She released a rush of air before pulling her legs up to her chin and wrapping her arms around them.
Her back was toward him, but he saw her shoulders trembling. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I know I should have told you sooner, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to lose you.” He winced when she turned her head and he saw the anguished look in her eyes. “You must hate me.”
She wiped away the tears bathing her cheeks. “When did you get the operation?”
“After Monica was born.” If he’d known then that he would meet Lauren, someone who made him want to start his life all over again, he would never have made that choice. He’d give everything for the privilege of sharing a child with her.
“So that’s why you said you didn’t want to get married and have children, because you knew you couldn’t.”
He knew disbelief and sadness were making way for anger and frustration when she shot him a scathing look. “When I said I’d never get married again, I never thought I’d meet someone like you.” He knew his words probably sounded hollow, but he still needed her to know how much she meant to him.
She buried her head in the circle of her arms when a sob escaped her lips. “I can’t believe this.”
He sat up, wrapping an arm around her as she cried. “I’m sorry. If I could change things, I would.” He knew he could have the vasectomy reversed, but chances were still slim he could give Lauren the family she wanted.
“But you can’t. No one can. I just have to accept the fact I fell in love with the wrong man.”
Her words landed like a solid punch to the gut. She had every right to be angry with him for not telling her the truth from the beginning, but he never wanted her to regret falling in love with him. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“How the hell do you expect me to feel?” she shouted, jumping up. “I love you! I want to marry you! I want to have your babies!” She threw a pillow at him. “And you’ve just taken that away from me! I hate you!”
He slid to the edge of the bed, grabbing her around the waist to restrain her.
She struggled for a few seconds before surrendering. “I don’t know what to do now.”
“What you have to do.” Tucker looked her in the eye, trying to ignore his body’s reaction to her breasts thrust in his face. “You have to get on with your life, forget you ever met me.” He felt sick to his stomach just saying those words, but her happiness was worth any sacrifice he had to make.
“How am I supposed to do that?” Twin tears slid down her cheeks. “I love you. I want to be with you, but I’m not going to lie; I want a family of my own too.”
“And you deserve to have that family.” He tasted the bile burning the back of his throat as his mind conjured up an image of Lauren pregnant with another man’s baby. “You’re gonna meet a man who can give you everything one day, angel.” He blinked back the tears, praying she couldn’t see them. If she knew how torn up he was, convincing her to move on with her life would only be harder. “I’m just not that guy.”
“But I want you.” She held her hand against his cheek, and he turned into it, closing his eyes. “I can’t even imagine wanting anyone else.”
Tucker held her hand against his face, breathing in the subtle scent of her perfume, knowing he would never forget all of the little things that made her unique. “But you will. It’s gonna hurt at first…” He knew the pain he experienced would be unlike anything he’d ever felt, but part of him wished she would meet someone new, someone who could help her forget. The other part of him wanted to tear apart any man who looked at her too long, much less thought about putting his hands on her. “But you’ll get over it. You’ll look back on this one day and realize you made the right choice leaving me.”
“What if I don’t want to leave you?”
Hope leapt to life before he quashed it. “I’m not giving you a choice. I’m not going to let you ruin your life because of me. Your father was right. You could do so much better.”
“My father doesn’t know how much you mean to me.” Holding his face between her hands, she said, “I don’t think you realize how much you mean to me, Tucker.”
“You need to go now, baby.” If she didn’t, he would beg her to stay, and he couldn’t do that to her.
“Tucker-”
“I don’t want to hear it.” He lowered his head so he wouldn’t have to see the hurt in her eyes. “It’s over, Lauren.”
***
Lauren’s project was finally over, and it felt as if her life was too. Weeks had passed since she’d seen Tucker. He’d handed the project over to Will when he found a cabinet maker in Memphis to finish the rest of his work.
She’d handed the keys off to Sela and hoped that relinquishing the house would ease the heaviness in her heart. If anything, it made her feel worse. Her last link to Tucker... severed.
J.T. walked up to her booth, a grin splitting his face. “Hey, I didn’t see you come in. Where you been hidin’, girl? Your mama and I’ve missed you.” He kissed her cheek before sliding into the bench seat across from her.
“I’ve been busy with the house.” She forced a smile. The last thing she needed was to deal with her father’s questions. “On to the next one.” She’d secured a small bungalow in a nicer part of town. It had fallen into disrepair when the aging woman’s husband passed on. Lauren gave her a fair price for the property, enabling her to move into an assisted living facility close to her family.
“You okay? You look a little tired.” He gave her a quick once-over. “Have you lost weight?”
That happened when one couldn’t eat or sleep. “I’m fine, Daddy.” She patted his hand. “Don’t worry about me.”
“This has somethin’ to do with Tucker, doesn’t it?”
She dropped her head. “Please don’t. I don’t want to do this tonight.”
“He came in to see me a while back.”
Lauren couldn’t hide her surprise. She assumed her father would be the last person Tucker wanted to see. “What did he want?”
“He wanted me to keep an eye on you. Told me you might be goin’ through a rough time, and he wanted me to make sure you were okay.” He gave her a pointed look that made her squirm. “Your mama and I’ve both been callin’, textin’, even stopped by your place a time or two.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t respond. Like I said, I’ve been busy.” That much was true, but she had kept her distance from her parents on purpose. She didn’t feel strong enough to deal with their questions.
“You haven’t even been to the Spencers’ house for Sunday dinner. Apparently we’re not the only ones who haven’t seen you. Anna and Ava said you’ve been quiet.”
His inquisition was going from bad to worse. She didn’t want to tell her father the truth about Tucker, but she didn’t know how much longer she could avoid it. “I’m meeting Ava here in a little bit.” She raised her right hand. “I’ll call Mom and Anna tomorrow, I promise.”
Poor Anna. Lauren was being a terrible maid of honor. She was so wrapped up in her own problems she hadn’t even bothered to ask Anna whether she needed help planning her wedding. She would have to make amends with her cousin.
“Was Tucker right? Do I have reason to be worried about you?”
“No, I’m fine.” She glanced at the band taking the stage, hoping J.T. wouldn’t guess she was trying to avoid eye contact.
“Your uncle Derek seems to think I was wrong about Tucker.”
Lauren’s eyes flicked to J.T. “Really? Why does he think that?”
“Tucker’s done everything he can to make sure Rob gets what he deserves. The guy couldn’t make bail, so they’ve detained him, but Tucker’s worried he might get off, this bein’ a first offense and all. He doesn’t want to see that happen any more than I do.”
She’d assumed Tucker’d stopped caring about what happened to her when he told her she’d be better off without him. “Does Uncle Derek think that might happen?” Security in her building was tight, but she still couldn’t r
est easy knowing that animal was walking the streets. She refused to live in fear, but stopping by job sites after hours didn’t seem like the best idea if he may be released. “Uncle Derek will keep me informed, right? If the case goes to trial, I want to testify.”
J.T. regarded her carefully before shaking his head. “Why didn’t I see it before?”
“What’s that?” she asked, trying to read the odd expression on J.T.’s face. He looked sad, almost wistful.
“My baby’s all grown up. You don’t need me to protect you anymore, do you?”
Lauren grabbed her father’s hand as she willed the tears not to fall. “I’m always going to need you.”
“When Tucker came into your life, I was scared. I knew his reputation and didn’t want to see you get caught up in a dangerous situation.” He sighed. “But I refused to acknowledge the obvious. You’re a strong, smart woman, Lauren. I should’ve known you wouldn’t allow yourself to be taken in by the wrong man.”
Lauren didn’t know how to respond. Tucker was the right man for her, she felt it, but if he didn’t believe that, she wouldn’t humiliate herself trying to convince him. “Uncle Derek is right about Tucker. He is a good man.” She looked her father in the eye. “You were dead wrong about him.”
“But he hurt you?”
“He hurt me because he was trying to save me. He didn’t want me to make sacrifices he didn’t feel I should have to make just to be with him.”
“Would you have willingly made those sacrifices?”
Lauren was grateful her father wasn’t asking for details. She still felt too raw to talk about it, especially with J.T. “At first, I didn’t know how I felt. I was in shock. But after I had some time to think about it, I realized I want to be with him, no matter the compromises.”
“Did you try tellin’ him that?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Lauren smiled. “Tucker’s stubborn, just like you. When he makes his mind up, he doesn’t change it.”
J.T. got to his feet when he saw Ava walking toward their table. “Ah, but I did change my mind… about him. Maybe if you tell Tucker how you feel, he’ll surprise you. He could be hurtin’ just as much as you are, honey.”
Lauren felt as if she was in the Twilight Zone. Who was that reasonable man and what had he done with her over-bearing, opinionated father? “You really think I should try to work things out with him?”
“Does bein’ with him make you happy?”
“Yes.”
J.T. reached for her hand, kissing it. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, sweetheart. I love you, and I hate seein’ you so miserable. If this guy’s the one, don’t let him go.”
Lauren stood up to give her father a hug. “Thank you.” His support was the blessing she needed to move forward with Tucker. Her family meant the world to her, and as much as she loved Tucker, she didn’t want her relationship with him to create a rift between herself and the other people she loved.
“My pleasure.” J.T. gave her one more squeeze before opening his arms to Ava. “Hey, beautiful. Good to see you.”
“You too, J.T.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek before greeting Lauren with a hug. “I was so glad you called. I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” Lauren missed her old life. She hated keeping her distance from her family and friends. Once she found a way to convince Tucker they were meant to be together, she could welcome him into her world and make him a part of her life. Him and his kids. Lauren smiled just thinking about giving them something they probably hadn’t even realized they’d been missing: a large extended family that loved and supported them.
“So tell me what’s been happening with you,” Ava said, shrugging off her coat.
Lauren didn’t even know where to start. She and Ava had had a few brief phone conversations and exchanged a few text messages in the past couple of months, but Lauren had never mentioned her relationship with Tucker. “Well, I finished the project from hell today.”
“The one that hot contractor was working on?” Ava grinned. “Did anything ever happen between you two or did he keep seeing Tonya?”
“Uh no, actually he stopped seeing her the night we ran into them here.”
Ava pointed at Lauren and laughed. “I knew it. He dumped her because he had a thing for you. Am I right?”
Lauren rolled her eyes. “Please. They had nothing in common. She was way too young for him.”
“How about y’all? Did you and Tucker have anything in common?” Ava wiggled her eyebrows.
Lauren decided to say exactly how she felt about Tucker. No more secrets or lies. “I’m in love with him.”
Ava slapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide. “Shut up! You? In love?”
Lauren couldn’t blame her friend for being surprised. She hadn’t been in love since college and never like this. Tucker redefined the meaning of the word for her. “Seriously. I’m crazy about him.” Admitting it aloud made her feel better than she had in weeks. Suddenly she knew what she wanted: him. She just had to figure out how to make him see reason.
“I’m so happy for you,” Ava squealed, squeezing Lauren’s hand.
Lauren wasn’t surprised by Ava’s reaction. Her friend was a hopeless romantic, which made her career choice perfect. Ava believed in soul mates, though she didn’t seem particularly interested in finding hers just yet.
“Don’t get too excited. We’re not together anymore.”
Ava frowned. “What happened?”
Lauren started tearing her paper napkin into strips. “He doesn’t think we’re right for each other. He thinks I want things he can’t give me.”
“What kind of things?”
Lauren didn’t want to betray Tucker’s confidence, but if she didn’t talk to someone, she would go crazy. “He already has two kids.”
“Yeah? And…” Ava said, spinning her hand in a circle. “What about it? You don’t like the kids? They don’t like you?”
Lauren adored Tucker’s kids. In fact, Amanda had asked Lauren if she could give the kids her phone number because they’d asked about her so often. They’d called several times, pleading with her to attend hockey games and dance recitals. Lauren always promised she would try, but she knew Tucker wouldn’t want her there, so she kept her distance.
“No, his kids aren’t the problem…”
Ava crumpled up the shredded napkin and tossed it aside. “Then what the hell is the problem? You’re killing me here.”
“Tucker had a vasectomy.”
“And?” Ava looked genuinely confused. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“He knows I want to get married and have a family someday.”
“So he doesn’t think he’ll ever want to marry you? He doesn’t want to have any more kids? What is it?”
“No, he said he’d love to marry me and have a family with me, but the chances of that happening are slim, wouldn’t you say?”
“No. If you want to have a family with him, you can.”
“You mean adoption?”
“Sure, but that’s not the only option. He can have the procedure reversed, and if that doesn’t work, there are plenty of other ways to have a baby.” Ava rested her hand in her chin while looking at Lauren intently. “I don’t have to tell you this, Lauren. When my parents decided to adopt me, they changed the course of my life. I couldn’t have asked for better parents. I love Lena, and I’m so glad she’s in my life, but Jay and Victoria are the people meant to raise me. I have no doubt they came into my life for a reason, and I feel blessed every day to have them as parents.”
Lauren knew how strong the bond was between Ava and her parents. She was their daughter. Period. Lauren knew she would feel the same way about a baby she and Tucker might adopt. If only she could make him believe that.
“The question isn’t whether you guys can have a family. You can, one way or the other. The most important thing is whether he’s the one.”
“He is.” La
uren didn’t even have to think about it. She just knew.
“And does he feel the same way?”
Lauren thought about the pain etched on his face when he told her he had to let her go. “I think so.”
“That’s not good enough. You have to know for sure. Go to him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels and stop wasting time worrying about fictitious problems.”
Lauren jumped up. Ava was right. She knew what she had to do. “Thanks,” Lauren said, hugging her hard. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”
Chapter Sixteen
Will wandered into Tucker’s office without knocking.
Tucker glared at him. “What do you want?”
“For starters, I want to know what you’re still doing here.” Will glanced at his watch. “It’s ten o’clock, man. Don’t you ever go home anymore?”
Tucker’s house was big and empty and cold, and for the first time since he’d built his dream home, he hated being there. It was a stark reminder that he would be alone for the rest of his miserable life because if he couldn’t have Lauren, he didn’t want anyone.
“I had some work to catch up on.” Tucker pointed at his spreadsheet.
He didn’t care that he’d made a huge profit that month or that he was so busy he had to turn potential clients away. None of that mattered anymore. The things he’d been working for, success, respect, pride, financial security, didn’t matter without Lauren to share it with. A few months ago, he thought those things were all he needed. Now he knew better.
“You could have done that at home.” Will sat down and narrowed his eye. “What’s really going on with you?”
“Nothing.” He hadn’t talked to anyone about what happened with Lauren, and he knew he couldn’t. Living through it once was bad enough. Reliving it, even with his best friend, would be torture.
“I don’t buy that.” Will sighed when Tucker failed to respond. “I walked through the house with Lauren earlier.”
Tucker tensed at the sound of her name. Thank God her project was over and he wouldn’t have to see her again. He didn’t think he could handle that. “Was she pleased?” Her happiness was the most important thing in the world to him, and if she wasn’t happy, he would do whatever he had to to make things right.
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