by Jen Pretty
Once I finished eating, I put out the fire and packed up my things. I turned away from the river bank and fought the underbrush to get through to the forest. The trees within were giant and beautiful with the sun sparkling through the canopy, never quite reaching the forest floor.
“How about Dillon?” I asked as we walked along. “Dillon Duck sounds cute.” The harsh quack was a definite ‘nope.’
The pull I felt got stronger, and I was marching now, trying to get to wherever I had to be. The force of the pull was so strong. Tears welled in my eyes and fell to the forest floor. The duck flew ahead of me into a clearing where I could see people standing around in a campsite with rows of tents. I stopped at the edge of the forest and fell to the ground, my heart pounding in my chest. When the duck flapped noisily into their camp, they all stopped and spun to look at him.
“Daisy!” someone shouted. What a strange name for a male duck. I wasn’t sure how I knew he was male, but for some reason I was sure he was not a female duck.
“Is she here?” someone called as they walked out of a tent. The man was slight and pretty. He had floppy hair and a gentle way about him. I wanted to go to him right away, but giant men surrounded him. They had swords strapped to their backs and looked like hardened warriors or gladiators. My eye kept pulling back to the young man, though. He seemed safe. Like a home I couldn’t remember. Why couldn’t I remember? What had happened? Was it all just my imagination?
“Lex!” he called, but the warrior beside him took his arm gently and kept him where he was. He didn’t seem like a prisoner though. He accepted the larger man’s hold and scanned the tree line. It wrenched my stomach to turn and tiptoe back into the forest. I didn’t go far, as the pull was still so strong that it hurt to try and walk away. Once I was a safe distance, I found a tree and slid down the rough bark to sit beneath it.
A soft quack alerted me to the return of the duck.
“So, your name is Daisy,” I said as he curled up in my lap. “Who gave you such a silly name?” He booped my chin with his beak. “Alright, it’s a fine name. A very dignified name,” I laughed. He quacked indignantly but stayed curled up in my lap and dozed off. I wasn’t tired, but I stayed sitting there with Daisy the duck, petting his downy feathers and relaxing in the cool shade of the forest.
My mind wandered back through the things I knew. Trying to organize the small scraps of information. It was no use. I didn’t know anything.
When Daisy woke a while later he stood up and fluffed his feathers. He stretched one wing and one leg out together, balancing precariously on the other webbed foot, then switched and stretched the other side. He made a small grunt noise stretching his neck up while pointing his beak towards the ground and then looked at me expectantly, wagging his little feathered tail.
“What?” I asked him as if he could reply.
He walked towards the camping men, then looked back at me. I stood up but didn’t move forward.
“Are you sure they’re ok? They look dangerous.” I wasn’t sure why I was having a conversation with a duck, but he seemed to understand me, and I felt so alone.
He quacked and waddled farther. I followed behind him, just to the edge of the forest again. When I stopped and didn’t continue to follow him, he took flight and landed in the camp. He quacked at a tent, and a man came out. It was hard to see him from where I stood, but I swore his eyes shone red like a demon. Daisy waddled to his feet, and he squatted down and patted Daisy affectionately, speaking softly to the duck. I couldn’t hear him, but, despite his eyes, his actions weren’t that of a demon at all. Would a demon whisper to a duck and stroke his feathers?
“You can come back, Lex,” the possible demon called towards where I hid. I decided I must be Lex. Something about the name felt familiar.
The warriors started coming out of their tents, and there were so many of them, I backed into the forest again.
“Please, Lex?” The demon sounded almost desperate, but how could I trust anything when I was unsure of everything? I had no starting point. I had wasted the afternoon trying to put a single piece in place, but not one-piece fit.
I watched for a while as Daisy wandered through the camp, collecting snacks and treats from the people. The floppy-haired man sat on a log, chewing his nails and staring at the forest. After a few hours, I was sure the pull I felt was coming from him. My feet itched to cross the space to him. He was an anchor and I was moored. My eyes burned, and my body trembled, but my mind still raced with uncertainty.
I watched for more hours. The men walked about, tending the fire, talking, until eventually, my eyes were getting heavy, and the sun was falling below the tops of the trees.
Backing into the forest was even harder this time. I stayed closer to the camp when I curled up beside a tall tree and fell asleep.
✽✽✽
It was foggy but not as bad as the last time I was here. Through the gloom, I could make out tall tree trunks. They were as wide as a house and disappeared into the mist above me.
“Are you here, Lex?” a man’s voice called.
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “Who are you?”
“You know me, Lex. We are family. Do you remember?”
“No.”
“Do you remember anything?” As he came through the fog, I recognized him as the slight man from the camp. My anchor. The thought fell into my mind like a brick through a sheet of glass.
“No.” A tear escaped. I wanted to know him and trust him. My heart burned with loneliness.
“That’s ok. You can come, and we will help you. You don’t have to be alone,” he said, walking close enough to embrace me, but not reaching out. Like I was a flighty foal. That was how I felt. Wobbly and wary.
“There are too many giants. I can’t leave the forest.”
He smiled sadly. “They are yours to command, Lex. They are your warriors and will fight and die for you.”
“Why?”
“Because you are their Queen.”
✽✽✽
When I woke the next morning, I walked to the edge of the clearing with Daisy. I wanted to cross into the morning sunshine. It was just a couple steps away. Those steps seemed like miles though as my heart beat in my chest. I lifted a foot to step over a branch that lay in front of me, like the line between safety and danger. Daisy waited for me to make up my mind, but, finally trusting my dream and my anchor to guide me, I took that step and continued, one foot in front of the other into the clearing. The sun was as warm as I expected, greeting me like a set of arms and a tender embrace.
The flappy, noisy duck announced my approach, and the monstrous men all came out of their tents and fell to a knee, bowing their heads as I passed. The whole forest fell into silence, even the birds hushing to observe the moment.
My anchor was straight ahead, and I walked till I fell into his arms, trusting him to catch me. I may not know who I am or what my dream meant, but I was done running.
It was time to find Lex.
CHAPTER THREE
"Thank you," he whispered. I wasn’t sure why he was thanking me, but finally, the pull towards him relaxed. Not that I could get closer. We were nearly occupying the same space.
When I looked up at him, he had tears in his eyes, too. My face was wet, and my nose ran. Daisy danced around us, quacking happily and flapping his wings. I supposed his objective had been to get me here since he seemed to be trying to lure me into the camp several times.
“Do you remember, Lex?” one of the warriors asked. I felt a pull to him as well, but not as strong as to the slender man.
“I don’t know anything, but everyone keeps calling me Lex, so I assume that’s my name.”
He smiled and nodded. “My name is Armond. You have known me for several weeks, which I know doesn’t sound like long, but I promise we are friends. You saved my life.”
Hmm, it seemed unlikely that I saved his life. He was huge, well over six feet and looked like an experienced fighter with those swords
on his back.
“This is your cousin, Luke.” He indicated my anchor. “He came here to help you.”
“Where is here? I saw giant wolves in a village.” I was still wary of all the gladiator types, but this man, Armond, was starting to feel safe.
“That’s a story for another day. Let’s stick with trying to remember people for a minute.”
That seemed pretty bossy. I let him have his way but the look of shock that morphed to concern on his face when I did, suggested that it wasn’t the response he was expecting.
When I turned to look at the other people in the camp, the demon caught my eye. His eyes flashed bright red then simmered down to a dull red colour. I tensed, my heart pounded in my chest. I took a step back. He was fiercer up close. Otherworldly. I wondered if he had coloured contacts. There was no such thing as demons. He looked at me with a frown, then turned and went into a tent.
“He will be ok, Lex,” Armond said.
“Who is he? Why does he have red eyes?”
“His name is Roman, you and he are, uhm, friends.”
“Do I have many friends? This could take all day.” I noticed he didn’t answer my question about the man’s eyes; maybe it was an injury.
Armond smiled and shook his head. Something twanged inside me. Like déjà vu.
“Of course, you have met Daisy. Your pet duck.”
“My pet duck? Who named him Daisy?” I laughed.
Armond laughed too “You did.”
Man, I was weird. Poor duck.
“Does any of this ring a bell?” He asked.
“I don’t know. Now and then I feel like something reminds me of something else, but I can’t put my finger on it. I remember being trapped and running, but nothing before that.”
“Ok, let’s go sit down by the fire, and I’ll tell you a story about yourself.”
Armond detailed the story of how I found out I was Fae when Victor saved my life and took me to Homeland. When Luke came out, he explained about him and Evan teaching me to use my magic. Armond jumped back in to tell me of the cruel way he helped me finally use magic. Everyone was laughing, but it didn’t sound funny to me. My head was full of stories, but that was all they were. Stories.
It was dinner time, so we ate and talked, and I relaxed in their presence. The red-eyed man, Roman, came and got some food, but didn’t speak to me. I felt like I should apologize to him as if I had hurt him, but I couldn’t remember how or when.
When he left, I asked Armond, “Did I do something to him?”
He wrapped an arm over my shoulders and said “No, he blames himself for what happened to you. He has been beating himself up for the last four days. He pulled you from the bottom of a lake, thinking you were dead. Nobody knows how you got there, or what happened.
“I drowned? That’s how I lost my memories? He saved me?”
“Yeah, that’s what we are thinking. He and Puck followed you for a long time after you came back to life, but the closer they got, the harder you ran, so they stopped and let Daisy trail you.”
I owed him more than an apology; I owed him my life. I felt my brain shut down and strong arms picked me up as my half-empty plate hit the grass at my feet. Armond carried me to a tent and lay me down on a soft layer of blankets. Daisy curled in beside me, and Armond covered us both with a blanket.
Daisy’s quiet snoring was strangely comforting. I knew that was a memory. It had to be. My body recognized Daisy even if my mind didn’t. I fell asleep thankful for having one certain thing. It was a strange thing to be sure about, though.
✽✽✽
I woke in the middle of the night. The moon was defined even through the canvas ceiling of the tent. I shifted Daisy to the side and slid out of the covers. Daisy grumbled a bit but went back to sleep. I crept out of the tent. Everything was silent. Even the birds who always seemed to follow me slept. I walked towards the campfire that was dying out but still glowed, giving off enough light that I noticed a figure sitting on the far side. I couldn’t make out his features through the smoke until he looked up and his eyes flashed red. Roman. My friend according to Armond.
He sat still as a stone as I approached.
“Hello,” I said as I took a seat on a stump to his left. Not directly beside him because I felt like he didn’t want me too close. He didn’t reply, just sat silently observing me. “I’m sorry,” I said self-consciously.
He snorted, “What do you possibly have to be sorry for?” His voice sounded hard, and I looked away from him because the pain in his eyes matched my own and threatened to bring tears to my eyes.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “But I feel like I did something to you.”
“You died!” he cried and jumped to his feet. I flinched back from his outburst, but he didn’t come any closer. He was towering over me, his slim frame still intimidating. “You were dead. I had lost you.”
When I looked up his crimson eyes glowed, his rows of sharp teeth flashed in the darkness and I flinched again nearly falling off my stump. His emotions were too intense. His reaction too strong. I knew then, not from memory, but from his response to me, we were more than friends. Right now, he looked like the demon I thought he was the first time I laid eyes on him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered again as he spun on his heel and disappeared. It was dark, but I was sure he just vanished. People can’t do that. People don’t have pointed teeth and their eyes don’t glow.
I had a feeling that there was a lot more Luke and Armond needed to explain to me.
When Roman didn’t return, I stumbled back to my tent and tucked in beside Daisy. I knew tomorrow would bring new information that would require a clear head.
I woke to the smell of coffee. I recognized the smell and that I loved it immediately. I laughed with relief. I knew two things. I slept with that duck curled up with me and I loved coffee. I woke Daisy with a poke. He quacked and bit my finger, and I just laughed harder. I kicked the blankets off and flew out of the tent but tripped over a man sleeping in the grass just outside the tent flap.
“Shit!” I yelled as I tumbled to the ground. My face bounced off the dirt, and I ate a bit of grass in the process.
I pushed myself up and looked over my shoulder as I wiped my tongue on my shirt sleeve and swore I saw a freaking unicorn. I blinked, and it was just a man. A super smug looking man who screamed trouble with a capital T.
I rubbed my new split lip that was already swelling and smeared a drop of blood across my face. I grimaced at the copper penny taste on my tongue. Ugh.
“Why are you laying in front of my tent?” I grumbled.
Roman appeared between the man and me.
“Shit!” I said again, but under my breath this time, as the shock of his appearance hit me. Roman was standing there in his boxers. He might be a demon, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t look.
Roman spun away from me and stomped up to the man who had been squatting on my stoop -- if you can call the grass in front of a tent a stoop.
“What’s the matter with you, Puck?” Roman yelled.
The smug man, Puck, just lifted a shoulder, “Just protecting your queen,” he said before he turned and strolled away, whistling a tune.
Queen. Everyone kept calling me that, but I didn’t feel like a queen. I felt out of place, like a fraud.
Roman stomped after him, leaving me to rub more dirt off my face and aim myself in the direction of the coffee smell. Coffee would fix it.
I found the coffee in the open area beside the fire pit. There were a whole group of warriors around the fire eating and talking until they saw me, then they stopped talking and fell to a knee again bowing their heads. This queen thing was not for me.
“Let’s not do that, ok?” I suggested to the men who sat up and picked up their plates cautiously. They were still eyeing me.
I walked up to a small makeshift table, and there was the black gold I had been looking for. I poured a cup and added a bit of honey as I didn’t see any sugar. My
first sip wasn’t quite as good as I thought it would be. It tasted bitter, not quite right.
Armond walked up and laughed at the expression on my face. “It’s not quite as good as home, is it?”
“I don’t know; I was expecting something else. I thought I remembered coffee.” I replied taking another sip to try and confirm this didn’t taste like it should.
“No, you’re right, this isn’t quite as good. I’m glad you’ve remembered something though,” he rubbed my arm as he walked by and poured himself a cup.
We sipped our coffee type drink while the sun rose above the trees and the rest of the men finished eating their breakfast. Armond produced a cookie from a glass jar and handed it to me.
“I think I remembered these cookies first. There were some in the bag. Did you leave that for me?”
“Yeah, I brought the cookies with me when the hunters and I left the house. Your favourite kitchen lady makes them and, when she found out I was leaving to come here, she sent me with a couple dozen of them. I think she misses you.”
“These men are called hunters?” I asked indicating the last of them as they retreated to the forest.
“Yes, they are your hunters. Lex, why don’t we sit down?”
“Ok, I should probably hear this whole tale. Maybe it will jog something else loose.”
So, Armond and I sat, and he told me more stories. A story of Fae hunters and Vampires and Shape Shifters and Witches. He told me about the elders who helped me and the Vampire master, the one who tried to break me. The story was long and complicated, but I drank coffee and absorbed the information. It didn’t feel as wild as I thought it should. Like part of me already knew what he was saying was true, before he had said it at all.