Flying Burger

by Jared Martin

  “Activate all shields. Approach with caution,” Captain Baldwin ordered.

  “Affirmative.”

  Onboard the pirate spaceship, Peter The Great was sitting on his command chair at the command deck gazing out at the cockpit window. Victor, Karl and Bronto were busy at their station consoles monitoring the multiple flickering lights, which gave vital information about the galaxies outside. Karl detected a flying object on his monitoring console.

  “Flying object identified. Approaching us at sub-light speed,” Karl reported.

  “What is this flying object? You nitwit!” Peter scolded.

  “It looks like a spaceship,” Karl said.

  “Looks like? You are pathetic. I want a definite answer,” Peter scolded again. He was exasperated with this group of pirates for their incompetence.

  “Ok. Ok. Now it comes closer, I can see. It’s a spaceship,” Karl answered.

  “Scan alien weapon system,” Peter ordered.

  “Sensor beam activated,” Karl obeyed.

  Before long, the pirate spaceship had got a detailed analysis of BURGER123’s weapon capability. BURGER123’s weapon system technology was considered state of the art. It would easily fall under the ‘Advanced’ category under any classification system. Peter, the pirate chief was taken aback.

  “Neutralise their weapon system,” Peter ordered.

  “Computer Virus Beam beta version X9 activated,” Karl said.

  A small needle-like apparatus shot out from the topsides of the pirate spaceship. This apparatus began transmission of a virus beam of high-frequency radio wave directed at BURGER123. This beam of computer virus was targeted at a spaceship’s weapon system. It was able to neutralise the most advanced form of weapon system, including those that were still under testing. The virus program used the technique of Trojan Horse, disguising itself as a harmless communication signal. Once any spaceship picked up this signal, it would penetrate its communication system and find its way into the central processing unit. From there, the virus would be able to access security files and sabotage the weapon system. The spaceship would be rendered defenceless within a blink of an eye.

  “Virus beam has been picked up by approaching spaceship,” Karl reported.

  “Put it on visual,” Peter commanded.

  When BURGER123 appeared on the Big Screen in the pirate spaceship, all the pirates guffawed when they saw it.

  “Suffering migraine. Have any of you seen this in your doggone life?” Karl asked.

  All the pirates shook their heads in disbelief.

  “Nope. Not in my entire doggone life,” Bronto said, shaking his head slowly.

  Onboard BURGER123, when the pirate spaceship appeared on its Big Screen, everybody could not help laughing either. They saw a spaceship shaped like a big birthday cake with four layers, the topmost layer somewhat transparent, otherwise unnoticeable if not for the erect radar mast on the top layer.

  At this point in time, the Computer Virus beam from the pirate spaceship hit BURGER123. All the computer systems went down in a matter of seconds and DATA froze. BURGER123 was rapidly rendered defenceless. Another scanner beam shot out from the pirate spaceship and began to scan for life-forms. When the image of Nikita appeared on the Big Screen and Peter saw her, he was dumbfounded momentarily. Nikita’s resemblance to the Princess of Alkinawa was too uncanny. Peter had been searching for his lost love for such a long time that he had almost given up hope of ever finding her. Looking at the mirror image of the Princess of Alkinawa smiling at him now on the Big Screen, he was speechless with joy.

  “Little lamb is ready for slaughter. Permission to go ahead?” Victor asked. He was using the pirate slang to mean that BURGER123 was defenceless and ready for capture. Peter was very angry when he heard that. Without a warning, he took out his Terror Whip and whipped Victor hard on his butt. He pointed at Nikita on the Big Screen.

  “Just look at that poor damsel in distress!” Peter raised his voice.

  “But, but, …. aren’t we going to rob the spaceship and sell the captives in the slave-market? I am merely following rule number one,” Victor argued.

  “Rule number two, is to rescue damsel in distress. Have you forgotten?” Peter asked.

  “She doesn’t look like a damsel in distress to me,” Victor argued further.

  More whip-lashes were directed at Victor’s butt. This laser-whip could raise the temperature of the item it came into contact with by a large margin. Victor felt the heat rising in his titanium underwear and he stopped arguing with Peter.

  Onboard Burger123, Peter’s image appeared on the Big Screen.

  “I am Peter The Great, and I am looking for a long-lost friend,” Peter identified himself.

  “I am Mrs. Andersen and these are my students. What can I do for you?” Mrs. Andersen asked.

  “The friend I am looking for resembles one of your students, the one with long black hair,” he replied.

  “I’m afraid she’s not the one you’re looking for. Nikita has never left planet Earth before, this is her first trip to outer space. Absolutely not, I’m sure of that,” Mrs. Andersen affirmed.

  “Could you help me to find my friend? I have an important matter to talk to her,” Peter pleaded.

  “I can try. Wait awhile,” Nikita said. She closed her eyes and concentrated. She thought of the Princess of Alkinawa, an easy thing to do as she only had to think of herself wearing a diamond tiara. The Magic Ring of Azura on her finger shone a bright purple. With the help of Fontasian magic, Nikita’s feminine psyche went in search of the Princess of Alkinawa throughout the Universe with a speed and accuracy that totally defied logic. Her brainwave searched entire star systems and galaxies in seconds. Finally, her mind brought her to the Megallanic Cloud, on a remote planet Taybor.

  “The Princess of Alkinawa is on planet Taybor in the Megallanic Cloud,” Nikita revealed.

  “Thank you so much little princess. Your spaceship will return to normal once I shut down my virus beam. I have to get going now,” Peter said. He was in a hurry to find his lost love, the object of his desire.

  Peter gave the order to locate the coordinates of planet Taybor.

  “In sector C203 of the Megallanic Cloud,” Karl reported.

  “Lock navigation system. Full speed forward!” Peter ordered. The birthday-cake-like pirate spaceship flew off at warp speed towards the Megallanic Cloud, in search of the Princess of Alkinawa.

  Peter The Great gave orders to find out more about planet Taybor and the Megallanic Cloud. When pirate Romel found out that Taybor was a deserted planet in a mysterious region in the Megallanic Cloud, he rushed to inform the rest of the other pirates. All at once, everybody started talking and speculating.

  “Now we are going to a strange planet, don’t know what monster we’ll find over there?” Victor grumbled.

  “I agree. We better master our ‘Invincible Whacking Pole’ Formation, just in case we meet a monster,” Karl suggested.

  “That should not be a problem, if we practise hard enough, we should be able to master it in another four hours. No monster would be able to stand in our way,” Bronto affirmed.

  Peter gathered his gang of pirates and told them that The Killer Mongoose lived on planet Taybor. Mongoose is a small, agile and carnivorous mammal of the Civet family. It has a slender, thickly furred body and a long bushy tail. Mongooses eat rodents, insects, eggs, birds and snakes. Some may be domesticated, but most are highly destructive. Peter wanted his pirates to obey his orders when they reached Taybor. Those who refused to obey would be dealt with on the spot, using his Terror Whip. All the pirates kept mum and nodded their heads in obedience. When Peter left the command deck, he chuckled to himself, all his training efforts had not been in vain. His Terror Whip struck fear in his subordinates!

  When the pirate spaceship approached Taybor, Peter looked out from the cockpit window and saw a bright planet below. Soon, the spaceship touched down on the planet surface. After getting environmental data from the
ship’s sensor and affirming that it was safe to venture out into the open, Peter and his gang of pirates stepped out into the open air of Taybor. They went in search of the Princess of Alkinawa. With the help of their advanced tracking system, Peter was able to detect the Princess’ location to an accuracy of plus minus one metre.

  Very soon, Peter’s wrist detector beeped continuously. The Princess’ exact location had been found. He yelled to his pirates to follow him. After walking for a short distance and climbing over a sand dune, he led the way to a dazzling architecture, made up of glass cubes. On approaching this architecture, Peter found each glass cube measured about two metres in length and there were four layers altogether, stacked one on top of each other. These glass cubes were arranged in a symmetrical way. To an outsider, they appeared to be one big glass cube measuring eight metres with many cubical holes in between.

  Suddenly, out of nowhere, a giant mongoose stood on the very top of this magnificent architecture. It stood at more than two metres tall and wore a cape draped over its shoulder. Just at this moment, a strong desert wind blew and the cape was blown high behind the mongoose’s back, flapping majestically.

  “Who are you and what brings you here?” the Killer Mongoose asked.

  “I am Peter The Great. I am here to look for the Princess of Alkinawa.”

  “The Princess is my slave. I bought her from the slave-market for twenty thousand Taybor dollars.”

  “In that case, I will redeem her for thirty thousand Taybor dollars,” Peter tried to strike a bargain.

  “No. She cooks well for me, especially her fried adder. I will have no other cook,” the Killer Mongoose rejected.

  “Looks like I have to resort to violence,” Peter threatened.

  “Hahaha, this is my territory. I am afraid of no one!” Killer Mongoose challenged.

  “We’ll see about that.” Peter signalled to his pirates to get ready for a fight. At this juncture, the Killer Mongoose took out a small pipe and blew with all its might. Very soon, a huge, black two-headed eel burrowed its way out of the sandy ground. It raised its two heads high above the ground and was as big as a bulldozer. It stared at everyone with two big shiny eyes on each of its head. It twisted its body and jabbed its head in all directions. Electric sparks were seen flickering all over its body.

  “Keep this stupid eel busy, I will fight this darn varmint,” Peter commanded his pirates and quickly took out his Terror Whip. He rushed towards the Killer Mongoose and lashed out his whip in quick fashion. Before the whip lash could reach the Mongoose, it had disappeared into the glass cube architecture, just like a rat taking shelter in its hole.

  “So you want to play hard-to-get, hey?” Peter shouted. He entered the glass cube architecture in a jiffy. Inside this architecture, it was a maze, with many glass cubes stacked up against one another. One could see his own reflection vaguely in the glass cube. He could also see light passing through the glass cube from another object or creature from the opposite side of the cube. It was indeed an exciting venue to play hard-to-get. However, Peter had no time for such a game. He was desperate to save his darling Princess and wanted to defeat this Mongoose in the shortest possible time. He increased the laser power of his Terror Whip to maximum and executed his most formidable strokes. One could only see a dazzling display of laser whip play. At each lash of the whip at a glass cube, it broke into pieces within a few seconds. Before long, the Killer Mongoose was darting high and low to avoid the laser whip in the few remaining glass cubes.

  “Come out and fight like a pirate, you coward!” Peter shouted at the Mongoose. He was beginning to lose his patience.

  “You will have to catch me first, you slow tortoise!” the Mongoose retorted. It was thoroughly enjoying itself in this game of catching.

  Outside the glass cube architecture, the Seven Rogues of Aldebaran were faced with a formidable enemy, the Electric Eel, which was as big as a bulldozer. Before Victor realised it, one of the heads of this Electric Eel came close enough for him to see two big shining eyes and a big hollow mouth with no teeth. A gust of foul smell like rotten eggs came from this big mouth. It was horrendous. “Holy shit!” Victor exclaimed and quickly executed his back-somersault several times and got out of harm’s way. When he finally landed on his two feet, he threw a series of flying daggers at this monster. All the daggers struck the monster but was quickly thrown away with a few violent twists of the eel’s body.

  “Watch my flying darts!” Jared threw a number of darts at the eel too. However, the end-result was the same as Victor. All the darts were dislodged with a few violent twists of the eel’s body. When Romel hurled his boomerang at the Electric Eel, it struck one of the heads squarely in the nose region. Suddenly, the eel sneezed! The resulting air current of the sneeze was strong enough to blow the boomerang off-course. It veered towards the left and flew over the sand dune, disappearing from sight in an instant.

  “Sickening toad!” Romel cursed. He tried to recover his boomerang by punching some computer code into his wrist control. After what seemed quite a while, the lost boomerang flew back into Romel’s hands.

  “The ‘Invincible Whacking Pole’ Formation, quick!” Bronto yelled. All the pirates took out their laser pole snub and on activation, they were holding seven deadly laser poles in their hands. Each of them swing and fling his laser pole in quick succession and began to take up position. Very soon, they were executing the ‘Top Down’ and ‘Left Right Centre’ combined laser pole formation. The Electric Eel was no match for this devastating laser whacking pole formation. It got a real good whacking! Before long, it was screeching and squeaking. Many parts of its body was scorched by laser. It became a pile of dead meat in a matter of minutes. Before it breathed its last, it let out a high-pitch scream.

  Inside the glass cube architecture, the Killer Mongoose heard the dying scream of his pet eel. It quickly took out its whistle and blew hard. Before it knew what happened, Peter’s Terror Whip knocked the whistle to the ground. Outside the glass building, out of the sandy ground there arose a big iguana. It had a body of tough leather which looked very much like armour plates. It walked slowly and menacingly towards the Seven Rogues of Aldebaran.

  Slightly further away, there was some movement on the sandy ground. A black gleaming head with two ugly pincer-like jaws poked out of the sand. This was the famous Taybor Mutant Beetle. Beetle is an insect characterised by horny front wings that serve as protective covers for the membranous hind wings. These protective sheaths are often brightly coloured. Beetles are usually stout-bodied, and their mouthparts are adapted for biting and chewing. They are poor fliers, but are protected from injury and drying up by an exoskeleton. Most feed on plants, some prey on small animals, including other insects, whereas others are scavengers. The Taybor Mutant Beetle was as big as a terrestrial gorilla and could fly easily. Together with its powerful pincer jaws and two big compound eyes, it had serious attacking power.

  “Holy Mackerel! Here comes another monster,” Jared exclaimed.

  “Suffering migraine! Why does this varmint keep such horrible pets?” Karl asked.

  “Don’t ask. It is coming at us!” Jared yelled. The iguana walked nearer towards the pirates and breathing fire at the same time. The Taybor Mutant Beetle lifted its hard outer wings and flew towards the pirates. It started later than the iguana but reached the pirates first.

  “Execute the ‘Whack Until See Star’ stroke!” Bronto instructed everyone. All the pirates took action at the same time and skipped and jumped according to the ‘Invincible Whacking Pole’ Formation. They used their laser poles to whack with all their might and executed each stroke with deadly accuracy. Before long, the fire-breathing iguana lay limp on the ground, breathing no more. The Taybor Mutant Beetle was rendered flightless when its hind flight wings were injured. Sensing the grave danger it faced from these pirates who welded these magnificent laser poles with superb mastery, the beetle scurried away seeking refuge.

  Inside the glass building, Peter a
nd the Mongoose fought a fierce battle. All the glass cubes had been broken by Peter’s Terror Whip. The Mongoose got no place to hide except to face Peter head on. This Killer Mongoose had evolved further from our terrestrial species. It not only had razor-sharp teeth but also claws that can tear through steel. It was agile, can climb trees and even able to make tall leaps into midair. Its encounter with Peter proved disastrous. Although it was a formidable opponent, it was no match for Peter as time goes on. Peter welded his Terror Whip like a martial arts exponent. They sparred beautifully. At the last turn of the whip, the Mongoose was hit right on its head. It fainted. Peter took the chance to tie up the creature with his titanium lasso. “There, that will teach you to act tough with me!” Peter mumbled under his breath, as he finished tying the last knot.

  At this moment, Peter lifted his head after tying the Killer Mongoose securely. He thought he heard some noises coming from one insignificant corner of the glass edifice. A moving form could be seen through the glass wall. It seemed to be banging with two hands at the glass wall, trying to get out. Without further hesitation, Peter took out his Terror Whip and executed his ‘Whip Until Break’ stance. The glass wall crumbled under the continuous whiplash. Much to Peter’s astonishment, the Princess of Aldebaran stood before his very eyes!

  Onboard the pirate spaceship, in the privacy of their rest quarters, the Princess and Peter shared quiet moments together.

  “What have you been doing here living with that darn varmint? Did he treat you bad?” Peter asked.

  “Now, now, one question at a time my dear,” the Princess calmed Peter.

  “I cooked for the Mongoose, it loved my fried adder so much that it would only eat this dish for two months in a row. I added sulphuric acid to all my cooking, hoping this would make it vomit and release me from bondage. It turned out otherwise,” she was very happy with herself for coming up with this wicked idea.

  “You should have also added chilli padi!” Peter suggested.

  “I don’t know from where did it catch so many adders?” the Princess giggled.