He looked Lauren in the eye because he needed her to understand what she was getting herself into if she chose to be with him. “I would have killed him.”
“Sssh.” She covered his mouth with her fingertips. “You don’t have to say any more. I understand why you did what you did, Tucker. Any father would have done the same thing.”
“You don’t understand.” She couldn’t comprehend the rage festering inside of him. Fury borne of feeling helpless and disgusted with himself because he didn’t have the courage to help someone he loved. “I scare myself sometimes.” She deserved complete and total honesty. Even though he’d only known her a short time, he knew she was special. “I can’t control my anger. It controls me.” That was hard for him to admit because he didn’t want to lose her respect.
“Is that what happened with Rob? Did you lose control?”
“No. When I lose complete control, it’s ugly. I hate myself when that happens.”
She sighed as she rested her head on his shoulder again. “My dad told me it’s happened at Jimmy’s a few times.”
Tucker winced as he recalled the number of times he’d had to go into that bar to make things right with Lauren’s father. He could only imagine how J.T. felt about his beautiful and successful daughter wasting her time with him. If his own daughter was interested in an ex-con who couldn’t control his temper, he’d move her to another state to keep her safe.
“You talked to J.T. about us?”
“Actually, he talked to me.” She smiled, but it never reached her eyes, which told him she was more concerned about her father’s opinion than she would admit.
“What did he say?” As if he didn’t know. He had no doubt J.T. had told her to run for her life.
“He told me about the episodes in the bar…” She shrugged as though she was trying to downplay the conversation to spare his feelings. “He knows that I make my own decisions.”
He turned to face her. “Lauren, I don’t want to cause any trouble between you and your parents.” His relationship with his kids was the most important thing in his life, and he had no doubt Nikki and J.T. felt the same way about their relationship with Lauren. “Your dad’s right about me. You should stay the hell away from me.”
Her eyes flicked up to meet his. “How do you know he said that?”
“Any father would in his position, myself included.”
She looped her arms around his neck, drawing him closer. With their lips a breath apart, she asked, “What if I can’t keep my distance?”
Tucker knew the feeling. An inexplicable force drew him to her, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to fight it. “I won’t let myself hurt you.” He was trying so hard to fight his feelings for her sake. He knew she deserved the best, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t wave a wand and erase his problems or his past.
“How do you know you will?” she asked, brushing her lips across his.
He closed his eyes because staring into those beautiful blue eyes promised to be his un-doing. “It’s what I do.” It wasn’t who he wanted to be. Every day since he got out of prison, he’d wrestled his demons because he’d never let anything take him away from his kids again. He was smart enough to know the coffer containing that internal firestorm could blast open with the right provocation though, and he wouldn’t risk Lauren getting caught up in the carnage.
She was someone he could fall in love with, and when Tucker loved a woman, he was jealous to the point of being obsessive. He hated that about himself, but according to the therapist he’d been forced to see in prison, it stemmed from his childhood and his compulsive need to keep the people he loved safe so he wouldn’t lose them.
“I don’t believe that, Tucker.” She kissed him gently. “I’ve seen you with your kids. There’s a sweet, gentle, fun side to you that I love.”
His eyes opened on the last word. Love. God, it would be so easy to fall in love with her. If he was being honest with himself, he would admit he was already halfway there. “Sweetheart, you should listen to your daddy. He’s right. I’m a dangerous guy.”
“How do you know he said that?”
“Because I would say the same thing to my own daughter ten years from now if she falls for a guy like me.”
She ran her hand over his stubble. “Thank you for being honest with me about what happened. I know it wasn’t easy for you.” Running a hand through his hair, she said, “I don’t think less of you because you went to those lengths to protect your daughter. In fact, I respect you more now that I know your side of the story.”
There was so much she didn’t know about him, but if she took her father’s advice, she would never have to know the ugly truth about his past.
“You should go, sweetheart.” She had driven her car to his house before the hockey game, and he’d made sure she had only one drink. He was tempted to lure her into a mind-melting kiss like the one they’d shared the other night, but he knew if that happened, he wouldn’t let her go. With his kids under the same roof, inviting her to spend the night wasn’t an option.
Lauren stood, pressing her palms into his chest when he stood to walk her to the door. “I wish I didn’t have to go,” she whispered.
The thought of making love to her, letting her fall asleep and wake up in his arms, was almost too tempting to resist. “Don’t do this to me,” he groaned, tipping his head back. “You don’t know how hard it is for me to let you walk out of here.”
“Then don’t.”
His eyes snapped back to hers, and the hope he saw almost caused him to cave. She was putting herself out there, showing the courage to risk rejection, and he wanted nothing more than to show her how much he appreciated her taking a chance on him. But he couldn’t.
Enclosing her face in his hands, he skimmed her mouth with his lips. “You are a gorgeous, sexy woman, baby. I want you more than…” If she was willing to take a risk, he had to be willing to do the same. “I’ve ever wanted anyone.” He saw her eyes widen in surprise. “Ever,” he repeated firmly. He didn’t want her to leave with any doubts about his feelings for her.
Tucker had been a kid when he fell in love with Amanda, and he hadn’t been in love since. As a man with a lurid past, he knew what it meant to love a woman like Lauren. If he couldn’t love her with his whole heart, accompanied by the promise to keep her safe, he had to let her go. “But that doesn’t mean I’m good for you.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and claimed his mouth in a heated kiss.
It was a possessive tangle of mouths, and Tucker felt helpless to control the urge to take more. He wanted all of her, everything she had to give… every night. “I can’t…” He was winded by the time he finally drew away. He prayed for the strength to fight their attraction and the sense to protect her from danger she couldn’t seem to see. “Do this.”
Her hands were all over his chest, caressing beneath his thin cotton shirt. “Yes, you can.”
She kissed his neck, and his knees almost buckled as he grabbed her arms to try to… put some distance between them… prevent her from getting away… He didn’t know anymore. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so torn. He wanted to do the right thing, but his body wanted his conscience to take the night off.
“I know this isn’t the right time,” she whispered, nibbling his ear. “Your kids are here.” She hooked her thumbs into his belt loops and drew his body even closer, reminding both of them how dangerously close they were to damning the consequences and taking what they wanted. “But they aren’t here every night.”
He knew if his kids weren’t there, he’d have surrendered. That was the kind of power she had over him. “Let me walk you to the door.” He gripped her chin between his thumb and forefinger and studied her eyes. “You’re sure you’re okay to drive? You’re not tired? That drink-”
She laughed and grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away from her face. “I’m fine, but I love that you care so much.”
There was that
word again. Love. It kept coming back to taunt him, as though his sub-conscious knew something he wasn’t willing to admit. “I want you to drive safely and call me as soon as you get home.”
She stood on her toes to kiss him. “I love that you’re so concerned about my well-being.”
Lauren may think it was sweet now, but how would she feel if his concern made him a jealous, possessive control freak afraid to let her out of his sight? “Just do as you’re told,” he muttered, slipping his arm around her waist as he walked her to the door.
“I will.” She smiled. “Are you sure you won’t fall asleep before I get home?”
He rolled his eyes. “Not a chance. I’m going upstairs to take a cold shower.”
***
The next day, Lauren sat in her parents’ driveway staring at the house she’d grown up in. She knew her dad was usually at the bar taking care of paperwork on Sunday afternoons, and she wanted a little girl time with her mother. She hadn’t thought to call first. She was driving around aimlessly when she realized where she needed to be. She just hoped Nikki was home.
Walking into the big old house always made her smile. No matter how hard it was, being on the road so often with her mother when she was growing up or missing her mama like crazy when she couldn’t tag along because of school, their house was the place they all came together and made up for lost time. When Nikki was home, she gave her family her undivided attention, and that made up for all the nights Lauren fell asleep missing her.
“Hey you,” Nikki said, popping her head up from her post on the suede sectional in the family room. She removed her reading glasses and set her book down on the tufted leather ottoman. “This is a nice surprise.”
“Hey, Mama.” Lauren grinned when Nikki stood and opened her arms.
“Get over here and give your old mama a hug.”
Lauren rolled her eyes at her mother’s reference to her age. In her fifties, she looked better than most women in their thirties, and J.T. never let her forget it. Her parents still acted like teenagers. Their public displays of affection used to embarrass Lauren, especially in front of her friends, but she’d learned to be grateful she had two parents who loved each other so much.
“Is Daddy at work?” Lauren asked, giving her mother a hug before plopping down on the sofa with a heavy sigh.
“He is.” Nikki frowned as she claimed a spot beside her daughter. “What’s that all about? Something got you upset?”
Lauren wasn’t surprised Nikki picked up on her distress right away. She’d always had a knack for knowing when something was troubling her only child. “It’s a man.”
Nikki smiled. “Isn’t it always?”
Lauren hadn’t confided in her mother about boy troubles in a long time, mainly because there hadn’t been anyone worth stressing over. She’d been too busy with her career to get side-tracked by love. “This one is different.”
“Are we talking about Tucker Brooks?”
Lauren wasn’t surprised J.T. hadn’t kept his concerns to himself. He shared everything with his wife. They claimed one of the cardinal rules that made their marriage work was their ‘no secrets’ rule. “Daddy told you.”
“He did.” Nikki patted Lauren’s knee with an affectionate smile. “He’s worried about you. This isn’t the kind of man you usually go for.”
Lauren couldn’t argue with that. She usually favored professional types. Something about a handsome man wearing a suit and tie got her every time, so how could Tucker’s faded blue jeans and steel-toed work boots put any of those Armani-suit-wearing men to shame?
“What did he tell you about Tucker?” The worst of the bad, no doubt. She loved her father, but his protective tendencies made her want to move to Alaska at times.
“Just that he has a temper.” Nikki frowned. “And he’s been in jail.” The frown turned into a scowl. “And he’s divorced with a couple of kids.”
When she put it like that, the man sounded as though he didn’t have any redeeming qualities, which Lauren knew wasn’t true. “There’s so much more to him than that.” Lauren didn’t go there to defend Tucker. Her mother had always been the reasonable one, the person she turned to when her father dug his heels in and refused to relent. She’d assumed she could convince her mom to ask J.T. to lighten up on her man. Her man? Was Tucker her man? Did she want him to be? Yes! But more importantly, did he want to be?
Nikki smiled. “I assume there is, or you wouldn’t be so into him.”
There was no point trying to conceal her feelings. She was crazy about him, and that scared her because, according to Tucker himself, he was a little crazy.
“I can’t explain it. Being with him just makes me feel good.”
Nikki stroked a hand over her daughter’s long blond hair. “Sometimes that’s the only reason you need.”
“He’s a good man.” She thought about the story he’d told her last night. A man willing to go to prison to protect his daughter was a man she wanted to get to know better. “I know Daddy doesn’t see that, but he is.”
“Your daddy’s just worried about you, honey. You can’t fault him for loving you so much.”
Her father’s love was suffocating at times, but she knew his heart was in the right place. He didn’t want to see her get hurt, and he would do anything in his power to prevent it. “Tucker keeps telling me he’s all wrong for me. He said Daddy’s right, I should stay away from him.”
That still felt like a dagger through the heart. Lauren had hoped he would want to explore their attraction enough to stand up to her father. Maybe he didn’t think she was worth the trouble.
“Maybe you should listen to him.”
Lauren didn’t want to hear that. She wanted her mother to tell her that she should follow her heart and find out where this thing with Tucker might lead her. “Have you ever wanted someone enough to take a risk, even though the odds weren’t in your favor?”
“Only once.” Nikki smiled as she set her hand on Lauren’s knee. “With your daddy. He had a wild streak a mile wide when we met. He was older than I was, and he’d been on the professional bull-riding circuit a long time.” She chuckled. “Hell, he had buckle bunnies chasing him cross country.”
It wasn’t hard to imagine. Lauren often saw much younger women flirting with her father, but he always sent them on their way with a wink and smile. “How did you decide he was the one you wanted to be with?”
“I went on tour, and I was miserable without him. When I came back home, I knew he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and whatever it took to convince him of that, I was willing.”
“I can’t imagine you having to coax a man to fall in love with you,” Lauren said with a wry smile. Nikki was talented, beautiful, and outgoing. She still received thousands of letters from male admirers every month. “Daddy probably wanted you from the first time he saw you.”
Nikki laughed as she leaned against the sofa and stared up at the ceiling, lacing her hands over her stomach. “There was definitely chemistry. But you know that’s not enough. You have to have the same goals and values. There has to be mutual respect and genuine affection. At the end of the day, he has to be the first person you want to call when you need to celebrate or commiserate.”
It was too soon to know whether her feelings for Tucker could evolve into the kind of love her mother described, but Lauren knew enough to know she wanted to know more about him. “You know I don’t put my heart out there without thinking it through, Mama.”
“I know.” Nikki reached for Lauren’s hand. “That’s what scares me. It sounds like you’ve already decided you want to be with him.”
“Why does that scare you?”
“J.T. is a good judge of character, honey. If he tells me he doesn’t like someone, there’s usually a good reason.”
“He’s not even giving Tucker a chance.” Her father could be as stubborn as a mule, and when he made up his mind about someone, he rarely changed it. “If this is the man I want to be w
ith, I will, no matter what Daddy says.”
“Like hell you will!”
Lauren closed her eyes when the front door’s slamming rattled the paintings. The last thing she wanted was to go toe-to-toe with her father, but he needed to understand she wasn’t backing down where Tucker was concerned.
Nikki turned to face her husband. “J.T., please don’t-”
“Nikki, I’d like a word with our daughter.”
Nikki looked as though she wanted to object, but when Lauren squeezed her hand, she stood. “Fine, I’ll be in the study if anyone needs me.”
J.T. walked into the family room, and Nikki reached for his hand. She reached up to kiss him before whispering, “Please, go easy on her.”
Lauren waited for her mother to leave the room before she said, “I don’t want to talk about Tucker. I already know how you feel-”
“You’re gonna listen whether you like it or not.” He started pacing before tossing his cowboy hat on a nearby chair. “This guy is no good for you. He’s dangerous.”
Tucker had described himself that way, and Lauren couldn’t help but worry those words may hold an inkling of truth. “You don’t know him like I do.”
J.T. sneered. “You’ve known him a few days. I’ve known him for years. I’ve seen him out of control more times than I can count.”
She’d seen a glimpse of that man when he lost it with Rob, but she knew that didn’t compare to the episodes her father had witnessed. “He’s changed.” Lauren wanted to say that with complete certainty, but even Tucker seemed to feel every day was a struggle to control his temper.
“I don’t give a goddamn what he tells you. You’re not gettin’ mixed up with that lowlife.”
Lauren moved to the edge of her seat, barely able to suppress her irritation. She rarely argued with her father, but when she did, it was all-out war. Both of them were stubborn and refused to back down when they were convinced they were right. “I’m a grown woman. You don’t make my decisions for me.”
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