by Jen Doyle
Now he was freaking her out. “Is everything okay?” As she drew away from him, Fitz’s eyes flew from Nate’s to Dorie’s and even over to Mama Gin, out in the front of the tent. Dorie and Mama Gin didn’t look overly upset. Still...
“What happened?” Fitz asked.
“What happened?” Nate said. “I came to see you.” Before she could even process that—she didn’t think anyone had ever dropped everything to see her—he stepped in again, quietly saying, “Are you okay?” And then before she could process that, he glanced behind her at Deke.
Warning bells sounded.
“Why?” she asked, as the two men exchanged a look. Taking her own step back, she frowned when she hit the wall that was Deke. Or maybe she frowned at Nate as...
Oh, hold on. “You went to Nate?” she snapped, whipping her head around to glare at Deke.
“Angel,” Deke murmured, putting his hands in his pockets.
“It was sixteen years ago!” Why were they making such a big deal of this?
Her hands flew up to her face as she jerked away from both of them, then crashed
right into Dorie, whose arms went around her. “Is everything okay over here?” she asked.
Things were so far from okay, it wasn’t even funny. But if Fitz said that, she would probably start crying out of sheer frustration. Nate and Deke would misread it totally and make it ten times worse, so she just squeezed her eyes tight, bringing her hands up to her temples. “Did you tell Dorie, too?”
Not that her life was some big secret, lord knew. It was just that Dorie was the one person in all of Inspiration who didn’t know the true extent of the baggage Fitz carried with her. The kindnesses she’d never be able to repay, the resentments she’d never quite get over. The one person who saw Fitz as Fitz, and liked her, regardless of how she’d gotten that name.
“Tell me what?” Dorie asked.
Oh, freaking frak. Perfect.
Fitz had just let the cat out of the bag. Or, at least, the fact that there was a cat in the bag in the first place.
Ignoring Dorie’s question, from behind her Deke said, “I said I wasn’t letting it go, Fitz, and you wouldn’t tell me. What the hell else was I supposed to do?”
Whirling around, Fitz would have given him a shove but his hands came over her wrists as they made contact with his chest. Even with Nate being so close behind her that she was the middle part of a human sandwich, she found her mind—her body—going back to that kiss.
“You should have come and found me,” she said, trying to keep a lid on whatever was left of her temper. “Not gone to Nate.”
Despite it being nearly impossible, Deke took a step closer. So close she was forced to tilt her head back in a way that hurt. She would have been able to hold back the shiver if his eyes hadn’t gone dark as his voice went gravelly. “You ran away from me.” Then his eyes went to her mouth and another shiver ran through her.
So not her fault. She hissed, “Because you ki—”
She cut herself off at the last possible second.
“Okay,” Dorie said in her firm, no nonsense, librarian voice. “I’m clearly not aware of the subtext, but from what I have heard, it’s pretty obvious that it’s not something you all want shared. So I’ll just say now that there’s a crowd gathering, and you can do with that what you will.”
There was a moment of charged silence as Deke looked at Nate over Fitz’s head, face mostly impassive but with his jaw clenched. Nate was practically the mirror image as he looked right back. Though they’d had their occasional disagreements, she’d never seen them angry at each other—hell, until this week she’d rarely seen Deke anything but laid back and happy—and she couldn’t stand that it was because of her.
She actually hated it. More so even than the fact that a far-too-interested crowd had gathered, and that was saying something. Nate had been Deke’s friend since birth. She refused to come between them. Plus, there was the part that they still maddeningly and beyond frustratingly couldn’t get out of their heads that she was over it.
She yanked her arms out of Deke’s hands and stepped away from both of them.
“I’m fine,” she snapped. “I am okay,” she said again, this time specifically to Nate, trying to soften her tone since he’d obviously been worried. She honestly couldn’t believe he’d left his team in the middle of a road trip in order to check on her, much less on Father’s Day, over... Over... Nothing. But he had.
“I am,” she said again, this time to Deke.
Nate and Deke stared each other down for what felt like forever, although it was probably just a few seconds. But Nate finally looked down at Fitz as his arm went around Dorie and he kissed the top of her head. He nodded.
With relief, Fitz said, “Are you here for the rest of the day?” There was still a long day of baseball ahead, with four Little League games left, then the Men’s League game Deke would be playing in to finish out the day. “You can stay for Lola’s barbecue?”
She was probably pushing her luck by asking. There was the whole Father’s Day thing, of course, but there was also the fact that he played, hello, professional baseball and it wasn’t like he could just take off whenever he wanted to. Then again, she wouldn’t have put it past him to write some clause into his contract that he could do whatever the hell he wanted to, especially on this of all days.
Sure enough, he nodded again. “I can stay.”
“Okay, good.” Because she loved her brother to death and was touched he’d come here today for her. It honestly meant a lot. But she was also thrown by how big of a deal this seemed to be to both Nate and Deke, and she wasn’t quite sure what she was supposed to do about that. She sure as hell wasn’t going back to being Poor Little Fitz, the way she’d been back in high school.
“Why don’t you make your rounds. We’ll catch up later.”
Although he clearly wasn’t happy about it, he conceded, taking Dorie’s hand and pulling her with him as he said, “Later,” and walked away.
Once he was out of hearing distance, Fitz whirled back around to Deke, giving him the shove she’d meant to before. Rather than respond properly to her irritation, however, he just smiled and took hold of her wrists again, this time pulling her up against him. She took a moment to appreciate the hard planes of his body against hers before saying, “What the hell was that?”
“You know what it was,” he said in that damn sexy voice of his. “There’s one more thing to be resolved.”
She sucked in a breath. For as much as she ached to let her hand travel up his body—or maybe down—she resisted, mustering up the strength to pull herself away yet again. Dragging her gaze away from his mouth, she did what she needed to do. Like she always did. “Can we just get to the inevitable declaration that the whole kissing thing is a really bad idea and say we’re not going to do it again?”
If she hadn’t been paying such close attention, she might not have seen the muscles at the corners of his mouth tighten. If she could have forced herself not to look at his eyes, she wouldn’t have seen them narrow. But she was and they did.
She felt the loss keenly as he let go of her hand and took a step away, transforming back into the easygoing, no flies on me, let’s all just be happy-as-can-be Deke she had always counted on.
With a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, he said, “You are absolutely right.” Then he brushed the top of her head with a quick, impersonal kiss before turning and walking away. The fact that it hurt almost more than dredging up some of the most painful memories of her life wasn’t something Fitz could dwell on. Instead, she told herself better now than later, when they went too far down that road to ever get themselves back.
She took a deep breath and plastered that damn smile on her face.
Happy freaking Father’s Day.
Chapter Ten
Not the part about going to Nate. Deke had done exactly what he needed to do in that situation. He had no regrets whatsoever. None.
About the kissing part, though...
“Steee-rike!”
Deke called time as he stepped out of the batter’s box, tapped the dirt out of his cleats and adjusted his batting gloves. Then he settled back into his stance and swung the bat up over his shoulder.
Fucking Nate. Of course he’d do the right thing and show up here today. On Father’s Day of all days. And, yeah, it put a damper on whatever the fuck was going on, something that, although it probably needed to be stopped, had been pretty freaking fun. Fun in a way Deke didn’t usually associate with women, to be perfectly honest.
Not that sex wasn’t fun. And until recently he’d had a lot of it. But he certainly hadn’t gone out of his way to catch a glimpse of a woman—of one particular woman—or be able to coast for hours on the basis of one tiny smile she’d thrown his way. Nor had he ever been quite so obvious about it, most definitely not in public. So what the hell had compelled him to take hold of her hands? To brush his lips against her hair. To come this close to kissing her in front of Dorie. In front of Nate, for Christ’s sake.
“Strike two!”
Ignoring the calls of the crowd, Deke held his hand up to the ump and stepped out of the batter’s box again.
Thank God he was finally on the field himself. He’d been a shit coach today. Yeah, they’d won, but it was kind of hard to do your best when you spent the game staring at the parents of the kids on your team, wondering if they’d been in on giving Fitz hell back in the day. The second the game was over he’d sent the kids off, then gathered up his equipment and headed to the Deacon’s tent. Hell, he’d even lied to his parents, telling them he had a headache and would rather man the grills for most of the day than be at his usual place up in the front. He hadn’t even checked in with his friends. He clearly couldn’t trust himself around Fitz right now. Most definitely couldn’t be around Nate. He couldn’t decide if he was pissed at Nate for showing up, or if he just wished Nate would beat the crap out of him and be done with it.
Come watch after your sisters yourself.
Fucking A.
But now his own team was playing and no one gave a shit if he was smiling. In fact, they were pretty stoked, since he was on fire. He’d already made a ridiculous catch that led to a triple play, and was two for three at the plate with a double and three RBIs. The fact that Jeremiah was pitching for the other team just sweetened the deal. Plus, since Deke’s team was actually based in Ames, there was no one local on it, which meant Deke didn’t have to worry that any of these guys had ever hassled Fitz. He’d never had to defend her to any one of them. In fact, the ones who had met her thought she was cute. If he hadn’t warned them off, they’d have been all over her.
Do not think about being all over her.
Back in the batter’s box, he got back into his stance.
The pitch was low and inside, and he shouldn’t have chased it. He got a piece of it, though, and...
“Foul ball! Oh and two.”
Goddamn it.
Whatever. She’d given him the out he should have given her, and he damn well needed to take it. They could not get involved. Period. She was one of his closest friends. The closest. There was far too much at stake for him to risk it on something that could end so badly.
With a glare at Jeremiah, he shifted his weight back and, as the pitch left Jeremiah’s hand, Deke could see the spin of a curveball. It was one of those perfect moments. He didn’t even feel the ball hit the bat, just saw the number on the outfielder’s jersey moving toward the fence.
A smile spreading over his face, Deke shifted from a sprint to a trot when the outfielder pulled up on the warning track as the ball settled into the trees. Home run, baby. That ball was over the freaking fence. His team cheered him on as they came out to greet him at home plate, and although he wasn’t officially playing for the home team, these were his people and they were cheering. Loudly.
He gave a smile and a wave, lingering on the field a bit too long as he scanned the bleachers for Fitz. Hell, the whole point of not doing any more kissing was because they were friends, right? So he had every right to seek her out. And when he finally found her, he decided not to dwell on the fact that he felt it in his chest when her smile went wide as her eyes met his.
He tipped his cap toward her before putting it back on his head, and the good mood carried him through the end of the game. It didn’t hurt that they annihilated the other team. Deke hadn’t been part of an ass-whipping like that in ages and it felt phenomenal.
“Uncle Deke!”
The roar of his name had him turning. It was all of his kids still in their uniforms, running up to congratulate him after the game and throwing themselves at him in one big scrum. Hell, yes. This was what it was all about.
Was it the same for Fitz? Now that he’d been paying closer attention, he could see how she kept herself insulated from the crowd, tucked between Dorie and Lola, with one of the triplets in her lap. The more he thought about it, in fact, the more he realized that with the exception of her family and friends, namely Wash, Jason, Cal and himself, the first time he’d ever truly seen her open up with anyone outside of that circle was when she’d met Dorie.
By the time he showered and dressed and headed back to the Deacon’s tent, he’d worked himself up all over again.
Was she really okay? And what did that mean anyway?
Then he started to think about why, exactly, they wouldn’t be doing any more kissing. Because, he had to be honest, they’d been pretty great at it so far. Yes, they’d need to keep it contained. Fine. But they had some serious chemistry going on. Everyone in their right minds knew chemistry would blow up in your face if you didn’t pay proper attention. So maybe they should just get it on. Let all that combustible stuff catch fire and have a freaking fantastic time. And then they could move on.
He checked in with the bar staff, divided up the things to send back to Deacon’s and the things to take to Lola’s, and was just about to get into the truck when Fitz came around the side of it, looking more frustrated than he felt.
“I’m riding with you,” she snapped. Then she climbed up into the seat, slammed the door shut, and sat with her arms crossed in front of her chest as she glared at something through the windshield.
Probably not the best time to discuss his chemistry theory.
Climbing up into the cab himself, Deke did his best not to think about the last time they sat here together. With intense concentration, he shifted the truck into gear and headed off without a word.
“You were awesome, by the way,” she said after a few minutes.
He was awesome in a lot of ways, many of which he’d be more than happy to demonstrate for her. Since she was clearly angry, he thought he’d keep that part to himself. It did, however, raise the question, “That pisses you off because...?”
With a snort, she uncrossed her arms and turned so she was now glaring out the side window. “It’s not you. I just...” Then she huffed and threw her hands up in the air. “This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I swear, if Nate gives me one more of those ‘Is she okay?’ looks, I might actually kill him.”
Oh. Okay, then. Better than her being angry at him, but honestly, Deke was on Nate’s side no matter what Fitz said. He kept quiet on that, too.
“I mean, there was a reason I didn’t tell anyone, you know? It’s bad enough I’m Inspiration’s favorite tragedy...”
Were they back to the pity thing?
“Nate knows I wasn’t...” Her voice trailed off as she visibly shook off what he assumed was the word raped. Because that’s sure as hell where his head went. The only good side of all of thi
s was that she clearly had not had that experience. But, Jesus. The idea of them even...
“They didn’t even touch me, for Heaven’s sake.”
Right. Plus Deke pretty much loved the idea of Fitz putting them down like dogs. That part in itself brought a smile to his face.
Which froze when her hand went to his knee and she squeezed.
He almost swerved off the fucking road.
“I mean, I don’t think they were even trying. They were...” Her voice trailed off as she realized where her hand was and pulled it away. Of course, that essentially meant she dragged it over his thigh.
Holy. Fucking. Hell.
“They were making fun of me, Deke.”
“What? Who?” he asked, attempting to participate in the conversation as he clutched the steering wheel even harder.
“Although the freaking jerks did rip my favorite jeans,” she muttered.
Christ.
“But I was like, well, I don’t know what I was like. One of those whirling dervish kind of things.” Then she laughed. “I’m pretty sure I kicked one of them directly in the junk. And Nate said they were all already bleeding by the time he got there.”
Damn it. “Fitz—”
“Don’t,” she snapped. “Don’t give me that ‘poor Fitz’ look. That’s the whole reason I’m riding with you and not Nate. Okay? I mean, for Heaven’s sake...” She turned her head away. “You’re the last person I want to be alone with right now.”
“Gee, thanks,” he muttered. “Love you, too, Fitz.”
The air went still as they both realized what he’d just said.
“I know,” she said a good five minutes later, so softly that his head came up just to be sure she’d truly said something and he wasn’t just imagining it. “That’s the problem.” She reached out to where his hand covered the gearstick and, after hovering there for the most tantalizing of moments, slowly lowered her fingers to his and squeezed. He jerked his head back up to look at the road, trying not to give in to the sudden and desperate desire to pull over to the shoulder.