once we’re inside, he says, “I’ve been wanting to spend some time with Ace and we have a few hours before dinner, so why don’t you go with them and we’ll hold down the fort.” Ace looks up at him and smiles. “What do you say, buddy? You want to hang out with me?”
Ace asks, “I thought you were hanging out with Mommy?”
I snort. “Different kind of hanging out, bud.”
He pops his pretend collar and says, “Yeah, I could use some dude time.”
My head jerks in surprise. “Dude time?”
“Derrick taught me dude time and to pretend I had a collar up high.”
Rochelle and Holli are laughing, but Rochelle says, “Sounds about right.”
Holli takes my bags and says, “We’re stealing her. You get her ba
ck for dinner and prepare to die when you see her.”
Ace runs to Derrick and clings to his leg. “I don’t want him to die. Don’t die, Derrick.”
I think it takes us all a second to even realize what happened, but then I see Holli’s expression fall. Heartbroken and worried. “Oh no,” she says, squatting down in front of him. “I didn’t mean he would die. It’s a bad saying. I’m sorry. I just meant he’s going to love seeing your mommy.”
“He doesn’t now?”
I step in and tap her on the shoulder. “It’s okay.” Turning to Ace, I say, “He—”
Derrick’s hand rubs over the top of Ace’s head, and he says, “Your mom is beautiful, Ace. She always looks beautiful. Don’t you think?”
Nodding, he looks up at him, a smile appearing. “My mommy is the most beautiful. Everyone says that.” I smile listening to my sweet boy. Then he adds, “Even the mean man.”
The words punch me in the chest. My heart plummets to the pit of my stomach and for a split second I lose my balance. My arm is grabbed by Derrick and I’m steadied from behind by Holli. “Are you okay, Jamie?”
All I see is the fear in Ace’s eyes. What if something happens to me? Who will protect him? Derrick’s questions come ringing back. Tears fill my eyes and my hand covers my mouth hoping I can hold back the sob. I’m not sure if it’s embarrassment that I have failed to protect him fully in front of Derrick’s friends or that I’m realizing I will never be free from Reggie, but I snap at Ace, “Don’t talk about him. Ever.”
His arms tighten around Derrick’s leg and tears well in his eyes matching mine. The room is quiet, no one daring to speak a word, except Derrick. “Come with me, Ace. I got you a present.” He takes his hand and they walk to the bedroom. Ace peeks back over his shoulder and my heart shatters that I just snapped at him.
I gulp, and look up at the two women standing there in all of the awkwardness I caused. “Cards on the table.”
They repeat, “Cards on the table.”
Holli adds, “Stays between us.”