‘Come for me, baby,’ he urged.
And the heat in his voice, the endearment rumbling over her, his fist completing her—she was gone. Shattering over him, screaming his name as her whole world fell apart around her.
He sipped at her, withdrawing his fingers slowly and holding her hooded gaze as he licked them clean. ‘I don’t think I could ever tire of tasting you.’
If only that were true, came her internal voice, louder now in the aftermath, and she felt chilled, snapping her eyes away.
‘We shouldn’t have done that.’
The bitterness, the self-loathing was back. It bit into her tone and he shifted into the seat alongside her, his confusion penetrating the air.
‘Are you telling me you didn’t like it?’
He smoothed his hand over her thigh and she pulled her skirt back into position, brushing him away. Moving to fasten her blouse next, she felt the need to cry, sudden and chilling.
‘We can’t work together and do this.’
‘I beg to differ,’ he said confidently. ‘I think this is essential if we are going to get our heads back in the game once more.’
She shook her head.
Back in the game? Was that all this was to him?
‘Hear me out,’ he said. ‘We both work too hard to support any decent relationship outside of work.’
She didn’t respond, her fingers shaking as they fastened up the last button.
‘So why not get this fix on the doorstep?’
She could feel the heat of his gaze on her as her brain struggled with the very idea he was putting forward, as her body impulsively demanded her agreement.
‘We’re both grown-ups,’ he pressed. ‘We can sate this need, free our brains to concentrate on work and not worry about the usual relationship baggage.’
No baggage. No feelings. Just sex.
Jennifer felt her heart shrivel and hated it for being so pathetic. Why couldn’t she simply say yes? No one had ever driven her as wild as he could. She’d never desired anyone the way she desired him.
But you’ve never been as crazy about someone either.
‘Take the weekend,’ he said into her continued silence. ‘Think about it and you can give me your answer on Monday.’
How did he remain so focused when her entire world was shattering?
Because he wants this, wants you... But he doesn’t want more.
That was the real issue. He could take the sex and leave the rest.
She only wished she was capable of the same.
‘I’ll think about it,’ she said, grateful that the car was pulling up at the station and she’d soon be free.
Shrugging on her jacket, she didn’t wait for Colin. As soon as the car stopped she opened the door and stepped out, closing it behind her. She didn’t say goodbye, she didn’t thank his driver—she needed space, now.
It turned out space wasn’t enough.
He hounded her the entire journey home.
She threw herself into her to-do list: co-ordinating Tony’s rehab, paying the bills, managing her inbox and so on. But he was always there...at the back of her mind.
By the time the taxi pulled up outside her home her head was swimming and the tension knotting at the base of her neck signalled the onset of a full-blown migraine. She rubbed at it as she stepped out of the car and followed the driver to the boot.
‘Jenny!’
She turned to see Kate bounding down the stone-stepped entrance towards her. ‘Hey, sis!’ she called, turning back to the driver as he handed over her weekend bag. ‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome, miss.’
Kate’s arms came around her from behind, squeezing her tight. ‘It’s so good to see you.’
‘You too.’ She turned, easing her sister’s embrace enough to give her a kiss on the cheek and hook her arm through hers. ‘How’s Mum?’
‘She’s good—really good,’ Kate said emphatically as they headed towards the house. ‘She’s reading in the library—we’ve found it helps settle her with the nights drawing in.’
Jennifer nodded. It was good that they’d found something to help with the evenings.
‘Tell you what—give me your stuff and I’ll dump it in your room. You go and see Mum.’
‘Great,’ she said, even as she felt the familiar pull of anxiety bed in.
Kate took her bags and bounded back into the house. Jennifer followed slowly, her belly twisting with nerves as she crossed over the threshold and headed down the hall that led to the library. The smell of food reached her. Marie, their housekeeper, was likely making her favourite—lasagne. But hunger was the last thing on her mind.
She paused at the library door, her hand resting on the handle, and took a breath, her shoulders rolling back as she braced herself for whatever was to come.
She opened the door and stepped inside. The room was well lit, the fire notably out. Her mother sat reading in her favourite chair overlooking the grounds, although the curtains were now drawn against the darkening outdoors.
‘Mum?’ she said tentatively.
Her mother looked up, lowering the book into her lap as she dipped her reading glasses to look at her.
A smile of recognition spread across her face. ‘Jennifer, darling, you’re home.’
The air left her lungs in a whoosh. Her mum knew who she was today. Fuck you, Alzheimer’s!
She swept across the room to draw her into a bear hug, emotion welling as she held her mum close.
‘Why, Jennifer, you’re going to suffocate me if you keep this up.’
‘Sorry, Mum.’ She backed off a little, her eyes raking over her mother’s face, taking in her glowing complexion and bright green eyes with glee. ‘I’ve missed you.’
* * *
Marcus had made the decision to drive himself to Wales, keen to have the distraction of the roads to occupy him. And the solitude. He didn’t like the way he’d been all week and he certainly didn’t like the way he was now.
He’d watched her enter the station with the feeling that he’d just made an epic mistake swelling uncomfortably in his gut.
But it didn’t make sense. She wanted him. He wanted her. It was win-win. Only her face, the way her post-orgasm glow had drained so swiftly, had twisted him up inside.
Had he gone too far? Did she truly think he was endangering their business? Was that what it all came down to?
He couldn’t believe it. It didn’t sit right.
The sign for his home town lit up in his headlights, blurred through the rain, and his heart skipped, his stomach lurched and his thoughts quit, drowned out by the memories that came pouring in uninvited.
He shifted in his seat, squinting through the windscreen to take in the surroundings that never seemed to change: the stone-built terraced houses lining the road, the corner shop that wasn’t on a corner, his primary school—the gates of which he’d stood at many a night, waiting for his father to collect him and eventually setting off alone, scared witless in the dark.
His grip over the steering wheel tightened and he diverted his gaze straight ahead. He’d left that life behind long ago...and neglected his grandparents in doing so.
His throat closed over and he swallowed through it.
He was back now. That was what mattered.
He stopped at a set of lights, the only sound that of his windscreen wipers beating away the rain, and then a laugh reached him—the high-pitched ripple of a teen. He turned his head towards it. A young couple were just leaving a house, a lad with his arm hooked around his girl, his grin happy, her laugh even more so.
The scene reached inside the car, engulfing him with its warmth, coaxing out a smile as his hold over the wheel eased.
Just because it had been bad for him, it didn’t make it bad for everyone. It had never been the place that ha
d been the problem...
And yet he’d kept fleeing it, when all he’d ever wanted was to flee him. But he wasn’t his father, and his father was long gone.
His eyes pricked at the sudden lightness inside him.
Before him, the lights turned green, but he didn’t move. He was caught up in a conversation with her—with Jennifer. Remembering her words, her compassion.
‘Don’t let this get in the way of what time you have left.’
The strange warmth from that morning spread like wildfire. How had she done it? Gone through the death of her father and ploughed it into something so wonderful—a successful business, a stable future for her family.
She didn’t run from the darkness or live in fear of the what if.
Not like him. Fear and darkness had been his driving force since for ever.
A horn honked behind him and he flashed his lights apologetically, setting the car in motion.
Could he change? And what did change even mean? Would it make him happy? Was happiness even possible for him?
Contentment, yes...
But happiness...?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
JENNIFER RACED BACK through the grounds, her breath sending puffs of white into the crisp morning air.
She loved it here. The fields, the open spaces, the wildlife. Even in autumn, with the leaves disappearing from the trees and the flowers dying back, there was still a serenity to it all, especially when the sky was as blue as it was today.
It was the perfect day for a run, the perfect opportunity to forget everything for a while and just enjoy the peace and fresh air. Only her thoughts had been far from peaceful, wrapped up as they were in a certain male and his far too appealing proposition.
Not even the fear of falling too deep could stop her thinking on it.
It had kept her up until the early hours and sent her out running at the crack of dawn. Anything to kill the restlessness it instilled.
But the run hadn’t worked. She was back, slightly less agitated but no less distracted. Frustrated, she yanked at the laces of her trainers and slipped them off. Picking them up to pad through the old tradesman’s entrance and into the kitchen, she felt the cold stone floor biting through her socks, the sensation soothing her with its familiarity.
She entered the kitchen and set a fresh pot of coffee going before grabbing some cold water from the fridge. She had drunk most of it when Kate walked in.
‘I hope you’ve put enough on for me.’
Jennifer glanced at her watch. It wasn’t even eight yet—her sister never saw this part of the day unless she was at school.
‘Are you feeling all right?’ she teased her, replacing the water bottle with a mug and pouring herself a coffee.
She frowned. ‘Yeah—why?’
‘You do know it’s still your beauty sleep time?’
‘Ha-ha, very funny, sis. You going to carry on taking the Mickey or be kind and pour me one of those?’
Jennifer laughed and poured her sister a coffee. ‘Well, it’s not like it’s a school day.’ She leant back against the counter-top and considered her over the cup. ‘What has you up so early?’
Her sister looked away swiftly, her attention fixed on the fridge as she took out the milk. ‘Want some?’
She offered it to her without meeting her eye and Jennifer shook her head, dread creeping up her spine. ‘Kate...answer me.’
‘Look, don’t get mad, okay?’
She frowned, the dread becoming a full-blown chill. ‘Tell me.’
‘Mum has been caught wandering recently,’ she said, slopping some milk into her mug, her nonchalance clearly forced.
‘Wandering?’ A lump wedged in her throat and she forced it down. ‘How long has this been happening?’
‘A couple of weeks—it tends to happen early in the morning, and when I ask her where she’s going she says she’s going to the office, to help Dad.’
‘Kate, why haven’t you said anything?’
‘Because you have a lot going on and we’ve been managing okay.’ Her sister slotted the milk back into the fridge and took up her mug, mimicking Jennifer’s stance against the worktop.
‘We?’
‘Me and Mum’s support workers.’
‘But what about your studies? You have university coming up next year.’
‘That’s not a problem.’ Kate gave an easy shrug. ‘I’m going to study from home.’
Jennifer almost dropped her coffee. ‘You’re what?’
‘Chill out, Jen. I can do what I want.’
‘You can’t want to study from home! Your grades are exceptional—you’re Oxbridge material. You...you should be going off, living the student dream, studying hard, playing harder...’ Her desperation to have her sister see sense had her words tripping over one another. ‘You should be doing what I did.’
‘It was different for you. Mum was different.’ Her sister looked away, her determination giving way to sadness. ‘I can’t leave her now—who will look after her?’
Jennifer had known this day would come and she should have pre-empted Kate’s decision, stopped her from making it in the first place. Time had crept up on her. Her sister was suddenly all grown up.
‘It’s not your responsibility,’ she assured her. ‘I will get more help in.’
‘You know it’s not that simple. Each new face only unsettles Mum further, and it’s good for her to have family around.’
There was no other family save her and her sister. There was no one else...
‘Then I will be here more often.’
Kate looked to her in disbelief. ‘How?’
‘I should never have left you as much as I have.’
Guilt was her new default position, it seemed—if it wasn’t Tony, it was her own family she was neglecting.
‘I’m sorry—it wasn’t fair. You’ve had to sacrifice your childhood to care for Mum while I’ve swanned off to London and lived out my dream.’
‘Shut it!’ snapped Kate, her coffee hitting the side and sloshing over the rim, her index finger wagging. ‘Don’t you ever apologise to me. You’ve done everything for us. If not for your career we would have nothing now. We wouldn’t be able to stay in the house that Mum knows and loves. I wouldn’t have university to look forward to, a car on the drive—a licence, even. Christ, you even pay the food bill.’
‘I get all that, love, but seriously—if you don’t go away to university I’ll never forgive myself.’
‘And I’ll never forgive myself if you sacrifice your career for me.’
‘I’m not talking about sacrificing my career.’
And she wasn’t. Now that Marcus was on board anything was possible. It not only felt feasible from a business perspective for her to leave London more often, it also felt like a sound personal decision too. More space between them, more frequently. Then maybe her body would cease its crazy hedonistic craving for him and she could rein her heart back in.
Kate didn’t look convinced. ‘How would you make it work?’
‘I have a new business partner now.’
Her sister’s eyes narrowed on her. ‘That wasn’t expected, was it?’
‘Hardly.’
‘How come you didn’t mention it last night?’
‘It’s complicated.’
‘Complicated?’ Kate nodded with interest. ‘What’s his name?’
‘Who says it’s a he?’
‘Your secrecy, the way your voice has gone all funny and the way you’ve gone bright red... Need I go on?’
Damn it. ‘Am I that obvious?’
‘’Fraid so,’ she said, her eyes dancing. ‘So come on—spill.’
‘His name’s Marcus.’
‘Ooh, Marcus—nice name.’
She shot her sister a look and Kate immediately straightened,
her fingers moving to her pursed lips and making a zip-like motion.
Jennifer rolled her eyes and continued. ‘He already heads up several successful ventures, so I have complete faith that he will keep things ticking over if I were to split my time fifty-fifty between here and London. More if need—’
Her sister gave a dramatic yawn. ‘Dull, dull, dull! I meant, what’s he like? There must be something about him if he’s managed to get my unflappable sister’s knickers in a twist.’
‘He isn’t doing anything with my knickers.’ Her cheeks flushed over the outright lie and at her desire to have him play with them a hundred times over. ‘And you’re missing the point. Having Marcus means I can be at home more without jeopardising work.’
‘But won’t that mean time away from your hunky partner?’
‘I didn’t say he was hunky.’
‘You didn’t have to.’
‘If you think teasing me about my new business partner is going to take the focus off you, missy, you’re very much mistaken. University—you’re going.’
Kate floundered before her.
‘Look, you have to make your choices now, and you need to get it right. And, since I’m paying, I get a parental vote.’ Her sister bristled a little at the last, but she continued. ‘Besides, you won’t leave for another year or so—plenty of time for me to take care of things operationally.’
Perhaps even move up north for good...
With a sigh, Kate picked up a cloth from the side and started to wipe up the coffee she had spilled.
Jennifer sipped her drink and said nothing, hoping the next words out of her sister’s mouth would be the right ones.
‘I’m not saying it’s a definite yes,’ she said eventually, ‘but I’ll think about it.’
Jennifer smiled. ‘You’d better make it a definite yes, or I’m taking back that Mini Cooper you love so much.’
Kate visibly recoiled. ‘You wouldn’t?’
Her smile became a grin. She was happy to rib her sister a little. ‘Wouldn’t I...?’
‘Just you try.’ Kate waved the dirty cloth in the air and stepped towards her. ‘You want some coffee to mix in with that sweat, sis?’
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