“You sound happy there.”
“I am.” Beyond happy. Content. Especially as I sit in his house. Alone. And it feels more like a home than my own. But when X isn’t near, I let the fear creep back into my heart. The panic that he’ll push me away again. That I’ll never be good enough for him. No matter what he says or does, when he is out of my sight, when his arms aren’t around me to center the doubts, that fear comes back.
I can see her now, giving me “the mom” look she offers so freely when I’m doing something she doesn’t agree with. Over the course of her employment, I’ve gotten it plenty. “That should answer your question then.”
“It’s not that easy.” It’s never that easy. “I have obligations to people, on top of contracts that if I break it will cost me a shit ton of money.”
“Yes, but those obligations can either be changed, canceled, or shortened to stay there…and, Naomi, you have plenty of money, even if you have to pay. Please remember that. You can be happy. Even if it’s there—it’s okay.”
I do have money, lots. But it’s so much bigger than the money.
Bigger than her.
Bigger than the obligations.
It’s the biggest decision.
The ramifications could do far more than hinder my bank account.
My heart is at stake.
“Anyway, I’m done playing the grownup in this conversation.” Her tone turns playful. “When do I get to actually know who the mystery man is? Because let me tell you, I’m dying, I mean dying, to know who finally got to slide into home base.”
“He’s not a mystery.”
Her little huff on her side of the line doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Okay, maybe he is a little. But to answer your question, I guess I can tell you now…that is if you want to know.”
“Yes, yes. Yes!”
“Xavier Scott.”
One.
Two.
Three.
Freak out.
Squeal.
“You mean… When I told you… Hold on. Did I ruin…? I mean…”
“Tara.”
“Yes?”
“Take a second and think. Then ask your question.”
If I didn’t know Tara so well, the silence she’s giving off as she collects herself would indicate the line went dead.
“I’m ready. The guy from Twisted Tyme? The one who wrote the song for Dylan, the one you sang?”
“One and the same.”
“Holy shit. No wonder you were pissed.”
“That would be the reason.”
One of them at least.
“Good one at that. Did he make it better?”
“He did.”
The thump of the door closing, then the creak of the hardwoods under feet, calls my attention. I glance up, and there he stands. Just the sight of him sweaty from working out with Reed does something to me. I stare at the way every muscle flexes as he moves closer to me, totally forgetting about Tara on the phone as lips seal to my skin, trailing a line of kisses down my neck. Not caring one bit that he’s drenched, I melt in his arms. This is why his place feels like mine.
Because it’s him.
Ours. Us.
“Hello! Earth to Naomi.”
I shake my head and X laughs roughly against my cheek as Tara huffs on her end.
“He’s there, isn’t he?”
“Yep.” It’s the only thing I can say. When Xavier is around, he will always get my attention.
Always.
“Oh my God, please tell me you aren’t having sex with me on the phone. I would be scarred for life if I heard that. Please, Naomi. That crosses the line with me.”
“No, but I will if you don’t get off the phone with her—now,” X hollers through to her.
“Is that him? Dear Lord, no wonder you sound so damn happy. That voice even does something to me, and you know musicians aren’t my thing. But I would make an exception for him. Does he sing to you? Please tell me he does. That would be so romantic. Please tell me he has friends who sound like him.”
Xavier pulls the phone from my ear, hanging up on Tara before I can answer.
“Now that wasn’t very nice,” I say, trying my best to keep my lips from pulling into a smile.
“It wasn’t.”
“You don’t care?”
“Nope, not in the slightest. I’ve been waiting for the right time to show you something for so damn long and wasn’t going to ‘til it was perfect. Now it is, so now I can show you.”
I felt my face fall.
“You thought we were going to have sex, didn’t you?” X’s lips twitch slightly at the corners.
Little shit.
“A girl can hope.” And boy, do I.
“Maybe if you’re good, you can have some before I pick Charlie up from school. But only if you’re good.”
“Now, that sounds like a plan.”
“I’m going to hit the shower. You stay here and work on the songs for your show.”
I pout.
“I told you to be good. I’ll be back before you know it, then you will hear about what I’m dying to show you.” He drops a kiss on the tip of my nose with my bottom lip still stuck out.
Xavier could give me everything, every day—every second—and it would never be enough.
Xavier laces his fingers with mine and leads me down the stairs to his studio.
When we cross over the threshold, I’m hit by the very same smell that was here before. Glancing around, I see that nothing has changed since I was here last. Same records in frames, same sofa against the wall, same everything.
“Sit.”
“Ruff.” The rise of a laugh almost breaks past my lips.
“Did you just bark?”
“Seemed fitting since you told me to sit like I was one.”
X rolls his eyes and offers a chaste kiss before crossing into the sound booth.
Pressing the button so he can hear me, I ask, “Are you going to sing to me?” I shouldn’t be on the verge of tears, but here I am, in the same worn-out office chair he had last time I was here. Knowing he’s giving me something he didn’t before, a part of him he hid away from everyone because it seemed too rough and open to let others in, means everything to me.
“It’s your lucky day. I happen to be doing just that. And only for you. I’ve been working on this song for a while but could never get it right ‘til last night, and everything just fit. Like a blend of pure fucking genius.”
I swallowed my feelings at his statement. He is everything.
He sits down at the stool and lifts his guitar to his lap. Before I can process anything, the melody floats through the air, his voice breaking it up.
When it comes to us, my heart breaks every time you leave.
When the world becomes dark, you become my light.
You who brings me back in the arms of home.
You who pulls me when the others push.
Every time I close my eyes, it’s the future together I dream of.
Our time together won’t end.
You are my center. Yours is the world I want. My center. My heart. My dream.
The last string on the guitar still moves through the air while tears roll down my face, and I run into the sound room. “Xavier,” I choke out.
He takes my cheeks between his hands, his eyes staring into mine. “I didn’t want you to cry. I never want to make you cry again.”
I clasp my fingers over his, a smile forming. “These are happy tears.”
Happy, whole, waiting tears. It’s not the things he can give me with money that make my heart soar, but the things he can’t. And X knows that. He knew it the minute he shared his words with me.
“How are you going to be able to listen to it when it releases, when it’s on the radio?” he says, wiping the tears away before they have a chance to fall.
“You’re releasing it?” And this time, I’m sure my heart sings so loudly he can hear it—feel it.
Wit
h a swift nod, he answers, “I am, and all the other songs I have in my notebook that I couldn’t dream of another person singing. Now that the word is out I never stopped writing, I think it’s time to go solo. Go big or stay the fuck home. That’s my new motto.”
“But what about the touring or privacy you were worried about?”
“I won’t tour. Ever. That’s my hard limit. One—because of the addict in me, and two—Charlie needs me, and if I get her full time, that won’t fly. I can’t pull her out of school for life on a bus with tutors. But my privacy is already gone; people know I wrote the songs. I can’t hide from it anymore. Now, though, I’m in some small suburb of Atlanta, so it’s not like those vultures are going to move here just to get a picture of me. I’m not that popular, and the shit wouldn’t sell anyway. Years ago when my life wasn’t boring I could see it, but not now.”
“That’s great.” Beyond it even. But my mind draws a blank to other words. The longer I think for just the right word, I become further lost in Xavier’s eyes. He’s choosing to live his life wide open, and he’s doing it with his own words on his own terms. This man… I was sure I was falling in love with days ago. I now know for certain that I am.
In the center of my soul, I am deeply in love with him.
Everything he is.
Everything he was.
Everything he has gone through to only come out stronger.
I love.
Xavier lays his forehead against mine, like he knew what I just admitted to myself. “Another thing I wanted to talk to you about. No more duets with other guys singing about love.”
“Man, that stinks. I was thinking about me and Dylan doing—”
His fingers graze my mouth, halting me from finishing my statement. “Don’t finish that sentence.”
Pinching my brows together, I respond, “Wouldn’t dream of it.” I wouldn’t, not when he has a wonton look written all over his face.
“You know what else I dreamed of last night?”
“Mm…let me think about that…sheep?” I tease.
“Definitely not sheep.” His touch on my hip is firm, persuasive—inviting.
“Oh, yeah?”
“It was you…on the piano. Naked. Spread open for me. My dick was searching for you when I woke up. How hot would it be to fuck you on it now?”
I bite back a groan as his fingers move around my waist, working their way up my shirt before pulling it over my head.
Thoughts of tours, songs, or anything else, gone. My heart seemingly moves wherever his touch goes, the jolt warms my body.
“Damn, your tits get me every time,” X roughly says, unhooking my bra. He helps me stand and unbuttons my shorts before sliding them down my legs.
Xavier’s gaze is locked on me, my entire body, like he’s never seen me before. His hold on me is so tight, but this time, I don’t shatter. It’s his touch that puts the pieces together again.
No more holding me back, only bringing me forward. It took me to this very moment to trust him, and let go of everything that was weighing me down.
I’m naked, but somehow in his embrace, I feel more clothed than ever before. He’s the blanket of security I always needed—to carry me in a way I couldn’t carry myself before.
He lifts me up, the odd notes of the piano play out as he sets me down. His fingers stroking my bare clit. “This has to be the hottest thing. You bare, legs wide open for me.” Bending down, he licks my center as his fingers work their way into me.
My hands claw at his shoulders.
My legs dig into his back.
My insides explode over and over again. My blood thunders through my ears. Lust floods my veins.
“Damn,” I mutter.
His coarse touch is enough to upset the balance of my body.
“Fuck, I almost came right here.”
His gaze heats with each movement and glance we give each other.
“I wouldn’t want that.”
“No, you wouldn’t.” His voice is husky. As X enters me, the relief in his body lights him up. I’m molding to his touch, his scent, his movement.
We lock eyes, our hips bucking against each other.
Faster.
Harder.
Firmer.
With each second he releases more passion from me, and X grows stronger against me.
A moan of ecstasy slips out as we breathe in unison and both explode.
Together.
United.
Xavier is part of me, forever. All the pain the world couldn’t see. The ruins of our summer spent together doesn’t mean anything anymore. I’ve moved along. Only with the same person who caused me the hurt. Our love was always chasing us right back to each other.
He collapses on top of me, our hearts beating in sync, our breaths coming in pants.
“Was it as good as your dream?”
“My dream doesn’t come close to what we just did. And if you move on my dick like that every time I sing, I’m going to be singing a shit-ton just for you.” His hand comes up and brushes the hair out of my face.
“Good.”
“I need to go and be productive the rest of the day.”
“Me too.”
“But I don’t want to.”
“Me neither. Want to go again?” I ask playfully, glancing into his eyes.
“Thought you’d never ask.”
With a wink, he starts moving against me, sparking another urge to never stop this push and pull—it’s beginning to feel like fucking ecstasy.
With a smile on my face, I pause the TV and answer my phone. “Hey, babe.”
“Jesus Christ. Thank you for answering. I need you.” X’s voice on the other end comes up strangled.
“Um, I need you, too.”
“Not like that, Naomi. This is fucking serious—it’s about Charlie.”
My body goes solid at the mention of her name, and the worst thoughts enter my mind. “What’s…wrong? What is it?”
“Besides her deciding today would be a fucking perfect time to grow up? Nothing.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, standing up and sliding my feet through my Birks before grabbing my keys off the table. He hasn’t even finished his sentence.
“I just came back from picking her up from school because she started her… I mean, fucking really. How did Lock deal with this shit on his own? Because I’m feeling anything but calm.”
“Oh.” The door to the closet creaks as I open it.
My heart begins to calm down as I rummage through a box for something I saved for my own daughter. If Charlie isn’t the right person for it, no one ever will be.
“Yes, fucking oh. I tried to be the good guy and call Zoey. I don’t know why…but it seemed like something a mother would want to be a part of. But no. Fucking no. She’s too damn busy to handle this. Her words, not mine. I wasn’t ready for this. Like at all. I have no clue what the fuck to do, or say. Or even what to buy. She has something on from the nurse, but do you think I can leave her to go to the store and get more? She’s not going to go and like cry or something if I get the wrong kind, is she? Her crying hits nerves and shit I hate.”
“X?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Thank God…wait, did you say an hour? You live ten minutes away.”
“Trust me on this. Okay?”
“Please, not a minute past. She won’t talk to me, and she’s locked in her room. That’s normal right?”
“X?”
“Yes.”
“Babe. An hour, and yes, it’s completely normal.”
I park next to the mall with a smile on my lips. Xavier may be freaking out about Charlie and the change. And she may be confused about her feelings surrounding it. But at least I know I can help her, and a piece of my soul’s content to be the person X went to, because I have the perfect solution.
X answers the door, his hair sticking out at both sides like his hands have been pulling at it for h
ours, his face tense. “You’re late.”
“I had places to go.” I grin, lifting up three gift bags.
“It’s not her birthday, she just started her…” He glances up the stairs then back to me before he continues, “her period.” The last words come out almost silent.
“I know. And you don’t have to whisper, it’s not really a secret that we, girls, have them.”
“I know, but if I say it out loud, it makes it true.”
I place a chaste kiss on his lips before brushing past him. “I’m going to go up there. She’ll be fine.”
“Naomi?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
He grabs my arm, tilting his head toward me. “No, I mean it. Thank you.” A dimple appears on his chin, one I never noticed prior. His eyes shine brightly.
A bubble of emotion appears in my throat, and I can only nod to him. What X doesn’t know is, I would do anything for him, anything for Charlie. Because those two…I love with everything in me.
I peer through the crack of Charlie’s door. She’s on her bed, her face stuffed into her pillow, and the sound of her crying fills the air.
What I wouldn’t do for her to understand that it will be okay. That what she’s feeling—what she is going through—is normal.
Walking silently, I sit carefully on the edge of the mattress. Her head pops up, face blotchy, and her eyes wet and bloodshot.
“Pops told you?”
“Yes, baby. You want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Okay. But if you want to, I’m the person to talk to.”
She lifts up, sitting with her back against the wall, and pulls a stuffed animal over her stomach. “It’s so embarrassing, Omi.” Her eyes fill with tears again.
I place a hand on hers. “Oh, hon. It happens to every girl. Once a month.”
“It went through my pants.”
Insert heartbreak for her here. It’s the worst thing that could happen to a girl her age.
“Did anyone see it?”
“I don’t know…I tied my sweatshirt around my waist before I went to the nurse.”
“Has anyone sent you a text about it?”
“No, I got some asking if I was okay and some asking why I left so quickly, but nothing about that.”
“Are these your pants?”
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