by Tia Louise
“Hold the bit on the side…” Stuart quietly directs, and miraculously, Cheyenne opens her teeth for the metal bar to slide in place.
My breath rushes out in a whoosh! “She let me do it!” My voice is small and shaky, and I try to calm my heartbeat. My legs are like noodles.
“You’re not finished.”
Looking up at her, I realize the top part isn’t over her ears, and a skinny leather strap is dangling at her jaw.
“Right,” I whisper, gently tilting her large, soft ears and sliding them under the top of the bridle.
“Now buckle the side.” Stuart waits as I finish the last step.
Backing up, I hold both my hands out in front of me. “I did it!” Looking up at him quickly, I see a hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth. It’s all I need. I jump forward and hug him. “I bridled a horse!”
That makes him laugh. “It’s a pretty basic first step.”
“Not for me! I’ve never done anything like that in my life! And she’s four times as big as I am! Why in the world would she let me do that? Doesn’t it bother her having that piece of metal in her mouth?”
Stuart laughs more and catches my chin. Pulling my face up, he plants a firm kiss on my lips, and all my questions disappear.
“It’s her job to carry us around, and she trusts you. Don’t overthink it.” He steps away, returning to the small closet. “Now for the saddle.”
We go through the same routine as with Ranger, only this time, I’m more involved with tossing the stirrup, tightening the girth. I even walk around front and tentatively pat Cheyenne’s knee pit. Just like clockwork, she lifts her leg for me to tug on it.
“You don’t have to do that unless you notice the girth bunching her skin.”
“Still, I did it!” I walk around the giant animal feeling strong and empowered. I put all these leather and metal contraptions on her just so I can sit on her back and drive her around.
Stuart’s right. I’m overthinking it. “What do we do now?”
“Now you get on.” In one fluid move, he grasps the saddle and mounts the horse, holding the reins and steadying it as Ranger steps to the side in the alley. “We’ve saddled up two horses. Let’s go for a ride.”
Looking toward the stall in the back I call up at him. “But what about Jessie?”
“I’d feel better if you had a little more practice with trained horses before you start training one yourself.”
I have to concede he’s right. With a nod, I walk back to Cheyenne’s belly and put my hand on the saddle horn while I use the other to try and situate my foot in the stirrup.
“Hold the reins,” Stuart advises, and I pause, making sure I have the thin strips of leather in my hand before I awkwardly haul myself up onto her back. I’m on my belly at first, but I manage to fling my leg around and wiggle myself to a sitting position.
“Good work.” I’m pretty sure he’s fighting a laugh.
With a wink and a flick of the reins, he heads out of the barn. Cheyenne is right behind him as if she doesn’t even need me to tell her what to do. She probably doesn’t.
Stuart gives us a quick glance before calling, “Let’s ride to the cabin!”
The wind has picked up, and I don’t try to make him hear me. I give him a vigorous nod and urge the horse onward with my legs as we take off, moving through a bumpy trot to a smooth canter.
4
News
Stuart
Wind sweeps down across the prairie grasses in a line like an invisible ship over sage-green waters. Mariska is right behind me, her long hair flying in the breeze, and every time I glance back, she gives me a huge smile.
We haven’t been to the cabin since Christmas, and I’ve wanted to check on the place. When Bill bought the ranch, I took my sleeping bag and set up shop there the first year we were here, and that settled it. It’s primitive, remote, and barely big enough for one person, and it’s all mine.
My younger brother Patrick is more interested in hanging around the house, talking to our uncle, and getting to know the other ranchers. Our baby sister Amy couldn’t be bothered with such crude accommodations. The jetted tubs, plush robes, and soft mattresses of the main house are more her style.
Last year, I came back here alone, hoping to find peace. I’d been sent home from the desert, discharged after a spinal injury left me unable to complete even the most basic tasks without pain.
I’d done my best to stay in the game with prescription pain killers, but the narcotics brought their own brand of handicap to the mix: addiction. I was the lowest I’ve ever been when Mariska showed up with a potent blend of love and massage therapy and a desire to help me. I finally got my head out of my ass and let her.
Now, charging through the tall grasses, I look back on those golden days, our first memories together. Ranger’s hooves pound the earth in a satisfying rhythm, and after what feels like too short a time, the small grey shack appears at the horizon. I sit straighter, barely moving the reins toward my stomach as my horse eases to a halt.
Mariska rocks forward as she tries to hold onto Cheyenne through the bouncy stop. I do my best to not laugh. Everything she does is adorably amateur, but she’s so earnest. I don’t want her discouraged—or worse, pissed.
“When it’s time to stop, lean back a bit and tighten your stomach muscles. That way you’re in control, and you don’t fly off.”
Her silky hair swirls around her head, and she’s breathing fast. Her eagerness to learn reminds me of our early days when she would follow me around the barn asking questions and watching me work. She was cute then, but I was still resisting her charms. Now she’s beautiful and determined to master this skill.
“Lean back and tighten my stomach,” she repeats as if it’s a mantra.
I watch as she practices the motion. Cheyenne’s chin moves down, and the large horse takes a step back.
“Not too hard,” I say gently. “She knows what to do.”
“I’m sorry, old girl!” She leans forward and pats the horse’s neck as if it’s a large dog.
Her action is instinctual, and I can’t stop a swell of pride in my chest as I watch how fast she learns and bonds with the animals. She doesn’t listen to them as much as I do, but she still picks up their cues. Maybe this life, living here in this hard country, wouldn’t be as unthinkable to her as I imagine? I still haven’t decided.
“Are you taking us to the cabin?” she says.
“Is that okay?”
She pushes a lock of hair behind her ear and looks over her shoulder toward the ranch house. “I really want to go, I just… I have to meet your mom for lunch.”
Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions about her wanting to be here as much as me. “Yeah, we can head back. I’ll check it out while you’re in town.”
Guiding Ranger’s head around, I don’t miss the worried look on her face. “I want to go to the cabin with you, I just…” Her voice goes quiet. “I have to do this with your mom.”
My curiosity is piqued at her odd preoccupation with my mother. “What exactly are you two doing?”
Her chin drops, making me even more suspicious. “I… she said she was going to take me to get a canvass and paint supplies. Remember? I want to paint?”
For a moment, I don’t say anything. I know my mom, and I know my fiancée. Whatever they’re up to, I’m sure it’s something extravagant I won’t like. Still, if they’re planning a surprise of some sort, I won’t spoil their fun.
“Ready to run back?”
“Yes.” Sunset eyes hold mine a moment. They’re so full of warmth and… something else, something new. I can’t figure it out, but something is different.
Moving the reins to the side, I carefully guide Ranger so he’s beside Cheyenne. “Come here.”
“I-I don’t know how.” She shrugs, lifting the reins at her waist.
Cheyenne stands patient, unaffected by our behavior. Our legs brush as Ranger gets closer, and I stop him, looping the leather straps aroun
d the saddle horn and reaching for Mariska’s face. Instead of moving her to me, I lean forward to capture her soft lips.
A noise, somewhere between a sigh and a whimper escapes her throat, and I envision taking her to the cabin, building a fire under the moonlight, and wrapping her in an Indian blanket under a sky filled with stars. It’s a sexy memory I’m ready to relive.
“I want us back here to stay. Soon.”
Still holding the reins, she nods. “I don’t know how long we’ll be in town, but I want that, too. I want us to be here when I…” Her lip goes between her teeth as if she’s catching herself.
My eyes narrow, and she can see I’m onto her. Pulling away quickly, she holds out the reins and turns Cheyenne’s body away from Ranger’s.
“Beat you to the house!” With a flick of her legs, she’s off, stretching out and riding that mare across the plain in a way I haven’t seen since the Chinook.
* * *
Mariska
Sylvia doesn’t drive a truck like Bill and Stuart. She has a steel-grey Cadillac, and we’re on the lonely two-lane road into Great Falls when she starts to get excited.
“I have to hand it to you. You are so much better at keeping a secret than I ever was.” She’s smiling, and her enthusiasm makes my own heart beat a little faster.
“You have no idea how many times I almost told him today.”
A quick glance, and her eyes are back on the road. “As far along as you are, I’m surprised he hasn’t noticed things for himself.”
A flush of embarrassment pinks my cheeks. “I think he has… It’s good we made this appointment today.”
She reaches for my hand and gives me a squeeze. I admire the artistic, chunky ring on her well-manicured hand. Everything about Sylvia is polished, from her smooth, sandy-grey hair to her crisp white blouse and dark jeans. She’s slim and fashionable, and I can’t imagine anything she can’t do. It explains so much the strength of her children.
“Winona said you’re seeing one of the best doctors in the city.”
“Do you think she’ll tell Bill where we went?”
“She barely even speaks half the time.” Sylvia waves a hand before returning it to the steering wheel. “You don’t have to worry about her.”
Looking out the window, I think of Sylvia’s question about us being here, living in this remote wilderness. I think of working with the horses and riding them this morning, I felt like I was in heaven. Thinking back, another little surge of pride hits me over being able to saddle and bridle Cheyenne all by myself.
When we got back to the barn, I took all her gear off, brushed her down, and even scraped her hooves, although that part still has me a bit skittish. We’d been scraping Freckles’ hooves when she reared back and nearly kicked me.
Before I left for the house to meet Sylvia and leave for this doctor’s appointment, I’d taken one last peek at my new little friend. She seemed to remember me, because when I stood at the door to her stall, she turned her pretty grey head in my direction and took a few steps forward.
I didn’t have an apple, so I couldn’t entice her. Still, I was so gratified and encouraged. Stuart wants to go to the cabin, and I want to be with him in our special, sacred place when I give him this amazing news. After that, it’s back to the ranch and his promise to teach me how to train her.
If I can be a real horsewoman, I don’t see why living in Montana couldn’t be such a fulfilling experience. I’ll have my man, my family, my art, and a special skill I’ve only ever dreamed of possessing with these magical creatures I love.
“Your blood sugar levels are very good, and your weight seems to be right on track for twelve weeks.” Dr. Brown leans back, looking over my chart. She has greying black hair and tanned skin. “It’s time to do an ultrasound and some routine tests.”
My heart stutters, and I sit up fast. “Do we have to do the ultrasound today?”
We’ve listened to the baby’s heartbeat, measured its growth, and checked me from head to toe. I want Stuart with me for the first ultrasound.
Dr. Brown glances at Sylvia and back to me before returning to the chart. “It’s all routine for this stage of your pregnancy, nothing to be alarmed about.”
“I understand. It’s just… I’d like to have the father with me for the first ultrasound.” A quiet sniff above my shoulder draws my attention like a magnet. “Sylvia! Are you crying?”
“Oh, stop,” she waves at me, eyes shining. “I’m not made of stone. You’re carrying my grandchild!”
Reaching out for her hand, my eyes heat as we share this moment.
“You haven’t told the father yet?” My new doctor’s forehead lines.
“I wanted to wait until we were sure. I mean, until everything was certain.” I feel idiotic voicing my fears.
Dr. Brown’s face relaxes into a smile, and she squeezes my arm. “Sweetie, this pregnancy is as solid as it can be.”
Another loud sniff from Sylvia causes me to laugh as tears flood my eyes. “Thank you!” I whisper before clearing my throat. “Would it be possible to come back later this week with him and do it?”
“Of course!” the doctor says, and the two women stand to leave the room while I get dressed. “If you like, you can have your blood drawn today. That way it’s done when you come back.”
I agree as they exit for me to change. When I’m alone in the room, I have to take a moment to let the truth of what she said wash over me. It’s official. I’m definitely going to have a baby. A baby! Our baby…
Covering my face with my hands, I let the tears fall. We’re a family. Moving my hands to my stomach, I glide my palms over my skin before hugging my midsection. I can’t wait to tell Stuart.
5
Wishes
Stuart
An enlarged photograph of wild mustangs running through brown grasses hangs on the wall behind Bill’s desk. I study it, looking for animals I recognize.
“Feeling nostalgic?” My uncle’s voice always carries an easy wisdom, no pressure, always aware.
“This was the herd Freckles came from.” I spot her white face and black mane toward the center of the group of seven.
Bill walks to the photograph and studies it a moment. He’s as tall as I am and just as lean. Today he’s dressed in cowboy boots and jeans, same as me, and a faded plaid shirt.
“She wasn’t native to that herd. I only kept her to prevent her from being injured or stolen.”
“She’s the only one you’ve ever kept.”
“Yeah, and it was a foolish decision.” He walks over to sit in a distressed brown-leather chair. “She’s always been wild, trying to escape.”
“But she always comes back.”
We’re quiet several moments, and I think about the different horses that have come through the place. Typically when Bill helps with a roundup, the wild horses only stay a short time and are sold for cheap. My uncle is more interested in ensuring they’re free to roam across his property, across the plains.
He interrupts my thoughts, leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees. “Have you thought any more about taking over the place?”
My words from last night have been swirling in my head, low and disturbing, ever since I said them. “I’m sorry I spoke out of turn like that. Evan talking about cutting up the place and selling it got to me more than I expected.”
“You get used to it with a ranch this size.” His dark brown eyes study me. “Still, if it’s something you truly want, I’d be open to discussing it. You’re good with the animals, and I know you love it here.”
My boots make a dull thump on the yellow-pine floors. Rounding the desk, I rub the back of my neck, thinking. Five thousand acres is a hell of a spread, even with most of it being empty grassland. Still, the very thought of those miles of open wilderness filters a unique calm through my chest.
“I’m not sure how Mariska feels about it,” I hedge. “To be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about it.” It’s a lie. I know exactly how I feel.<
br />
“Well, we’ve got time.” With a grunt, he pushes off his legs to stand. “The worst thing you can do is pressure the future. What’s going to happen will come.”
I glance to my right and give him a tight smile. Old hippie.
We leave the confines of his office and enter the enormous, open living room. The kitchen and dining area are on the opposite end of the space, and Winona’s standing at the bar quietly kneading what looks like dough.
“You never told me why you moved here from Scottsdale.” My brother and I grew up visiting Bill on a similar spread in the desert southwest. “You had a pretty sweet setup before.”
“I fell in love with the raw beauty of this place. One visit and I was hooked.” Stopping in front of the empty, black fireplace, he nods as if agreeing to an internal sentiment. “It’s spiritual.”
I know what he means. “Have you ever wanted to leave?”
“After your dad died, I considered it. You boys were too big to come and stay in the summers, and it looked like you were overseas for good…” His voice trails off, and I get the sense he has another reason he’s keeping to himself.
“What changed your mind?”
Glancing up, he gives me a little smile. “Who says it changed? I’m just waiting for the right offer.”
My mother’s words ring in my ears, He’s getting too old to manage the place, and again my insides clench at the thought of someone else being here. Last year is heavy on my mind. When things got so bad, when I had nowhere else to go, I came here and got back on my feet.
“I’m glad you were here last year,” I confess.
He reaches out and grips my shoulder. “Me too.”
Bill has battled his own demons in the past. When the time came for me to face down mine, he was the one person I knew I could trust. Of course, my brother Patrick and my partner Derek dropped everything to come here and see me through that dark time as well. Patrick just happened to bring Mariska… He also noticed something I’d never seen before. The tenderness my dad’s younger brother always shows to our mom.