by Liz Long
“How very thought-provoking of you.”
I rolled my eyes. “So what did you hear?”
“Two things: like I said, this may be inaccurate, but I overheard some of the workers earlier today. They don’t think there’s any way it could be you. Turns out Marty’s been acting squirrelly long before we got here.”
“Did they happen to say how?”
“Jumpy, always keeping an eye over his shoulder. The workers—well, Wilky told another guy that Marty seemed overly concerned about strangers on the grounds outside of show times and especially about accidents on grounds.”
“What kind of accidents?”
“I guess all of ‘em. Said Marty tried to be first on scene to check it out, get anyone help. No one was seriously hurt, though none of the incidents were like your little fire show the other night.”
I ignored that dig. “Why would he do that unless he suspected something bad would happen? That someone could get really hurt?”
Gabriel shrugged, popped a chip into his mouth instead.
“This means he probably knew his killer. That he knew someone might get killed!”
He put a hand up and swallowed. “Hold up there, detective. I think that’s a big assumption to make based on talk of him being a nice guy who helped out with everything. There’s no proof. This is talk that I overheard, I might add, so we’re not even supposed to know this. You can’t repeat this, especially to Sheffield.”
“Why not? This is stuff he needs to know.”
“I really doubt there’s anything that goes on here Sheffield doesn’t already know. Besides, he seemed adamant about none of us searching for Marty’s killer.”
“He did tell me last night something along the lines of not looking for trouble.”
“You’re still poking around and got me undercover after Sheffield specifically asked you not to?” He cocked an eyebrow.
“Like you’ve never broken the rules,” I grumbled. I pushed my paper plate away, cracked my knuckles before crossing my arms.
“Nah.” He grinned at me. “Just surprised you’re breaking them, to be honest.”
“Well, when my reputation and possibly my life are involved, I’ll do whatever I can.”
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch.”
“My panties are just fine,” I responded before I could stop myself. He smirked and I quickly plowed through. “I’m not this giant goody two shoes that you think I am.”
Gabriel pushed his own plate away, lit a cigarette and leaned against the tree behind him. “I sense a monologue of your life story or an argument of some sort. So I’m gonna smoke.”
“You know what, never mind. There was no monologue, but even if there were, I wouldn’t waste my time or energy explaining myself to you. I was only trying to say that I’m not some little angel who refuses to break rules. I haven’t had many opportunities to do so.”
“And here I thought that fight against the townies was your first.”
“Okay, it was.”
“Nooo.” He blew a few smoke rings.
“What would you like me to say?”
“Nothing, geez. You need to lighten up, I’m only teasing you. You know, joking around? You don’t always have to be so defensive.”
“Gabriel, am I going to be in debt to you forever?”
“For what?” He looked down at his cigarette; leafy branches overhead created shadows that masked his face. I couldn’t read his expression.
“You know.” I was tired of his cavalier attitude; I wanted to know how long he planned to hang his life-saving rescue over my head.
“For saving your life? For keeping that guy from stealing your virtue?”
“Oh please, my virtue—” I started in annoyance, but he talked over me.
“I get it. You’re upset you owe someone. You never ask for help and now you feel like I’m gonna milk this until I need something. Am I wrong?”
I chose instead to scowl at the ground.
“Maybe I don’t need anything. Did you ever think that perhaps I could do something nice for others?”
I opened and closed my mouth a couple times. “Do you?”
“Oh, god no, absolutely not! I don’t need anything from you right now,” he said, laughing slightly. “But I had you going there for a minute, didn’t I?”
“You are exactly why I act the way I do!” I gave him a light punch in the leg.
“It’ll be good for you to owe me. ”
“Not sure how you figure,” I muttered.
“I don’t typically condone it myself, but every once in a while it’s okay to ask for help.”
“You ask for help like, what, every six years?”
“Give or take. I guess it’s coming up on that time again.” He gave me a sly smile.
“It depends on the favor you’re asking, you know,” I reminded him. “You can’t guilt me into sleeping with you because you kept my head from being bashed in.”
“First of all, I don’t need to blackmail anyone to sleep with me.” He rolled his eyes. “And second, that’s past even what I would do. I want her to enjoy it, not lie there and sulk.” He said that last part with a very pointed look at my crossed arms and scowl.
“Great, I’m glad we’re clear on that,” I said. “But I didn’t hope you would save my life just so I could have sex with you.”
“Pity.”
“I don’t know why you think you can dole out that advice of asking for help.”
“You’re probably right; I’ve taken advantage of a lot of people. But as a direct result of my sins, I had to sit through a very intense rehab to stand in front of you today.”
“You sat through rehab? Is that a euphemism for something?” I didn’t know if he was trying to fool me again.
“I’m dead serious, actually. I spent a year in rehab controlling my emotions, understanding others’ tantrums and its effects on me, and as you can guess, no longer taking advantage of people. But I had to fall a long way to get there. I hurt many souls.”
I tried to prevent gaping at him. He looked at me and turned his face away from me. “I don’t talk about that very much, so if you could just keep that to yourself, please.”
His story sounded real. Just like the mental ward where Brooklyn’s mother stayed, Rehabilitation was a very serious situation. My father warned me of people who used their gifts to hurt others. I knew lots of stories of those in show business who caused chaos and destruction. Some got power hungry and greedy, which naturally caused accidents, especially with the public. Firestarters had a bad rap, but we weren’t always the worst ones there, either.
I didn’t know what to say. He got quiet and ran a hand through his hair, looking anywhere but at me. I couldn’t believe I actually made him uncomfortable; I’d almost be pleased were it not for the discussion topic.
“Like I said. It’ll be good for you to owe me,” he muttered.
“Well, use it wisely because it’s only good once.”
We both sat there for a moment in awkward silence. I changed the subject.
“So you think Marty had something to be afraid of?”
“Good question.”
I scooted around to lean against the tree. He and I were side by side now. I stretched my legs out and crossed them at the ankles.
“I didn’t really know him,” Gabriel said. “Like I told you, it was small talk. I do know he was a very good friend of Sheffield’s. Sort of like a right hand man—he’d go talk to members for Sheffield or run errands outside the lot.”
He pulled out his cigarettes and offered me one. I hesitated, and then took one. Why the hell not. This whole interaction seemed to validate one. He smiled, surprised, but took one for himself and lit it. He offered me his lighter and I shrugged. I held out my palm to produce a small flame.
“Why bother with lighters when you are one?” I asked.
He chuckled and got comfortable against the tree. I inhaled deeply. In addition to my occasional secret training, I’d
also snuck a smoke or two. I’d missed having my occasional vice. Neither of us spoke, and it was nice for a moment, until:
“You didn’t ask what the second part was of my information. I imagine the two pieces are closely related,” he said.
“I got a little distracted. What’s the second part?”
“Marty isn’t the first gifted to be taken and killed.”
“What? Who else? Who took them?”
He shrugged. “There are always rumors. They’re saying Marty was taken from the grounds somehow, the first one of our group. The ones before that disappeared were in different areas, with other groups or living on their own.”
“Do you think Sheffield knows? Or that he can protect us from whoever it is?” I couldn’t begin to imagine who would have enough power to take gifted for their own cruel amusement.
“Yes, I think Sheffield knows much more than he lets on. Actually, I’ve wondered, how long have you known him?” Gabriel asked.
“Pretty much my whole life. He and my dad were always close, though I was only a kid so I didn’t really hang out much with them. When my dad retired, Sheffield would visit maybe once a year. Dad would go to him instead to consult and train the other Firestarters. Of course, I hadn’t seen him after Dad’s funeral up until I came here.”
“Hunh. Did your dad train Nikolas or Keegan?”
“I did ask them that my first night here.” I inhaled another breath of nicotine. “They said they had barely even met him though, much less trained with him. That was kinda strange.”
“What do you know about Sheffield?”
“Why do you ask?”
He sighed. “C’mon, tell me.”
“I don’t know. He’s probably in his late fifties by now, but he sure looks good for his age. My dad always spoke highly of him and how good he was with other gifted. He thought Sheffield was really smart to be able to run this place so well. I think Sheffield was his best friend.”
“But your dad never said anything about Sheffield’s gift?”
“No. It was weird—once I asked Dad if Sheffield was gifted and he got this look on his face. He said that Sheffield had a gift, but it wasn’t his secret to tell. Then he suddenly had something to do and wandered off. The other night when I asked Delia, she said no one here knows, either. I never thought about it much before, but it’s strange, right?”
Gabriel grunted and got a faraway look on his face. For a moment, I wasn’t sure he was even on this planet.
“Tell me what information you’re looking for,” I said.
“I don’t know much of anything, honest,” he admitted. “I wanted to see if you’d tell me anything that would make sense or give me insight, whatever.”
“Make sense out of what?”
“Like you said, no one knows what his gift is and I don’t think he’s human. You just confirmed it—even though your dad didn’t say what it was, he probably wouldn’t lie to you about Sheffield being gifted, at least. But isn’t that weird—he’s run this show for so long and yet no one else could confirm that he’s gifted? I think that’s bizarre. Mostly, I think he’s like circus mafia.”
I carefully blew a smoke circle that looked like a wrinkly half moon; I was never very good at those. I laughed; surely he was joking? But when I looked up at Gabriel, I saw he was serious.
“What the hell is circus mafia?”
“It’s not a real thing. It’s my nickname for it,” he said. He exhaled one last breath of smoke before stumping his cigarette on the tree root. I took another drag off mine.
“Lucy, you know there are people out there who aren’t as kind as you when it comes to their gift. Some of us are cruel just because we can be.” He paused and I didn’t miss his own inclusion. I kept my poker face and looked at him. Where was this headed?
“So what, you think Sheffield is a bad guy?” I asked.
“I know he’s had this show for a long time. I don’t know what he did before this, but other circuses know him well enough to stay away. No other ringmasters come near the state when we’re in a town and I think it’s because they don’t want to mess with him or make Sheffield feel threatened. His having a little pack of devoted followers is a little suspicious, too. Very much like a Godfather scenario,” Gabriel surmised.
I furrowed my brow. “I’m not sure I follow. Are you saying that Sheffield is violent towards other people?”
“I honestly don’t know. I’ve heard some things—“
“What things?”
“A few years ago, I met up with this really cute chick from another troupe. I mentioned being with Donovan Circus and she got this weird look on her face and changed the subject. I got curious, so I read her emotions and she was downright scared. She was nervous around me the rest of the night.”
“Maybe she was scared of STD’s.” I smirked.
“She left shortly afterwards, so I didn’t even get to sleep with her, genius.”
“Mm, shame. I’m sure she missed out.”
“Hell yeah, she did. Anyways, that’s not the first or last time I’ve seen that reaction when Sheffield’s mentioned. Some people outside of this circus are scared of him. The most frustrating part is that no one really ever says why.”
“That’s lame. The big secret probably isn’t even that good anymore after all this drama trying to find out what it is,” I said.
“It’s rare that gossip doesn’t revolve around a person like Sheffield. I can’t find anyone who will tell me about it. It’s like they’re not supposed to talk about it.”
“Just because some people outside of this place are scared of him doesn’t make him a bad guy, though. He had to get to the top somehow, which means he probably did have to defend himself a little. Everyone here seems to really respect him.”
“Oh, no doubt. The man’s like a god around here—they trust him without question. What he says goes and that’s fine, but it’s still creepy how no one seems to mind that he’s so secretive. I mean, it’s a little cult-like, don’t you think?”
I put out my cigarette. “I don’t know about cult-like. Sheffield’s the leader of this place, not only as a ringmaster, but also as an owner. He’s the boss, after all. People look to him for guidance for everything because he gives them their paycheck. Without him, there wouldn’t be a show. If something happened to him tomorrow, everyone would be split up going to different groups; most everyone here has been together for a really long time. It’s his family and if he has to get a little mean defending it to outsiders, I can’t say I blame him.”
“You want to see the bright side in everyone.”
“No, I’m logical. Most people here don’t have many other places to go. They don’t want to walk away. It’s not easy to lose your family.” To my horror, my voice cracked on that last part. I glared at my hands, hoping he didn’t catch the emotion.
For a second, I thought Gabriel would ignore it. I felt his eyes on me and I didn’t lift my head. I didn’t want or need his sympathy. I jabbed my cigarette butt into the dirt.
“I guess I better get going; we need to get ready for tonight,” I said.
“You know, if you ever want to talk about anything, I’m available.”
I looked up at him and saw the seriousness on his face. “I’m fine, it was just a tickle in my throat.”
“Right.”
“Thanks, but really, I’m fine. I can’t go around crying my eyes out every time I think about my parents. I’d spontaneously combust every twenty minutes. I didn’t mean to lose it in front of you.”
“That’s you losing it? Oh, c’mon. There’s no way you’re less emotional than I am. I’m the king of emotionless; you ought to have figured that out by now.” He tossed a piece of grass at me and I looked up to see him smiling.
“I’m emotional, sure, but I’m pretty well-trained never to let it show.”
“I’ll say. One day you’re going to explode fireworks on someone.”
“Then quit pushing my buttons so it won’t be you.�
� I tossed a piece of grass back at him.
He chuckled and got up. I followed suit and we threw our trash away in the nearby bin. We went back into the crowd of people prepping for the evening.
“For what it’s worth, you’re a very difficult person to read and I don’t say that as an Empath,” he said.
“Am I supposed to thank you for that backhanded compliment?”
“I just mean that while you store up more emotion than is probably healthy—”
“—says the Empath who avoids all feeling—”
“You’ve done a fine job of locking it up to protect those around you,” he finished as though I hadn’t spoken. “You’ll do what it takes to avoid using your gift to hurt others and that’s pretty commendable. Some of us don’t always take the high road or care so much.”
He put a hand on my arm and while I barely glanced down, I tried to ignore the tingly feeling I had at his touch. What the hell was wrong with me? He squeezed a bit and dropped his hand to his side, wiggling his fingers.
“Did you just sizzle me?” he asked with a cocked eyebrow.
“If I did, I certainly didn’t mean to.”
“Hm…must be that you get all hot and bothered for me.” Gabriel grinned at me as I rolled my eyes. I stuck my tongue out at him and he gave me a little wave as he backed away. “Later, Firestarter.”
Chapter 17
Later that afternoon, I walked around the grounds. I tried to offer my help, but everywhere I looked, people gave me dirty looks. I went back to my camper to change, grateful I could hide for a little while with a good excuse. I hadn’t been inside for more than five minutes when a knock on the door made me freeze.
I opened the door and found Keegan, to my happy surprise. I gave him a big smile.
“Hi. What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you. I hoped you were around, kinda figured what with everything going on you might want to hang out away from everyone.”
I nodded. “Absolutely. I’m very glad to see you.”
“Me too. Want some company then?”
“Sure, but is this not typically when you need to get ready for the show?”
“We’ve kinda got our routine down pat. Nikolas and I usually spend this time playing video games.” He pulled out a small bouquet of wildflowers that nearly knocked my socks off with giddiness. “I’d rather spend it with you right now, if that’s okay.”