by Liz Long
“His death must have been terrifying.”
“How he died…I have never heard of such a thing. He could lift weights and defy being crushed but he could not avoid something like being burned alive. His body never had a chance to recover from something that severe. A bus could have hit him without consequence, but how could anyone expect this?”
“Dee, I’m not saying one of us did it, but how could a townie get that close to him? Nobody here trusts strangers. Hell, they barely trust me because I’m new.”
“I am more concerned about the fact that he was burned alive. If someone, for example a townie, wanted him dead, I would think the first thing they would do would be to either shoot him or beat him to death. Neither would work on him, but fire, it is a whole new type of hurt. His skin looked like it tried to resist, but it was too much for someone that is not meant to withstand that kind of firepower. It is like the killer knew Marty’s gift and how to get around it.”
“What if the men from the other night did it? They must still be angry.”
“That seems like the most likely solution. It is the one I believe,” she admitted.
“What if they’re trying to frame us or tear us apart?”
“We know what those guys look like and I described them pretty well to Sheffield. I am unsure what he will do with that information, but I know it will not go to waste. He will look into it…”
She trailed off and my mind went straight to fireballs. That’s something I didn’t think anyone could outlive if you weren’t a Firestarter. I didn’t want to say it aloud, but I did anyways.
“It looks exactly like a giant fireball hit him in the chest and scorched him.”
Delia put the cookies aside and sat up. She gave me a sharp look. “Do not say that to anyone else. Promise me.”
I looked down at my hands. “I know. I hate to even think it. But the evidence is there.”
“Maybe, but you will put yourself in danger if folks here think they are being accused of something this terrible. They will make you pay for such awful accusations on them.”
I nodded.
“Lucy, I cannot bring myself to consider it. It is too awful. There are some jerks here, sure, but nothing like this has ever happened before. Besides, there are only five Firestarters and you are included. What do you think people would say if you accused one of your own?”
“I know. I’d never say it to anyone else. But I’d be surprised if tomorrow morning people weren’t already suggesting it. They know what a fireball looks like and rumors always fly when stuff happens.”
“As long as that rumor is not initiated or continued by you, it does not matter. You need to extract yourself from any of that; be oblivious and do not get baited by anything you hear. I think it was the townies from our fight, but if it was not, then you and I need to keep that to ourselves.”
“I don’t know how we can be expected to sit around and not do anything about it. Marty was important; people are going to want results. How is Sheffield going to handle that?”
Delia got up and shoved the cookies back in her secret stash drawer. “I have no idea. This is not something any of us have experience with; he is very smart, but how he plans to take care of it is beyond me.”
She sat on her bed and faced me again. “But Lucy, if I trust anyone to deal with this, it is Sheffield. I know he has handled certain delicate situations in the past and gotten people out of trouble. He may not share it with the rest of us, but for all we know, he has already put a plan in motion. Marty was family; Sheffield would never let this sit.”
“This is all so awful.”
“I know. I do not know if we have ever had a serious event like this. Deaths and accidents are normal, but we are used to natural ones. Nothing like this.”
I shook my head. “I’ve never been a part of anything this serious. My parents were certainly a shock, but it wasn’t gruesome or tragic the way a murder is; I wonder who else knows.”
Delia bitterly laughed. “Oh, everyone. Word travels fast here. I bet even the animals are talking about it.”
I couldn’t even register her last sentence. My brain was too numb to take anymore. Instead, I collapsed onto my bed and buried my face in my pillow.
Chapter 12
The next day ran as any other. The show must go on, after all. Plenty of accidents and events occurred in every city; this would be considered another one to overcome. However, the air was tense and quieter than I expected. No jokes or loud laughter were to be found anywhere, not even near Clown Alley; people stayed closed together, heads bent in deep conversation, while others focused so intently on the next act or job to perform they ignored the world.
Everyone performed beautifully, but in the midst of costume changes, scurrying to other tents, and slow moments at game booths, I could hear murmurs of curiosity. Those who had missed the events last night were asking everyone for details; those present were happy to provide fodder for the gossip mill. Nobody outgrew spreading rumors even after high school. Good to know.
“Did you hear about Marty?”
“I heard he had terrible gambling debt and the sharks came after him all the way from Baltimore.”
“It looked like he fought with someone before he got set on fire.”
“I saw his body and I’m not entirely convinced it was Marty.”
“Someone said it could be a townie. There was some sort of fight the other night. Keep your eyes peeled for any weird characters.” To which I heard, “Are you joking? We work in a circus, dipshit. This place is nothing but weird characters.”
I was helping get props for the clowns before the final show when Bianca shimmered out of nowhere and scared the shit out of me. She looked panicked and spoke without greeting me. “No one’s started blaming you yet, have they?”
I stopped dead in my tracks to face her. “Say again now?”
“I heard whispers all day that it could be one of the new kids, meaning maybe you or Gabriel. There’s also grumblings it could’ve been a Firestarter, also meaning maybe you. Which means that you’re in the running for big trouble and a lot of accusations,” she replied.
One of the younger clowns paused to listen.
“No one’s said anything to me, but I would hope I wouldn’t be a suspect. I mean, look at me! Marty was three times my size,” I said. “And Jarvis, what may I help you with? If it’s finding your business, it’s certainly not here.”
Jarvis scowled at me, or at least I thought he did underneath all his makeup. He stalked off, but I was sure I caught him muttering something about “angry PMS.”
Bianca kept talking as though nothing happened. “Lucy, I know you can see the problem with that argument.”
She was right. A Firestarter didn’t necessarily need to touch someone to set them on fire. All it took was one fireball and good aim. What was worse, I proved my first night here that I could control fire without even being near it. Excellent. Now it was going to be like high school after I lit that trash can on fire. Times a thousand.
“Well, what good would I get from killing Marty? That’s ridiculous. Besides, I was helping with the show all night,” I argued.
“With plenty of time to sneak away and get back, someone could say. I think you should be prepared if people start asking questions. They’re going to ask your whereabouts, your habits, your temper, everything. This is bad.”
“But Bianca, why would anyone honestly believe that over our fight with those idiots the other night? Surely they’re the killers or at the very least that one old guy,” I said.
Bianca shrugged. “You’re right. I know that. But some people love to fuel the rumors.”
“We don’t have time for this. I appreciate the heads up, but the clowns are out and I need to see who else needs my help for the second half. I know you have stuff to do, too,” I replied. She nodded and disappeared with a pop.
However, as it turned out, no one really wanted help from a potential suspect. With each member I asked to h
elp, I was met with a resounding “No” and left to wander to the next performer.
“I didn’t murder anyone!” I exclaimed after the eighth person denied my help.
“That’s good. Say that louder and often enough and I’m sure everyone will believe you,” said a voice behind me.
I groaned, turning around to see Gabriel leaning against a funnel cake booth, smoking a cigarette with that damn smirk on his face.
“I don’t know what you think is so funny. You’re a suspect too, ya know,” I said, glaring at him.
He shrugged and I could almost feel my head catch on fire. That one small movement really aggravated me. I started to walk towards the campers, but to my annoyance, he stamped out his cigarette and followed me.
“Can you maybe, just once, do something other than shrug? I know you like to show how much you could care less, but it’s really getting old,” I snapped.
“I don’t know what to tell you. You’re in more trouble gossip-wise than I am, since I’m not a Firestarter. I obviously can’t set people on fire whenever I feel like it.”
“Sure you can. Crazy people do it all the time.”
Gabriel laughed, his smile reaching his eyes. He was gorgeous when he smiled. I mentally slapped myself.
“But I definitely didn’t do it. I would never use my gift like that. Why would I kill some guy I barely knew? My parents raised me far better than that,” I replied.
He guffawed. “Your parents raised you better than that? That’s your argument for why you shouldn’t be a suspect in a gruesome circus murder? You better work on that closing speech, Counselor.”
“You know what I mean, but fine, then what’s your argument?”
“I didn’t do it.”
There was that head-on-fire feeling again. Gabriel frustrated me to the brink of no return and it was highly unpleasant.
“I think you better work on your argument. And while we’re being bluntly honest, I think you annoy me possibly more than anyone I’ve ever met, you—you malaka!”
He raised an eyebrow before crossing both arms over his chest and jutting his chin out. “Well, good. You need to get used to not getting what you want.”
“Excuse me?”
“You expect everyone to answer questions honestly, to be given what you want because you work hard, for the world to never skip a beat. You’re naïve. You’ve been lucky in life, but you’re getting a slap of reality,” he said.
I stopped so fast that he bumped into me, and I turned to glare at him. “I’ve been lucky in life? You don’t even know me, what I’ve done or been through; you have no right to say such things when you can’t even bother to ask any questions or get to know me at all.”
“You can’t keep expecting everything to fall in your lap—,” he began, but I cut him off.
“I don’t know where you get that idea in your head, but I never expect that. I work very hard at everything I do; if I succeed, it’s because I did well. If I fail, I didn’t try hard enough. You would know this if you bothered to get to know me. Instead, you lurk in your corners and appear when it’s convenient for you, because you have this idea that you need to be a loner, that no one would accept you. It gets old pretty fast, Gabriel.” Flames licked my wrists in my irritation.
“Okay, first of all, I don’t “lurk.” I observe a lot,” he said, his tone finally sounding annoyed. “And I don’t try to seem intriguing or whatever; I keep to myself.”
“Until you pop out of nowhere to bug the hell out of me, anyways,” I responded. “You act so cool and give me tips on how to run my life, but you can’t handle any criticism. You’re so defensive against anything I say because you’d hate for me to pinpoint any flaws or judge you. So instead of taking anything I say to heart, you make fun of me. I want to change now that I’m here, believe the best in people. If you knew me at all, you’d understand that’s saying something for me.”
“You’re such a hypocrite. You don’t let anyone in. How do I know that? You couldn’t even talk to me when I dragged you back to the van the other night,” he shot back.
“I couldn’t talk to you because I was upset, jackass. Look, I know there are times I’ll be terribly disappointed, but it doesn’t hurt to try it out. It still lets me have friends here, unlike your loner lifestyle.”
“I’m a loner because I choose to be, not because I don’t think anyone would accept me,” he snapped. He started walking towards the campers again and I felt a satisfaction. Finally, I’d hit a nerve. As much as I wanted to crawl into my bed and hide, I followed him. I struggled to keep up with his long strides so he could hear me.
“This isn’t like other troupes. We stick together because we want to, because we need to, not because we feel obligated or trapped. You can leave at any time, but people here choose not to because they know they can belong somewhere. You mock me for saying the word “family” but we take care of one another the way a family does; I need to trust you if you want to stick around, as does everyone else.” Fire had lit up to my elbows in my passionate speech.
“What makes you think you can trust anyone around here?”
“I don’t trust anyone completely yet. But that’s the point of being here—you don’t know until you try. If you want to be a loner, then you shouldn’t be here, because your business will never be your own, nor will you ever have any secrets once someone finds out. Either be a loner and leave, or risk trusting someone and stop being so melodramatic. No one has time for it and if you act that way, of course people are going to write you off,” I said.
He stopped dead in his tracks to face me and I bumped into him. “What do you care, Lucy? You don’t even know me.”
“And you don’t know me. If you knew me, you’d know that I’m terrified to be here. You’d know that I’m not dealing well with what happened the other night. You and I are in this new place together and at first I was happy not to be the only new kid. But you’ve made it abundantly clear you want nothing to do with anyone.”
I couldn’t believe my honesty; I’d never let my emotions run my mouth this way. My skin tingled pleasantly from the burn on my arms. Gabriel opened his mouth to reply but I kept on talking. I was still offended by his attitude about the other night.
“And while we’re at it,” I said, and he rolled his eyes, “I should be able to trust you. You saved my damn life! But instead I feel like I owe you a big favor that I’m going to regret.”
“That’s not true.”
“That I should trust you or that I’m going to owe you a favor?”
He sighed. “You can trust me.”
“You haven’t given me very good evidence for that, Gabriel.”
“It’s not that simple.”
He shifted his feet, looking down at the dirt. I could hear elephants returning to their pen from intermission. The second act would begin soon. Keegan and Nikolas would bring their bikes into the flaming ball. I should have been at the Big Top, helping everyone get ready and yet I didn’t flinch. Perhaps it was my incessant need to win. I wanted him to understand why he couldn’t be so cold. Or maybe it was that no one would let them help me since I was now labeled circus enemy number one.
“You’re right, it’s not. You’re not going to shoot a sexy smile at someone and magically become close friends. That’s not how it works. But you’re also not going to win over any fans by showing up with a snarky comment and judgmental attitude. If you’re not going to make yourself a little more pleasant, you’ll never know.”
Gabriel went quiet for a moment and I wondered if I went too far. Then I felt a calm wash over me and the flames left my arms. I looked down, puzzled. I had no reason to be calm in the middle of my annoyance. I heard Gabriel take a deep breath before I looked back up at him.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times and his face looked pained. But finally:
“Lucy, do you really want to know why I stay away from everyone? Why I avoid any emotion whatsoever?” he asked me. I raised an eyebrow nonchalantly, bu
t inside I burned to know. Finally, some answers.
“I’m an Empath,” he said.
“An Empath? Like you can feel other people’s emotions?” I asked.
“Yeah. As in, whenever anyone feels the slightest bit of emotion, it hits me. I’ve learned over the years how to keep it at bay, but it’s harder with groups of this magnitude. Today’s been especially difficult given the circumstances, so I’m a bit grouchy.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that’s only an issue today.” He rolled his eyes and I continued, “Okay, big deal. That’s not a secret gift no one’s heard about. I’ve known an Empath and she didn’t avoid people the way you do.”
“Was she happy? Did you ever know her to go a day with her own feelings and no one else’s?” he asked.
I thought back to my friend and realized that no, I had never seen her go a day feeling like herself. Never completely happy, there were always someone else’s emotions that enveloped her. She used to hide at the top of the Ferris wheel during breaks to escape for a moment. I had seen Brooklyn getting on the ride earlier that morning and assumed it was a similar type of smoke break.
“No, I guess not,” I admitted.
“Exactly. This isn’t really a gift I wanted,” Gabriel said. “I can’t pretend it doesn’t exist. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.”
“I still don’t understand, though. Did you just calm my temper, actually affect my emotions?” I asked in confusion.
Gabriel nodded. “I don’t really like to use it on people. I abused the ability a lot in the past; I’m not proud of it. People should be able to feel their own emotions, be human, despite the repercussions it may have on me.”
“I think that’s the nicest thing I’ve heard you say,” I responded. “But that doesn’t make you right. Maybe my friend wasn’t happy being around so many emotions. She didn’t act like a total jag, for one. But are you happy avoiding all of them?”
“That’s not really a choice I have, Lucy. I’m forcing myself to stay away, to avoid emotion.”